


Illusions of Control

by Phantasmal



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sadism, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2018-04-26 08:20:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 148,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4997596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantasmal/pseuds/Phantasmal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not a happy story at all. Roxas is at boarding school, in a situation that seems without hope. In search some sort of outlet he joins a Taekwon-do club, immediately piquing the interest of the senior student Axel. Akuroku at heart but with Vex/Rox because I'm a sadist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N: Warning for some non-graphic non-con... But trust me it just gets worse from here on out. There is a storyline and point to it though... I hope you bear with me.**

The Twilight Taekwon-do Club was just starting their warm up when the new student slid silently in through the door. Axel, the senior student, stepped in to continue the exercises as the Instructor went to conduct the joining-up interview and he couldn't help but lend half of his attention to observing the new guy while the boy sat up the back talking to Instructor Xaldin. Leading the students in a vigorous series of jumping jacks alternated with periods of sprinting on the spot Axel only managed to observe that the new student was slight in build and had hair that stuck up in improbable blonde spikes.

After he had the club sweating and breathing hard Axel sent everyone running in a circuit around the training hall completing a set of push ups or sit ups at each corner and he used the opportunity as he passed by the back of the hall to grab a closer look at the boy. Axel hadn't managed to catch the boy's name as he flew by but he came away with a very vivid impression of a tiny teen with pallid skin and incredibly large, bright blue eyes.

As the interview down the back seemed to be in no danger of ending anytime soon Axel made an executive decision and instructed the group to start practicing the pattern specific to their rank. Losing himself in the choreographed series of movements that made up the black stripe pattern, Axel finished to find that Xaldin was back in front of the class and the new kid was standing awkwardly in the junior spot.

Standing correctly at attention Axel listened as Xaldin outlined his plan to teach the new student the basics while the three senior ranked students were to split the class into belt groups to focus on their specific syllabus requirements. In sync with everyone else Axel bowed and shouted 'Yes sir!' snatching one last look at the new beginner who looked slightly worried at the thought of training alone with the massive, dreadlocked instructor. Taking control of his boisterous group of green belts Axel made a mental note to talk to the blonde kid if he came back to the next training, just to make sure he felt welcomed to the close-knit group he had joined.  
  
***&&&***

With it being late autumn, the weather was decidedly chilly as Axel stood outside of the hall after training had ended. Though he had given up smoking four years before, the redhead still liked to take twenty minutes or so after training to just stand outside and decompress in the fresh air. Hands shoved deep in the pockets of his warm jacket and head tilted back to look at the stars Axel heard the door close and lock when Xaldin finally closed up the hall. The big man walked over and Axel pulled himself respectfully upright, curious as to what Xaldin had to talk to him about.

'Good training tonight,' the big man rumbled with a broad smile. 'Let me know if you want to sit your instructor's certificate once you ace your black belt grading.'

Unable to stop himself Axel snorted and quipped, 'The day I become an instructor is the day that you retire to an old folks home. Respectfully Sir, I would rather laminate myself into the floorboards of the hall than do what you have to do with the club.'

Wincing at his own impudence Axel bit his tongue, but he relaxed when Xaldin burst out in a booming laugh and clapped him on the shoulder. Xaldin nodded ruefully and said, 'I don't blame you there, instructing is somewhat of an acquired taste. Enough banter though, I wanted to talk with you about Roxas, the new student who will be joining us.'

Axel pricked up his ears at this and listened closely as Xaldin continued, 'Roxas attends Twilight Boarding School over on the other side of town and has been given permission to join a martial arts club to satisfy the physical education requirements of his final year. He seems like he could really get something out of both the Taekwon-do philosophy and the bond we build within the club, but I wanted to ask you if you could become his mentor for the next few weeks to make sure he gets the most out of what we have to offer.'

Axel blinked, grinning for a moment and then realized that Xaldin was waiting for an answer. Nodding emphatically Axel replied, 'Of course Sir, I kind of assumed that I would be taking on that role being the senior at club and all…'

Axel fell quizzically silent when Xaldin interrupted gruffly, 'This isn't a simple show him round and cut him loose okay Axel? I'm not going to get into the details that Roxas and I talked about, but suffice to say he has some problems and could probably use at least a training mentor if not a friend. Some of the things he told me were… Vexing. I think that you could be good for him if you are willing to put forth the effort.'

Stunned, Axel just stared at Xaldin and tried to take in what the usually taciturn man was saying. Resisting the impulse to give a quick reply Axel thought seriously about the prospect and then said, 'You know Sir even a year ago I would have looked at you like you were crazy. But even though I didn't get to speak to that kid I kinda felt that there was something off as soon as I saw him. I know you wouldn't ask me if you didn't think it would be a good thing for both of us and to be honest, even if you hadn't said anything I would have approached him anyway. I'll be here early for training tomorrow night and try and get at least introduced before class starts.'

Once again Xaldin clapped Axel hard on the shoulder and bestowed a second rare grin. 'You make sure that you do Mr Lasair, I told Roxas to arrive early in anticipation of your answer. Now bear in mind, I've taken a shine to young Roxas and I would hate to have to demote you for shirking your duties as senior. Any problems and you know where I am Axel, don't forget that.'

With that final word Xaldin strolled away to his car leaving Axel more confused and curious than ever. It took the redhead almost ten minutes to get himself together and on the drive home he was preoccupied with thoughts of the pale blonde who had drifted into the orbit of his life only two hours before. Even after he was home and warm in bed, Axel's last thought before sleep claimed him was, 'Vexing? Now what in the seven hells could Xaldin mean by that?'

***&&&***

The evening was a bit of a blur for Roxas as he reflected on it in the back of the taxi on the way back to the college dormitories. When he had asked the principal if he could take up a martial art outside of the school instead of attending normal phys ed classes he hadn't expected to get anything more than an invitation to leave the office. If he was honest with himself Roxas had nearly fainted when Principal Diz had nodded thoughtfully and commended him on his initiative. Still stunned by the unexpected dawning of hope Roxas had stuttered out his plan and left in a haze of happy disbelief. Now coming back from his first training at the Twilight Taekwon-do Club he still couldn't believe how things had turned out.

Prodded out of the car by the impatient taxi driver at the school gates Roxas slowly came down from the bewildered but tentatively happy cloud he was occupying, realising that with every step he took he was descending back into hell. Roxas slowed his pace the closer he got to his dormitory building but he couldn't delay his arrival forever and eventually he had to let himself in through the ornate wooden door and trudge in the direction of his room.

Mercifully the room that Roxas shared with four other people was empty an hour before lights out so he grabbed his towel and hurried to the dorm bathroom in the hope of a solitary shower after his evening of exercise. Once in the brightly lit, white tiled, communal bathroom Roxas quickly shed his clothes and stepped into the steaming hot shower furthest from the door. Although he was usually on high alert for any person entering his vicinity, five minutes into his shower Roxas jumped a foot in the air when a heavy hand landed on his shoulder.

The initial shock made Roxas bite his lip hard enough to draw blood but his brain only took a second to evaluate the situation and his heart sank. Knowing it was useless but unable to help it Roxas covered himself with one hand and was reaching for his towel when the person behind him let out a dark chuckle and spun him round roughly. Abruptly Roxas found himself face to face with the one person he had hoped avoid that evening, the bulky, six foot tall head prefect Vexen.

***&&&***

For Vexen it was like a gift from the gods when he heard the water running and deduced who was taking a shower so late at night. His whole time at boarding school had consisted of bullying students smaller than him (which was almost everyone), but when he had discovered Roxas he found that he just couldn't control himself. Vexen had started out shoving and hitting the small blonde teen behind the teachers' backs but as time progressed the violence increased and then when he turned fourteen his mind turned to darker torments.

On his fourteenth birthday Vexen had gotten his brother to smuggle a bottle of alcohol into the school and when he was halfway through it Roxas had innocently wandered into their shared dorm room and discovered him. Intoxicated on the potent liquor Vexen had found that merely bruising Roxas just hadn't seemed enough and so when he pushed the boy up against the wall he trailed his hand below the waistband of his trousers provoking a delectable shriek that changed the course of both their lives. From then on Vexen took every opportunity he could to grope and molest the other boy, raping the younger boy for the first time on Roxas' sixteenth birthday.

Coming back from the fond memories he was momentarily lost in Vexen ran his gaze over Roxas' lean, bruised body and jerked the teen forward out of the shower spray. Almost playfully he pushed Roxas up against the wall tiles, stepping forward so that they were chest to chest and Roxas had nowhere to run. In a low voice he purred, 'I missed you tonight Roxie, I presume you missed me just as much…'

Vexen gazed into the terrified blue eyes that were staring back at him and he felt the dark desire unfurl within him. Keeping his eyes fixed on Roxas' face Vexen placed his hand on the boy's heaving chest and slowly dragged his nails downward, relishing the revulsion followed by resignation that passed through the eyes staring back at him. When Vexen brushed his fingers over Roxas' lower abs the younger boy's eyes slid closed in sickened surrender but at that moment the loud noise of teenage boys approaching forced Vexen to step away from his trembling victim.

Secure in his untouchable position Vexen smirked at Roxas as the boy shakily picked up his towel and turned off the water, taking a moment to run his eyes again over Roxas' body before wandering over to the sink to brush his teeth. The group of boys passed by the bathroom without entering which bolstered Vexen's feeling of invincibility and he grabbed Roxas once more as the teen scurried towards the door. Hauling the blonde close to his chest Vexen whispered in his ear, 'Sweet dreams my little plaything, I'll definitely be dreaming of you.'

* * *

Wrapped tightly in his blankets Roxas stared vacantly into the darkness. He could hear Vexen's movements across the room even above the sleeping sounds of the other two students that shared their room and it made him feel sick to his stomach. In the pain twisted corridors of Roxas' mind he screamed for someone to notice his bruises and his torment even though a part of him whispered that there was no hope left. Silent and still in the dark dorm room Roxas closed his eyes and slowly submerged into the chaos of his dreams.

_Images of Vexen blurred together and seemed to whirl around him laughing maniacally. In his thoughts Roxas ran from his tormentor but no matter how fast he forced his body he couldn't escape. As he ran Roxas found that he was running towards the bright lights of the Taekwon-do training hall, a feeling rising within him telling him that the brightness meant safety. In desperation Roxas ran even faster and when he snapped a look over his shoulder he could see that the Vexen-monster-composite had fallen behind a little._

_Legs pumping and lungs burning Roxas ran like his life depended on it and he reached the training hall doors a scant second before Vexen's hand swiped the air behind him. Panting harshly and slamming the doors firmly closed Roxas collapsed to his knees and rested his forehead against the cool wood. A sound behind him sent a sickening jolt through his body and Roxas slowly turned around fully expecting to see Vexen approaching from within the hall._

_Instead of the familiar long, greasy blonde hair and sneering face of his tormentor Roxas found himself staring at a tall, lean figure dressed in the white uniform of the Taekwon-do students. Silently Roxas looked at the blurry, obscured face of the strange person and the back of his mind whispered that he had seen the brilliant red hair that framed the unidentifiable haze somewhere before. He opened his mouth to ask something, possibly the figure's name, but nothing came out when he tried to talk and letting out a deep breath Roxas found that he was happy with the tranquil silence._

_For what seemed like an age Roxas just stared at the white-clad figure that stood before him like a protector or sentinel and then in the blink of an eye he found himself on his feet right in front of the mysterious person. Oddly enough Roxas felt no fear at the sudden confrontation and he looked placidly up at the still hidden area where the face should be. Realising that he could now talk Roxas blinked slowly and simply murmured, 'Why?'_

_At the sound of the single word the dream abruptly began to fragment around the edges, but before it could fracture beyond retrieval the redheaded figure reached out and gently laid his hand on the blonde's hair in a gesture that felt partly protective and partly like a promise. As the dream broke apart into brightly coloured shards that further dissipated into sparkling pinpoints Roxas heard a voice just at edge of hearing that whispered, 'Soon.'_

* * *

That night Axel didn't dream in concrete images, being swept through the night in a river of tumultuous emotions. As soon as he closed his eyes he felt like his heart was being ripped out by a combination of raw fear and suffocating hopelessness and before his gaze churned a horrible smog of dull yellow mixed with venomous, serpentine green. The emotions were so strong that even in his sleep tears began to slide from behind Axel's closed eyelids.

Panic that became terror filled Axel's sleeping thoughts and he had a sense of frantically speeding away from the awful swirl of colours. Part of his mind that wasn't consumed in the confusion of feelings reflected almost idly that the emotions certainly didn't belong to him. The dread and feeling of speed reached its peak at this point and Axel was curious to find a sudden sense of rising hope entering the mix when the horrible colours behind him became eclipsed by a bright glow in front.

Even though it wasn't him running Axel could feel the burn in his dreaming chest and when his consciousness was enveloped by the brightness, banishing the horrible presence, he shared in the relief that filled the dream to the brim. To his shock the dream finally took on a vague, ephemeral form allowing him to see that the bright place was actually the inside of the hall that he trained in most nights a week. Looking straight ahead Axel saw that he was facing the doors to the hall and that leaning against the doors was a slight, person-shaped shadow.

Though he felt an overpowering urge to walk towards the shadow on the floor Axel was unable to move and he could only stand there and look. The shadow became aware of him a moment after he saw it and a wave of gut-wrenching despair overwhelmed his senses as the shadow turned slowly to face him. What happened next stunned Axel as he observed the shadow actually comprehend him and then project a sense of vague recognition and peace that hit him from every side at once.

It seemed like a long time later but could have been just an instant when Axel heard a quiet voice break the extended silence with a word that was both a question and a plea, 'Why?'

This question seemed to cause the dream to start to shake itself apart and Axel could only look on as everything began to fall to pieces. Seconds before the dream became nothing but a disappearing blur of colours Axel stepped forward and forced his hand to move, fingers landing on the head of the shadow that was now upright and stood as tall as his chest. In the swirling colour of the dying dream Axel finally found his voice and both his sleeping and dreaming bodies uttered a single word that puzzled him as it left his mouth, 'Soon.'

When he awoke in the morning Axel could only remember a vague impression of the dream but somewhere deep in his chest he felt an ache and there was damp patch of tears on his pillow. The motions of the day and the prospect of training that night however banished the dream to the back of Axel's thoughts as he heaved himself out of bed. It would have faded completely had it not been for a chance glimpse of the cloudless blue sky out of his window that made him think of blue eyes and shadow.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Calm before the shitstorm people... Thanks for reading and I adore reviews :)**

Axel was the first person to arrive at Taekwon-do on the Wednesday night, pulling into the hall parking lot at 5:45pm, a full forty five minutes before training was due to start. With a spring in his step Axel pulled out the spare key and jauntily unlocked the hall, beginning the big task of setting up the equipment. The redhead had been busily arranging contact pads for just fifteen minutes when he heard a sound behind him and when he flicked a glance over his shoulder he was pleased to see that Roxas had obviously gone with Xaldin's suggestion and turned up early.

Abandoning his boring chore Axel pushed himself to his feet and turned around with his trademark lazy grin on his face. The smile slipped slightly when Axel got a proper look at Roxas' pale and noticeably haggard appearance but he quickly recovered and sauntered towards the other teen. Axel noticed that Roxas was looking a little stunned so he went with his generally reliable instincts, stopping a good four feet away.

Not giving himself time to get nervous Axel stuck out his hand and said brightly, 'Hey new kid, I'm Axel Lasair, currently senior at Twilight Club. Instructor Xaldin thought that you could use someone to show you round while you're getting used to things and being the wonderful human being I am I volunteered to be your buddy.'

Roxas looked a little like a deer caught in the headlights but he shook Axel's hand and gave something that resembled a smile. After an extended pause where Axel waited patiently Roxas found his voice and said softly, 'Nice to meet you Axel, my name's Roxas. Thanks for agreeing to be my babysitter I guess.'

The typical self-confident and sometimes inappropriate Axel surged back to the forefront and the redhead stood, hands akimbo, with his right hip jutted out. 'Babysitter my arse, I was going to hang around you anyway even if Xaldin hadn't asked. I'm Axel baby, who better to guide your beginning steps in The Way of the Foot and Fist.'

***&&&***

Roxas had had a hellish day at school and had been looking forward to another introductory session at Taekwon-do with Xaldin. He had wondered the night before why the instructor had recommended arriving early to training and now he knew. At first from the door he could only see a figure in white setting up the hall but then the person stood up and dammit he now knew where he had seen the red hair from his dream.

Aware that he was acting like a great big girl but nevertheless unable to speak or make himself look more self-possessed Roxas watched the tall redhead get closer. He wordlessly appreciated the teen not coming too close and hesitantly looked up into the redhead's face for the first time. Roxas' thoughts came to a grinding halt at this point and he could only stare.

The first impression for Roxas was green, emerald green, vivid green eyes. His peripheral vision told him that those eyes were part of an intelligent, thin face and that the face seemed to have weird tribal-like markings under those eyes but he couldn't tear his gaze away the green. It was only when Roxas' brain told him that speaking was happening that he shook himself out of the temporary daze he was in.

The assurance and friendliness filling the redhead's voice helped Roxas breathe and the bouncy, fun tone of the self-proclaimed Axel's words freed up the blonde's own voice. Dryly Roxas tried to express that Axel didn't need to feel obliged to waste his time coddling the beginner just because the instructor said so, deciding that he would rather stagger through on his own than be a burden on a reluctant chaperone. Axel's immediate and emphatic reply floored him completely and Roxas realised that he was already well on the way to liking this brash character.

At that moment the door swung open and Roxas was distracted by the arrival of a group of students. Unconsciously Roxas moved closer to Axel and stood slightly to the side watching as everyone bowed and greeted each other in the traditional manner. He managed to act nonchalant as each student of the group of five made a point of introducing themselves and shaking his hand but Axel's presence by his side eased the proceedings considerably.

***&&&***

The sudden deluge of other people slightly irritated Axel as he felt that Roxas had been just on the point of smiling for real, but he pushed the incongruous feeling away and stepped into his role as senior student. When Roxas took a nervous step closer to him Axel felt a strange sense of satisfaction and he watched approvingly as each student respectfully greeted the new member of the club. In a stroke of genius Axel decided to lead a light warm up and stretch for everyone who had arrived early and when Xaldin finally called for the class to start the redhead was pleased to see that Roxas had focused fully on the exercises and was much more relaxed.

Forming up into rows of four Axel stood in the back line next to Roxas, noting absently that this left his friend Zexion, a red stripe, standing in the senior spot. As the real warm up began and sweat started to flow Axel couldn't help but be a little surprised at how easily the diminutive Roxas kept up with the rest of the class. Every now and then, to maintain his connection with his charge, Axel would whisper tips to the other teen but mostly he just offered subtle encouragement until it was time to separate again into groups of rank.

Axel decided that he and Roxas would be better off in a quieter area so after getting the instructor's permission he led the other teen into the little side room usually used for smaller groups. Roxas was flushed and panting a little from the challenging warm up so Axel fussed around with his drink bottle and syllabus notes until he was sure that the blonde had recovered a little. Turning around with a smile on his face Axel asked, 'So, where do you want to begin? How far did Instructor Xaldin get with you last training?'

Roxas tugged thoughtfully at the long sleeves of his sports top and bit his lip as he tried to remember the unfamiliar terms he had been taught last time. Slowly he said, 'We covered Walking and L stances and how to punch properly, but we only had time to do one of the fundamental movements… I think it was called Saju Jirugi?'

Nodding Axel clapped his hands and grinned, 'Awesome, so you're almost a blank slate. I love patterns so I'll get you to show me what you remember of Saju Jirugi, that's Four Directional Punch in English, and then I can start to get picky on your technique. Go through in your own time what you can of Jirugi when I say start… Annnnnd, start!'

Axel watched Roxas move slowly through the short pattern of movements and he was impressed at how the teen was accurately able to recall the steps to something he had only been shown briefly the day before. Once Roxas stepped back into the ready position Axel had already discerned that not only did his student have excellent memory retention but that he also seemed to have an instinctual leaning towards the correct body placement that would make everyone's jobs much easier. Walking forward to stand next to Roxas who was now smiling too, Axel proceeded to go through the patterns with him and the rest of class was spent in intense and enjoyable instruction.

***&&&***

To his surprise Roxas found himself feeling really good after he finished his first demonstration of what he had learnt. Being able to remember the simple combination of techniques boosted his confidence and when Axel smiled approvingly Roxas couldn't help but smile back. Roxas found that he really clicked with the redhead's instruction style and he quickly picked up the second, third and fourth patterns designed to ease beginners into the martial art.

The lesson seemed to fly by and Roxas couldn't believe how fast class had gone when Axel abruptly clapped his hands together and proclaimed that it was time to re-join the main group. Feeling pleasantly tired and covered in well-earned sweat Roxas found that the warm down and stretch at the end of class relaxed his muscles and left him feeling wonderfully mellow. Bowing along with everyone else when Instructor Xaldin formally ended the session Roxas obediently walked over to the hulking man when he beckoned with massive paw of a hand.

Doing as Axel had taught him Roxas bowed respectfully to his instructor and when he looked up he caught a flash of a smile on Xaldin's face. At Xaldin's motion to relax Roxas folded his arms over his chest and kept quiet as the instructor said, 'I'm glad to see you back Roxas, to be honest I wasn't sure that we would see you again. How did you find training with Axel? Don't be afraid to be honest, I can make him do push ups until his skinny arms fall off.'

Roxas smiledfleetingly  at the good-humoured instructor and glanced around to see if Axel had heard the statement. Seeing that Axel was occupied helping everyone else put the training gear away Roxas looked up at Xaldin and stated firmly, 'Axel was an excellent instructor. In less than two hours he managed to teach me all the fundamental movements while telling me about the history of Taekwon-do. I'd be obliged if he was not required to do any extra push ups because that would cut into our training time wouldn't it?'

Xaldin's booming laugh caused the students still in the hall to turn a look for a moment which made Roxas blush and drop his gaze to the floor. The blonde teen couldn't banish the red from his cheeks even when Xaldin started talking again, 'Well then Roxas, that's what I like to hear about my senior students. My plan if you weren't getting along with Mr Lasair was to partner you up with Zexion, our next most senior student, but I'm glad that our resident black stripe can get some one-on-one teaching experience. Now that we have that sorted, do you have any questions about training or Taekwon-do or anything?'

Finally conquering the red flush on his cheeks Roxas looked up and replied, 'Actually yes, I was wondering how soon I could get a training uniform. I already feel a little stupid up the back without the proper outfit.'

Nodding in agreement Xaldin turned to his bag and started rummaging through it. Turning back to Roxas he handed him an order form saying, 'I always advise my students to invest in two uniforms if possible but you can buy one and then work towards your next one if you need to. I assume that this means you will be staying with us Mr Valo so allow me to be the first to welcome you to our little family.'

Roxas matched Xaldin's bow and shook his hand, letting a small smile cross his face saying, 'You've already made me feel welcome Sir, I'm glad I chose your club instead of the Karate studio. As soon as I can I'll set up an automatic payment for my fees and hopefully by next week I'll be at training in uniform.'

A sudden sound behind Roxas made him flinch before he could stop himself and he swore silently that he would get on top of his fight or flight response if it killed him. Pretending not to see Xaldin's sharp glance Roxas bowed again to the man who was now his instructor and turned around to face Axel who was standing behind him looking a little quizzical. Taking the initiative Roxas said quickly, 'So Axel, will you be the second to welcome me formally to the club? I've just finished telling Mr Arma that I will definitely joining.'

Xaldin not very subtly took the opportunity to grab his bag and split, leaving Roxas alone and face to face with Axel who was now grinning like a Cheshire Cat. With a deep bow that for some reason made Roxas blush afresh Axel grabbed his hand and shook it heartily saying, 'I can't believe you didn't run a mile after a whole training under my instruction. You know what this means though right? You get at least a month of Awesome Axel Time to get you up to speed to get your next rank.'

Not usually a smiley person Roxas found himself grinning back at Axel, albeit for just a brief instant. His moment of levity was cut short though when he realised that everyone had vacated the hall and that the sound of squealing tires outside was most likely his taxi getting sick of waiting and leaving without him. Losing his normally tight grip on his emotions Roxas abruptly slammed his fist into the wall and let out an oath so disgusting that Axel gaped at him in astonishment. Forgetting for a second that he wasn't actually alone in the hall Roxas started to stomp towards the exit, only to be brought up short by the sound of Axel's voice.

***&&&***

Axel was inordinately pleased to overhear that Roxas would be staying with the club and when he appeared behind the blonde his only intent was to extend the same welcome that Xaldin had offered. Seeing the reflexive flinch that Roxas tried to hide made Axel narrow his eyes, vague suspicions about Xaldin's 'vexing problems' already beginning to coalesce in the redhead's quick mind. Shoving aside the thoughts for later examination Axel starting running at the mouth in his usual fashion and was delighted to be rewarded with a proper grin from Roxas.

A little taken aback at how a simple grin completely changed Roxas' face, Axel was totally unprepared when the other boy abruptly let out a comically obscene curse. Green eyes widened in shock as Roxas sent a textbook punch crashing into the wall and when the blonde began to stalk away from him, in an effort to find out what the hell was up, Axel called out, 'Dude, what did the wall ever do to you? If this is how you celebrate stuff I'd hate to be around for your birthday.'

Though the words were tongue in cheek the tone was anything but, as Axel was quite perturbed by the polar switch in the blonde's behaviour. The result of his impulsive words made Axel sigh with relief inside when Roxas pulled up short and spun on the spot, facing him with a sheepish look on his face. Axel smiled inquiringly and waited to hear what had provoked such an extreme outburst from someone who at first had appeared so reserved and self-contained.

Axel watched a play of emotions flash across Roxas' face, too fast to decipher, before the teen said, 'I need to get back to school before curfew and that tire screech was my taxi taking his leave. I think I have about half an hour before the gates are locked for the night now. It'll take at least fifteen minutes for another taxi to get out here and my damn school is twenty minutes away. Oh man… I'm so screwed.'

The expression on Axel's face had changed from curious to outright incredulous and as Roxas' shoulders slumped he blurted out, 'And what, you thought I'd just leave you stranded because I'm that much of an arsehole? Come on, grab your stuff and if we speed ever so slightly we should get you back before they lock you out.'

Not waiting for a reply from Roxas, Axel strode off to throw the rest of the gear into the storeroom and grab his bag. Coming back past and seeing Roxas still standing there blinking the redhead grinned at him and chuckled, 'Hurry up space cadet, I need to lock the place up before we can complete our mission of getting you to the church on time.'

***&&&***

Sitting in the comfy if slightly scuffed passenger seat of Axel's 'vintage' Toyota waiting for the other teen to close up the hall, Roxas was still a little dazed at the turn of events. His agitation over his taxi abandoning him had actually only been partly about missing curfew, what had really gotten to him was the thought of walking in through the front doors and finding Vexen waiting for him. Now that he had a real chance of avoiding his tormentor, at least for the night, Roxas was trying to process the mix of gratitude and sheer relief sweeping through him.

By the time Axel had finished making sure that the hall was secure Roxas had managed to pull himself together a bit and when the redhead folded his tall body into the car he favoured him with a hesitant but sincere smile. Rediscovering his manners Roxas said quietly, 'Thank you Axel, I really appreciate this. I apologize for my outburst before, there's not really any excuse for me losing it like that.'

Roxas could tell that he was getting used to Axel's personality and exuberant mannerisms as he wasn't fazed by the redhead impatiently waving away his apology and snorting loudly. Once they were out of the parking lot and headed for the school Axel glanced over and said matter-of-factly if randomly, 'You interested in knowing why I joined Taekwon-do?'

Caught off guard by the question that seemed to come out of the blue Roxas blinked and stuttered, 'Uh, y-yes? How long have you been there anyway?'

Green eyes looked over at him again and Roxas got the sense of being thoroughly evaluated. Apparently he was judged positively as Axel looked back at the road, clearing his throat and stating, 'I was messed up as a kid. My parents died when I was little and I was in and out of foster homes all through school. When I got to high school there was a kid who just wouldn't leave me alone and when he started mocking me for being an orphan I snapped and beat the living shit out of him. Because I was only thirteen I was sent to Anger Management instead of juvie and the therapist sent me to train with Xaldin.'

Speechless for a second Roxas simply stared at Axel who had his gaze firmly fixed on the road. In the silence Axel's voice was quiet, 'Coming to club was good for me. I learnt how to control the rage that used to control me. Eventually I found that people were looking up to me, it took me a while to figure out why, and when they said I didn't have to come anymore I told them to get stuffed because I had just gotten my green belt.'

Roxas marveled that he would never have guessed at the life the bubbly redhead had lived based on his cheerful demeanour and he looked at Axel with new admiration. Knowing that for Axel telling his story wouldn't have been easy, Roxas made a split second decision and said slowly, 'I don't know what Xaldin told you but I've got a few problems of my own that led me to Twilight TKD. I'm not exactly one for talking about myself, but do you want to know why I joined?'

At Axel's emphatic affirmative sound Roxas took a deep breath and made himself talk, 'I told the principal that I wanted to get some social experience outside of the school in a sports setting and that wasn't a total lie. I've always thought it a failing of boarding schools that they are so insular. The thing is, it wasn't exactly the total truth either. Getting out of there in the evenings has already been a godsend for me quite aside from how great the club is.'

Turning his gaze to stare out at the dark streets and avoid the pity he knew was coming Roxas murmured, 'There's a guy at school who's had it in for me since the moment he saw me. Every single day for the last four years he's made it his mission to leave me with a taunt or some sort of bruise. I know, I'm a pussy and should just fight back, but things are more complicated than that and it just wouldn't work out like the movies say it should.'

Roxas looked over at Axel and in a tone of slightly sick amusement he deadpanned, 'Hey, at least you can teach me how to take a punch sometime right?'

***&&&***

Unable to believe that he had spilled even part of his story to someone after knowing them for such a short time Axel listened intently to the tale that Roxas shared in return. His intuition told him that somehow there was more going on behind Roxas' words than what he was saying but Axel was also sure that it was totally not the time to call the other teen on the things he wasn't saying out loud. Then Roxas' voice took on a cynical, almost hopeless sound and Axel ground his teeth together so hard he hurt his jaw.

When Roxas made his tired quip about learning how to take a punch Axel just couldn't keep quiet and said disbelievingly, 'Dude, tell me his name and I'll make sure he can't damn well punch you again. Learn how to take a punch, the fuck do you think this is? What do you mean more complicated, so complicated that you can't tell a dean or something?'

Three things told Axel that there was something seriously not right at this point; the way Roxas shut his mouth with a snap, the immediate tension in the teen's shoulders and the fleeting but unmistakable look of terror that crossed the blonde's typically guarded face. Forcing himself to take a deep breath Axel attempted to lighten the tone saying, 'Okay, not an option, I getcha. I'm not going to badger you about it so relax. Before I drop it though I just need to say that as your senior I'm here to talk to. Oh and I'd like to think we're getting towards being friends so I'm here as a friend too, got it memorized? Okay? Shutting up about it now because we're nearly there.'

As he pulled up to the gates of Twilight Boarding School Axel looked over at the boy next to him and saw in his face a small amount of relief mixed with a large amount of worry. Guided by instinct Axel caught Roxas' eye and said with a half-smile, 'Hey, give me your phone? I can put my number in and then if you want to you can contact me anytime. Even if not as friends, you can think of it as a senior looking after a junior.'

After a moment of hesitation Roxas fished out his phone and Axel took it, typing his number in quickly before handing it back. Awkwardly Roxas tried to thank Axel again for the ride but Axel shook his head with a wry grin stating, 'I actually don't live too far from here so it's no bother. If you want a lift anytime just let me know, you know, to save the hassle with that dick of a taxi driver.'

To Axel's observant eyes Roxas seemed strangely reluctant to get out of the car but silently the blonde teen pocketed his phone and slid out of the vehicle. Prepared for the slam of the car door followed by retreating footsteps Axel jumped when Roxas blurted out, 'Thanks Axel, for the ride and for not mocking me or going all militant about the whole bully thing. I appreciate it even though I might seem like an ungrateful arse. I'll see you tomorrow okay?'

Slightly off balance at the constantly changing dynamic between himself and Roxas Axel nodded and said, 'It's cool, just let me know anytime I say something stupid and I'll shut the hell up. Probably. Yeah, see you at training and I'll get started on a training plan so we can really work towards getting you that next rank.'

The car door shut with a click and Axel watched the slight figure of Roxas walk away towards the gates. Under his breath Axel murmured to himself, 'Stay safe dude. Hang in there until I figure out just what the fuck is going on.'

***&&&***

For Roxas, Wednesday evening seemed charmed from the moment that his taxi decided to leave without him. He may not have shown it but he was strongly drawn to Axel and if he was honest with himself Roxas would admit that he would very much like to be friends with the intriguing redhead, so getting a lift with him was definitely a positive. Then once he made it back to school, Roxas found that he was early enough to evade Vexen completely, making it to bed untouched for the first time in months.

Lying in bed with the security of a roommate asleep in the bunk above, Roxas couldn't restrain a swelling sense of optimism and faint happiness that seemed to burn like a warming fire in his chest. Even though he hadn't told Axel everything about his situation he had told the boy more than he had ever told anyone else and that was enough to release some of the pressure that had been squashing him flat. Thinking about his 'situation' Roxas dared allow himself a little bit of hope that he might finally have found a place of sanctuary.

Roxas wrapped pleasantly aching arms around himself and grimaced as he felt the twinge in his ribs from the last time he had dared talk back to Vexen about the 'situation'. He had just finished a phone call to his brother Sora who was at a public school in the neighbouring Traverse Town and was standing, downcast, in the hallway by his bedroom when Vexen had happened by. Of course Vexen had walked over and shoved him into the wall and this had sparked a rare outburst from the short blonde.

A shiver ran through Roxas' body as he remembered how he had slapped Vexen's hand away and hissed at the boy to leave his brother out of their shit. For years Roxas had lived under the threat of Vexen using his gang connections to hurt his brother if he didn't keep his mouth shut and at that moment he had snapped under the strain. What had followed had been one of the worst beatings of his life, leaving his ribs cracked and his torso totally black and blue and when Vexen had pulled out his phone to call his contact Roxas had no other option but to submit once again.

Goaded by the humiliating recollection of that incident Roxas gingerly probed his arms, chest, stomach and legs, vaguely disgusted at the sheer amount of his body that was perpetually and painfully bruised. Safe in his bed, with the memory of Axel's confident words ringing in his mind, Roxas defied the scared and screaming voice in his head and actually gave serious thought as to what would happen if he showed someone (someone like Axel maybe) his battle scars and injuries. The world didn't immediately explode into horrific chaos and a tiny seed of defiance took root in Roxas' well protected heart.

The silence of the room paired with his strange feeling of 'good' slowly lulled Roxas into semi-slumber and his tired brain marveled at the novel sensation of pleasantness. Behind his eyes in the soft black of pre-sleep Roxas wasn't particularly surprised to see a blurry but discernible image of an angular face with blazing red hair and intense but kind green eyes. Falling into sleep Roxas was followed by the memory of Axel's voice saying, 'I'm here as a friend.'

***&&&***

Vexen had spotted Roxas come scurrying in the front doors on Wednesday night but had been stuck talking to his English professor at the time and so was unable to get to his victim before lights out. This didn't bode well for Roxas, as most Vexen related things didn't, for the hulking blonde bully just stored his torments for the next time and simmered in his poisonous rage. By the time Vexen got to bed he could tell Roxas was asleep just by the sound of his breathing and he lay awake long into the night with his fists clenched.

At the first sliver of dawn's light through the curtains Vexen popped awake immediately and he was out of the dorm as soon as was permissible, way before anyone else had even stirred. Soundlessly walking down the empty corridors Vexen made his way to the room that his best friend slept in and a couple of seconds later they were both slinking out of the side door to the unofficial smoker's corner. Saix scratched the prominent cross-shaped scar on his forehead and immediately lit up a cigarette but Vexen just leant against the sun-washed stone wall with a strange smile on his face.

***&&&***

Roxas was so focused on getting to Taekwon-do that Thursday that he wasn't paying as much attention as he should have to his surroundings. He made it to his first two classes just fine but the decision to take a shortcut to his Physics classroom became a regret that he carried with him for a very long time. Walking down the hallway Roxas veered over to a grey door and let himself into a maintenance stairwell that cut two floors and five minutes of walking out of his trip to his next class and he smiled when he checked his watch to see that he had a good twenty minutes until Physics started.

The bang of the door slamming closed froze all the blood in Roxas' veins and he turned around slowly, expecting to see Vexen looming behind him. Instead of finding the long haired blonde hulking behind him however Roxas was confused to see the unnaturally blue hair and muddy yellow eyes of Saix, sometime bully of Roxas and all time friend of Vexen. Roxas tried to back away to put some space between them but fear shot through him when Saix simply stepped forward and ended up even closer.

As if in a dream Roxas heard Saix say in a low rumble, 'I was told to make sure you knew exactly why this was happening Roxie so listen good. Vexen was very displeased at not even getting to talk to you last night and he wanted to think of the perfect way of making it clear to you that things will not continue like this. I'm glad I could be the one to do this, I always felt that Vexen kept you entirely too much to himself.'

Roxas could feel the terror stealing his strength and his voice totally deserted him. The blonde teen suddenly realized that things were worse than they ever had been before if Vexen was recruiting his sadistic friends but it was way too late. Before he could even let out a squeak of protest Roxas was spun roughly around to face the stairs and then he was flying face first down the concrete steps to the sound of Saix's grating laughter.

The first step hurt his stomach so badly that Roxas' scream became a harsh cough of pain and the rest of his trip downwards turned into a tangle of limbs and thudding impacts. In the instant before he hit the wall Roxas' last sight was of Saix grinning down at him from the top of the stairs. Roxas' head whipped back as he crashed into the wall, hitting with enough force to obscure his vision with sickening burst of colours that quickly faded to black as he fell away from the world.

***&&&***

Axel arrived early again to training on the Thursday night in the hopes that Roxas would too and was slightly downcast to see the hall was empty of any spiky blondes. It wasn't until 6:29pm that Axel finally admitted to himself that the teen he was meant to mentor wasn't going to show and he trudged to his spot for the start of class. The redhead's heart just wasn't in the training and he was a little disconcerted to realise just how much he had been looking forward to seeing Roxas and perhaps getting to know more about him. Axel was sure that Xaldin had noticed that he was just going through the motions but he couldn't bring himself to care much, counting the minutes until the end of training.

When training finally ended Axel hastily assisted in clearing up and the hall and catapulted out of the door before Instructor Xaldin could talk to him. Though he was usually utterly transparent with the man he had come to see as an almost paternal figure, Axel just couldn't handle the thought of trying to explain his preoccupation to Xaldin then and there. Forgoing his usual de-stress in the night air Axel threw his gear in the boot of his car and slid into the driver's seat. The redhead didn't leave immediately however and just sat in the parking lot as one by one his fellow students left for home.

It wasn't until he saw Xaldin through the window turning out the lights that Axel shunted his brain into gear and finally started his car. Pulling out onto the empty streets of Twilight Town Axel drove on auto-pilot and used the time to mull over why Roxas hadn't shown up. Axel unconsciously took the long way home and he drove past the gates of the boarding school, glaring at the bright lights in the windows, trying through sheer force of will to divine Roxas' whereabouts. Moving so slowly that the car was almost stationary Axel suddenly got a mental image of how creepy he must look and he cursed loudly, tromping on the accelerator and heading for home.

***&&&***

The light was too bright when the world emerged from the darkness and Roxas couldn't hold back a groan at the lancing pain in his head. The noise prompted a flurry of movement around the small, blonde teen which jolted him further out of the comforting blackness he had been suspended in. Roxas unwillingly opened his eyes a little wider to see the blurry shapes of a hospital room coming into focus around him.

Vaguely Roxas wondered why he would be in the local hospital but before he could force his thoughts to move any further he was assailed by at least three nurses who shone lights in his eyes and chattered nonstop throughout their activities. Finding a tiny bit of strength from somewhere Roxas turned his head away from the bright penlight and tried to speak. Only a hoarse croak came from his throat and then Roxas thanked the gods for the smartest nurse who hurried over with a small glass of water with a straw.

Sipping from the straw Roxas waited until his throat no longer felt like it had been filled with sawdust and then he caught the eye of a nurse and rasped, 'Why am I here? What the hell is going on?'

As Roxas broke off into painful coughing spasm the young nurse waited until he recovered and then replied softly, 'You hit your head Mr Valo, one of your classmates found you at the bottom of a staircase at your school unconscious. Your injuries were deemed to be too severe for the school infirmary so an ambulance was called and you were brought here. This might come as a shock but you've been unconscious for two days from the head injury.'

Eyes wide despite the pain from the fluorescent lights Roxas stared at the woman in stunned disbelief. He had an elusive memory of flying through the air but to discover he had been out for two whole days shook him deeply. Grasping for words he tried to sit up and stuttered, 'I-I-I, I don't u-understand… Argh!'

The noise of agony that broke off his faltering sentence had the nurse immediately calling for a doctor. While footsteps pattered down the hall outside the room Roxas bent his will to controlling the pain and found that along with his head his ribs were screaming too. Breathless from the pain Roxas barely saw the doctor sweep into the room but he felt the pressure on his hand when the tall man screwed a syringe to his IV and slowly injected the liquid.

It took about a minute for the room to come back into focus again and when it did Roxas became aware that the doctor was regarding him patiently. When Roxas was eventually able to raise his gaze to meet the doctor's golden-brown eyes the man said, 'Ah, Mr Valo, may I call you Roxas? I am Doctor Eraqus. The nurse seems not to have had the chance to inform you of the injuries that you sustained in your battle with the staircase. Has the morphine had a chance to start working yet?'

Lulled by the doctor's rich baritone Roxas nodded slowly. Apparently satisfied Eraqus continued, 'You have minor bruises and contusions over a lot of your body, but the worst of it was the bruising to your right ribcage and of course the basilar intracranial contusion that caused your concussion. The doctor who admitted you to the ER noted a few older bruises and injuries but your principal informed us they could be from your martial arts training. You were unconscious for two days, it is now Sunday afternoon, but the good news is that our scans show no bleeding on the brain or any other complications. If you can complete some basic tests for us I see no reason that you shouldn't be able to go back to school this evening. Now, do you have any questions for me?'

Roxas sat and stared with wide eyes at the serene face of the doctor. Too much information was ricocheting around his mind and he honestly did not know what to say. Pulling himself together as much as possible the teen blurted out the question that was all he cared about at this point, 'When, um, do you think I might be able to go back to Taekwon-do? I've just started and it's for my school phys ed credits so I can't miss it for too long without it affecting my marks for my final year…'

Pausing for breath Roxas saw that the doctor was waving his hands in a placatory manner and given the time to jump in the man said quickly, 'Woah, slow down there. You were injured quite badly in your fall and I can't clear you to do even moderate exercise in any less than two weeks. In fact, just to make sure you are in the clear with your head injury I will need to get your teachers to confine you to the dorms for no less than one more day. Personally I would like to keep you in hospital for at least another night but I was overruled by my superiors who have informed me we are very low on beds.'

With that final pronouncement the doctor stood and left the room to get back to his rounds leaving Roxas stunned and staring at nothing. In the crushing disappointment of the moment a flash of memory crashed into Roxas' brain and he was treated to the memory of Saix's voice growling, 'Vexen is very displeased… Things will not continue like this.'

The two simple sentences filled with such menace chilled Roxas all over again and he knew that his momentary respite in avoiding Vexen after training was already well and truly over. Roxas was still sitting and staring at the wall when the school nurse arrived that evening to ferry him back to school and though he knew he was acting like a zombie he was unable to inject any life into his movements. The one thing that Roxas was absentmindedly grateful for was that he could pass his strange behaviour off on the concussion with no further questions asked.

When Roxas finally arrived back at the gigantic stone building that was Twilight Boarding School he went to trudge straight off to bed in his dorm but was stopped by the gentle hand of the nurse. In a soft tone the woman said, 'I would love to let you go to bed Roxas but Principal Diz requested to speak with you as soon as you were allowed back on school grounds. Come on, as soon you have a quick chat I'll get you off to bed.'

Still in a bit of a daze Roxas complied and allowed the nurse to take his arm and lead him down the richly carpeted hallways that led to the large office that Principal Diz practically lived in. Seated in front of the principal Roxas stared at the wall a few inches above Diz's gelled blonde hair and waited for the man to start talking. Feeling a little fuzzy and with the pain in his ribs starting to come back, Roxas just wanted the meeting to be over so he could crawl into bed.

In his usual manner Principal Diz wasted no time on niceties and looking at Roxas over steepled fingers he said, 'It is good to see you up and about Roxas, you had us worried there for a while. I spoke to the doctor earlier and he has given some instructions that should allow you to stay in school instead of in the hospital. To start with you need to stay in bed tomorrow and I've assigned Pence Rund to act as your minder seeing as he is out of class with tonsillitis, well past the contagious stage of course. And obviously Roxas you will have to be withdrawn from the Taekwon-do club until you have healed.'

At this point Roxas snapped out of his dreamy stare and tried to contain the frantic feeling growing inside him. He couldn't simply let go of the peace that even a couple of evenings away from Vexen had given him. Thinking as quickly as possible in his current state Roxas blurted out a blatant lie, 'But Sir, if I miss too many trainings completely then I'll have to wait a year to get my next rank. Instructor Xaldin told me the rules when I joined and I agreed to them. If I'm not allowed to actually train, can I at least go along and get the benefit of watching?'

For what seemed like the longest time Roxas stared at Principal Diz, willing the man to let him at least sit up the back and watch the Taekwon-do trainings. As if responding to the sheer desperation in Roxas' thoughts Diz nodded slowly and said, 'As you wish Roxas, if the nurse clears you then you may attend the Thursday night training, to watch only. You will not be allowed back sooner because the doctor highly recommended that you stay within the school where someone can watch you for the next few days.'

The rest of what Diz was talking about was lost on Roxas as he was clinging as hard as he could to the promise of Thursday. Diz finally noticed the glazed look on his face and dismissed him to his dorm, adding that Pence would be sent up to sleep on a cot to make sure he was okay. Like a sleep-walker Roxas plodded through the school and he barely noticed when Pence appeared beside him, chattering in a raspy voice all the way to his room. Roxas also didn't notice the sneering snarl that flashed across Vexen's face when he walked through the door, the blonde only just finding the strength to fall onto his bed and slide into sleep fully dressed.

***&&&***

When Axel arrived home from training on Thursday he felt like he was moving through a thick and viscous liquid. Drifting through his door the redhead felt stupid about how he was pretty much stalking this kid that he barely knew but he also was trying to suppress a simmering worry. Roxas' little revelation the night before about the bully at his school had set all of Axel's alarm bells ringing and the conclusion his mind leaped to at Roxas' no-show was the logical extension of the set of facts he had been given. Crashing onto his couch like a fallen tree Axel's quick mind set to work on the problem.

Firstly, Axel thought about the things that Roxas had let slip in their little talk, most specifically the words 'he's made it his mission to leave me with some sort of bruise'. He didn't like the implications of physical harm that this pointed to and he was also smart enough to know that Roxas had probably been minimizing the scope of the bullying. Just the thought of someone deliberately hurting the tiny blonde had Axel clenching his fists and his innate protective instincts were muttering rebelliously.

Secondly, more subtle but also more disturbing, Axel brought to mind how Roxas reacted to an unexpected person approaching him. The flinch that had shot through the teen's body when Axel had appeared behind him without warning had been quickly hidden, but not quite quickly enough. Looking back at the moment Axel had a sudden flash of insight and mentally tried to pair the flinch with the explosion of anger that had happened shortly after. Axel felt like he was on the verge of some sort of realization when his phone rang and jerked him out of his contemplation.

Rolling off the couch and crashing to the ground Axel scrambled across the room and caught his landline one ring before the answerphone clicked in. Out of breath and a little dizzy from standing up so fast Axel gasped into the receiver, 'Axel's Fantabulous Crematorium. You ghost 'em, we roast 'em. Oh shit! I mean, hello Sir, what can I do for you?'

The red of Axel's face matched his hair as Xaldin laughed long and loud at his discomfiture. Not for the first time Axel swore to himself he would get a freaking lock for his huge freaking mouth. It didn't take long however for Xaldin to get serious and tell Axel exactly why he was calling; to let him know that the new student, Roxas, had been in an accident. The blood drained slowly from Axel's face making his tattoos stand out starkly on his cheeks and in a rare occurrence he found himself totally speechless. Even when Xaldin eventually hung up Axel just stood with the phone to his ear staring into space.

An eternity and a half later Axel finally put the phone down and wobbled over to the kitchen table, collapsing into a chair like a puppet with its strings cut. Unbidden images rose behind Axel's eyes, a forbidding concrete staircase, blood on the ground and the heart-breaking picture of a small blonde figure lying in a hospital bed. The news of Roxas' accident hit Axel a lot harder than he would have predicted and he bit his lip harshly in an attempt to shake himself out of it.

Inevitably Axel's thoughts came around full circle and he buried his face in his hands at the truth that was almost certain. Axel's mind supplied him with a little movie that featured Roxas standing at the top of a staircase and being thrown mercilessly down by a figure shrouded in shadow. Sure of his conclusion Axel had no doubt that Roxas' accident had been anything but accidental and unconsciously he clenched his fist so hard that his knuckles turned white and his bones popped.

Slumping back to slouch in the kitchen chair Axel frowned at the table and absently tried to figure out just how fast a friendship was meant to form. In the past the redhead had always seemed to make friends quickly but he was sure that meeting someone and spending just over two hours together qualified as breaking the speed limit as far as making friends went and it confused him massively to be experiencing such intense emotions. Axel was so tired that it later seemed his next thought was something he had dreamed, 'Maybe we knew each other in another life…'

***&&&***

On Monday morning, despite his aching ribs and pounding head, Roxas felt like he had been transported to a parallel and wonderful universe. He had awoken much later than usual to a nearly empty room, only Pence remaining on the cot next to him snoring loudly. Waking up without the normal Vexen-panic was alien to Roxas and he simply lay still on his bed, soaking up the peaceful feeling. Even when Pence popped awake and started prattling nonstop Roxas didn't let it touch his good mood.

Roxas' good day lasted until Pence had to go for a doctor's appointment and a new face appeared at his door. Dean Xehanort, the bane of the senior students' existence strode into the room with a mirthless smirk on his face to deliver some news. In a tone of barely restrained glee Xehanort sneered, 'Oh poor Roxas, I was so sorry to hear that you hit your poor head. Well it is my great sorrow to bring you some bad news, the entire senior year is going on a two night field trip to the Coliseum but you are being left behind due to your invalid status.'

Staring at the sadistic man silently Roxas willed him to leave and he did so, but Xehanort left with one final parting shot. 'One more thing Roxas, so as not to deprive an unwilling student of this amazing trip Principal Diz asked for a volunteer to stay behind and make sure you didn't fall over again. You're lucky enough to have a dorm mate to look after you, Vexen selflessly volunteered to stay behind with you.'

Roxas didn't even notice when the dean took his leave, he was trying his best to control his shaking body so he didn't jolt his ribs. Heart pounding and feeling like he couldn't breathe Roxas scrabbled in his backpack for his treasured notebook and with trembling hands he flipped it open and started scribbling like his life depended on it. It wasn't until he reread what he wrote a few days later that Roxas saw the fear blatantly evident in every scrawled letter.

_Help, why won't someone help me, why the fuck won't it stop? He likes it he likes hurting me he loves hearing me scream and there's nothing I can do. I don't know why the fuck I'm bothering with a martial art, even if I learned how I could never raise a hand to him. Fuck, Sora, if I ever do fight back or tell… I can't fucking let him get hurt because of me… I don't even know how he figured where Sora lives in Traverse Town, not that it matters now because he'll never let me go._

_Stupid, so fucking stupid to even think that I might get away from him. Stupid bloody Axel making me feel things could be better when that's not meant for me. Like he says, this is what I deserve and he must be right because everything works out his way and beats me to shit if I even dare think about escaping. You're a dipshit Roxas, he will come through that door and you will do what you always do, submit._

_Do I, you, me, even like it somehow? Is that why everything comes together to make it possible, am I letting it happen because I want this? Is there…that wants him to do this to me? There can't be… Oh please Gaia there can't be…_

There was a splotch on the page where a tear had blotted out the words and Roxas had to put his book away to hold his ribs, trying to keep his tears silent while avoiding his ribcage imploding. Slowly, ever so slowly, Roxas got himself under control and in the time he had before Pence returned he opened his English book to try and get something productive like homework done. The assignment taped to the front of his book did nothing to get his mind out the hell it was stuck in, the creative writing topic being 'Fictionalize the Worst Moment of Your Life in Science Fiction Style'.

As soon as he read the blurb that contained the guidelines for his assignment Roxas' thoughts exploded and he fell back against his pillow. In his head thoughts were fighting for dominance shrieking, 'Worst moment of my life, I have too damn many to pick! The lying I'll have to do for this piece of writing is going to be so extensive that I might as well write about someone else. I sure as shit can't write about my worst fucking moment… Fuck!'

The scream inside Roxas' head actually came out of his mouth as a quiet groan and he bit his lip to keep himself quiet. With the chaos and confusion bouncing around his skull he didn't notice that Pence had arrived back and so was surprised enough to jump when a pudgy hand stuck two pills and glass of water in front of his nose. A small part Roxas' mind found a second at this point to be thankful that the kind boy had misinterpreted his groan as pain from his ribs.

Taking the pills and quickly tossing them back Roxas nodded his thanks to Pence who smiled chirpily back and set to work remaking his cot. At Roxas' questioning glance Pence sat on his messy bed with a thump and said complacently, 'Dean Xehanort decided that since we were going away tomorrow I might as well stay in here one more night. You know what I think though, I think he doesn't like me because I accidentally let a live frog into his office and he's punishing me with this damn cot.'

Roxas had never heard Pence say anything even remotely negative before and stared at the dark haired boy with his mouth open, momentarily forgetting the shit going on in his world. Snorting convulsively and hurting his ribs in the process Roxas thanked Gaia for the pills he had just taken and said, 'Pence, didn't you know that Xehanort hates everyone, especially anyone he has to deal with on a face-to-face basis? Okay, I have to ask, how the hell do you accidentally let a live frog anywhere?'

Until the rest of his dorm-mates came in Roxas has a surprisingly pleasant, rambling conversation with Pence. He had been a passing acquaintance with the teen having been in a couple of classes with him before, but he had never realized that below the boy's air-headed exterior lurked a sense of humour to rival some of the stand-up greats. By the time three of the teens Roxas shared a room with burst into the room disruptively, Roxas and Pence were chatting like old friends.

Then Vexen strolled into the room and Roxas found himself on the receiving end of a glare so venomous that it was all he could do to keep his voice steady so the Pence didn't pick up on anything. With the presence of others around, both Roxas and Pence stopped talking and fell quiet and then as it was almost lights out they both lay down and wrapped up against the cold. Once the lights went dark Roxas heard a small voice almost at the edge of hearing say, 'Night Roxas. We have to hang out when I get back from the trip.'

***&&&***

On the Monday night that Roxas discovered a possible friend at school, Axel was at home stewing in his thoughts. Ever since Xaldin had hung up after relaying the news of the accident Axel had either paced the house debating with himself or bailed to the garage to beat the absolute shit out of his well-worn punching bag. At random times he tried to take a crack at the pile of work he had to do for his college prep courses but he never got further than a couple of pages before jumping up and starting to pace again.

Axel had two main problems and they were doing his head in. Firstly he was trying to figure out just how the hell he had gotten so tangled up in the world of someone he had just met. For all that his personality was out-going and he presented bright confidence to the world, Axel was usually wary of new people and very picky about who he let into his circle of friends. It shocked Axel just how easily Roxas had blown away his defenses and he couldn't figure out how the blonde had gotten into his head in just a matter of hours.

The second problem that Axel had was more tangible and he actually found it easier to struggle with than the other issue currently fucking with his head. Taking up considerable space in Axel's head was the fact that he was ninety percent sure that Roxas had been pushed rather than fallen down the steps at school, but having no proof there was literally nothing he could do about it. In the back of Axel's brain he could still hear the echoes of Roxas' outburst at the hall and he reluctantly admitted in the privacy of his own head that the teen most definitely would not welcome him sticking his nose in when he barely knew him, let alone not having the details of the whole situation.

Throwing his work down for the tenth time that hour Axel jumped to his feet and stomped out to the garage again, doing his best to ignore the frigid cold snap that was coming through. Regretting the short sleeves of his thin t-shirt Axel reached for the door to his garage and stopped with his hand outstretched as he caught sight of his bare arm. He hardly ever registered the thick silvery scars that covered most of the skin on his arms as he habitually wore long sleeves to keep them concealed, but when he did stop to look at them he usually gave in to the urge to hit something until his muscles ached.

This time though, something felt different and Axel couldn't stop himself from laying a hand gently on the back of his wrist and running the tips of his fingers over the uneven skin up to his elbow. A scornful smirk twisted Axel's face as he let himself into the garage and slamming the door he heard the little voice in his head that popped up from time to time. In a tone that matched the derision in Axel's grim smile the voice whispered, 'You can't even keep your own life out of the gutter, dumbarse. How can you entertain the thought of making a magical friend and fixing his life like a freaking fairy godmother?'

Before the voice was even halfway through its little spiel Axel's fists were crashing into his punching bag with a ferocity rarely seen since his anger management days. No matter how hard he hit the bag however, the voice continued to monotonously drone on saying, 'A boy with a bully, that's all you know but you still fly off the handle without knowing anything. You're a nineteen year old fuckwit and you think that you can help him… I knew you were thick but I didn't realize you were downright moronic.'

Planting his feet on the concrete floor Axel threw punch after punch, oblivious to the large blood-splattered dent that was forming in the bag. The voice in Axel's head hadn't turned up since the time when he was sixteen and he had been beaten by his foster father for missing curfew but he found that it still knew exactly how to break him down. Unable to stop himself the redhead muttered under his breath in between punches, 'Fuck… Off! I can't… Just leave… Him alone… Not when… I know… That something… Is really… Fucking… Wrong!'

With that last word Axel hit the punching bag so hard that it bounced off the hook holding it to the beam and crashed to the floor. Thankfully the voice fell silent in his head but Axel wasn't stupid enough to believe that it was gone for good. Sighing loudly Axel manhandled the heavy punching bag back onto its hook and ignoring his raw knuckles he stalked back inside, slamming the door in an attempt to relieve his feelings.

After a brief stop at the bathroom cabinet to disinfect his hands Axel checked the time and as it was almost 10pm he bypassed the TV and launched himself full length at his bed. Worming his way under the covers Axel fell asleep hours later with the dulcet tones of the voice ringing in his head with a final vicious jab, 'Just face it gobshite, look at yourself, you could never help him. If you really want to do any good just stay the fuck away. All you could possibly do is fuck him up even more.'

* * *

Waking early on Tuesday morning Roxas was a bundle of nerves but he did his level best to hide the fact from Pence. As the senior year students had such a long way to travel they were scheduled to leave at an ungodly hour so Roxas took advantage of this and bolted from his dorm when Pence got up to help the other boy pack. On his way out of the door Roxas snatched a glimpse of Vexen out of the corner of his eye and swallowed hard when he saw a flash of poisonous green from below the boy's apparently closed lids.

Pence was a very slow packer so Roxas stayed to help him get all his shit together until it was time for him to leave and a teacher turned up to chivvy them along. Checking his watch as Pence sat on his suitcase in an attempt to close it Roxas bit back at curse when he saw that it was only 8am. The harried teacher, noticing that Pence had finally managed to jam his luggage closed, grabbed the boy by the arm and forcibly dragged him out the door so they wouldn't miss the bus. Roxas managed to catch Pence's eye and wave goodbye before his new friend disappeared down the hall.

For a couple of minutes Roxas sat on Pence's bed biting his lip in thought but he quickly reached a decision. Pulling his warm robe tightly around himself Roxas set out in the opposite direction to his dormitory, instead heading once again for Principal Diz's office. In the hall outside the office Roxas paused for a short while to stretch out every moment away from his room and then taking a deep breath he knocked on the principal's door.

Although Roxas wished silently for a long wait Diz called for him to come in almost immediately. Slowly pushing open the door Roxas looked up to see Diz beckoning him in impatiently and he pulled himself together with an effort, straightening up and walking to the chair in front of Diz's desk. Seating himself primly Roxas wasted no more time and said, 'Sir, I was wondering what I was meant to be doing while everyone is gone. If there are no classes, how can Vexen and I get through our schoolwork?'

Diz's reply was said warmly enough but to Roxas it sounded like the pronouncement of his doom. Smiling benevolently Diz stated, 'You needn't worry Roxas, I've arranged for your classwork and meals to be brought to your room so you don't strain yourself in your recovery. Oh and it won't just be you and Vexen on your own while everyone is on the trip, Saix will be spending the two days staying with you in your dorm room as he has been withdrawn from the trip due to a rules infraction.'


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Trigger warning, non-con. And warning for the future, madness sometimes only escalates...**

Vexen was fully awake when Roxas scurried from the room with his new 'pal' but he merely watched through nearly closed eyes and feigned sleep until the door closed. As soon as the door clicked shut however Vexen sat up and swung his legs out of bed, a thin smile tugging at his lips. Not ten seconds after Roxas had high-tailed it out of the dorm Vexen was hurrying through the empty hallways to find Saix. Some planning was going to be needed, but the next couple of days promised to be the most entertainment he had enjoyed for quite some time.

After finding Saix's room empty Vexen quickly made his way down to the smoker's corner and slipped out of the door unseen. Catching a glimpse of his friend's distinctive long blue hair Vexen crept up behind Saix and sucker-punched him in the arm, dodging away before the teen could react beyond a muffled obscenity. A couple of minutes of quiet scuffling saw the pair panting and grinning but eventually Saix raised both hands and with mock fear he quavered, 'Oh no Vexen, I give, I give! I'm just like Roxas and too much of a pussy to ever have a chance against you.'

Laughing loudly and then snapping his mouth shut in case the teachers heard him Vexen's expression quickly turned serious and he slung an arm round Saix's shoulders conspiratorially. It only took a brief few minutes for Vexen to relay his plans for the next few days to his friend and before he was even half way through his scheme Saix was chuckling under his breath and nodding along. Vexen turned to go inside to get things started and Saix chucked away his half-finished cigarette, hurrying to catch up so he didn't miss any of the fun.

Settling into a swift but casual walk Vexen and Saix made it back to the dorm before Roxas and they took advantage of that fact to arrange a few things to their satisfaction in the deserted room. Working together the two solidly muscled teens easily manhandled Roxas' bunk into position a little further along the wall behind the door and then they laid out a few essentials on Vexen's bed so that what they needed would be close at hand. Once they were done, both boys slouched on Vexen's bed and watched the door intently.

A knock at the dorm room door caused a meaningful look to be exchanged between Vexen and Saix as the only people to knock on closed dormitory doors were the professors and the dean. At Vexen's firm gesture Saix struggled to his feet and carefully opened the door, stopping at the point that it still hid the slight changes to the room. A brief conversation with the distracted professor left Saix sneering at an armload of schoolwork which he tossed onto Roxas' bed and then he went back to re-join Vexen in waiting.

***&&&***

The second Roxas walked in the door of his room he knew that he was fucked. Totally, one hundred percent, fucked. As the door swung open Roxas' first sight was of Vexen's sickly green eyes glaring maliciously at him from the other end of the room, which was bad enough but was also just the start. The second thing to hit Roxas was in fact Saix, the blue-haired teen slamming into him and shoving him hard enough to send him flying into the wall. Roxas slid down the wall letting out a harsh bark of surprise and pain, watching helplessly as Saix firmly closed the door and edged a bed over to partially jam the door.

Clutching his screaming ribs Roxas struggled to draw breath, frantically trying to think of a way out of this. Amazingly his mind chose that moment to throw the immediate problem out the window and all he could think about was a heartfelt voice saying, 'I'll damn well make sure he can't punch you again.' Unfortunately the memory was ripped to shreds when Saix grabbed him by the neck and yanked him to his feet, pushing him roughly over to Vexen's bed.

Unable to get his feet under himself Roxas stumbled to his knees and narrowly avoided hitting his forehead on the base of the bed in front of him. Arms wrapped around himself in an attempt to lessen the pain in his ribs Roxas forced himself to look up and meet Vexen's eyes, long experience telling him that if he didn't the beating would be exponentially worse. What he saw in the cruel boy's face chilled him to the bone and all but extinguished the small spark of hope that had been burning in his chest.

The glow in Vexen's eyes spoke of meticulously planned malice beyond that which Roxas had so far been subjected to over the years. Roiling across Vexen's face was a wild mix of pique, anger and hatred and deep in the dark centre of his eyes lurked the worst of all, lust. Frozen to the spot, pierced through with paralyzing fear, Roxas sat like prey being hypnotized by a reptilian predator. Saix broke the silence by coughing loudly and saying, 'Where do we start Vex? I guess we can't kick things off too hard, we have two days and two nights after all.'

The strident sound of Saix's voice pulled Roxas from his trance and desperately he pushed himself to his feet, ignoring his complaining ribs. Roxas had no idea what he had been planning to do once on his feet but it didn't really matter as Saix was there to grab him by the scruff of the neck and hold him immobilized and upright. As Roxas hung helpless in Saix's grip, Vexen leisurely unfolded his large frame and stood, towering over Roxas like an evil monster. Though he tried to brace for it the powerful backhand across his face knocked Roxas sprawling to the floor and the beating began.

***&&&***

Vexen whipped the back of his hand hard across Roxas' face and with the violent action all hell broke loose for the blonde boy lying a tangled heap on the ground. As soon as Roxas crashed to the floor Vexen was on him, pulling him to his feet with one hand and stiff-arming him into the wall. While Saix watched with a slow smile on his face Vexen clenched the collar of Roxas' shirt in his hand and hammered a brutal uppercut into the left side of the boy's ribs. The air left Roxas' lungs in a guttural cough and when Vexen pulled his fist back and unleashed another punch tears spilled over from the small teen's desolate blue eyes.

Punch after punch smashed into Roxas' slight body until Vexen decided to give his arm a break. Stepping back and unceremoniously dropping Roxas to the ground Vexen motioned to Saix that it was now his turn to let loose on their victim. Lounging back onto his bed so he had a good view of the proceedings Vexen smiled widely at the universe and got ready to enjoy the show.

Although Vexen was well versed in the infliction of pain, he had nothing on the sadism barely held in check within the confines of Saix's mind. Fascinated, Vexen watched intently as Saix used a fist with the middle knuckle protruding to very precisely and very painfully jab at the nerve centres in Roxas' arms and ribs. In a pause between the blows Roxas managed to struggle up so that he was sitting with his back to the wall but Saix simply struck him on his bruised ribs and laughed at his breathless groan of pain.

Abruptly tiring of not being the one meting out the damage Vexen languidly got to his feet and laid his hand on Saix's shoulder just before another blow could fall. After a tiny moment of hesitation Saix moved to the side and looked on with hooded eyes, waiting for his best friend's next move. Though the bluette had thought himself beyond surprise at what Vexen was capable of, the teen's next move made Saix's muddy yellow eyes widen incredulously.

Sitting himself comfortably on the thighs of the blonde boy he had trapped against the wall Vexen leaned back so he could see the look on Roxas' face and slowly pulled something out of his back pocket. Taking his time and enjoying every second of the terror in Roxas' eyes Vexen turned his pocketknife over in his long fingers before flipping out the largest blade and holding it up to admire. With a click of the fingers on his free hand Vexen snapped Saix out of his stupor and gestured for the teen to get the large rust-brown towel that was waiting on his bed.

***&&&***

It was three o'clock. Roxas knew this for two different reasons; firstly the school clock had just chimed three times and secondly Vexen and Saix had bounced out of the dorm for their PE class, leaving him huddled on the floor wishing that death would just happen already. Though he knew that a teacher could walk in anytime causing his world to implode in so many ways Roxas just couldn't make himself move from where he was, on his side in a foetal position, arms tight around his torso holding the towel to staunch the blood that was leaking slowly from his abdomen.

A creak outside in the hallway galvanized Roxas into action before his brain had time to analyse the possible consequences and he jerked himself to his feet only to promptly bite his tongue at the pain and sway dizzily at the point of blacking out. It took a few minutes of standing perfectly still, leaning against the wall but eventually Roxas felt able to stand on his own feet and take stock of his shithole of a situation.

With trembling hands Roxas probed briefly at the pulsing spots that radiated pain at various points on his body, then he gathered his strength to make his way across the room to his own bed. In fits and starts Roxas was able to limp the ten feet to his own bed and when he was finally sitting on the edge of his mattress he took a deep breath and gently pulled the towel away from his stomach. What he saw nearly made Roxas throw up and he had to swallow several times to make sure the contents of his stomach didn't decorate the floor.

Dried blood covered most of the area from the bottom of Roxas' ribs to the waist of his pants. Though none of the cuts littering his once smooth skin were deep, they were numerous and often ragged as Vexen hadn't bothered with finesse. Wetting the old towel with a splash of water from his drink bottle Roxas carefully dabbed the long cut above his right hipbone, hissing in pain as the crusted blood came away.

A thought hit Roxas as he was halfway through the awful job of cleaning himself up and he made a lurching journey across the room and back to retrieve an old black t-shirt from his drawer in the dresser. The short round trip left Roxas feeling even shakier but he forced away the black spots dancing in front of his eyes. A sustained effort left him with ragged black bandages that he wrapped around his lacerated midriff in an attempt to minimize the potential bloodstains on his white school shirt.

Feeling a little more human and trying manfully to pretend that the last few hours simply hadn't happened Roxas pulled on a pair of pants and an old t-shirt, shoving his blood-soiled clothing under the bed and lying back slowly on the duvet finally letting himself relax. As his head hit the pillow his eyes fell closed and Roxas was unable to stop tears from sliding inexorably down his face. Struggling to keep control of himself Roxas shook his head roughly which caused his arm to slip off the bed and his fingers to brush against his phone.

Momentarily Roxas was taken away from the hell that was his room and he recaptured a memory of slender fingers dancing over his phone to type in a number. Almost without conscious thought Roxas closed his fingers around his phone and then he was writing a text and sending it before he could over-think the action. Looking at the sent message sitting on his screen Roxas kicked himself for the inanity of the message and settled down for the interminable wait for the reply.

***&&&***

It was almost four o'clock and Axel's house was in its unlikely but usual state of spotless. His course work was sitting completed in a pile on his counter, every surface was sparkling and his carpets were dustless. In fact, the only thing that was vaguely unusual about Axel's little corner of the world was the condition of his punching bag; covered in deep dents and leaking sand from where he had hit it too hard more than a few times. Axel was sitting on his bed staring at his Taekwon-do uniform blankly when his phone went off and scared him half to death.

There was a moment where Axel fought with his sports bag and appeared to be losing but he managed to rip open the insanely resistant zip and eventually located his phone that had taken the opportunity to turn into an invisible ninja. When he finally had the phone in his hand Axel cocked his head comically in puzzlement as the text had come in from an unknown number. Curious, Axel opened the text and blinked in astonishment at the message.

The short message read, 'Hi Axel, it's Roxas. I guess I'm taking up your offer to talk or whatever. How was training? I hope I didn't miss too much.

Axel's emerald green eyes were fixed on the screen of his phone, wide with a mixture of astonishment and confusion. He had put his number into Roxas' contacts on an outside chance, but hadn't seriously thought he would hear from the other teen before he saw him again. Now, seeing the brief message from the boy, all of Axel's 'wrong alarms' were ringing at once and he was slightly unsure how to proceed.

After wrestling with himself for a few minutes Axel mental smacked himself upside the head for overcomplicating things and began to type a reply. The painstakingly crafted message that he ended up sending with his eyes closed said, 'Heya Roxas, glad you texted. Training was real physical. It was crap being up the front again, I was enjoying honing my instructing skills. Mr Arma told me about your accident dude, hope you're okay. How did you manage to head-butt a wall anyway?'

In the silence after he sent his text Axel had time to agonize over whether he had pushed a little too hard and to give himself something to do he fumbled with his uniform and slowly began to get dressed. At the snail's pace he was moving Axel only managed to strip off his shirt and muck around with his uniform top before his phone went off again and he dived to grab it. This time the message was a little longer and read, 'I don't really want to talk about the accident, I feel stupid enough as it is. My head feels a lot better but the stairs did a number on my ribs. Um, things aren't too good right now, did you mean it when you said I could talk to you?'

So far beyond astonishment that he had come out the other side into calm Axel read and reread the text, trying to divine the hidden meaning that he was sure was there. It wasn't just the fact that Roxas had actually written 'Um', it was a gut instinct telling Axel that Roxas could be wavering on the brink of telling him just what the hell was going on. The words Axel found his eyes drawn to again and again were the six words that made up the shaky little understatement 'things aren't too good right now'.

Wishing that he was talking to Roxas face to face but knowing full well it wasn't going to happen at this point Axel took a couple of deep breaths and tried to banish the persistent mental image of Roxas, bruised and bloodied at the bottom of a staircase. Once he was more in control of himself Axel composed a text that he hoped straddled the lines between concerned, upbeat and going too far, typing, 'I'm Axel dude, I mean what I say. Talk my ear off if you want. Sucks to hear that things aren't so good man, anything I can do?'

***&&&***

Lying on his bed after he sent the first text to Axel, Roxas fluctuated between regretting even sending the text and nervous anticipation of a response. When the incoming text noise blared on his phone Roxas nearly couldn't force himself to open the message in case his only shred of hope got ripped away for good. The perkiness in Axel's text brought the ghost of a smile Roxas' lips and he found that his hackles didn't even go up at the exploratory enquiry about the 'accident'. Creating his next message however wiped the smile away and his hand was shaking when he wrote his last question and pressed send.

Roxas lay with an arm flung over his eyes and his free hand clutching his phone tightly while he waited for Axel to reply. Uncertainty warred with fear and desperation within the blonde teen's mind but when his phone sounded again he quickly opened the new message and stared at the screen fixedly. Axel's short message put a crack in the ice of the walls that Roxas had built to guard his inner self and the tear that escaped down Roxas' cheek, for once, had nothing to do with pain.

Aware that time was moving faster than he would like Roxas found a second to thank Gaia that PE on a Tuesday was a double period. The teen levered himself up painfully into a sitting position and stared at Axel's message, trying to decide what to divulge and just where the hell to begin. Unable to bring himself to completely break down his guard Roxas settled for revealing select portions of the truth, messaging back, 'I don't think there's anything you can do. Know how I mentioned that bully? Well, I'm stuck at school with him while our whole year is on a trip. Things, uh, things have gotten worse. Don't even know why I'm texting but I have literally no one else.'

Almost immediately after his text went through Roxas received a reply, 'Damn fuck, are you sure I can't rock up and kick some spectacular arse? Rox… Are you going to be ok?'

The indignation in Axel's response warmed Roxas deep inside and the worry evident in the redhead's words caused a lump to form in his throat. Reality slowly seeped back into Roxas' world though and he gritted his teeth, angry at himself for forgetting that he was on his own. Letting his anger overtake him for a moment Roxas stabbed the keys on his phone texting, 'Nah, I'll be fine. What time do you have to leave for training tonight? Can you tell Xaldin I'll come along and watch as soon as I'm allowed?'

Axel's next text took a little longer to come through and the extra time gave Roxas the space for his anger to bleed away and be replaced by a soul-draining emptiness. Unsure if his snappy text with abrupt change of subject would even get a response Roxas stared at the bunk above him and tried not to imagine turning up at training and being fobbed off onto another senior student. A tiny part of Roxas wondered skeptically at how he could form such an attachment with someone so quickly, but a larger part of him clung to the connection with no small amount of desperation.

The sound of his phone jauntily singing its message alert made Roxas' heart give a painful lurch and he held it uncertainly at arm's length for a long moment. Suddenly Roxas got a mental image of what he must look like and with a derisive snort he hit the button to open the message. Axel's text said, 'You're right, I do need to get ready for training now. Xaldin's been on my case about arriving early. You're not fine though. I don't know what's wrong, but you're not fine. When will you be cleared for training anyway?'

Slightly dazed Roxas texted back that he should be able to be at training on Thursday but just to watch, then he sat and ruminated over Axel's text. The first part of Axel's message could have been taken as sounding a little miffed but the second part, even without the benefit of facial expressions or tones, had seemed genuinely concerned. With an hour still to go until his quiet would be disturbed Roxas settled back to dissect the short conversation, but jumped with a little squeak when his phone went off again.

Axel's final message of the evening made unexpected tears prick at Roxas' eyes but also brought an unwilling smile to his lips. Using his trademark quirky humour Axel had sent back, 'Ah man, it's forever until Thursday. I'll just have to text you incessantly until you get back to training and I can teach you how to kick all the arse. Stay safe dude, I'd hate to have to come get you myself.'

***&&&***

When he was sending his last text to Roxas Axel was also attempting to put both feet into one leg of his uniform pants. Just as he pushed send, the redhead realized his error and barked out a curse before crashing hard to the ground. Angry and worried over the things that Roxas had revealed about his situation Axel found the small mishap a lot more irritating than normal, as evidenced by the escalating series of swearwords being yelled at his pants as he struggled on the floor.'

Ten minutes after his face hit the floor Axel was roughly dragging a hairbrush through his wild spikes of hair so he could confine his red mane to a ponytail for the duration of training. Looking a little dishevelled but seriously out of time, Axel grabbed his jacket and keys and dashed out of the door. Though he kept scrupulously to the speed limit Axel bounced up and down impatiently in the driver's seat, willing reality to work with him and teleport him to training on time.

Behind the well restrained anger that was simmering in Axel's mind he dwelt on the plight of the teen he barely knew. Piecing together what he knew of Roxas' situation Axel already believed that the blonde boy was getting some serious shit kicked out of him by a bully, one who had no qualms about badly hurting his target, but deep down Axel was certain that this was by no means the whole story. A little birdy in Axel's mind told him that Roxas was in seriously deep trouble.

Arrival at training dulled Axel's whirling thoughts for a while, but once he finished setting up the hall and started warming up his mind was free to roam. Form up was a relief and Axel requested that he be partnered with Xaldin for a pad-work session, spending the whole class physically working out his frustration and worry through the medium of barely restrained kicks and punches. A particularly powerful kick made Xaldin grunt with approval, but Axel barely noticed through the strength of his focus on releasing his rage and tension.

***&&&***

For a long time after the text conversation with Axel had finished Roxas lay rigidly on his bed, counting down the minutes he had left before his life went to shit again. It must have been mere minutes before Vexen and Saix reappeared that Roxas had a brainwave and he hurriedly rolled off his bed, setting out as fast as he dared for the nurse's office. It only took a couple of well-chosen words and a pained look before Roxas was lying on the hard sick-bay bed, waiting for the nurse to return with his notes and some pain pills for his 'aching head'.

To Roxas' relief the nurse took her time in reading through the notes from the hospital, giving him around an hour of reprieve from whatever awaited him in his room. When the plump, friendly woman finally sent him off with a further three doses of painkiller Roxas walked back to his room at as slow a pace as he could manage without it being obvious, but all too soon he was facing the closed door to the dorm. Though he couldn't hear anything Roxas knew that Vexen and Saix would be waiting and drowning in the familiar feeling of hopelessness he opened the door and stepped through into the dim room.

Unlike the last time Roxas wasn't slammed by a tackle from Saix and his instinctive flinch was greeted by a dark chuckle in the shadows on the far bed. Straining his eyes in the semi-darkness Roxas could see two indistinct figures on Vexen's bed and he jumped again when Vexen growled out commandingly, 'Get your arse over here Roxie, don't make me tell you again.'

Like a robot Roxas reluctantly trudged forward and stopped a foot away from Vexen's bed. As he stood there awkwardly the silence drew out uncomfortably, but he forced himself not to fidget and possibly set off either of the unexploded bombs staring at him. Roxas could feel the two sets of eyes appraising him in the gloom and in an attempt to lessen the growing feeling of doom he let his mind drift to what he imagined was happening at Taekwon-do that night. He only had time to think his way through the class form-up before Vexen spoke again.

Snapped suddenly back to the here and now Roxas watched Vexen uneasily as the teen drawled lazily, 'You've been bad Roxie and that won't do. I told the teacher that you wouldn't be wanting any dinner because of your headache, so we'll all be nicely undisturbed tonight. It looks like you're wearing too many clothes, take your shirt off now.'

In the echoing silence that followed Vexen's order Roxas tried to control his breathing and accelerating heartbeat. With no other option the teen pulled his t-shirt roughly over his head and stood with his arms around his waist staring at the floor. As the shirt fell to the floor Saix made an approving noise and Roxas gritted his teeth, trying to hold himself together. A brief thought of fleeing for the door crossed Roxas' mind but it was swiftly quashed by the deluge of vivid mental images of what Vexen had told him would happen to his brother if he ever went against him.

Because he was glaring at the floor Roxas didn't see Vexen uncoil like a snake and he was taken totally by surprise when an iron grip closed around his arm, dragging him unceremoniously onto the bed. Long years of conditioning saw the blonde teen to go limp and allow himself be pulled to his knees in front of Vexen, blue eyes automatically looking up into the larger boy's face like he had been trained to do. Behind him Roxas could feel Saix moving closer, but he tried to ignore the feeling of the skin on his back crawling.

***&&&***

Vexen grinned darkly at Saix over Roxas' shoulder, trusting his friend to wait until the word was given. When Saix stayed right where he was Vexen switched his gaze to Roxas and his smile widened when he saw the barely contained terror in those wide expressive eyes. Not wasting any time Vexen slid one hand across Roxas' throat before cupping his palm around the nape of the boy's neck, effectively holding him in place. Satisfied by the lack of resistance Vexen then moved in and crashed his lips against Roxas' mouth in a bruising kiss.

Using his tongue Vexen pushed his way into the boy's mouth, tasting Roxas' delicate flavour and enjoying the tension and the tremors that shook his victim. The sound of Saix humming in appreciation added another level of eroticism for Vexen and he deepened the kiss, forcing Roxas to participate with his tongue. When he tasted the unmistakable tang of Roxas' tears Vexen drew back and relished the pure misery on the boy's fine features.

Leaving one hand tightly gripping Roxas' neck Vexen moved a little closer and ran his blunt nails down the blonde's shoulder-blade, scratching hard enough to make Roxas jerk in his grip. Acutely aware of Saix's stare Vexen continued downward until his fingertips met the black cloth wrapped around Roxas' middle. After a second of deliberation Vexen left the makeshift bandages alone for the moment and teasingly flicked at the waist of Roxas' pants. The choked sob he dragged from Roxas' throat stoked the fire that burned in Vexen's gut and he looked over at Saix, gesturing that he could join in.

Sitting back a little Vexen abruptly came to a decision and as Saix moved forward Vexen grabbed Roxas by the shoulders and spun the boy around fast enough that he overbalanced and fell forward into Saix's chest. Leering at the sight of his toy being manhandled by his partner in crime Vexen sat back on his heels and nodded to give Saix the go ahead. Vexen wasn't usually one for sharing but he had a feeling that he was going to enjoy this.

***&&&***

Roxas was already feeling nauseous from the effort of forcing himself to kiss Vexen and when he was suddenly whipped around his head exploded with dizzy. For a moment Roxas was only aware that his fall had been stopped by something solid but when that something ran cold fingers down his sides he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. Roxas just couldn't make himself believe this was happening; not only was he at Vexen's mercy, he was subject to whatever sadistic fantasies were floating through Saix's mind as well.

A stinging slap came from nowhere and the shock caused Roxas to cry out, his eyes flying open to reveal Saix shaking his head mockingly. Roxas got the message loud and clear, he wasn't allowed to block out the world and wish it all away, he had to engage in the atrocity that was about to happen. With the last of his courage Roxas wiped his face blank of any expression and looked up to meet Saix's burning stare.

The impassive look on Roxas' face lasted all of ten seconds, dissolving into panic when Saix unceremoniously reached out and grabbed him around the throat. Struggling for breath Roxas clawed desperately at the hand that circled his windpipe managing only to provoke a brutal strike to the chest that brought him right to the edge of blacking out. Things moved around him incomprehensibly and when the world came back into focus Roxas found himself flat on his back with Saix sitting heavily across his hips.

Frozen with fear Roxas stared up at Saix as the bluette looked over at Vexen and winked companionably at his friend. Even knowing that things were going to get very, very bad Roxas was still unprepared when Saix used his hair to yank his head back and bent over his exposed neck. A shudder wracked Roxas as he felt Saix's lips move down the delicate skin by his ear and it was all he could do not to scream when the other teen bit down and sucked roughly on his collar bone.

A low groan of appreciation came from Vexen which encouraged Saix to up his game. Roxas endured the boy licking and sucking back up his neck but he was unable to stay quiet when Saix ground their hips together and whispered in his ear, 'I wish I had got to you before Vexen Roxie. I promise you that if I ever get the chance I will fuck you until you scream.'

At the bluette's chilling words Roxas flinched into the bed and wordlessly whimpered in helpless denial. This seemed to arouse his tormentor further however and Saix covered his mouth with one hand while sliding down until he was level with Roxas' chest. Roxas screamed into Saix's palm, writhing in pain as sharpened teeth sank into his shoulder hard enough to break the skin and draw blood. For a moment there was the disgusting feeling of Saix's tongue lapping at the wound and then Vexen shoved his friend off to the side with an angry growl.

Roxas was reeling from Saix's deviant actions and disturbing words but he still remembered to force his gaze up to look Vexen in the eyes. A small part of the blonde's soul withered away as he stared at Vexen while the larger boy reached down leisurely and began to stroke his hip suggestively. Though he tried to hold it together, terrified at what might happen if he passed out, Roxas' world began to grey out when Vexen tugged his pants down to the middle of his thighs and grinned hungrily down at his exposed body.

For a time Roxas' perception of events fragmented and his mind phased in and out of reality, causing the next few hours to be forever branded in his memory as a series of dreadful still images and overwhelming feelings. Cruel words echoed around him, a macabre soundtrack to Roxas' hell and through it all the blonde teen tried as hard as he could to cling to his sanity.

Vexen grabbed Roxas' crotch, languidly stroking him with a ghastly gentleness, oh gods no, his body was responding even though he wanted to throw up. Next image, Roxas was choking on the cock that had been unceremoniously shoved in his mouth. A rather long blank spot and then Roxas was suddenly on his own bed sitting up on his knees, with Saix pressed hard against him from behind and Vexen in front of him, staring into his eyes with a feral smile on his face.

The following few minutes became a replaying hellish loop that echoed around Roxas' brain long after the actual act was over. While Saix rolled his hips sensuously against him from behind, Vexen moved forward with his cock in his hand and began to stroke both of their lengths together, chipping away at the sanity Roxas had left with each jerk of his hand. Once again Roxas fought the urge to vomit as his body reacted against his will and mere moments later Vexen's rough ministrations brought them both to orgasm although Roxas' cry was of horror and shame rather than pleasure.

Abruptly shoved away by Vexen Roxas crumpled in a heap on his bed. He didn't respond as Saix argued with Vexen over not getting enough action and he remained mute and still as the other two boys grunted and sniggered into the small hours of the morning. It was maybe four in the morning, at a point when the snores of his torturers filled the room that Roxas slowly and painfully pulled on his pajamas and wrapped himself tightly in his duvet as if the soft cover could protect him from the hell he lived in.

***&&&***

Wednesday dawned and saw Saix shaking Vexen awake so they could slip away for an uninterrupted cigarette before the teachers were awake. Roxas was rudely awakened by a heavy boot grinding down on his leg and it was only with a supreme effort of will that he avoided crying out and earning another brutal beating. While the two bullies hurried off down the corridor laughing under their breath Roxas pushed himself slowly into a sitting position and hissed in shock at the blood that was seeping through his pants.

Even as Roxas mechanically went about the well-practiced task of cleaning up yet another wound he cursed under his breath and ranted in his head thinking viciously, 'How the fuck can they draw blood with a fucking motorbike boot? Oh fuck, if they pick up on that they'll probably start seeing just what innocuous items they can stick in my skin. Goddamn it, why does Vexen have to be a sick fuck with ties to a goddamn gang? Why did I ever think I had a shitshow in hell of getting out of this?'

The hopelessness of his last thought broke something in Roxas, a small part of his ability to give a fuck shriveling and dying. With the attitude of someone who no longer cares but the cynicism of someone who knows there is always something left to lose Roxas dressed carefully to cover his bruises and lacerations. Attempting to cultivate the impression of a relapse of head trauma Roxas limped as fast as he dared towards the sick bay and his hopes were all realized when, on arrival, he was swept up by the nurse and told on no uncertain terms that he would be spending the day and night under close observation.

In the darkness and peaceful quiet of the medical overnight room Roxas trembled silently as he failed to banish the thought of how angry Vexen was going to be when he next got Roxas alone. Eventually though, as time wore uneventfully on, Roxas felt the tension gradually drain from his taut muscles and he fell into a semi-doze. The only thought to drift across Roxas' relatively relaxed mind before he slipped into full sleep was a wistful and faint hope that he would be able to somehow get to Taekwon-do the following evening.

***&&&***

Axel sloped up to the door of the training hall on Thursday fifteen minutes before the start of class, hardly daring to look for the head of blonde hair he expected not to be there. The shock Axel felt at laying eyes on Roxas sitting at the back of the room was only outweighed by the rush of concern that filled him as he took in the teen's appearance. Watchful green eyes lingered on pale, bruised skin and for a long moment Axel locked his gaze with Roxas' hollow stare before he remembered himself and forced a half-hearted smile in greeting.

The barest twitch of Roxas' lips and the jerky nod that Axel received told him immediately that things sure as hell weren't okay and also that there was no point in even broaching the subject in the scant time they had before training started. Falling back on his old standby of humour Axel tilted his head and said with a wry smirk, 'Back so soon after picking a fight with some stairs huh? You must be dying to settle that ol' staircase's hash. When you're on your feet again I can show you some tricks to take the bastard apart step by step.'

For a silent second Axel thought he had touched too close to the bone but then Roxas let out a breathy little chuckle. Though Axel could tell that the blonde was hurting at even the light laughter, the sincere smile on Roxas' face left him beaming too. A growled order from Xaldin pulled Axel away to get class started but he ran down the hall with the image of Roxas' smile held firmly in his mind's eye.

The first hour of training dragged by for Axel and even when he was attempting a jumping, spinning, hooking kick he couldn't help but sneak a glance back at the watching Roxas. This unfortunately resulted in a couple of spectacular floor-befriending failures on Axel's part but the secretive grins that flashed across Roxas' face were more than enough to make him forget his aching chin. Axel's uncharacteristic preoccupation and the look of longing Roxas wore were probably the biggest contributors to the look of amused exasperation growing on Instructor Xaldin's face.

Finally, halfway through training, Xaldin had had enough. Directing the class to complete a grueling set of padwork rounds Xaldin beckoned Axel up to the front and fixed him with a knowing look saying, 'Well, you're obviously good for nothing in class today, in addition to being good for nothing in general. Would you actually get some training done if I got you to demonstrate the full patterns repertoire for Roxas? Properly, with full power and actual technique so that you get something out of it too.'

The glum look fell away from Axel's face and he perked up immediately. Practically levitating on the spot Axel snapped to attention and chirped, 'Yes Sir! I was going to ask if we could do some more patterns in class but this will be even better because the whole class won't be watching. I promise that Roxas will get to witness the most perfect lot of patterns ever to grace this hall.'

***&&&***

Just sitting at the back of the hall and watching the club work up a sweat cheered Roxas up as he could almost pretend he was part of it all. Conscious of his tender ribs Roxas had found it hard work to keep from laughing at Axel's impressive face-planting and by the time Xaldin called Axel up the front Roxas was feeling more normal than he had in days. Curiously Roxas watched as Instructor Xaldin talked intently with Axel for a few moments and then he had to abruptly pretend he was watching the padwork rounds when Axel practically skipped up the hall towards him.

Acting like he was surprised to see Axel approaching him Roxas offered a thin smile and spoke before the bouncy redhead could say anything, 'I hope I don't have to try and copy the moves you were demonstrating tonight Sir. I don't think my face could handle so many close encounters with the floor. Please tell me you're here because we're doing something else that doesn't require any face-planting…'

The look on Axel's face at Roxas' unexpected sass was utterly priceless and Roxas had to battle once again with the joy of laughter versus the pain of bruised ribs. By the time the blonde had recovered Axel was giving him a piercing glance but left the subject alone saying instead, 'Dude, you wound me. I'm trying to develop a new style that will be the envy of all martial artists, just wait and see. That's beside the point though, Xaldin has just given me instructions to give you a show and demonstrate all of the patterns up to my rank; he obviously knows that no one can do them better.'

Impressed at Axel's seamless recovery from something that would have embarrassed the hell out of any normal person Roxas gingerly got to his feet and followed him through to the other room. Getting comfortable on the wooden bench along the wall Roxas fixed his eyes on Axel's long-limbed figure, actually quite eager to see the more complicated patterns that were taught to the senior students. Axel gave him a sunny grin before starting from the lowest pattern and for the next hour Roxas was captivated by the power and grace of the teen performing in front of him.

***&&&***

Flowing through the complex and endlessly fascinating patterns, Axel found that his audience of one inspired him to the heights of precision. Punches shot out exactly on target, stances were textbook perfect and every kick Axel did, much to his shocked pride, was fast enough to make his pants crack like a whip. Lungs heaving by the time he finished his last pattern, the black stripe pattern called Choong Moo, Axel returned to the ready position smartly before letting out a satisfied whoosh of breath.

Glancing over at Roxas in the aftermath of his performance Axel was delighted to see that the other teen was sitting there with a rather impressed look on his face. Taking a moment to get his breath back after the exertion he had just put himself through Axel sauntered over to Roxas and took a seat next to him. In true Axel style he leant back with hands behind his head and said, 'So what do you think? Have I made you want to dedicate the rest of your life to being as good as me? Be honest now, tell me what you think of the patterns that you'll be learning someday.'

A wide grin lit up Roxas' face and made Axel once again appreciate how much a happy expression changed the blonde teen's entire appearance. Following the same bantering tone that Axel had used Roxas said flippantly, 'Eh, to be honest I could see some fundamental stance errors just going by what Xaldin taught me in my first lesson and your kicks, phew, what attacking tools were you using? Do I have to get up and show you how it's done?'

Unable to do anything but gape speechlessly Axel stared at Roxas for a moment before bursting out laughing. While Roxas snickered and tried not to breathe too deeply Axel clutched his sides and bent double, wheezing and almost crying with mirth. Barely coherent Axel managed to splutter out, 'Gods dammit all Roxas you can't do that to me… Oh shit, is it possible to laugh up a lung? Dude, I don't think I can even top that, that's it, time to go, come on.'

Getting weakly to his feet still chuckling Axel waited for Roxas to stand up too, but the redhead was snapped out of his good humour in an instant when Roxas stood up too fast and promptly buckled at the knees. Slightly too far away to reach the teen before he hit the ground Axel lunged forward and just managed to get his hand between Roxas' head and the hard bench seat. For a moment the bewildered redhead just sat and supported the dazed Roxas on the floor, but then he noticed a dark stain spreading on Roxas' shirt where the teen's hip had hit the ground.

It seemed to take forever but it was less than a minute before clarity began to seep back into Roxas' clouded eyes and Axel was able to breathe again. Watching carefully as Roxas' expression sharpened from near unconsciousness, Axel waited until he was sure that Roxas was back with him before saying, 'Sorry man, usually I have this effect on people straightaway, but with you it appears delayed and much more intense than usual. By way of apology for my overwhelming awesomeness can I help you up to the seat?'

Axel bit the inside of his lip when Roxas didn't even respond to his over-the-top-ness and just quietly allowed himself to be manhandled onto the bench. Sliding onto the seat too, Axel decided to just bite the bullet and jump in feet first asking softly, 'Well, I barely know where to start Rox but the blood stain on your stomach seems as good a place as any. I think we've established that I'm a nosy shit who won't leave you alone, so I don't suppose there's any chance of saving a lot of time by you just talking to me already?'

Once again Roxas caught Axel off guard, this time by swallowing hard and jerkily nodding his head. Blinking in surprise Axel ran his gaze over Roxas' slumped shoulders and strained his hearing to catch Roxas' low voice as he said, 'Fine, if you can get me out of here without anyone noticing this clusterfuck then I'll talk. I just… I can't keep this up anymore and I don't know what to do…'

The words had barely left Roxas' lips before Axel was on his feet and nodding decisively. Having already formulated a plan Axel crouched down so he could look Roxas in the eye and said, 'Give me a sec and I'll go grab you your jacket. You can stay here and I'll tell Xaldin that your concussion has left you feeling sick so I need to take you back to your school to see the nurse. Sound good?'

The second Roxas let his head fall forward in a tiny nod Axel was out of the room like a red and white streak. Within seconds the redhead was back and gently draping Roxas' jacket around his shoulders but then he was off again to spin his story to Instructor Arma. Running respectfully around the edge of the class Axel waited impatiently for Xaldin to acknowledge him and then ran forward when he was beckoned.

Whether through Axel's powers of persuasion or Xaldin's intuition that more was going on than was being said, the conversation was short and then Xaldin was shooing Axel away again. Moving quickly back around the training students Axel ran back into the side room but his speed until that point was nothing compared to the impression of teleportation he gave when he saw that Roxas was shakily trying to stand on his own.

***&&&***

The dizziness that overwhelmed Roxas when he initially stood up had finally started to recede a little and he judged it a good idea to see if he could stagger to the door to meet Axel. His second attempt at getting to his feet was a lot more difficult than he anticipated though and Roxas found himself swaying dangerously, on the edge of crashing to the floor again. The sudden appearance of the tall redhead at his side startled Roxas and he would have overbalanced again had Axel not slipped a steadying arm around his shoulders. The trip to the car was a blur but falling into the seat felt like heaven and finally the tension started to ease from Roxas' body.

Prepared to be instantly pelted with questions Roxas was grateful when Axel slid into the driver's seat and mutely let his head fall back so that he was staring at the ceiling. The silence drew out in a comfortable rather than awkward way and Roxas used the time to collect his racing thoughts. The pair sat, caught in their own internal worlds, for almost fifteen minutes and to even his own surprise it was Roxas who broke the silence first by blurting out, 'I didn't fall down the stairs. I made him angry and he got his friend to send me the message not to fuck with him or else. I know you're not an idiot and you've been trying to work out what's going on, but however bad you think it is, it's worse.'

Out of the corner of his eye Roxas watched Axel nervously and tried to suppress the panicky 'I take it back' feeling rising in his chest. Axel didn't immediately reply but his head fell forward and his shoulders slumped in a way that to Roxas looked very un-Axel-like. After a long moment that stretched Roxas' nerves to breaking point Axel murmured almost contemplatively, 'I knew I should've torched that place the first time I saw it. You'd be better off sleeping under a bridge than living in that hellhole…'

Suddenly Axel jerked his head up to stare at Roxas and the blonde teen flinched slightly at the fierceness in the other boy's green eyes. Even though Axel's voice was calm and level Roxas could hear rage simmering behind the teen's words as he said quietly, 'How much worse is it Rox, what else are you trying not to tell me? And you and I both know that you need to tell me why you started bleeding for no apparent reason. Please… Tell me…'

The genuine worry in Axel's plea hit Roxas like a sledgehammer and he had to swallow the large lump that filled his throat. Abruptly throwing caution to the winds Roxas found himself unable to look away from the intense emerald gaze that pinned him as he forced the words out, 'The other night he, uh, him and his friend… I don't even know what they… Something snapped in their brains or something. They hit me until hitting wasn't enough and then Vex-, he pulled out a knife.'

Roxas had to stop at this point as the murderous look on Axel's face dried his throat and silenced his words. Fists clenched so hard that his knuckles were turning white Axel cast a searing glance at Roxas' bloody shirt and snarled, 'Gods fucking dammit Roxas, you weren't going to tell me any of this were you? You were just going to slap on a smile and let me merrily fuck around without a clue while you live with a complete fucking psycho!'

Not exactly scared of Axel but disconcerted by the display of barely contained anger Roxas took a moment to find his voice and finally managed to blurt out, 'I shouldn't have even told you any of this. I'm not stupid, I know that I shouldn't have to put up with the shit I'm living with but there's nothing I can do to stop it. Do you think I'd stay in the situation if I had anything resembling a way out? If he even thought I was standing up to him he'd…'

Suddenly realizing just what he was saying Roxas snapped his mouth shut and directed at Axel a look that was partly a glare but was mostly filled with bleak desolation. Before Axel could get the stunned look off his face and respond Roxas said flatly, 'Forget I said that. Please take me back to school. Just… Stop. I can't get into this and I told you about what really happened with the stairs so just drop it.'

Turning away to face the passenger window Roxas waited for the sound of the car starting and when a long moment elapsed in silence he snapped his head around to glare at Axel. Seeing that Axel wasn't even moving to turn the key Roxas lost the shaky grip he had on his emotions and without warning he exploded. Flinging words as if they were knives Roxas snarled, 'Fuck you Axel, you can't just burst into my life and fuck everything up like this! I never asked for you to interfere with my shit because all anyone can do is make things worse. We'd both be better off if you forgot this conversation and we left it at nothing more than training together.'

Panting with the force of his anger and panic Roxas let out a frustrated cry and fell back in his seat. It was only then that the upset teen properly looked at Axel and his eyes widened when he saw that the other boy was slumped over in his seat with tears dripping down his face onto his knees. Without looking up Axel whispered, 'I can't just walk away Roxas. I don't want to fuck anything up but… Fuck… You won't tell me shit and every step I take is wrong. Please Rox, you've got no reason to, but let me in…'

Unwilling to back down but feeling his resolve shattering Roxas felt an urge deep within his heart to finally let someone inside the hell he lived with every day. Sagging back into the car seat Roxas deflated as his anger seeped away leaving him empty and drained. Still unable to make himself admit aloud the full extent of the abuse he endured the teen struggled with what to say to close the rift he had caused between himself and the one person who seemed to have the potential to be a positive influence in his world. At an almost complete loss for words Roxas barely realized he was speaking out loud as he whispered, 'Axel…'

***&&&***

Axel never cried. In the back of his mind he had assumed that he had used up all the tears inside him by the time he turned ten. The fact that the small blonde boy next to him provoked such an emotional response stirred up a jumble of confused thoughts and feelings that Axel couldn't even begin to sort through. Not bothering to brush the tears from his face Axel tried to recover his equilibrium and only came back to the world when the sound of his name pulled him out of his reeling thoughts.

Reluctant to look over at Roxas Axel eventually bit his lip and raised his eyes slightly so he was looking at the dashboard in front of the blonde. Completely unsure as to how to proceed Axel hesitated for a long moment until the silence became too much to bear and he muttered, 'I don't know what you want me to say okay? I know I hardly know you but, fuck, this isn't right. I'd like to be your friend if you gave me a chance to get close enough and even if you were a total stranger I'd still want mutilate the bastard who did that shit to you.'

Axel trailed off wondering if he had overreached himself and once again the silence stretched out interminably. This time however Roxas found his voice and in little more than a ghost of a whisper he murmured, 'I'm sorry. I don't, I just, I've never told anyone any of this shit. I need you to understand though, you can't talk to him or even go near him… You have no idea what he's capable of. Tonight… Tonight is probably going to be bad but I've learnt how to deal with it.'

Suddenly Axel found himself pinned by a piercing, blue stare and he simply stared back. Roxas' voice took on a firmer tone but still sounded extremely fragile as he said, 'Believe it or not I'm not trying to push you away. You just need to understand that I need a friend, not a knight charging in on a white horse or whatever. This isn't something that can be fixed by friendship and fairy dust or telling a responsible adult. Fucking with it could make it so much worse…'

To Axel's eyes it seemed as if Roxas simply ran out of steam, falling silent and letting his eyes slide closed. Choosing his words with the care of someone navigating through a minefield Axel said, 'Okay, I don't understand exactly why you can't just tell someone and blow this wide open, but I'm not stupid. There's obviously something really bad going on and I don't want to mess with things only to have you face the consequences. What I am wondering though, are you allowed to get out of that school and chill with friends that don't go there? We could at least try and get you out of there for a little bit some days…'

The dawning look of hope on Roxas' face made Axel's heart hurt a little but he hid it behind a lazy grin. Recovering some of his trademark smart-ass humor Axel drawled, 'Okay, so we have the beginnings of a plan. So Rox m'lad, how are we going to jail-break you from that so called school as often as possible?'

As planned Axel's irrepressible outrageousness dragged a small smile from Roxas with the added bonus of muffled snort. As Axel watched, the expression on Roxas' face changed from dazed to amused, and then went straight through reflective to completely absorbed in thought. The next words out of Roxas' mouth sparked a tiny glow of warmth in Axel's chest as he said, 'Actually, the principal mentioned on my last report that my social network was rather small for someone my age and that I'd benefit from making friends outside of school. I never actually thought I'd be grateful for being a social retard. Tomorrow morning I'll apply for a pass and let you know what happens.'


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Really this story just gets darker. More graphic abuse. I'm sure things will get better at some point, but Rox and Axel are far from out of the woods yet and probably won't be for a while.  
>  Thanks to everyone who has kudosed my little story and double thanks to anyone who even thinks about reviewing. I live on reviews... I'm a review vampire lol.**

Classes passed agonizingly slowly for Roxas but early on Friday afternoon he found himself leaving the principal's office with a Grounds Pass stuffed in his bag and a vaguely dazed smile on his face. A bundle of nerves in the hour before his appointment with Principal Diz, Roxas was stunned when the encounter turned out to be almost identical to the meeting where Diz had gifted him with Taekwon-do. Trying to ask for something insignificant Roxas had requested one evening a week grounds leave for social activity, but Diz had expansively waved his hand and granted him a pass for Monday, Wednesday and Friday until eight thirty each evening.

Caught for once in pleasant thoughts Roxas rounded a corner and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Vexen leaning against the wall waiting for him. On Thursday night when Roxas had finally made it back to school after Taekwon-do, Vexen had been nowhere to be found, absent even when Roxas rolled into bed at nine thirty. At the time Roxas had alarm bells trying to sound in his head, but he had been too tired to even wonder where Vexen might be. Now he knew, Vexen had been stewing with rage and waiting for the perfect time to release it.

Acutely aware that the corridor was completely deserted Roxas started to cautiously back up but stopped in his tracks as Vexen smiled lazily and shook his head meaningfully. Frozen to the spot Roxas watched Vexen advance on him slowly and he was unable to move even when the larger boy stopped in front of him and languidly shoved him into the wall. Vexen was just in the process wrapping his fingers around Roxas' neck when the blonde boy's paralysis broke and he grabbed Vexen's wrist.

Vexen blinked incredulously and in the tiny grace period he had bought himself Roxas ripped open his bag and yanked out his Grounds Pass, holding the paper in front of him like a shield. Speaking so quickly that his words ran into each other Roxas frantically gasped, 'You can't touch me today, I'm going off grounds! If I have any bruises someone will notice and you know that explaining it away might not work. You're not stupid Vexen, you can't afford to have someone asking questions about the kid you room with.'

The look on Vexen's face would have been priceless to Roxas had he not been thrumming with tension, waiting to see if he would be on the receiving end of yet another black eye. The gods must have been smiling on Roxas however as Vexen instead slammed his fist into the wall and snarled, 'There is no way you're not going to suffer for this Roxie. While you're away you can imagine all the ways I will take this out on you without leaving a visible mark. You better not forget about your brother you worthless piece of shit because I will only put up with so much.'

With those chilling words hanging in the air Vexen glared at Roxas for a second and then without warning hammered a powerful punch into the relatively undamaged side of Roxas' ribs. Utterly unprepared for the vicious attack Roxas dropped to the floor in a heap, struggling to breathe through the familiar agony of being completely winded. Vexen stormed away without looking back and it took all of Roxas' willpower to force himself to his feet before someone happened to come down the hallway. Slowly making his way to his room Roxas took the rest of the lunch period to pull himself together enough to get through his remaining two classes.

***&&&***

Though Roxas was due to arrive at the coffee shop in town at half past three Axel arrived at two o'clock and sat in the corner inhaling espresso, nervous for reasons he couldn't quite name. The extra time he had before the other teen arrived gave Axel a little time to reflect and as he poured coffee down his throat he sank deep into thought. Confused feelings swirled around in Axel's head, but the predominant emotions were uncertainty and a slow roiling anger.

As was his usual inclination Axel began to hold a conversation with himself in his head and came out of the gate with a bewildered, 'What the fuck is wrong with me? I've only known this kid existed for a few weeks and I can't get him out of my head. I've worked so hard for so long to avoid anyone getting close and without even trying he's gotten to me. How…?'

The usually suppressed anger that simmered deep inside Axel's mind suddenly interrupted growling, 'He's being hurt. You know he's being hurt and you're doing nothing. You can't stop thinking about it because you're a piece of shit who is letting this violence happen! Stop being a fucking coward and fix it!'

Unable to deny the truth of the angry thought Axel lamely came back with, 'There's something he isn't telling me, a reason that he can't just throw the bastard in jail for harassment and assault. If it's bad enough that he puts up with that level of abuse, the arsehole who hurts him must have some serious threat to keep him silent… I don't know enough to risk causing the shit to hit the fan.'

Failing to come up with an argument but not liking the situation one bit Axel's rage faded away with a few last solemn words, 'Then it's on your head if he gets fucked up even worse while you sit around doing nothing. He said that you're the only one who knows anything about this, so fucking do something because no one else can.'

Left alone in his own head Axel closed his eyes and clutched his coffee mug tightly. Sipping at the still steaming liquid he swallowed around the lump in his throat and let out a sigh. Unused to the feeling of fretting about someone else and feeling the stress of near constant worry Axel tried to utilize his hard earned calming techniques and find some semblance of serenity. The redhead was halfway through a soothing set of mental exercises when a flash of light from a car window caught his eye and he came back to himself to see Roxas hurrying across the road towards him.

A smile already tugging at his lips Axel abandoned his unfinished fifth espresso and with a wave to his attentive waitress he swept out of the shop to meet the other boy. Not even pausing for a second Axel slung his arm around Roxas' shoulders and grinned, 'Nice to see you my spiky friend, let the social development begin. My car is just around the corner and your taxi seems to have disappeared, shall we repair to my place for tea and crumpets?'

***&&&***

Though he was unaware of it, Roxas was experiencing the exact same mental state as Axel as his taxi got closer and closer to town. In a horrible cycle the teen found himself subject to crushing uncertainty that then morphed into anticipatory nervousness before swinging nauseatingly back to insidious doubt again. Luckily, when the car pulled up opposite the coffee shop at which he was supposed to meet Axel, Roxas was in the hopefully anxious phase and he quickly got out of the taxi, making a valiant attempt at a nonchalant walk.

The casual stroll was more of a scurry but Roxas didn't have time to worry about this. He hadn't made it halfway across the road when Axel swanned breezily out of the coffee shop and stood waiting for him on the footpath. Before Roxas could think of a single thing to say Axel uttered his ridiculous opening line and in an instant Roxas was alternating between uncontrollable giggles and highly embarrassing snorts.

Privately astonished at the ease with which Axel disarmed and amused him Roxas tried to, as unnoticeably as possible, cradle the ribs that Vexen had damaged just hours before. In an attempt to divert attention from his latest injury Roxas lengthened his stride to keep up with Axel's ridiculously long legs and said, 'Tea and crumpets huh? I'd prefer coffee and biscuits, but that's just me. Um, since when have you been descended from the British Toffocracy?'

Roxas breathed a sigh of relief when his quip sent Axel into gales of laughter and he chuckled lightly too. Keeping the momentum of the, mostly one sided, conversation moving he stated with a smile, 'Anyway, the good news is that the principal has quite happily agreed to include these outings in my social development evaluations. I was kinda worried that he'd just look at me strangely and kick me out of his office. And the better news is that I'm out of that place until eight thirty on Monday, Wednesday and Friday which is pretty much until lights out.'

Though he had been expecting some interesting reaction Roxas was totally unprepared for Axel breaking into a horrendous rendition of 'Oh Happy Day'. Covering his face and trying to breathe through the embarrassment Roxas spotted Axel's car and almost sprinted over to it in order to get the redhead off the streets. Yanking open the door Roxas slumped into his seat and sent a small prayer of thanks to the Gods of Relative Silence when Axel got in too and confined his song to the inside of the car.

The ride to Axel's place was actually quite enjoyable for Roxas, as once Axel stopped singing his buoyant mood became utterly infectious. Inane chatter provided a no-pressure diversion and it seemed to Roxas like only seconds before they were pulling into Axel's driveway. It was with no small amount of curiosity that Roxas studied Axel's house, interested to see where the peculiar redhead lived.

What Roxas saw was a tiny cottage painted a subdued blue-grey, surrounded by a small garden full of vivid red poppies and bright white cornflowers. The down-to-earth appearance of the house was so at odds with Axel's out there personality that Roxas was knocked slightly off balance with the cognitive dissonance. Getting out of the car without taking his eyes off the pocket-sized dwelling Roxas was so absorbed with his examination that he jumped out of his skin when Axel clapped him on the shoulder. Snapped out of his trance Roxas shook his head to clear it and followed Axel indoors.

Once inside the house Roxas was even more confused by the immaculately kept and very spartan interior. Unable to stand the mystery for one more second Roxas lost control of his tongue and blurted out, 'Are you sure this is your house Axel? I was expecting, I don't know, something that resembled a frat house rather than a blank slate. Do you employ a team of kotihaltia to clean up behind you or something?'

Roxas trailed off when he noticed that Axel was watching him with a mix of incredulity, amusement and curiosity. Apparently the curiosity won out as Axel's first puzzled words were, 'Dude, are you speaking Martian or something? What the hell is a kotilallama or whatever you said?'

Blushing a brilliant red at his own indelicate approach Roxas tried to cover his embarrassment by clearing his throat and saying, 'Ahem, uh, well, my mum is half Finnish and whenever we visited my grandmother they would tell me the fairy tales that they grew up with back in Finland. Kotihaltia are household spirits that help out with housework and stuff… I just, um, you just didn't strike me as someone who cleans up like this.'

Hiding his face in his hands Roxas didn't see the expression on Axel's face change from taken aback to mirthful, but he definitely heard the thud as Axel collapsed against the wall laughing so hard he could barely stand. In between giggles Axel managed to say, 'Okay, well I guess I haven't given you the most flattering impression of my personal habits. But assuming that I need supernatural help to clean my damn house… I better start rebuilding your perception of me.'

Caught up in Axel's infectious laughter Roxas started chuckling too. In a moment of unguarded cheekiness the blonde spluttered out, 'Oh gods, do you know what you are? You're a mantis shrimp that lives in a ping pong ball! Living in a boring-ass shell but when you come out you're all bright and disturbingly colourful.'

***&&&***

When Roxas compared him to the notorious sea dwelling mini-monster, it was all Axel could do to not lose it then and there. Lurching away from the wall Axel theatrically fell on Roxas and pretended to use him as an animated crutch. Managing to lead the way while staggering along on Roxas' shoulder Axel headed towards the lounge and fell full length on his overstuffed couch leaving Roxas standing there blinking at him.

Once more in control of most of his faculties Axel felt able to address Roxas' last statement and said, 'You seriously couldn't have pegged me more accurately my friend, and for your information the mantis shrimp is my favourite beastie of all time. You've just called me an intellectual maniac that looks like a peacock and can fuck up anything that messes with it.'

Matching Roxas' grin with one of his own Axel let his head fall back onto the sofa and smiled contentedly at the ceiling. There was a comfortable silence during which any remaining awkwardness drained from the room and then Roxas made Axel jump by suddenly asking, 'Is that your study stuff imitating the Leaning Tower of Pisa on the bench? I don't think you ever actually told me what you were studying now that you're out of school.'

Axel propped himself up on his elbows and glanced across at the teetering pile of paper before fixing Roxas with an inscrutable stare. Thoughtfully he said, 'Well, once again you don't waste time getting to the point. Hmm, where to start? I guess back at school… You know how I told you about my issues at school? Well when I started anger management classes I was moved to another high school. From there things only got better and I ended up graduating first in my class. Probably another big surprise for you huh?'

Roxas reacted to the undertone of cynicism in Axel's voice by retorting immediately, 'To be honest Axel, I think you've well and truly broken me of making assumptions, at least where you're concerned. At this point I probably wouldn't be surprised if you told me you were on the way to being an astrophysicist or something like that.'

It was Axel's turn to gape wordlessly and turn a deep shade of red. In a contrite tone he murmured, 'Okay, now I feel like a total arse. Hopefully you're already so used to me being a dick that you'll forgive my arsehole-ness one more time. And you really won't believe this, but I'm actually studying toward a Bachelor of Science and majoring in astronomy. Once I've done that the aim is get my graduate degree in Physical Cosmology and discover the secrets of the universe.'

Roxas' eyes grew so round that Axel thought that they would fall out of his head. Blinking in disbelief Roxas spluttered incoherently and waved his hands in a manner that Axel interpreted as an invitation to expand on his statement. Smiling at the stunned boy Axel said proudly, 'My marks at the end of high school were enough to get me enrolled in the honors program at Destiny University. I chose to do my first year by correspondence so I could stay at training and complete my black belt before having to travel in to campus every day.'

Snapping his mouth shut Axel wriggled backwards so that he was sitting up and tried to pretend that he hadn't said his last few words. Unfortunately Roxas took full advantage of the opening and piped up, 'Oh man, so you're going for your black belt soon? That's so awesome. I thought you had to be gearing up for it, when's the big day?'

Fervently cursing himself for letting the conversation blunder in just the direction he didn't want it to go Axel stalled for as long as he could by hunting for a pillow to shove behind him and then a brainwave hit. Jumping to his feet the redhead avoided Roxas' puzzled gaze and babbled, 'Man it's getting late, it's pretty much time for tea. I'm hungry, are you hungry? Why don't I order us some pizza, what sort do you want? Let me guess, you like something weird like spinach and feta?'

If he was disconcerted by Axel's slightly manic behaviour Roxas hid it well and with barely a raise of an eyebrow he replied, 'You can take your froufrou pizza and shove it my friend, the only thing I eat is bacon, cabanossi and double beef with as much cheese as will fit on top of the base.'

With a quick nod Axel vanished into the kitchen and called the local pizza place, drawing out the call as long as humanly possible without seeming like a creepy lonely phoner. As he automatically relayed the order to the pizza guy Axel's thoughts were racing and by the time he hung up he had reluctantly reached the conclusion that he would have to answer Roxas' innocent question if he didn't want to risk alienating the other boy. Taking a deep breath to steady himself Axel slowly walked back to the lounge and slumped down onto the couch.

Sliding almost horizontal on the plush fabric Axel threw an arm over his eyes and muttered simply, 'Seven months.'

Peeking out from under his arm Axel saw that Roxas was patiently staring at him and promptly gave up any hope of weaseling out of the situation. Closing his eyes Axel continued, 'It's a lot of pressure okay? Living up to what people expect. I'm getting top marks in my study, working until arse-o'clock as a freaking bartender to afford my rent and fees and training every spare hour I'm not sleeping. I feel like I can't fuck up anywhere because if I do my whole house of cards will explode and kill everyone I've ever met.'

Axel trailed off, regretting the sheer amount of word-vomit he had just let go. Part of his mind told him that he damn well should be reciprocating the unburdening that Roxas had entrusted him with but, just as he could feel that Roxas was holding something back, he was also unable to bring his guard down entirely and expose all of his secrets. Behind Axel's dancing eyes and ready smile lurked more skeletons than anyone could guess.

With his arm still covering his eyes Axel didn't see the small smile that flitted across Roxas' lips, but he definitely heard the blonde's quiet words as he said, 'Interesting. I haven't seen you without your mask of borderline dickhead before, it's different. You give the impression of being slightly brainless and shallow as all fuck but you're really not. To be honest I don't think your douche-façade ever really fooled me.'

The look on Axel's face as his arm slipped off his forehead was indescribable and it was probably better that he couldn't see it himself. The gently amused smile on Roxas' face took the sting out of words that could have been harsh and Axel was left with the somewhat alien feeling of being understood. Shaking his head slightly Axel let a sheepish smile curl his lips and just as he was pushing himself back into a sitting position the doorbell rang and totally shattered the mood.

Steadily regaining his effervescence Axel pushed himself to his feet and pausing only to grab his wallet he attempted, with satisfactory results, to sashay out of the room to pay the pizza guy. Seconds later the redhead returned with two steaming pizza boxes, tossing his wallet over at the couch and placing the food on the table in front of Roxas with a flourish. Almost fully restored to his breezy self Axel threw a companionable punch at what he thought was Roxas' uninjured side as he went to sit down.

***&&&***

Watching Axel go from 'normal' to abnormally brooding and then boomerang back to bouncy again was an education for Roxas who felt that he was hardly keeping up. Achieving what seemed like the impossible task of piercing Axel's convincing façade left a warm glow in Roxas' chest and he even felt comfortable in giving the redhead shit, confident it would be taken in the spirit with which it was intended. The arrival of dinner left Roxas with a strange mix of feelings, mainly comprised of irritation at the interruption.

All thoughts of amusement, inquisitiveness and even irritation were driven from Roxas' mind however when Axel sent a gentle, almost slow motion punch that connected with his recently assaulted ribs. Roxas bit his lip hard but still couldn't entirely muffle a groan of pain, grimacing when Axel's head snapped round to look at him, his face wearing a grim look of suspicion. All it took was an ominous narrowing of those intense green eyes for Roxas to grudgingly surrender to the inevitable.

Just as reluctant as Axel had just been Roxas unwillingly said, 'Alright, fine, you've obviously worked it out already. Just after I got my pass to get out of school in the evenings I got jumped by V-, uh, him. There isn't much to tell really. He was going to beat the living shit out of me but I got in quick enough to let him know that if he hit me there would be someone to notice the results. I was naïve enough to think he would leave it at that. That's it okay?'

Roxas' faint hope that this would be enough to drop it was dashed when Axel's eyes blazed with green fire and he growled out, 'Fuck! Even when I get you out of there this shit still happens. How the hell does he get you where nobody sees?'

Clenching his teeth in frustration but unable to deny that Axel had a point Roxas answered tersely, 'It's nearly holidays. Those that go home have fucked off so the place is almost deserted.'

Apparently responding to the hostility that was obvious in Roxas' tone Axel snapped, 'Gods fucking dammit Rox I don't even… Fucking circles! This all leads back to whatever the fuck he has hanging over you. You told me the half of it, why don't you trust me enough to tell me the rest?'

As Axel watched it seemed like a pitched battle was fought behind Roxas' conflicted blue eyes. Angry at the situation yet feeling for the other teen Axel opted to keep quiet and see what Roxas decided to do. His patience was rewarded when Roxas' shoulders sagged and the boy briefly closed his eyes saying, 'I give up. You're not going to quit and I just can't keep this up. I've said this already but you can't tell anyone. Axel, if you can't promise me this then I'm not saying anything else and you might as well take me back to school.'

Axel gave the whole situation a moment of serious thought, honestly evaluating whether he could keep his mouth shut regardless of what he heard. It didn't take him long to conclude that no matter what he was about to hear he couldn't leave Roxas carrying the whole burden alone. Resolutely he said, 'I promise that this is between us. You can't keep this all inside and I can't leave you to deal with it alone, even if I have to keep my mouth shut on something awful.'

***&&&***

Roxas hadn't realized he was holding his breath until Axel solemnly promised silence. All the air came out of the blonde teen in a long sigh and he fell back in his chair. Looking at Axel out of the corner of his eye Roxas made himself say the words, 'I have a brother, Sora. The second year I was at Twilight Boarding he came to stay for a visitor's weekend. By then Vexen had been enjoying making me a punching bag for over two years and as soon as Sora walked through the door I saw the look in the bastard's eye. Fuck Ax, I was so shit scared that I would've done anything to drag his attention away from Sora…'

Aware that his breathing was speeding up and his hands were clenching into fists Roxas made a conscious effort to calm down enough to finish his story. By this point he was resigned to the fact that everything was coming out and he just wanted to get through it without shattering into tiny pieces. Drawing on his fading courage Roxas looked up into Axel's intent gaze and continued, 'A few months before Sora came it was Vexen's birthday. Until that point he had been happy enough to trip me, pummel me, bruise me… But then I walked in on him drinking a bottle of vodka and suddenly I was in a whole new hell.'

Pausing to gather the last of his strength Roxas looked at the floor and spat the next part of the story out in a rush, 'Apparently alcohol upped the ante because he… He touched me. A lot. I could see it in his eyes that my screaming when he did it was something different… Something that he liked more than whatever I sounded like when he hit me.'

Nearing the end of his harrowing story Roxas hurriedly rushed on as he wasn't sure that he could handle an interruption, 'When he looked at Sora I saw that same look written all over his face and I had no choice. When he started tormenting me with all the sick shit he wanted to do to my brother I told him that I would take Sora's place. It wasn't that simple though, because to make sure I didn't go back on the deal Vexen told me, and proved it, that he's connected to the gang Thirteen Black and if I didn't cooperate he would get Sora killed. I had no options back then and I sure as shit have no way out now.'

***&&&***

Prepared for something big, Axel was nevertheless shocked into silence by the sheer horror of what he had just heard. Faster than he could blink Axel was on his feet and by Roxas' side, drowning in a desperate surge of protectiveness and sorrow, wanting nothing more than to somehow beat the world into submission and change Roxas' circumstances. Restraining his natural impulse to wrap the other boy in a sheltering hug Axel instead settled for sitting on the arm of Roxas' chair and leaning against his shoulder silently.

For ten full minutes the two boys sat in hushed contemplation, each caught in their own chaotic thoughts. Axel in particular was so lost in the clamouring in his mind that he almost jumped out of his skin when Roxas abruptly shoved himself forward and grabbed his lukewarm pizza. Lacking a more appropriate alternative Axel slowly moved to pick up his own dinner and began to eat it mechanically, not tasting a single bite. After slogging through two pieces of what could really have been cardboard Axel gave up and put his pizza back on the table, settling into the task of not staring at Roxas while he waited edgily for him to finish.

Finally, as Roxas stretched his last piece of pizza out with increasingly tiny bites, Axel exhausted his already depleted supply of patience. Slipping off the arm of the chair so that he was sitting on the floor beside Roxas' feet Axel looked up into the blonde boy's frozen glare and tried to pull himself together. Struggling for something to say that wouldn't send Roxas running Axel eventually whispered, 'How do you live through that? With no one to talk to and no one to help. How have you not gone insane and burned the whole fucking place down with him in it?'

As Axel watched, the ice in Roxas' eyes shattered and tears began to slowly course down his cheeks. For the first time since they met Axel knew that he was seeing Roxas with his guard completely down. In a voice both broken and hopeless Roxas said, 'I can't, I can't do this anymore but there's nothing I can do. He'll kill Sora. His brother runs Thirteen Black and Vexen told me that he carefully cuts people to pieces without killing them and then slits their wrists, watching them bleed out. I have to find a way to… To live with what he does to me.'

Once again Axel was shaken to the core at the danger that surrounded Roxas. Now that he knew that Roxas' actions stemmed from suffocating fear for the safety of his brother he could finally understand why the teen stayed in the horrific situation he was in, but unlike Roxas he was nowhere near accepting that there was no way out. His mind a whirl of half formed plans and surging with an undertone of rage Axel simply stared into Roxas' despairing eyes and tried to suppress the fury that threatened to burst free.

The struggle must have showed on Axel's face because he saw Roxas shrink back in his chair with a flicker of fear showing deep in his eyes before he glanced away. With a supreme effort of will Axel clamped down on the useless anger and wanting more than anything to not be another thing for Roxas to be afraid of he found his voice and said softly but urgently, 'You can't give up Rox, please… I know I've only been here for five minutes but, fuck, I cannot accept the thought of you just having to live with this shit. There has to be something… I can't just let this happen…'

Trailing off into silence Axel gritted his teeth at the inadequacy of his statement. Atypically uncertain of what to do or say Axel chewed on his lip indecisively, but he nearly bit right through when Roxas spoke in a low intense voice, 'Why Axel? Why do you even give a shit? I'm nobody to you, I don't think you even know my last name. Why would you even bother with something that has absolutely nothing to do with you in the slightest?'

Thought Roxas' words had a cutting edge to them Axel could hear the pain and grief that lurked underneath. From a wealth of personal experience he could tell when vehemently pushing someone away was a thin cover for a scream for help. Instead of reacting immediately, Axel scooted up so he was lightly leaning against Roxas' knee and he looked into Roxas' pale face until the other teen turned glassy eyes in his direction.

Knowing that whatever he said next had to exactly the right thing Axel locked gazes with Roxas and said gently, 'Lots of reasons Rox. Everything has pulled me towards you from the start and I don't think I could forget about you, about this, if I tried. That first night you came to training Xaldin told me you had 'vexing' issues. Even when I was running laps of the hall I could see you were hurting. I wouldn't be me if I didn't want to help anyone I saw in pain… But you're not just anyone… I don't know how to explain it…'

Once again trailing off Axel sighed, anticipating that Roxas would stand up and demand to be taken back to school. Breaking the stare he had held with Roxas through his short speech Axel closed his eyes and waited. Roxas did neither of the things Axel expected, instead reaching out and laying a shaking hand on his shoulder. With just a few words the connection between the two teens was cemented and the path they were to follow was set, 'I don't know how but you're right… Everything in me tells I can trust you and that I need… That I won't be able to survive this without you.'

Axel snapped his head up again and looked into Roxas' eyes, swept away in the emotions that swirled in the teen's blue gaze. Wanting to say something but reluctant to break the delicate spell that lay on the room Axel was on the point of opening his mouth when Roxas spoke again, 'You might think this strange but I know what you mean. You're not just a random someone, somehow I know you… And that's impossible…'

As Roxas trailed off in confusion Axel spoke up thoughtfully, 'That's not entirely strange you know, I mean it might be if I wasn't trying to get my head around exactly the same thing. The moment I saw you that first night at training… I don't know, something just went click and you were in my head and I couldn't get you out.'

***&&&***

Roxas was unable to believe the way things were going, having been sure that his twisted mind had created a non-existent mystical link where in reality there was nothing. When Axel admitted that he felt the same inexplicable connection Roxas threw caution to the winds and brought up the thing that had preyed on his mind since even before he had first spoken to the redhead. Haltingly he said, 'I'm going to tell you something that might make you think I'm insane… If that's the case then just promise you won't mock me and you'll just take me back to school quietly…'

When Axel's eyes narrowed in curiosity and he nodded firmly Roxas took a deep breath and said, 'After my first training, when I got back to school, Vexen did his usual thing. That time in particular though he took every last bit of hope I had and I felt like there was and would be no way out until he finally lost control and killed me. It's something that crossed my mind before, but never with such overwhelming inevitability.'

Roxas paused as Axel winced and let out a wordless growl and he found that he appreciated the redhead's protectiveness. Finding his voice again he pressed on, 'That night I had a nightmare. It was a continuation of my hellish life following me into sleep and I just wanted to die. Vexen had turned into a demon-thing, formless horrible colours with claws and his voice… I've never been so fucking terrified. So I ran until I couldn't breathe and just as he was about to claw my throat out I made it to a building which turned out to be the training hall. I couldn't believe it when I slammed the door and he couldn't get in.'

Caught up in his own story Roxas didn't notice that Axel was now staring at him with his mouth open, incredulous and gobsmacked. In the voice of one caught in a dreamworld Roxas mumbled, 'After ages I finally got the feeling that someone was in there with me and I was sure that somehow Vexen had gotten in and was going to kill me. But then I turned around and… Well… I don't know how, but you were there. I couldn't see your face but I knew I had seen your hair somewhere before. Then I turned up at training the next night… And you stepped out of my dream.'

Falling silent Roxas was completely unprepared for Axel's stunned whisper that cut the quiet, 'That was you. You were the one who felt all that terror and hopelessness. I should have guessed, but how the hell could I have known that I actually was in someone else's dream… I was there… I felt what you felt…'

After the initial shock Roxas, driven by pure impulse, lurched forward off the chair and threw his arms around Axel. Unfortunately Roxas had forgotten about his ribs and his spontaneous demonstration of emotion dragged a choked groan from him. Gratitude to Axel once again swept through him when the redhead caught him lightly and held him gently until the spasm passed. Being so close to Axel caused something to shift deep in Roxas' chest and he treasured the wave of hope and calmness that filled him.

***&&&***

Ever since the moment that Roxas stood up to him and spoilt his plans Vexen had been like a caged animal, pacing his room in front of a nervous Saix and snarling obscenities. Vexen had never dealt well with being denied at the best of times but anything to do with Roxas brought out the worst in him and his worst was downright inhuman. Totally ignoring Saix who was trying to pretend he was somewhere else, Vexen began talking to himself in a low growl.

Stalking toward the window Vexen muttered, 'Has he gotten stupid, or has he totally lost his fucking mind? Actually, I don't give a single shit, he will remember tonight and just who he's fucking with. Pity I can't get Luxord to cut a piece off his brother, but that's something to save for when I really need it… And when I can watch.'

Spinning around when he got to the window and striding back the other way Vexen continued his tirade, 'Fucking little worthless piece of shit, thinks he can get one over on me. He may have postponed the particular session I had planned, but oh Roxas, you will wish you had never entertained the thought that you have any control over this. Saix! Get your arse off the bed and help me set up for later.'

Without waiting for Saix to answer Vexen stormed out of the room, ideas flickering through his head as to what he could steal from the janitor's cupboard to make the night particularly memorable. Vexen only stopped his purposeful stride when a chattering group of fourteen year olds stampeded past and when they were gone and Saix had caught up with him he pulled open the cupboard door and slunk inside.

Quiet noises came from the storeroom for a few minutes and then Vexen slipped back out into the hallway followed closely by Saix. Both boys moved quickly as the bags they carried contained questionable items for the coming night. Mere minutes later they were ensconced on Vexen's bed arranging and concealing their preparations. Once again Vexen had the luck of the devil with him as all of his dorm-mates apart from Roxas were attending a movie night organized weeks before.

***&&&***

Even as he walked into the school building Roxas was still in a state of shock over the remarkable conversation he had had with Axel. The fact that he and Axel had been somehow connected in the dreaming world completely blew his mind and he wouldn't have believed it if Axel hadn't been able to tell him exactly the emotions that he had felt while being chased by the Vexen monster. Walking through the corridors with his mind elsewhere Roxas was caught utterly off-guard when he reached his dorm and entered his room. In hindsight he cursed himself as the stupidest person in existence.

The lights were on when Roxas walked into the room, which was unusual in itself. Fear rose in Roxas' throat and his whole body began to shake. The room was empty of people apart from two figures sitting on the far bed and Roxas went white as he saw the grins decorating both Vexen and Saix's faces. All good feelings abruptly draining from him Roxas felt his legs turn to jelly as he slumped back against the door. The blonde teen stared like a small animal hypnotized by a snake as Vexen got up and approached.

The first punch drove the wind from Roxas' lungs and the second dragged a harsh bark of pain from his lips as he collapsed on the floor. His scalp then exploded in pain when Vexen unceremoniously picked him up by the hair and hauled him over to his bed. Shoved hard toward the bed Roxas was unable to keep his feet and he fell hard onto the edge of the bed on his ribs, letting out a breathy scream that was barely audible through the winded feeling in his chest.

There was no touching, no foreplay for what was to come, in seconds Roxas was stripped to the waist and thrown roughly onto his stomach. A greasy, chemical smelling rag was shoved in his mouth and then a knife was piercing his skin in sweeping, jagged cuts. His screams muffled by the gag Roxas could feel the knife ripping into him but what he couldn't tell was the length of each gash that scored into the smooth skin of his back.

By the time a haphazard dressing was slapped over his back Roxas was barely conscious enough to notice Vexen rolling him over. In no condition to resist, the blonde boy screamed into the makeshift gag as his newly brutalized back hit the bed. Through the pain that clutched him Roxas felt a hand pressing heavily on his chest to hold him still and then he was in a new kind of agony that forced a guttural shriek from his already aching throat. Looking down with wide, teary eyes Roxas felt sick when he saw Saix smiling absently while pressing an electric brand into his stomach.

The sizzle of burning skin filled the air with a horrible smell and Roxas arched against his captor, unable to escape the searing torture. After what seemed like eternity the brand was removed from his skin and as Roxas panted around the gag Saix held up the metal design for him to see. Nausea ripped through Roxas and he struggled not to throw up when he realized that the brand now etched on his skin was a thick V above the stylized gothic XIII that was the symbol of Thirteen Black.

Shock set in swiftly and Roxas began to shake uncontrollably. He was nearly unconscious when Vexen carelessly shoved a wad of gauze onto the weeping brand to stop the mess from getting everywhere. Roxas only came back to the world briefly when Vexen slapped his face sharply and snarled, 'This is what happens Roxie, now you're marked as mine and don't you ever fucking forget it. You get until Saturday evening to clean up your back and then you will come to me on your knees.'

Roxas crawled towards his own bed, aided by a hefty shove from Saix while Vexen chuckled darkly. Barely clinging to consciousness Roxas forced his shaking hands to adjust the bandages that Vexen had slapped on and once he was sure he wouldn't bleed all over his bed he let his hands fall limp by his side. In only seconds Roxas' fight to stay conscious was lost and he fell into blackness so complete that it could have been death.

***&&&***

Although he had mercilessly badgered Roxas about honesty, Axel was himself lying by omission by withholding a few choice secrets of his own. One of those secrets had been skirted carefully around during the conversation about his black belt and now that he had taken Roxas back to school and was alone, Axel found out that his conscience could be a right vicious bastard.

The minute he walked back in the door after dropping Roxas off, the little voice in his head piped up, 'Look at how much he's trusted you with. You're a spineless douchebag is what you are. You know that you could have repaid his trusting you with his secrets by trusting him right back, but instead you kept your usually fat mouth shut.'

Axel knew that the voice was unequivocally right but his nature wouldn't let him give in without a fight. Knowing full well that he was crazy and sassing himself Axel muttered, 'I thought it would muddy the waters okay? He was telling me shit he's never told anyone else and I didn't want to make it all about me.'

Not waiting for him to even finish his thought Axel's little voice bit back, 'That's a load of horseshit and you know it. If you could've gotten away with it you wouldn't have even told him about your black belt and the emo angst around that. I note that you told him as little about that as possible and you sure as shit didn't tell him about your wee habit…'

Hating himself in the most futile way possible Axel switched off the voice and stewed in the unwelcome thoughts it stirred up. He was well aware that he was a contemptible shit for not opening up to Roxas, but like the other teen he had never told anyone his secret and secrecy was a hard habit to break. Crashing backward and lying prone on his bed Axel's hand stole slowly toward the sleeve of his top.

Green eyes dark with loathing scanned the skin that was revealed when he rolled his sleeve up to his shoulder. Axel glared at his arm, pale skin cross-hatched with stark silver scars and scattered with more than a few fresh cuts that had barely scabbed over. Though he despised himself for the hateful thing he had turned to as a last ditch coping method Axel shivered to even contemplate life without his shameful habit. Reaching into his bedside table Axel ran his finger down the blade of his knife before pulling it out and staring at the smooth steel.

Warring thoughts tugged at Axel's mind and his hand shook with the effort it took to not plunge the blade into his arm. Torn between the bittersweet comfort of his own blood and the thought of what Roxas might say if he could see him Axel groaned and hated himself all the more for his weakness. After ten minutes of staring at the knife and fighting the relentless urge to cut Axel let out a harsh curse and hurled the knife back into its hiding place, slamming the drawer so hard that a chip of wood flew into the air.

Axel's head ached intolerably from the urges that tore his thoughts in two and in an attempt to banish the bad thoughts he grabbed his phone and sent a quick text to his cousin Reno. Ever since Roxas had told him about the beatings he was receiving Axel's mind had been going into overdrive in an attempt to fix what was wrong with the teen's world and on the way back from Twilight Boarding he had come up with a tentative plan.

The train of thought Axel had followed went, 'Okay, what Rox needs is someone he can trust who can actually do something about this shitstorm. Who do I know that fits that criteria, apart from me of course… Seriously? My cousin is a cop who covers both Traverse and Twilight Town, at the very least he can give me some advice about an anonymous friend. That's not breaking my promise, right?'

Satisfied that he had the foundations of a plan and had finally made what he saw as a positive move Axel tossed his phone onto the bedside table and closed his eyes. The image that rose behind Axel's eyes as he searched for sleep was that of Roxas as he looked in the side room at the Taekwon-do hall, scarily pale and with a patch of blood forming at his midriff. Everything Axel had felt when he realized just how hurt Roxas had been came flooding back and he resigned himself to a long, long night.

***&&&***

Roxas woke up on Saturday morning when he was cruelly dragged out of bed by his hair and thrown sprawling on the ground, sending a stab of pain through his scabbed over back. Before he could comprehend what was happening to him Roxas was gasping for breath around the hand that gripped his neck and the weight that had settled on his chest. Dazed blue eyes stared up into the smirking face above him and without thought he scrabbled at the strong fingers crushing his windpipe in a futile attempt to breathe.

Black began to bleed into the edges of Roxas' vision and fear drained the strength from his already weakened fingers. Just as Roxas thought he was going to pass out and die on the floor of his dorm room, Vexen let go of his throat and folded his arms carelessly. With a lazy grin the bully cuffed Roxas roughly across the face and sneered, 'Just a little reminder Roxie, you better pull yourself together for tonight. You're going to need your strength.'

With that malicious jab Vexen climbed to his feet and stood for a moment looking down at Roxas lying limp on the floor. Still gasping for breath Roxas stared glassily back at Vexen who smiled mockingly and left the room, slamming the door behind him. When he was able to draw a few deep raspy breaths Roxas rolled to his knees and dragged himself slowly back to his bed. Drawing on the small amount of strength he had left Roxas did as Vexen suggested and pulled himself the fuck together to face the day.

It was lucky that Roxas had put his mask and a high necked top on and blinked away the tears, because not ten minutes after Vexen made his exit there was a light knock on the door and Pence peeked his head into the room. Pasting on a smile Roxas beckoned for the grinning boy to enter and he made his voice light saying, 'I haven't seen you for a while Pence, you haven't been in detention have you? Shit, you haven't released another hapless animal in Xehanort's vicinity?'

Only halfway through the door Pence blinked and let out a loud laugh. Bouncing in and throwing himself on Roxas' bed the irrepressible boy giggled, 'Oh my gods Rox, you already know me too well. I mean it was a total accident, but somehow the pet snake in the biology lab liberated itself and decided that Xeha-snort's warm desk drawer was a brilliant place to sleep. Poor thing was so traumatized to wake up to Xenie's ugly mug that it reared up and scared the living crap out of him before it made good its escape.'

Despite the mess his thoughts were in Roxas couldn't suppress the laughter that bubbled up inside him at the mental image of Xehanort shitting his pants over a harmless grass snake. Losing it completely Roxas clutched his ribs in pain and laughed until he thought he was going to be sick. When he finally regained control of himself Roxas shoved Pence's shoulder and snorted, 'Dude, you need to warn me before you try and kill me with laughter. I guess you actually do have a brilliant excuse for not being around much.'

Pence leant back with a contented sigh and matched Roxas' playful tone, 'Hey, you think that was my original plan? I was originally going to try and release the experiment mice from their shackles of oppression and pretend that Xeha was such a dick that he somehow became the focus of a rodent plague… But that felt like too much work so I borrowed slithery Sir Reginald and the results exceeded my wildest dreams.'

Grinning like a Cheshire cat and momentarily forgetting the various aches all over his body Roxas shook his head and looked over a Pence chuckling, 'I swear, if there was an awesomeness medal awarded at the end of the year you would be a total shoo-in.'

They two boys lay on the bed, relaxing like only teenage boys can, that is until Pence decided the silence required his voice and he asked tentatively, 'Hey Roxas, want to go back to my room channel your inner child? My mum sent me a game that my cousin invented and apparently everyone else I know is too  _mature_  to play board games that may or may not be based on Monty Python… Oh gods, you do know about Monty Python don't you? If you don't I may have to just perfect my silly walk in a spectacular exit…'

Feeling like a real, living human person for the first time since Axel dropped him off on Friday Roxas raised an eyebrow at Pence and deadpanned, 'Dude, of course I know Monty Python. How the hell else would I know that a five ounce swallow cannot carry a one pound coconut?'

Giggling like a loon Pence bounded out of the door and though Roxas, out of necessity, moved stiffly and slowly it didn't stop the dark haired boy from gamboling round him like an overjoyed puppy. Arriving at Pence's room meant that Roxas was treated to a gratuitous tour of the dwelling that was identical to his own but he found that his new friend made the world feel a bit brighter and he was happy to play along with the frivolity overflowing from Pence's every pore.

***&&&***

Saturday was a day of trials for Axel, the largest of which being that he had to get started on the biggest assignment of the year and his brain just wouldn't cooperate. Every time he started to do the preliminary research on something he thought would make a good topic he would eventually find himself glaring into thin air, trying to banish the image of pain-haunted blue eyes staring at him from a face that had seen too much suffering.

Midday gave Axel an excuse to throw his papers to the side and raid the fridge, the teen indulging in particularly creative cursing when he realized that he had forgotten to go shopping. Making do with an elderly package of cheese slices and a half a bowl of fried rice Axel lounged against the kitchen bench and wryly mused about the fucking weird situations he managed to get himself entwined in. The wry part lasted approximately three seconds before a scowl slowly settled on Axel's face and he started once again to puzzle over what he could do to help Roxas.

The one clear thing in Axel's mind was that he had to figure out a way of talking to his cousin about things without giving away names and blowing Roxas' secret completely out of the water. Turning slowly over in Axel's thoughts was the fact that Reno would never fall for an all-out lie, but it was a definite possibility that if Axel stressed the seriousness of the situation then Reno might let the evasion slide and offer his help. A story began to form in Axel's devious mind but then an idea for his project burst into his head and to avoid losing the brilliant thought he had to drop everything and run back to his notes, damning the real world for not cutting him a break.

***&&&***

Roxas' day was so full of unexpected awesomeness that he lost track of time while playing the game that Pence had named Search for the Holy Grail (with a side of Norwegian Parrot). It was only when the sun slanted in the window and got in his eyes that Roxas realized that it was almost 4pm and very bad things would happen if he didn't get back to his room. Inventing a bullshit excuse to convince Pence that he had somewhere else to be Roxas made his way towards his dorm room and the nightmare that undoubtedly awaited him.

As always Roxas had to force himself to open the door and enter his room, only talking himself into it by repeating the mantra in his head 'I have no choice, I have to keep Sora safe.' The curtains were open, illuminating the room when he entered and he walked slowly towards Vexen who rumbled, 'Ah Roxas, I see you have a new friend. And I thought I was enough for you. Honestly Roxie, I don't mind if you bestow your considerable talents on the whole of Twilight Town as long as you're on your knees in front of me when I click my fingers. You know that you are mine don't you? Unless of course you want your brother's body dumped in front of you. Just to remind you, he would be a bleeding twitching heap of screams, still alive when I put a bullet in you both.'

Wordlessly Roxas dropped to his knees beside the bed and the growl of approval from Vexen sent a shudder through his small frame. A large hand laced its way through Roxas' fine blonde spikes of hair and he had to force himself not to resist as he was dragged up painfully so that he was up close to Vexen's leering face. Another small part of Roxas withered and died as Vexen kissed him hard, forcing his tongue into Roxas' mouth, a small violation that foreshadowed something much worse to come.

A few seconds into the kiss Roxas groaned as his hair was yanked hard, a warning that non-participation in what was happening would not be tolerated. Pushing away nausea Roxas kissed Vexen back with all the skill that had been beaten into him and he was rewarded with a purr from Vexen and a cruel hand fondling his throat. Roxas was so good at putting his mind elsewhere that he was taken totally by surprise when Vexen ended the kiss and brought the game to a whole new level.

The hand holding Roxas by the throat tightened enough to be painful without cutting off his air and Roxas found himself staring glassily into Vexen's pitiless eyes. Slowly the pressure on Roxas' windpipe increased until Roxas realized what he was meant to do and jerkily lowered himself down so that his head was level with Vexen's stomach. Retreating into the sanctuary of his own mind Roxas watched what happened next as if he were merely a passenger on a horrifying ride.

Roxas watched his own small hands deftly unzip Vexen's jeans, reaching in to touch the grinning boy's arousal. The hand that gripped his hair urging him on Roxas took Vexen's cock in his mouth and sucked gently, slowly bobbing his head up and down. Inside his head Roxas was screaming, but outwardly he played the part of obedient fuck-toy, using his lips and tongue to bring Vexen closer to the edge.

As Roxas' motions got faster Vexen also started to move, thrusting himself deeply into Roxas' mouth. The hand that was still tangled in Roxas' hair tightened convulsively and as Vexen came with a low groan Roxas squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed until it was all gone. Thinking it was over Roxas drew in a raspy breath but instead of releasing him the hand in his hair moved back to his throat.

All of a sudden Roxas was flat on his back and instead of staying locked in the refuge of his mind he was pulled harshly back to reality. Vexen's yellow-tinged green eyes were inches from Roxas' dull blue ones and Roxas could feel the teen's strong fingers once again tighten to cut off his air. Any fight that was left in Roxas drained away and he went limp, just praying that Vexen would at least make it quick if not painless. His last vague thought before the world faded to black was, 'Sora… Axel… I'm sorry. I tried…'

***&&&***

The feeling of releasing in Roxas' hot mouth jolted something loose in Vexen's twisted brain and he found that he wanted nothing more than to see the light of life fade from those glittering blue eyes. Driven by darker desires than lust Vexen allowed his hands to clench tighter and tighter around Roxas' throat, luxuriating in the helplessness and terror that radiated from the boy. It was only when Roxas went limp, his eyes rolling back in his head that Vexen realized he had to loosen his grip and he carelessly climbed off the bed, heading out to his usual spot for a well-deserved night-time smoke.

Slipping down the back staircase Vexen was pleased to see that Saix had liberated himself from his room where he had been confined for swearing at a teacher and was smoking like his life depended on it. Grinning at Saix wolfishly Vexen wandered over and leaned against the wall next to his long-time friend and pulled out his own packet of cigarettes. Once he was lit up Vexen mocking addressed Saix by his childhood nickname, 'Fuck's sake Isa, swearing at a teacher? Surely you could get busted for something better than that. You have no idea what you missed out on tonight. You would have totally creamed yourself.'

Vexen let out a loud bark of laughter at the grimace on Saix's face and as his friend swore and gestured for elaboration he smirked, 'Ah dude, poor little Roxie got all wore out tonight. You would have loved watching his sexy mouth at work, doing what he does best apart from fuck. He looked even better when I choked him out and watched him pass out with my cum still on his lips.'

Saix gaped wordlessly at Vexen who grinned even wider and slung an arm around the bluette's shoulders, blowing smoke in his face. Blonde head next to blue the pair discussed, in increasingly obscene terms, their plans for the next time they got Roxas alone. Muffled laughter mixed with curling smoke and filled the tiny nook at the back of Twilight Boarding, boding ill for a certain seventeen year old blonde.

***&&&***

Coming to on Vexen's bed was one of the most horrific experiences of Roxas' short life, and he had lived through more than his fair share of terrible incidents. The main source of pain was the crushing feeling in Roxas' neck, but this was rapidly being replaced by the rising queasiness in his stomach. Though he had barely regained consciousness Roxas rolled gracelessly to his feet and stumbled as fast as his legs would carry him to the toilet down the hall. Thanking the gods that there was no one in the bathroom Roxas fell to his knees in the nearest stall and vomited up everything he had ever eaten.

Roxas stayed in the bathroom for a long time, arms draped over the toilet bowl and his face pressed against the cool porcelain. Blank eyes stared at the wall vacantly and Roxas sank deep within his own mind in an effort to escape the hell he had just endured, fleeing into the corridors of what was becoming a kind of madness. Tears coursed down Roxas' pale cheeks but he was beyond feeling the wetness on his skin.

_Hitting the ground running Roxas fled into blackness, struggling to keep his feet on the surface below him that was as slick as ice. The air around him was thick and sludgy, impeding his progress and sapping his strength. Panting with the effort Roxas forced his legs to run faster and faster, not running to but running from._

_From out of nowhere shards of ice began to fall from above, seeming to change course in mid-air and seek out Roxas' flesh. Even though he dodged frantically Roxas was soon covered in shallow bleeding cuts and when he slipped and fell to his knees a particularly large chunk of ice opened his forearm from elbow to wrist. Lurching to his feet Roxas cradled his wounded arm to his chest and stared around wildly for somewhere to shelter from the deadly missiles._

_Out of the corner of his eye Roxas caught a glimpse of a structure on the featureless black plane and without hesitation he took off running as fast as his injured arm would allow him. The rain of razor-sharp ice intensified as Roxas approached the shelter and he desperately threw himself in through the door just as a mammoth piece of ice hit the ground where he had been moments before. Breathing harshly and trying to staunch the blood pouring from his arm, Roxas attempted to slow his racing heart._

_Roxas' chest was heaving after the exertion he had just been through and he was just getting himself under control when the darkness shifted in front of him and coalesced into the shape of Vexen. A scream bubbled up in Roxas' throat, ripping past the clutching agony there. Scrabbling backwards Roxas hit the wall behind him and froze where he was on the cold ground._

Abruptly tearing himself out of his terrifying vision Roxas stuffed his fist in his mouth to muffle the scream that carried over from the nightmare. Shoulders heaving with sobs Roxas cried out his pain and despair to the empty room. A thought of red hair, emerald eyes and reassuring words flashed through Roxas' mind but instead of reaching for the comfort the thought represented Roxas shoved it away and shut Axel out of his mind. Irrational though it was Roxas didn't want even the memory of Axel to be near the disgusting dirty feeling that covered him from head to toe.

Even though he was still weak from the abuse and the violent purging his body had just endured Roxas wanted more than anything to get out of the bathroom and into his own bed. The fact that Vexen might already be back in the room didn't so much as cross Roxas' mind; his body needed sleep that wasn't unconsciousness and that was all his brain could process. Luckily when Roxas got back to the room it was empty because he was asleep almost before his body began to fall towards his bed.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: I wasn't lying when I said things get worse, much worse, before they'll even look like getting better. Trigger warnings up the wazzoo... In fact I think this whole fic is one big trigger warning. Specifically there is more demented Vexen abusiveness and a self-harm scene.**

The sun was already high in the sky when Roxas stirred on Sunday. He woke with a preemptive flinch that twisted the massive scabbing on his back and his cry of pain echoed round the empty room. Taking a moment to recover his tenuous hold on himself Roxas furrowed his brow in puzzlement. Usually on Sundays Vexen would wake him up as soon as the sun rose for one sort of depravity or other, but it was now almost midday and Roxas remained unmolested. Inch by painful inch Roxas sat up and tried to shake himself awake.

Still in his pyjamas Roxas poked his head out of his bedroom door and seeing no one was around he padded out into the hall. A bright poster on the noticeboard by the bathroom caught his eye and Roxas wandered over, curious to see what it was. The piece of fluorescent orange paper turned out to be a sign up sheet, the blurb at the top informing the potential signer that their indication of interest would entitle them to a Sunday visit to friends or family. Roxas sent a fervent thank-you to whichever gods half-arsedly watched over him when he saw that both Vexen and Saix had signed themselves out.

Even though he could have still spent the second half of the day off the school grounds Roxas turned away from the noticeboard without adding his signature. Part of him yearned to run out of the gates and go see his new friend, but most of Roxas was drowning in shame from the previous night and he didn't think he could look Axel in the eyes without breaking down. Also, a feeling that lingered from his nightmare was that he would somehow taint the redhead just by being near him.

Making his way back to his room Roxas gently lowered himself onto his bed and painfully stripped off his shirt. Secure in the knowledge that no one was about to walk in on him Roxas took the opportunity to take inventory of the multitude of injuries littering his body. Starting at his ribs Roxas probed the spectacular bruise that spread from his armpit to his hip and he winced at the twinge of pain his prodding caused. Once he was satisfied that, despite the enormous rainbow bruise, his ribcage was gradually healing Roxas reluctantly turned his attention to the bulky plaster just above his hip.

Roxas peeled back the stained bandage with trembling fingers and his breath left him in a rush when he saw the blood-caked scab of the brand that Vexen had left on his skin. Part of his mind dispassionately pointed out that the wound already seemed to be healing relatively cleanly, but the rest of him screamed for the polluted flesh to be cut from his body. Ignoring the tears that began to slide down his face Roxas grabbed some gauze and tape from his private stash and redressed the disgusting burn as quickly as possible.

After seeing the vile mark on his hip Roxas had to fight a rising tide of numbness that was spreading through his mind. While he still had the will, Roxas moved slowly over to the mirror that hung on the wall and turned around, looking over his shoulder to gauge the extent of the damage on his back. More tears stung at Roxas' eyes but he blinked them away and ran his gaze over the bandaged cuts that Vexen had inflicted on him on Friday night.

The bloodstains on the dirty linen that marked the placement of the wounds looked serious, each one at least four inches long. Though the cuts were rough they were carefully placed, forming a bloody lattice pattern that stretched from his shoulder-blades to the small of his back. Unable to reach his injuries to even check how they were healing Roxas choked back a sob and carefully worked his shirt back over his head. In the absence of anyone to entertain or pretend to be happy for Roxas lay back down on his bed and stared at the wall until he fell back asleep.

***&&&***  
  
Axel's resolve to delay contacting Reno for help with Roxas lasted all of twenty four hours and at ten o'clock Sunday morning he snatched up his cellphone with a groan. Agonizing over the situation Axel eventually sent an extremely vague text saying, 'What's up Ren, long time no talkie. Hey man, what would you say to me if I said that I needed to tell you something that I shouldn't and can't but I really need to?'

In the twenty minutes it took for Reno to answer his mysterious message Axel had almost chewed his nails down to the quick. The instant his phone buzzed with his message alert tone Axel grabbed for it and fumbled ineffectually for a few seconds trying to open the message. When he finally got his hands to work properly Axel read, 'Geez, hello to you too cuz. Well, if you said something like that then I'd say tell me enough so that I can help you yo. Doesn't sound like something you should be dealing with on your own?'

Thanking the gods that his cousin was perceptive enough to read between the oblique words of his text Axel allowed himself a small sigh of relief. Deciding that some things were better discussed in a call Axel dialed Reno's number and bounced impatiently until he heard his cousin pick up and drawl, 'Stiff Jim's Strippers, we get bare because we care…'

Axel took the greeting in his stride, well aware that his sense of humour was almost identical to his cousin's. Snickering quietly the teen smoothly said, 'Sorry Reno, you're too ugly to be a stripper. Think of the poor girls. Anyway, what would your bossman say if he knew you answered your phone like that? I bet that wasn't one of your worst ones either.'

A full-throated laugh came through the phone and Reno replied, 'Alright Ax, enough fucking around. Your text couldn't have been any more enigmatic if you were channeling the freaking Sphinx yo, what's this thing you want to tell me but you can't?'

Rolling with the abrupt change of pace Axel turned serious and said slowly, 'Through the Taekwon-do club I met a kid who lives in a foster home. You know me, I decided he was cool and we're best buds now. Anyways, I noticed that he always turned up with bruises and looking like he'd been hit by a truck and he eventually told me that his foster brother regularly kicks the shit out of him.'

When Axel paused, unsure of how much more he wanted to say, Reno spoke up, 'Something tells me that ain't all yo. If it was just a case of a kid being beaten up you'd come down on the bully like a fucking judgement. What else is there Axel? It must be bad yo, or else you wouldn't be coming to good old Reno.'

The different facets of Roxas' story whirled around in Axel's brain, competing for status as most horrible. Not knowing what would come out when he opened his mouth Axel blurted, 'He's being threatened Ren. Not just the 'I'll hit you if you tell' variety, but the full on 'I will torture your family to death if you breathe a word' type of threatened. The, uh, brother started out just hitting him but it…It gets worse… Ah fuck Reno, he's fucking raping him.'

The silence on the other end of the line let Axel know just how disturbed Reno was by his revelation. In normal circumstances nothing could shut Reno up and to have him go so quiet told Axel that his cousin was taking his story very seriously. Eventually Reno asked tersely, 'What do you want me to do Axel? If the blackmail is as deadly serious as you think it is, what can I do other than get names and report it to be investigated?'

Though Reno's words could have been viewed as unsympathetic and discouraging, Axel was determined not to back down. Searching for the words to make his cousin understand Axel responded, 'It is that serious Ren, he's scared for his life. Fuck, I don't… I didn't… I thought that maybe… Shit, maybe I was wrong. It can't go through the cops because it will get back to the wrong people and he will die. He's convinced me of that. Reno… Is there any way you could investigate the people who have the hold over him? I don't know, keeping it somehow unofficial?'

Another long silence teased Axel's nerves and he found himself compulsively scratching at the old scars on his arm. After what seemed like forever Reno spoke again and this time he had a grim note to his usually cheery voice, 'I wouldn't do this for anyone but you Ax, I guess you know that yo. I have a couple of buddies who share my, uh, distaste for the official channels and I'm pretty sure they would help me if I asked them nicely. Axel… You need to tell me who I'm looking into, the real story. I'm not stupid yo, I know that you're spinning me a line or at least part of one.'

The majority of the tension in Axel's shoulders fell away and he resisted the urge to start thanking Reno incoherently. Relief and sincerity evident in his voice Axel said, 'Thank you Reno… You know I wouldn't ask if I had any way of sorting this shit myself. It's too big for me to even look like dealing with… Shit Ren and I can't risk him getting hurt even worse. It's Thirteen Black… They're the threat that the fucking bastard is holding over my friend.'

A short intake of breath told Axel that Reno was more than a little troubled by this news. Reno didn't hesitate however replying, 'That's a big ask yo, they pretty much run the Twilight-Traverse underworld. Funny though, the powers that be have designated them as untouchable for a long time and me and a few friends find that more than a little, shall we say, disagreeable. Ax, what leverage do these irredeemable whoresons have over your, uh, friend? What am I really looking at here?'

Axel let out an involuntary sigh and gave up another of Roxas' secrets, albeit anonymously, 'His brother, Reno. They will torture and kill his brother. I wasn't kidding about them threatening to torture and kill his family, he will do anything to stop that from happening. Gods above, he gets abused every day and right now there's nothing I can do… I'd kill the motherfucker myself if I thought it would free Ro-, um, my friend, but it would just get everyone he loves killed. It's killing me to just sit here and watch it Ren… And I can't just keep on doing nothing.'

Reno cut him off with a cynical bark of laughter and muttered, 'Gods give me strength yo, my little cousin has fallen hard for the lead in a fucking soap opera and I don't even get to know his name. Maybe I'm having an embolism or something but I'll see what I can do Ax. I'll get in touch when I have something for you yo and I'll make it quick as I can. Time doesn't seem to be our friend huh?'

Tongue-tied with shock at his cousin's casual insinuation that he might be involved with his 'friend', Axel couldn't find any words before Reno spoke again. Regaining some of his habitual swagger Reno chuckled, 'Oh and Ax, next time you give me a call I hope it's because you want to shower me with presents or buy me a drink or five. Sure you're my cuz, but doing favours can get old real fast. Talk to you soon yo.'

The receiver went dead as Reno hung up but Axel sat where he was for a long time, attempting to sort out the thankfulness to Reno that warred with his extreme worry over Roxas and also the slippery little thought of… Nope, nuh-uh, not even going there. After making use of some deep breathing techniques and a short mind-calming exercise Axel dropped his phone on the table and gave thanks for the blessing that was his quirky cousin. Turning and attacking his course work with a vengeance Axel tried his best to silence the little nagging voice that viciously reminded him that he was now another source of betrayal in Roxas' life.

Even when he tried to immerse himself in some mindless practice exercises for his differential calculus work Axel couldn't block out the voice that shouted in his head and the words battered at his already shaky confidence in his decision to bring Reno in. Leaving it short but definitely not sweet the voice snarled, 'You spineless scum, he trusted you and it took you two fucking days to completely betray that trust. I don't even know why you bother to live Axie I really don't. When he finds out…You're going to have one less friend.'

***&&&***  
  
Monday was an exercise in precision for Roxas. He lingered after each class long enough to be late for the next one, but also long enough to force Vexen to his classes without the time for any hallway interludes. The second that the bell rang at three o'clock Roxas became a spiky golden blur and almost before the clock finished striking he was throwing himself into the taxi waiting at the gate.

Once he was safely in the passenger seat of the taxi with a pleasantly silent taxi driver, Roxas let out the breath he felt like he had been holding all day. As glad as he was to get out of the place that he thought of as his own personal hell, part of Roxas was dreading seeing Axel again. Most of Roxas' thoughts were involved in a quiet party over the prospect of hanging out with the redhead again, but a small section of his mind was whispering poison.

As the taxi made its way steadily towards the coffee shop where he was meant to meet Axel Roxas listened to the voice in his head, defenseless against its words. In a steady hiss the voice whispered, 'Why are you so excited? You didn't want to see him yesterday because he might notice the ugliness marring your body, how is today any different? Mr Paranoid, you even forgot to wear a proper high necked top. He'll notice the bruises in a second under that stupid shirt.'

Turning his face to the window so that the driver wouldn't notice the sheen in his eyes Roxas was unable to block out the voice as it continued, 'You're tainted. Ruined. Spoilt. No one would ever want you and the unsightly body you live in. It's right that you should be alone, apart so no one can see how repulsive you are. It's not too late to turn around and run away… Back to the one person who can stand to look at you…'

At this point the voice was caught in a lie as it was in fact completely too late to turn back. Roxas snapped back to reality to see that the car had pulled up outside the coffee shop and the driver was looking at him curiously. Fumbling in his pocket for the fare he had been allocated by the school Roxas avoided the taxi driver's gaze and slid quickly out of the car. Blatantly procrastinating Roxas watched the car as it drove away and then fumbled ineffectually in his bag, ostensibly looking for his phone.

Aware of what a wimp he was being, but unable to stop, Roxas pushed his phone around in his bag. An overwhelming sense of disgust in his own spinelessness eventually overtook Roxas' reluctance and biting his lip he turned to go into the café. The teen nearly swallowed his tongue when he turned around to find himself face to chest with Axel who had been standing there grinning for the last few minutes.

Eyes so wide they looked like they were about to fall out of his face Roxas made a few choking noises that grew even more strangled when Axel's grin turned into a slow smirk. In the gap left by Roxas' inability to make any intelligible sounds Axel said, 'I was thinking that today I would forgo my usual theatrics. Anyway, it seems that just my presence has rendered you speechless so maybe that's my cue to tone it down a little.'

Pulled out of his stupor by the gently mocking tone of Axel's words Roxas pulled himself together enough to wise-crack back, 'Far from it, just you getting near me slowed my brain so much it shut down. Have you thought of applying at the hospital for a job as an anaesthetic? Not an anaesthesiologist, the actual anaesthetic?'

Chuckling Axel nodded sagely, taking the amusing jab with a grin. Turning to his car and gesturing for Roxas to follow him he dead-panned, 'Tried that Rox, too many patients swooned at my irresistible charm. Being inundated with marriage proposals and dirty suggestions actually gets old fast so I slipped away in the dead of night.'

Roxas snorted with laughter, something that was becoming a habit around Axel and he followed the redhead with a smile on his face. The smile lasted until they pulled up at Axel's house and Roxas remembered all the things he had to hide, a pensive look coming over his face. Looking at the ground in an attempt to hide the change in his expression Roxas pretended to study the flower garden as he asked, 'So, oh great and powerful one, what's the plan for this afternoon? Something outrageous and whimsical no doubt?'

With an exaggerated shrug Axel strolled into the house and called over his shoulder, 'I had vague plans to try and turn our brains into vegetables actually, old school styles. How do you feel about getting utterly annihilated at Soul Calibur 2? I bet I can kick your arse seven ways from Sunday.'

***&&&***  
  
Two hours of intense battle later and Axel was swearing like a drunken sailor on crack. No matter what character he used Roxas trounced him comprehensively, all the while wearing a small, infuriating half-smile on his face. Finally resorting to using Ivy, the one character he had memorized all of the moves for, Axel clawed a win from the smirking Roxas. Ready to start redeeming his devastated reputation Axel was rather put out when Roxas pushed himself off the couch and declared that he needed a bathroom break.

For a moment Axel seriously considered the idea of carefully breaking the X button on Roxas' controller but then pushed the thought away in irritation. It wasn't really in his nature to cheat but Axel could readily admit in the privacy of his own mind that it rankled to be outclassed so easily. Stretching his long arms and legs to get the stiffness out of his joints Axel resettled himself on the couch and waited impatiently for Roxas to return so that his comeback could begin.

Because he was a creature of action and detested waiting or doing nothing Axel was bouncing in his seat by the time Roxas reappeared in the hallway door. About to say something smartarse about falling into the toilet Axel shut his mouth and went still as Roxas got closer, the redhead observing something that had escaped his sharp eyes until that point. What Axel had noticed was that the collar of Roxas' top had slid slightly down his neck, exposing part of a large black bruise.

Axel waited until Roxas sat down next to him again before he looked sharply over at the other teen. He tried to keep his voice steady as he asked quietly, 'What happened to your neck Roxas?'

Expecting the blonde boy to evade the question or immediately go on the defensive Axel was more than a little surprised when Roxas just stiffened slightly and then muttered, 'I knew… Fuck, doesn't matter. I knew what would happen if you got close enough to see it. Maybe I'm sick of having to hide it from everyone… Fuck I don't know.'

Axel raised an eyebrow at the slightly garbled statement but anything he was about to say died in his throat when Roxas roughly pulled his collar down to reveal the full extent of the damage to his throat. Rendered mute with the sorrow that filled him Axel stared at the stark hand-shaped bruises that encircled Roxas' neck like a macabre necklace, the appalling marks telling an undeniable story of brute force and near death. An onslaught of thoughts flooded through Axel's brain, the majority of which screamed that he had to do something NOW.

Although he was spinning in his own head Axel still retained remarkable control of himself, resisting the impulse to grab Roxas and hide him somewhere safe until all his bruises faded and disappeared. Slowly and carefully Axel reached out and laid his hand on Roxas' shoulder, biting his lip when Roxas flinched, but letting out a breath when the teen didn't immediately recoil. The two boys sat facing each other without speaking until Roxas suddenly shivered and pulled away.

An involuntary sound of distress escaped Axel as he saw Roxas begin to withdraw from him and in a moment of rashness he threw restraint to the winds and leant forward to capture Roxas in a feather-light hug. The gesture didn't have the effect he hoped for however, because when his hands settled on Roxas' back, the teen let out an agonized groan and jerked backwards away from him. A growling obscenity escaped from between Axel's clenched teeth and he quickly let go, staring at Roxas with eyes filled with frustration and misery.

Axel was desperate to say something, anything that would break through Roxas' detachment but his voice wouldn't work and he could only gaze mutely at the shaking teen sitting in front of him. Eventually though he was able to force himself to speak saying brokenly, 'Please Rox, don't shut me out. Just… Please… You can talk to me… There's no way you can keep doing this on your own and you don't have to… Just talk to me… What the fuck did he do to you?'

***&&&***  
  
Roxas felt a surge of hatred for himself when he displayed the shameful bruises on his throat as the last thing he wanted to do was drag Axel even deeper into the sordid tale that was his wretched life. He was so deep in self-recrimination that when Axel reached out to comfort him it took a few moments for the neurons in his brain to register the touch on his shoulder. Involuntarily Roxas recoiled and then found himself in a world of pain when Axel's hug inadvertently brushed the raw wounds on his back.

Pulling out of Axel's embrace Roxas choked on the agony and wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to lessen the pain. Through the red haze that wrapped around his brain Roxas heard the anguish in Axel's voice before his mind deciphered the meaning of his words. The restraint that had been beaten into the teen warred with his growing longing to unburden himself and the battle finally came to an end when something deep in Roxas' chest shattered.

Slowly Roxas looked up at Axel who was staring at him with his emotions written starkly across his face. In a low and quivering voice the blonde said, 'He's worse than he's ever been Axel. It's so bad, so fucking bad. When you hugged me you touched the cuts he left on my back Friday night. Vexen got his fucking minion Saix to hold me down while he sliced me up. And then… Then he, then they… Fuck I can't even say it…'

Gripping the fabric of his shirt and taking deep breaths Roxas averted his gaze from Axel and stared up at the ceiling. Without looking at the shaking redhead sitting beside him Roxas murmured, 'I actually can't say it. The words won't come out. I'm not…Don't think that I'm trying to… I can't say it but I don't want to show you either. It's too sick…'

From next to him Roxas heard Axel draw a ragged breath and he could actually hear the popping of the redhead's knuckles as he clenched his fists tightly. In a ghost of his normally upbeat tone Axel whispered, 'Rox… You… Fuck, I can tell you need to let this out. If you keep this all trapped inside you any longer you'll either disappear inside or go completely nuts. I'm not going to be disgusted with you, I won't bail and I sure as shit don't intend to fuck off and leave you on your own.'

With his defenses completely down Roxas couldn't stop Axel's heartfelt words from wrapping his heart in gentle tendrils and the plea loosened his tongue enough for him to spit out the words burning in his throat, 'Anyone would think that slashing up my back was enough punishment but it wasn't. Vexen made Saix brand me. They fucking branded me like an animal with a huge V and Thirteen Black's sign.'

Gritting his teeth Roxas steeled himself and clutched the hem of his top. Telling himself that he fucking well had to do this Roxas slowly pulled up his shirt to uncover the thick bandage he had applied to his hip. Looking anywhere but Axel, who he just knew was going to run out the door, Roxas slid his fingers under the medical tape and ripped it back to expose the raw, blood-encrusted brand that stood out glaringly on his already scarred skin. Even though he knew what was under the bandage Roxas still had to swallow hard at the sight of the slowly healing wound.

***&&&***  
  
No one was more surprised than Axel when his words actually got through to Roxas and he knew enough to prepare himself for a whole new level of evil. Battling to contain the storm of righteous fury that threatened to shatter his usually iron control Axel was barely braced when Roxas dropped the proverbial bomb. Sitting rigid and shaking with the effort of not scaring Roxas away Axel was only just holding it together when the teen blew his world apart.

Shocked into immobility by the sight of the inhuman torture that had been inflicted on the boy who had dropped out of nowhere into his life Axel could only stare. Although his mind had intellectually accepted the concept of what was happening to Roxas, seeing the reality was equivalent to every bit of heartbreak and horror he had ever suffered rolled up into one. A strangled sound of anguish tore from Axel's throat and he couldn't stop himself from reaching out to touch the inflamed skin surrounding the grotesque mark.

Apart from a short intake of breath and a shudder that shook his body Roxas didn't move as Axel's fingertips touched his skin. Infinitely gently Axel brushed his fingers across Roxas' hip, careful to avoid touching anywhere that might hurt Roxas even more. Taking in every awful detail of the V and the XIII seared into Roxas' stomach Axel swore to himself that he would find some way to save the boy that he was starting to feel like he had to have known in another life.

As Roxas sat as still as a statue Axel willed his shaky hands to be steady. With tenderness and deep compassion Axel replaced the soiled bandage over the burn and smoothed down the tape that held it place. Taking Roxas' shirt from his unresisting hands Axel pulled the fabric down to once again cover the teen's stomach and finally he looked up into Roxas' face. The void that he saw there chilled him to the bone and for a second he thought that Roxas was too far gone to come back.

Taking a risk that could go either way Axel reached up and cupped Roxas' face lightly with both hands. In a voice made husky with a combination of dread and borderline panic Axel murmured, 'I can't believe how strong you are Roxas, how much you must love your brother to live through what you do. You have no idea how much I just want to drag you out of that place and make you safe, but now I get what would happen if I did. I need you to come back to me Rox, please don't give up just yet…'

Axel fell silent as a spark of self began to seep back into the dull blankness of Roxas' eyes. Watching intently the redhead willed Roxas to come back to himself, hoping that he would, terrified that he wouldn't. Slowly, achingly slowly, life started to animate Roxas' face and he moved his eyes slightly to meet Axel's searching gaze. Finally relaxing his tense muscles Axel slid off the couch and ended up with his back to the sofa and his head on the cushion, staring at Roxas upside-down.

Unsure as to whether his peculiar brand of humour would be welcome but unable to stop himself Axel babbled, 'These heart-to-hearts are a good thing don't you think? A little brain vomit might get on the carpet but those industrial cleaners can work miracles I've heard. I know I'm a fuckwit and this might seem like it's of dubious value, but I'm on your side harder than anyone could possibly be, you know?'

***&&&***  
  
Roxas very slowly came out of the fog he had been submerged in ever since he revealed the disgusting injury that had been inflicted on him. Axel's words had echoed round in the murkiness in his head, registering even in the stupor that gripped him and Roxas found himself drawn back to the light by the redhead's pleading. When Axel started running at the mouth Roxas began to regain the core of who he was and at the teen's last stubborn statement he pulled himself back to the real world completely.

Exhausted beyond belief Roxas was barely able to speak but he managed to say, 'A month ago I would never have guessed that anyone would be on my side. No matter how improbable this all is… I'm glad we met. Trusting doesn't come easily to me Ax, especially not so quickly, but I do… I do trust you. Gods only know why… But I do.'

The stress and strain of the last hour finally caught up with Roxas and he abruptly fell over sideways to lie awkwardly on the couch. Almost asleep Roxas heard Axel asking him a strange question and it woke him up a little to wonder why Axel would need to know Principal Diz's number. Mumbling the phone number for the secretary who fielded Diz's calls, Roxas fell into a semi-doze as Axel blatantly spun a persuasive lie to the principal and claimed that as Roxas had suffered a relapse from his concussion he would need to stay the night and be brought back to school in the morning.

Roxas was conscious long enough to hear Axel finish the call and crouch next to him to tell him that he would be staying the night and that he needed to get to bed. A strong hand gripped his arm and, leaning heavily on Axel's steady strength, Roxas stumbled down the hallway to fall onto clean sheets. Sleep came swiftly and Roxas didn't even hear the door close as Axel quietly left the room.

***&&&***  
  
Once he had flagrantly lied to Principal Diz and manhandled Roxas off to bed, Axel returned to the lounge and let go of the feelings he had been keeping reined in tight. A vehement curse hissed from between Axel's teeth and the redhead felt like his head was exploding with the thoughts struggling for dominance in his mind. Moving on autopilot Axel stalked straight through the lounge and as quietly as possible let himself out the back door that led to the garage.

Entering the garage seemed to strip Axel of the last of his control and his foot whipped out in a vicious kick into his punching bag that echoed around the soundproofed garage. The floodgates now opened Axel threw one thunderous blow after another, once again being spurred on by the malicious voice of his thoughts that started by drawling, 'Oh Axel, for someone who has a phobia of failure you are really fucking it up this time. Did you even see what that Vexen did to brave little Roxas? You know you let that happen right?'

Already Axel's knuckles were becoming skinned and raw again but he didn't stop the rhythm of his crashing blows into the punching bag. The voice didn't give him a second to reply and continued smoothly, 'And we both know that that isn't even the worst of it. He trusted you, trusts you, fuck knows why… It didn't even take you a week before you gave him a great big fuck you and blabbed his story to a fucking cop. What do you think he would say if he knew? He sure as shit wouldn't be sleeping peacefully in your spare room. In fact I'd say that he would probably cut you right back out of his life again.'

The glaring truth in the cruel little voice's words pierced Axel's heart and his knees gave out beneath him. Falling heavily to the concrete floor of the garage the redhead pounded his battered fist into the rough ground, leaving a splattering of blood and shreds of skin behind. Staggering to his feet Axel bolted from the garage in a futile attempt to escape the voice, flinching when it whispered in his ear, 'He will vanish from your life as quickly as he arrived you useless sack of shit. He will find out what you've done and he will cut you out like dead weight. You will be left waiting for the news to report the tragic gang killings of two young teens, murdered and mutilated and left in their own blood.'

Still with it enough to try and keep quiet as he stumbled through his living room Axel yanked open the door to his room and slid down the smooth wood after closing it behind himself. Overwhelmed by the self-loathing that the voice had stirred up in him and terrified that he had made the wrong choice by telling his cousin the secret that had been entrusted to him Axel crawled across the floor and heaved himself onto the bed. The redhead stared vacantly at the ceiling and it seemed as if his hands took on a life of their own, slowly moving to open the drawer by the bed, removing his knife and then laying it meticulously on the bed along with his clean up kit.

Numbness settled over Axel, blanketing his mind and pulling away his shaky hold on reality. Sitting up with the same blank expression still on his face Axel yanked his shirt over his head, picked up the sharp blade and swiftly dragged it down his bicep, opening a cut almost six inches long that was much, much deeper than his usual injuries. The feeling of the blood gushing down his arm abruptly snapped Axel out of his trance and his green eyes widened as he recognized the full extent of the damage he had done to himself.

Not bothering to waste any breath swearing at his own stupidity Axel grabbed a thick gauze pad and pressed it hard onto the cut that stretched down his upper arm. Applying all the pressure he could to the makeshift compress Axel finally had time to curse himself as a dipshit, half-wit fuck up who couldn't even hurt himself right. Disgusted at his own lack of self-control Axel held pressure on the wound for over twenty minutes before the blood flow began to slow. Still holding the blood soaked gauze to his arm the redhead awkwardly fumbled in his drawer for an emergency bundle that he hadn't needed for a long time.

From the bag that Axel pulled from the drawer he fished out a spool of black silk thread and a thin curved needle, thanking the gods that he had chosen to hack at his left, slightly less dexterous arm. Making sure that the worst of the blood flow had slowed to a trickle Axel removed the compress and swiftly threaded the needle, bracing himself for the next lot of pain he was about to visit on himself.

An hour later Axel had to resort to biting down on the handle of his knife to keep quiet so that Roxas wouldn't hear his noises of agony. Pulling the last stitch through his abused flesh Axel carefully tied off the thread and threw the needle back into the bag. Spitting the knife out of his mouth Axel knew that his task wasn't finished and he proceeded to bandage the wound as best he could with one hand. Fully aware that a single layer of gauze wouldn't come close to containing any further bleeding, Axel covered the bandage in a layer of plastic wrap and then bound the whole mess with a thick dressing held together with medical tape.

Finally able to fall back onto his bed Axel decided to rest for a bit before making the effort to clean up the blood that had splattered everywhere. The intense focus it had taken for him to stab a needle into his already damaged arm over and over again had depleted the last of Axel's strength and devastated his mental resilience, leaving him feeling empty and deadened. The only feelings that got through the blankness in Axel's mind were a roiling nausea and a pervasive contempt for himself.

A long while later Axel pushed himself into a sitting position. Spiritlessly the teen retrieved a face-cloth that he dampened with a water bottle and listlessly he wiped the rag across his blood splattered arm. Half-hearted swipes became firmer and more purposeful and slowly the red stains began to disappear from Axel's scarred skin. With the last of the mess cleaned from his arm and clothes Axel had just pulled a shirt over his head when a chilling scream cut the still night.

On his feet before he could think Axel swayed unsteadily and nearly fell before his head cleared and he was able to make his way out into the hallway. Regaining his equilibrium Axel all but ran towards Roxas' room and burst in, not sure what he would find. When the door flew open Axel felt his heart lurch and he crossed the room almost faster than the eye could track. The redhead fell to his knees by the bed and stared helplessly at Roxas who was writhing on the bed and screaming so hard that his throat was giving out.

Desperation like he'd never felt before flooded through Axel and at that moment he would have given anything to murder whatever was making Roxas scream in such torment. Frantically Axel grabbed Roxas by the shoulders and nearly swallowed his tongue when the teen's sapphire eyes flew open and the shrieking abruptly stopped. Seeing that Roxas' body was still as taut as a bowstring Axel began to talk in a low, urgent voice, saying whatever came into his head in an attempt to snap Roxas out of it.

In unsteady tones Axel said throatily, 'Wake up Rox, you're safe. You're not at school and he's not here, it's just me and you. Please come back to me, I promise that if you just look at me then you'll know that you're safe. We can stay awake all night to shoot the shit if you don't want to sleep… Just look at me and say something please…'

The feeling that wrapped around Axel's heart when Roxas blinked and slowly turned to look at his could only be described as overpowering relief and gratitude towards whatever gods happened to be watching over him. Realizing that he was still grasping Roxas' shoulders Axel hurriedly let go and watched cautiously as the blonde boy slowly focused on his face.

Roxas' voice was hoarse and so quiet that Axel had to strain to hear it when he said, 'He was holding me down by my wrists, not Vexen, Saix. Vexen was straddling me, playing with me, trailing his fucking knife all over my skin… I don't know how I knew but he was playing a kind of roulette, deciding just what he wanted to do to me.'

As Axel watched unwilling to interrupt Roxas went on, 'He smiled, such a happy smile, then he had Saix roll me slightly so my arm was right there, ready for whatever he wanted to do. He did it so slowly, getting off on every second of it, sliding the knife into my arm and dragging it slowly… Oh gods so slowly… They say you can't feel pain in your dreams but they've never dreamt Vexen… It hurt and I was screaming and then you were here and Vexen was gone… How, how Axel? You drive him out of my head…'

Floored by the vulnerability and the pleading in Roxas' words Axel could only shake his head. The words seeming to come from far away he whispered, 'I don't know Rox. I just want to… Take you away so he can't hurt you anymore. I don't care if I barely know you… I-I do know you. This'll sound stupid but I feel like we could have been friends in, like, another life.'

In the privacy of his mind Axel couldn't help but note the extreme similarity of Roxas' dream to the self-fuckery he had wrought on himself earlier but he pushed that particular puzzle aside for another time. Roxas was talking again and Axel zoned back in to hear the boy say hesitantly, 'Did you mean it? I mean, when you said that I didn't have to go back to sleep? I can't… I don't want to see him again, at least for tonight.'

Before Roxas had even finished his sentence Axel was nodding emphatically. Climbing up from his seat on the ground Axel positioned himself cross-legged on the very end of the bed, alert enough to make sure his newly injured arm didn't knock into anything. The two teens talked for hours about everything and anything insignificant and meaningless and they were still facing each other across the bed when the sun started to stretch golden rays above the horizon. Making an executive decision at this point Axel led the way to the kitchen and proceeded to cook up a spectacular feed of bacon and eggs.

***&&&***  
  
On Monday night Vexen waited until lights out before he realized that Roxas was going to be absent for the night. The rage he had been in when he conceived of the plan to brand Roxas as his own paled in comparison to the white hot fury that burned through his veins at his victim's absence. When the lights went out the teen threw himself onto his bed and tried to relax his muscles made rigid with wrath, but all he succeeded in doing was twitching and clenching his fists as if they were clenched around Roxas' neck.

With nothing to distract him in the quiet darkness Vexen found that he could see Roxas in front of his eyes as clearly as if he had the teen in his grasp. The vision solidified in Vexen's mind and he took the opportunity to let his depraved mind wander over the various atrocities he could visit upon his toy when the blonde teen reappeared again. Hands still clenching and unclenching Vexen let himself fall into the dark depths of his imagination.

_Knowing his own propensity for overdoing things Vexen started small with his fantasy and walked towards Roxas, who in his thoughts was visibly quaking with fear. Moving like a wolf stalking a small furry animal Vexen towered over Roxas and slapping him harshly across the face. The strike snapped Roxas' head to the left but Vexen quickly reversed the motion of his arm and backhanded the blonde teen hard enough to send him flying. Shaking his stinging hand Vexen smiled and walked across to stand over Roxas._

_Taking advantage of Roxas' position sprawled on the ground Vexen looked down at the pained features of the boy whose suffering he savoured like a fine wine. Without warning Vexen hammered a brutally powerful kick into Roxas' side and when he heard the snap of ribs breaking it sent a frisson of lust straight to the pit of his stomach. Kneeling next to the writhing teen and drinking in his whimpers of agony Vexen took advantage of dream physics to reach down and wrench Roxas' arm until he heard the bone snap. The resulting scream drove any remaining restraint out of Vexen's mind._

_The sound of Roxas' anguish still in the air, Vexen forcibly flipped the boy onto his back and swung one leg over his hips so that he was sitting heavily on the blonde's thighs. With one hand Vexen ran his fingers over Roxas' suddenly bare chest and with the other hand he casually scraped his blunt nails over the half-healed brand he had left on the teen's skin. The shriek he received was even louder than the previous one, turning his semi-arousal into a hard erection._

_Because it was his fantasy Vexen only had to wish it and both he and Roxas were naked. Unceremoniously Vexen shoved Roxas onto his stomach, ignoring the full-throated groan from the boy when his broken ribs collided with the floor. Barely managing to hold onto the last of his self-control Vexen completed one last act of humiliation before the main event and he bent over Roxas' back, lapping at the jagged cuts with his tongue to taste the copper tang of the boy's blood._

_At the rough pressure of Vexen's tongue Roxas let out a groan of unadulterated torment, setting off every trigger that Vexen had. Slamming his hand down on the back of Roxas' neck Vexen briefly ran his hand up the inside of the teen's thigh before he callously slammed forward, sheathing himself fully in Roxas' heat. Each thrust drawing a wordless shriek of agony from the boy beneath him Vexen fucked Roxas mercilessly, reaching climax in a matter of moments to the sounds of the teen's delicious suffering._

***&&&***  
  
Over breakfast and during the ride to Twilight Boarding School Roxas hardly said a word. Part of it was the hangover he always got from not getting any sleep, but the other part was the rising anxiety he felt about going back to school. Every second that passed was another second closer to him coming face to face with Vexen and Roxas was realist enough to know that he would quite possibly end up with a broken bone, if not worse. Lost in his own world of anxiety and fighting the urge to give up that threatened to drown him Roxas jumped when Axel suddenly slammed on the brakes and broke the silence.

Just as the car rounded the corner and came into view of the school Axel screeched to a halt and burst out, 'What if you weren't living with him Rox? What if you didn't sleep just ten feet from that motherfucker? You told me about that friend of yours Pence, fuck, I mean is there any way you can talk that rather malleable principal into letting you change rooms?'

Something indefinable flickered in Roxas' eyes but his face remained caught between frozen detachment and resignation. His voice seemed to come from far away as he said, 'Do you think I've never thought of that Axel? Rooms are pretty much fixed once they're assigned, no one changes…'

Shaking his head violently Axel blurted, 'Tell Diz that you've had a falling out with a roommate, hell it doesn't even have to be Vexen. You can even tell the sick fuck himself that it was Pence who requested the move because he's pathetic and lonely and that it would look suspicious if you said no… You have to try…'

Roxas sat staring at Axel like he had grown an extra head. His first reaction had been to reject the idea with a healthy dose of cynicism but as Axel expanded on his thought Roxas felt an uncontainable wave of hope break free in his chest. Roxas' voice quivered as he said, 'Axel… I don't know how… You might have saved me from… From something I don't even want to think about. Somehow, and I don't know how, you… You've given me hope…'

The look of quiet pride and satisfaction on Axel's face at his words made Roxas' heart inexplicably beat faster, confusion rising in his mind. Turning to look out the window to give himself time to smother the emotions that were surely written across his face Roxas sighed and said, 'You better drop me off now Axel or I'll be late and they'll never let me out again. I can't go and see Diz straight away because he might twig to something not being right, but as soon as the lunch bell goes I'll go to his office and try… Try to save myself.'

Seeming not to notice the turmoil that Roxas was struggling with Axel nodded and looked at his friend with worried eyes. Wanting to say a lot yet unable to put it into words Axel settled for saying seriously, 'You have to text me Rox and tell me the outcome. Don't leave me wondering okay? Please, as soon as you've seen Diz, it doesn't have to be a long text but just let me know.'

The undertone of apprehension and concern in Axel's voice went straight through all of Roxas' remaining defences. In a moment of unguarded impulsiveness the blonde turned back to Axel, awkwardly leaning across the handbrake and giving the dumbfounded redhead a clumsy hug. Reluctant to leave the warm comfort of the car but knowing that he had to go back to school Roxas settled for saying, 'I will… It probably won't be until two-ish but I will. And hopefully they won't overreact about my 'relapse' and I can come to watch training tonight.'

Knowing that if he didn't get out of the car right then he would make Axel drive them both away, Roxas disengaged from the hug and attempted to manoeuvre out of the door without hurting anything. With only a twinge from his back and a brief stab of pain from his ribs Roxas made it out of the car and closed the door, standing irresolute on the footpath, still unwilling to just walk back into the school. Finally the blonde pulled himself together and raised his hand in resigned farewell, turning away before he could change his mind and trudging into Twilight Boarding School.

***&&&***  
  
Dropping Roxas back at school was one of the hardest things Axel had ever had to do. If he had been able to come up with any plausible way of getting away with it he would have just kept driving until he had gotten Roxas far away from the lunatic who had the boy at his mercy. Even with the brilliant idea that burst into his mind just before they arrived at the boarding school, Axel still had to force himself to slow down and stop by the gates. Staring after Roxas' retreating figure Axel fought the rising tide of anger and frustration that threatened to drown him.

The drive home was pretty much a blank for Axel and it was probably lucky that there was no traffic on the roads at that time of the morning. Once the redhead pulled up in his own driveway he lolled back in his seat staring vacantly at the ceiling of the car, replaying over and over in his head the shy smile that had lit Roxas' face when he told Axel that he had given him hope. A while later Axel came back down to earth and when he checked his watch he groaned and rolled out of the car to walk jerkily into his home.

Silent and still, the house was just as Axel had left it when he and Roxas had run out the door earlier. Letting the door swing shut behind him Axel stood and looked distractedly around, green eyes hazy and not focusing on anything in particular. It wasn't until he drifted into the kitchen and caught his newly injured arm on the corner of the fridge that Axel snapped out of his daze and yelled, 'FuckshitarsebitchcuntsonofawhoredoubleratFUCK!'

Muttering under his breath in a continuing string of disgusting obscenities Axel gingerly probed at the dressing on his arm to make sure that nothing needed to be rewrapped. Upon finding that the bump had done nothing more than dirty up his mouth with words he had once been slapped for saying, Axel remembered something that had been lurking at the back of his brain. Sighing heavily he sloped off to his bedroom to clean up the rest of his mess from the night before.

It took Axel a lot longer to clean up his room than he had initially thought it would, mainly because he had managed to deliberately forget the sheer amount of blood he had gotten over everything. Red stains covered his bed, bedding, floor, bedside table and somehow Axel had accomplished the difficult feat of splattering blood halfway up the wall. Thinking, somewhat bitterly, that it was lucky he was experienced in the removal of blood from various materials Axel spent a nauseating three hours scrubbing away the evidence of what he viewed as a pathetic loss of control.

When he finally erased the last traces of his self-harm from his room Axel was exhausted from the physical effort, the mental stress and the fact that he was running on no sleep whatsoever. Staggering to the lounge, thoroughly sick of the sight of his bedroom, Axel collapsed onto the couch thinking to watch TV, but was asleep as soon as he hit the sofa. Though sleep was swift to take him away Axel's nap was anything but restful. When he woke again an hour later Axel had to fight through a nebulous feeling of horror and desperation, leftovers from an unremembered nightmare.

Bleary from the unsatisfying sleep Axel wobbled through to the kitchen and made himself a coffee strong enough to knock out Instructor Arma. Eyes propped open with excessive amounts of caffeine Axel finally registered that it was going on half past one and his body was suddenly flooded with anxiety about Roxas and the plan they had hatched. Wavering uncertainly over what to do until Roxas contacted him Axel tried to push away the urge inside him that was screaming at him to slice up his arms just to pass the time.

Axel had never been so glad to hear his phone go off as he was when Roxas texted him at twenty past two that afternoon. Though he was elbow deep in burning hot, soapy water doing the mountain of dishes left over from breakfast, Axel sent bubbles flying everywhere in his haste to dry his hands enough to dive for his phone. Semi-dry and covered with soap-suds Axel grabbed his phone and, with a feeling of slight trepidation, opened the message.

Roxas' message was relatively short but the words caused a wave of relief to sweep through Axel, relief mixed with something else that was a little harder to identify. The text read, 'Gods above Ax I'm moving to Pence's room this afternoon. You've saved my life. Talk to you at training, you don't know what this means to me. You're amazing.'

Hearing that Roxas was going to be out of Vexen's reach in the evenings and nights eased a little of the ache in Axel's heart. His fear for the teen as the sun set every night had become a concern to the point that Axel had considered calling Roxas every evening in an attempt to interrupt whatever sadism was taking place. Now, feeling a little more at ease, Axel felt that he had made a positive difference in Roxas' predicament even though it was a long way from being solved.

The other feeling that snuck into Axel's mind upon reading Roxas' text was more subtle and based on almost nothing. Axel knew that he was acting like a hormonal teenage girl, but when he read the last sentence of Roxas' text he felt his heart give a small flutter. Telling himself that he was reading something into two words that meant nothing more than what they said didn't help at all and Axel read and reread the text in an attempt to divine anything that could confirm his irrational flight of fancy.

Alone in his house and in his head Axel forced himself to admit something that he had been fighting against and losing badly. Though he had only known Roxas for a very short time Axel knew that he felt more for the blonde teen than what mere friends feel for each other and as much as he hated to admit it the redhead surrendered to the improbable fact that Reno had pinned him dead to rights. Brow furrowed in consternation and self-doubt Axel reluctantly acknowledged that he had fallen and fallen hard for the slender, blonde teen with the enormous blue eyes.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Not as graphic as other chapters but bad stuff still happens. Man Vexen is an arse lol. Trigger warning for talk about self-harm and that warning continues on to the next chapter. Damn, posting this and rereading it makes me realize just how sick of a puppy I am.**

Roxas spent the taxi ride to Taekwon-do fluctuating wildly between scorching anger and the same desperate hopelessness that had filled his life since the advent of Vexen. When the blonde had sent his uncharacteristically cheerful text to Axel on the Tuesday afternoon he had been in the grip of a reckless positivity that he had tried to eliminate from his life for a very long time and that feeling had lasted all the way through the first part of his move into Pence's room. The end of Roxas' optimism had abruptly come when Vexen had sauntered over and proceeded to convincingly play the part of helpful school chum.

Just after Vexen started carting the boxes of Roxas' stuff between the rooms, Xehanort had appeared out of nowhere like the dark and evil cloud that he was and swooped off with Pence muttering about dire punishments for the boy's latest prank. This left Roxas exactly where he desperately did not want to be, utterly alone with the now sneering Vexen. Futilely hoping for divine intervention to conjure up a passer-by or to possibly strike Vexen with a lightning bolt, Roxas continued robotically to move his stuff into his new room, doing his best to ignore the growing look of malice in Vexen's eyes.

Nothing happened that was even approaching divine however and as soon as the last box hit the floor in Roxas' new room he found his arm clamped in Vexen's rough grip. Suddenly Roxas was being dragged out of the room and forcibly propelled into a deserted dead-end corridor. Roxas' back hit the wall with a crash and the wind was knocked completely out of him.

The straining airlessness in Roxas' lungs was immediately eclipsed by the searing agony of his still healing back. Instead of a scream only a breathless gasp of pain slipped from Roxas' lips and then Vexen was in front of him, firmly holding him against the wall with one hand. Trying painfully to drag some air into his lungs Roxas stared at Vexen with hopelessness written all over his face and tried to brace himself for whatever shit was about to be dropped on him next.

Vexen's face was contorted with rage and malice and Roxas did his best to hide the tremor that shook him as the furious teen snarled, 'Just because you're sleeping somewhere else doesn't mean I'll be going without Roxie. We'll just have to make time during the day and on our precious weekends. Now I know you're going to work with me Roxie because if you don't I'll have to get my enjoyment from introducing your brother to my brother.'

Choking on the same old fear at the reiterated threat to Sora Roxas nodded his head jerkily, trying to convince Vexen that he understood the situation perfectly. It seemed that Vexen was far from reassured however and the malicious grin that spread across his face sent icy terror though Roxas' heart. Glaring straight into Roxas' eyes Vexen slapped a large hand across the blonde teen's mouth and with his other hand reached down and grasped Roxas' fingers in what could have been construed as an intimate manner.

Roxas' eyes flew open wide and he screamed into Vexen's palm hard enough to tear something in his throat. With one violent movement Vexen abruptly jerked Roxas' left pinkie-finger up and back, dislocating it brutally. As tears of agony streamed down Roxas' face Vexen hissed, 'You know the drill Roxas, this was your warning. Tell anyone who gives a shit that you had a mishap while moving your stuff. And you better sell it well because it will not come back on me. Have fun in your new room Roxie, I'll find you when I want you.'

When the taxi arrived at Taekwon-do Roxas wiped his face of all emotion putting on an impassive mask and he slowly walked into the hall to take his seat down the back. Pushing himself as far into the corner as he could without fucking up his back, Roxas wrapped his arms around himself and began to project the strongest 'Go Away, Leave Me Alone, Fuck Off' vibe that he could. Roxas knew that he had no chance of Axel paying any attention to the hostile aura he was projecting but he was hoping it would be enough to keep anyone else from getting near enough to see his pale, drawn face and splinted finger.

***&&&***  
  
Axel arrived at the Taekwon-do hall in a screech of tires and hurtled through the doors just as Xaldin turned around to call for form up. Sighing with relief that he wasn't late Axel ran up to the front of the room to take his place and start training. As the redhead stood at attention he went through the traditional start of class on autopilot, his mind mostly taken up with being pissed off at being too late to celebrate with Roxas before training.

After he had received the text from Roxas that afternoon and gone into the subsequent emotional tailspin Axel had only lasted through ten minutes of crappy afternoon TV before he plummeted back into deep sleep. Axel had dreamed but it had been confused and ambiguous, leaving him drained and irritable when he woke up. The drained feeling only lasted for a moment after he surfaced from the dream however as Axel caught sight of the clock and shot to his feet at the realization that it was ten past six and he had twenty minutes to get changed and get his arse to Taekwon-do.

Moving faster than he ever had in his life Axel pulled his hair into a messy ponytail, dragged on his uniform and shot out to his car. Though he usually stuck scrupulously to the speed limit Axel found his speed creeping up and eventually he guiltily put his foot down and kept his eyes squarely on the road so he couldn't look at the speedometer. To his surprise when he burst into the hall Axel found that he had made it in the nick of time and wouldn't be facing the considerable wrath that Instructor Arma rained down on late students.

Once the start of training was concluded Axel was all ready to head up the back and take Roxas out for more one-on-one instruction, but to his frustration Xaldin kept him with the main class for the vigorous twenty minute long warmup. By the end of the warmup Axel was panting and wheezing as Xaldin had made sure to communicate to him that a nearly black belt is never late for class and the redhead couldn't even summon the energy to glare at his instructor. Finally after the round of 'light' exercise was over and Xaldin flicked his fingers at Axel, dismissing him to go instruct.

Axel's step had slightly less spring in it due to the punishing warmup inflicted on him, but he still managed to make his way up the hall in a series of subdued bounces. When he arrived in front of Roxas however Axel's incorrigible exuberance fell away and his words died in his throat as he got a good look at Roxas' hunched shoulders and dead white face. Seeing Roxas returned to how he had appeared when he first turned up at the hall hit Axel hard, but then he saw Roxas' stiff, immobilized finger and it was all he could do not to explode right there.

Working as hard as he could to keep a lid on the part of him that wanted to put his fist through the wall, Axel gestured shortly for Roxas to follow him into the next room. Axel only just made it down the short hallway to the side room before he could no longer hold back and he bunched his fist, lashing out and hammering a punch into the solid doorframe. The dull thud his fist made was lost in the sounds of class next door but he couldn't undo the red splotch left on the wood from where the abused skin of his knuckles had split once again.

Axel ignored the stunned look in Roxas' wide eyes and growled wordlessly under his breath, using the tip of his red belt to wipe away the stain without getting it on his white uniform. Stalking into the room Axel tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for Roxas to enter and after closing the door silently the redhead turned to face the other teen who was looking at him warily. With a supreme effort of will Axel closed his eyes and shoved down the rage the threatened to burst free and after taking a deep breath he opened his eyes to meet Roxas' gaze.

In a carefully controlled tone that screamed suppressed anger Axel said, 'What happened Roxas?'

***&&&***  
  
When he had gotten up to follow the other teen Roxas felt his heart sink to see how completely his crappy problems had sucked the buoyancy out of Axel. Fully aware that he would have to tell the story of his mangled finger Roxas was still trying to rein in his emotions that continued to swing wildly from anger to misery as he walked from the main hall. Roxas was so preoccupied in attempting to even out his uncontrollable emotions that he nearly walked into Axel when the other teen stopped in his tracks and then he jumped out of his skin when the redhead abruptly took out his anger on the doorframe.

For a second Roxas felt a chill of fear shoot up his spine at the almost feral aura surrounding Axel, but the next instant he felt nothing but concern when he saw the patch of blood that adorned the doorway. Staring at Axel uncertainly Roxas watched him wipe away the blood and then followed him into the room with a certain amount of apprehension that he couldn't shake completely away. The effort it obviously took Axel to get his anger under control did nothing to help Roxas relax and the simple, softly asked question that he didn't really want to answer made his heart stutter briefly.

Very aware that Axel's green eyes were fixed on him intently Roxas tried to pull himself together but the storm of emotions filling the room was starting to get to him. Suddenly unable to deal with the intensity and anxiety of the moment Roxas ripped his gaze away from Axel's and turned away, wrapping his uninjured arm around himself and struggling to steady his breathing. Because he was not expecting it Roxas jumped almost a foot off the floor when he felt Axel's hand fall gently on his shoulder.

The tension was somehow instantly broken by the comical jump of fright and Roxas coughed out a laugh while Axel snorted loudly. Finding that his legs were actually rather shaky Roxas wobbled over to the bench and fell onto the seat bonelessly. When Axel slowly moved over to sit beside him Roxas found that his throat had freed up enough to allow him to speak and he frowned as he tried to figure out what to say.

In a small voice, looking away from the piercing green eyes he knew were trained on him, Roxas whispered, 'Obviously he did it. It wasn't even like he didn't believe the story about Pence, he said he was just ensuring that I didn't forget about Sora and that I remembered that I'm his. I'm so scared Ax… He just made sure I couldn't scream and then ripped my finger out of its socket like it was nothing. I'm scared, but I'm so angry… I want it all to stop…'

As Roxas lapsed into silence Axel let out a wordless sound that was cross between a growl and a pained groan. Letting his head fall back against the wall with a thump Axel muttered, 'I swear to all the gods Roxas…I wish… Ah fuck, wishing doesn't do shit. I'm so sorry Rox. Sorry I wasn't there, sorry my fucking genius idea didn't amount to fuck all…I feel fucking helpless and if that's how I feel I can't even imagine what you're feeling.'

Roxas could almost feel the anger slowly bleeding away from Axel and in response he found himself calming down a little too. Feeling a small spark of Okay Roxas coming back to him Roxas sat up a little in his seat and said in a stronger voice, 'You don't need to be sorry Axel. At least I'm not in his room anymore, there for him to… There whenever he wants. Talking like this, just letting it out is… Shit, you have no idea… I'd probably be insane or dead if I hadn't met you.'

A long sigh sounded from next to him and Roxas looked over to see that Axel was glowering at the ceiling. Roxas waited patiently for an explanation and after a moment Axel said reluctantly, 'I just realized what the time is. If we could I'd stay here talking for the rest of class, but I know Xaldin and he'll mangle me if we can't tell him in detail what we covered tonight. Can we… I don't know, could I come get you after school finishes tomorrow to hang out before training?'

Surprised into a wan smile Roxas replied, 'That's the best idea you've had since your last one Ax… I've technically got after school Monday, Wednesday and Friday off school grounds so I'd say that's pretty damn perfect. As for Xaldin… Um, you could show me the kicks I need to learn for my next rank? Punching and blocking is all good, but sometimes I have dreams about kicking someone in the fork, you know?'

It was Axel's turn to smile and Roxas found himself the subject of a playful hair ruffle before the redhead pushed himself to his feet and moved to the centre of the room. For the remaining half hour of training Roxas watched in fascination as Axel demonstrated three different kicks at different heights in both slow and fast motion, explaining the minutiae of each technique as he went. By the time they were called back in for the end of class, Roxas was itching to be cleared for training so he could try out the techniques himself.

***&&&***  
  
Oblivious to the cold of the night, a pair of acid-green eyes watched the Taekwon-do hall from a car parked in a driveway across the street. Since Roxas had pulled out of PE at school and started at his special martial arts class, Vexen had steadily been getting more and more pissed off at the changes in the teen he regarded as his personal property. Finally pushed over the edge by the fact that Roxas was moving out of his room and out of his nightly reach, Vexen had snuck out of school when Roxas left for training and followed him to the training hall.

Vexen knew that Taekwon-do class went for two hours and he was fully prepared to skulk around the building to find a window to spy through. What Vexen hadn't counted on however, was that the building next door was hosting a dinner of some sort, resulting in a constant stream of people coming and going through the car park that the building shared with the training hall. So Vexen sat in his car with his eyes trained on the closed doors of the hall, the constant embers of anger glowing in his chest and slowly stoking into the fires of rage.

By the time the doors opened and the first students began to exit the hall, Vexen had hot-boxed the car by chain-smoking six cigarettes and he had also indulged in a few nips from the hipflask he kept in his glove box. The smoke had long since dissipated out of the open window that let in the freezing night air, but Vexen barely felt the cold and stopped feeling it at all when Roxas finally walked out of the hall. A smirk began to tug at Vexen's lips as he watched Roxas cradle his injured hand against his chest as he walked across the car park, the bully enjoying the visual evidence of the torment he had visited on the blonde boy. The smirk froze on his face however as he saw a new development unfolding in front of him.

From his vantage point Vexen was perfectly positioned to watch as Axel sauntered out of the big hall and walked Roxas over to his car. Vexen's catlike eyes narrowed dangerously as he watched the two teens talking animatedly, standing out in the still night heedless of the low temperatures. The simmering anger inside him growing hotter by the minute, Vexen unconsciously pulled his lips back from his teeth in a snarl as he watched Roxas' body language practically shout trust and respect for the lanky redhead he was talking to.

A rumble of displeasure sounded deep in Vexen's chest to see Roxas climb into the other boy's car and he resolved that the obvious friendship growing there was damn well going to die a quick death. Waiting until the redhead's car had left the car park and was well past him Vexen pulled out of the driveway he had been sitting in and tramped on the accelerator, speeding through the streets as quickly as possible to avoid running into Roxas at school before he was ready.

Grim satisfaction filled Vexen as he pulled into the school parking lot and saw that Roxas hadn't yet arrived with the redheaded stranger. Hurriedly locking his car Vexen ran for the dorms, aiming to get to the spot he had decided on to wait for unfortunate blonde as quickly as possible. Leaning against the wall in a shadowy side corridor near Roxas' new room Vexen rhythmically clenched and unclenched his fists, running through exactly what he would do when he got his hands on Roxas. When he finally heard Roxas' light footsteps coming down the hall Vexen's strange coloured eyes almost glowed with malice.

To Roxas it must have seemed like a monster from a horror movie had come to life and grabbed him when Vexen stretched his arm out of the darkness and seized the blonde teen by the throat. His hand clenched tight to cut off any scream from Roxas, Vexen yanked the smaller boy over to him and pinned him to the wall single-handedly. Vexen moved forward until he was standing right against Roxas and glared flatly into the teen's eyes, letting the silence draw out until the tension was painfully thick.

Smiling inwardly at the way Roxas stared at him in mesmerized terror Vexen licked his lips suggestively and chuckled at the way Roxas flinched. In an almost sing-song voice Vexen whispered, 'You can't get away from me Roxie, I saw you at your special little karate class. I saw some things I didn't really like my little toy, I think you need to tell me some details of what you get up to on a Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.'

When Roxas made a painful gurgling sound around the hand at his throat Vexen smiled and squeezed a little tighter saying, 'Ah Roxie, here's how it goes, in a second I'll remove my hand and the only thing to come out of your mouth will be the answers to my questions. So firstly, who is that firecrotch you got a lift back with tonight? Secondly, what makes you think you can have any friends besides that idiot Pence who I can't really do shit about? And thirdly Roxas, what do you think is going to happen from here huh?'

Vexen abruptly lifted his hand from Roxas' throat and watched disinterestedly as Roxas tried to cough and choke quietly. After a second Roxas whispered hoarsely, 'His n-name is Axel, he's just a senior at the club. We aren't friends, I had to talk to him about training and he offered to give me a lift back… I don't, I wouldn't have any friends outside of here. Vexen… I… Please tell me what will happen from here.'

A thin smile tugged at Vexen's lips at the intimidated and submissive feeling radiating from Roxas and he ran his hand languidly across the teen's collarbone. Sighing dramatically Vexen drawled, 'I think, my little Roxas, that you will just have to keep any sort of chit-chat with that Axel fuckwit to a bare minimum, don't you? Now that you know that I have ways of keeping an eye on you I think we better agree that, if you do start spending too much time in conversation with him, your 'friend' might end up covered in blood to match his hair. You get what I'm saying Roxie?'

Roxas was in the process of nodding his head violently when the sound of grumbling further along the corridor heralded the approach of Xehanort doing the bedtime rounds. Vexen, riding on the high of complete domination, grabbed Roxas' shirt and pulled him in for a rough kiss before shoving the blonde boy off in the direction of Pence's room and turning to head for his own bed. There was a spring in Vexen's step, at odds with the fury that had overtaken him outside the Taekwon-do hall.

On the way to his beckoning bed Vexen snickered at how Roxas had absorbed his every word. The small blonde had bought completely into the pointed threat that Vexen had thrown in on a whim, totally unaware that Vexen's brother had told him to fuck off unless he had a shitload of money or wanted to order the one hit that Luxord had gifted him to shut him up. Arriving at his room Vexen threw himself onto his bed and fell asleep with visions of horrified blue eyes floating in his mind's eye.

***&&&***  
  
Roxas stumbled into his new room and fell onto his bed, heedless of the jag of pain from his back as he hit the mattress. Moments after Roxas listlessly dragged the covers over himself Xehanort noisily shoved the door open and glared around the room, letting out a sullen huff when he realized there was no illicit, after lights out activity happening. Under the cover of his blankets Roxas shoved his fist in his mouth as he heard the cantankerous dean slam the door and walk away, the blonde teen trying his best to muffle his hitching sobs.

It took Roxas almost an hour to get himself under control and once he had choked back the tears he closed his eyes in despair. The fact that Vexen had seen him or been told about what he did at Taekwon-do scared him totally shitless and the added threat to Axel had nearly broken Roxas completely. Now, lying rigidly in his bed, Roxas suddenly realized that Axel was going to turn up and pick him up from school tomorrow, bringing him within hurting distance of Vexen's wrath. Rolling over violently, ignoring the pain that shot through his body, Roxas scrabbled for his phone as quietly as he could in the silent room.

Locating his phone Roxas whipped the blankets over his head and fumbled awkwardly to turn off the sound, hampered by his splinted finger. Once the phone was on silent Roxas opened a new message and stared for a long time at the bright screen, totally unable to even begin to put his whirling thoughts into words. Eventually the storm in Roxas' head calmed down enough for him to put two thoughts together and he slowly began to compose a text to Axel.

Over the course of twenty minutes Roxas wrote, 'Axel. You can't come to the school tomorrow. Don't ask me why, you just can't. I'll see you at training okay?'

Hitting send Roxas let out a shuddering breath and tried not to burst into tears again. He had been buoyed up at training by Axel's idea of hanging out between school and Taekwon-do and to have that possibility ripped to shreds was devastating. Only seconds after he sent the text however Roxas' phone buzzed quietly and he blinked away the blurriness in his eyes and opened the message. Axel's reply read simply, 'Rox, why?'

The vulnerable state Roxas was in left him so drained that he couldn't force his mind to work well enough to withstand even the simplest of gentle queries from Axel. With clumsy fingers Roxas typed slowly and eventually sent, 'Somehow he saw us when we came out of class. He knows about you and we can't talk outside of training anymore. You can't come near me, I can't see you get hurt because of me.'

Axel's next text came through so quickly that Roxas didn't even had time to put down his phone, the frantic message saying, 'No no no Rox, don't you fucking dare. He can't scare me away and I'm damn sure that we can find some way to keep out of sight as long as you don't fucking give up on me. Maybe I can't come pick you up tomorrow, but you better get your arse in a taxi and meet me at the coffee shop. Please Roxas, please tell me that you're not giving up… You can't.'

***&&&***  
  
While he waited tensely for Roxas' reply to his panicked text Axel steadily became more and more edgy. Five minutes passed, then ten and Axel was nearly ripping the pages out of the book he was trying to pretend that he was reading. At the fifteen minute mark Axel abruptly hurled the hapless book aside and was halfway over to his bedside table before he realized what he was doing. Swearing loudly in the silence of his house Axel aimed a vicious kick at his innocent nightstand, accidently breaking one of its legs and sending it crashing to the ground.

Staring at the mess on the ground for a long moment Axel was completely motionless except for his right eyebrow which began to twitch spasmodically. Absolute, unmitigated hell would have broken loose in Axel's small room at that point had his phone not jingled unobtrusively to let him know that he had received a message. Axel dived headfirst for his phone and narrowly missed smashing his injured arm as he landed on the bed. Ignoring the mess that decorated his floor Axel quickly clicked to open the message.

Roxas' text was slightly longer than his previous ones and read, 'You don't understand, if he sees me talking to you and judges that it's more than simple talk about training he will have you hurt. If he ever got even a hint that I'd mentioned his name to you he will kill you. I can't let you get hurt, I can't let him get anywhere near you. Fuck Axel, I can handle him hurting me, I'm used to that. But I can't live with the thought of him hurting you.'

Axel bit his lip hard and glared at the words on the screen of his phone. He couldn't deny that there was a certain amount of truth in Roxas' words, but he would be fucked left, right and centre before he gave up and let Vexen dictate anything about his interactions with Roxas. Trying to word his text as strongly as possible without exploding into expletives he sent, 'Rox, I know you're scared but we can do this. I'm not going to let you fade back into that school all alone to be at the mercy of that sick fuck. If we think about this and plan everything and keep as close an eye on him as he thinks he's keeping on you we can stay in his blind spot. Please Roxas, don't just give up and push me away.'

This time as Axel waited edgily for Roxas' next text he kept his anger and anxiety locked down tight. Instead of throwing something or putting his fist through the wall to relieve his feelings Axel stiffly knelt down on the floor and began to slowly clean up the mangled pieces of his nightstand and the scattered spray of papers and books that had crashed to the ground. The repetitive activity gradually calmed Axel down to the point that he managed to almost entirely stop shaking and when Roxas' answer finally came through Axel was able to walk relatively calmly over to his phone.

The text from Roxas drew a long, slow sigh from Axel and some of the tension eased from his shoulders. Relief flooded through his mind and Axel reread the text which screamed uncertainty and reluctant hope from every letter. Roxas had written, 'Fuck Axel. I don't want to shut you out. I'm scared, so fucking scared that you'll get hurt because of me. What if I go and meet you and he follows… What if he has someone follow me? How can we get around Thirteen Fucking Black? I don't want to push you away Axel, I just can't see any other way that won't end with me getting you hurt.'

Although Roxas' words could have sounded like he was completely rejecting the redhead, Axel found himself heartened by the words that weren't said. Nowhere in his text had Roxas said that he wanted to stop seeing Axel and even the doubts he expressed sounded more like pleas for help instead of reasons to bow to Vexen's will. Determination crystallized into iron resolve deep inside Axel's chest and he knew that he had to find the right words to convince Roxas not to give up. Not wanting to make Roxas wait for longer than necessary but needing to put his swirling emotions into a message that would reach the despairing teen Axel stared fixedly at his phone and thought furiously.

For five minutes Axel struggled with his thoughts and feelings and eventually he completely lost patience with himself and grabbed his phone. Typing so fast his fingers were a blur Axel wrote, 'There's always a way out Rox, we can do this, you just have to trust me. If you meet me in town tomorrow I promise I'll make sure there is no one following you and if I do see anyone I'll text and let you know you need to keep going and go to the mall or something. I won't let things get worse for you because of me Rox, but you can't… Fuck, you can't, I can't just let you disappear and live with this until he loses it and kills you. I will not let you lose hope.'

The reply to Axel's text made his heart beat faster in his chest even though it was just a few short lines. In response to Axel's impassioned message the other teen replied, 'I must be insane. I'll taxi into town tomorrow after school, but if I see anything that looks wrong I'll be out of there and we will only see each other at training. I meant what I said, I won't risk you getting hurt for this shit.'

All the tension in Axel's muscles abruptly bled away, leaving him so limp and drained that he collapsed backwards onto his bed to stare at the ceiling. Although Roxas had only barely agreed to risk a meeting in defiance of Vexen's demands Axel focused on the fact that the other teen had chosen to put up some resistance to the dangerous bully's ultimatum. Exhausted by the stress of that last few minutes Axel found the energy to fumble clumsily with his phone and send one last text for the night, 'Thank you Rox. Be careful and I'll see you tomorrow. Stay strong. I'm right here with you, all the fucking way.'

Moments after the text flew on its way to Roxas, Axel was falling into the arms of sleep. Time spun out as he drifted away from the world and in the endless moments before the darkness took him Axel felt a small sense of triumph mixed with iron determination. Axel's last concrete thought before his mind was lost to dreaming was, 'Hold on Roxas. Please hold on. If I have to stand in front of you and your brother and take a fucking bullet I swear I will protect you.'

***&&&***  
  
In his own private universe under his blankets lit by the sun of his phone, Roxas started the text conversation with Axel with a totally resolute goal of breaking off any extraneous contact with the teen who had unwittingly stumbled into serious danger. He had hoped that a flat, emotionless request to cut things off would have dissuaded the redhead boy, but as soon as he sent the text he was kicking himself for thinking it would be that easy.

As Axel's texts desperately begged him to keep fighting and not to give up Roxas felt a sharp pain in his chest, sorrow mingled with a soul-deep terror that somehow the redhead would be made to suffer the way he himself was suffering. When Axel told him on no uncertain terms that he wasn't going to let things drop and allow Roxas to fade away out of his life, the blonde broke a little inside and in his hurried text he revealed a little more of his feelings than he meant to. Rereading the text Roxas swore silently at how borderline hysterical he sounded and tried to pull himself together enough to exercise some self-control.

Axel's next text that eloquently and emotionally made his case for giving Vexen the proverbial finger called to Roxas on a deep level. The blonde boy found himself wanting so badly to believe that the redhead could fix everything that was wrong with his world and as usual the hope stuck in his throat and turned to ash on his tongue. Not quite able to make himself tell Axel that everything had to stop and they weren't going to see each other again Roxas tried to shove the other teen away while at the same time reaching for him desperately.

In the five long minutes it took Axel to reply Roxas was violently pulled between hope and misery, his mind a murky mess of emotions so tangled he could barely hold onto himself. When the next message came through, Axel's confident plan hit Roxas like a hand grenade and the stubborn hope in the teen's chest flared into a red-hot flame. In the glow of the Axel-stoked courage in his heart Roxas sent back a disjointed but definite affirmative.

Though he didn't know it Roxas' feelings of exhaustion and emotional fatigue were almost exactly the same as what Axel was feeling as the redhead crashed onto his own bed. Cocooned under the covers Roxas slumped onto his face on the pillows and was barely with it enough to hear his phone buzz one more time. The certainty and confidence in Axel's parting words engraved them on Roxas' well-guarded heart and as he gave up the fight against sleep he heard Axel's voice whisper in his ear, 'Stay strong. I'm right here with you…'

***&&&***  
  
Roxas' morning was spent being so tense that he cricked a muscle in his neck and found himself unable to turn his head more than a few inches towards the left. He had one class with Vexen in the morning, English during the period immediately before lunch, and Roxas has been unable to think of a way to stop the arrogant teen from sauntering over and sitting in the seat directly behind him. In the moments before the teacher entered the room Vexen leaned forward and whispered, 'Move your seat backwards Roxie.'

A jolt of fear and foreboding shot through Roxas as he slowly complied with the order, classroom harassment having previously been limited to before the bell or during lab classes. Moving his whole desk back furtively until Vexen hissed for him to stop, Roxas sat hunched in his chair and tried not to think about what could happen in the next hour and a half of class. Even when the teacher bustled into the room and began to write on the board Roxas couldn't shake the fear that some serious shit was about to go down right where anyone could see.

Roxas spent the first half of the lesson sitting curled over his desk scribbling completely illegible notes about a writer who could have been Shakespeare or Stephanie Meyer for all he cared. All Roxas could focus on was the skin-crawling aura of menace at his back and it was almost a perverse kind of relief when a stealthy hand slid up his side. Almost.

When he had originally arrived at class Roxas had settled himself at the side of the room, slouching in his chair with his left shoulder leaning against the wall and Vexen used this setup to his advantage, shielding his actions from view with Roxas' body. Biting his tongue to keep from crying out in fright Roxas locked down his emotions and reactions, willing the class to be over quickly so that Vexen would have to stop.

Over the other side of the room the teacher leaned over a student's desk, trying with increasingly noisy frustration to explain what had happened between the book's opening words and closing sentence and Roxas suppressed a flinch as Vexen's fingertips brushed over his ribs in a parody of affection. A minute jerk of his shoulders was all the outward reaction Roxas showed when Vexen wormed his fingers up under his shirt and he tried with all his might to put his mind somewhere else until it was over. It was as if Vexen could read his mind however and Roxas' breath hitched as he heard a whisper in his ear, 'Stay with me Roxie, don't drift away now.'

The teacher droned loudly at the boy at the front of the class and Roxas held himself rigidly still as Vexen inched his chair and desk forward so that his freakishly long arm could creep around the side of Roxas' ribs. An almost inaudible gasp escaped Roxas' lips when Vexen ran his fingers across the edge of the bandage that covered the brand on his hip and he gritted his teeth until his jaw creaked when the other teen gave the wound a playful prod. Roxas was still caught in the flare of pain from the branded injury when Vexen let out a dark chuckle behind him and upped the ante by a factor of ten.

It was only through the self-control that Vexen had beaten into him that Roxas refrained from crying out when the teen's hand slipped under the waistband of his pants, but his eyes went wide and he had to swallow a wave of stomach-turning nausea. The all too familiar touch of Vexen's hand nearly triggered a state of dissociation in Roxas, but he remembered the other teen's words and fought the detachment growing in his mind. Staring glassily at the clock above the board Roxas gripped his desk with white fingers and prayed to all the gods for his heart to just stop beating.

The years had taught Roxas that Vexen could be sickeningly gentle when he wanted to and the other teen's ministrations and whispered poison drew unwilling physical responses to the point that Roxas had to jerk around in his seat, twisting away and pretending he was finding something in his bag. Out of the corner of his eye Roxas saw a leering grin on Vexen's face and he realized that the bully was enormously enjoying the risk he was taking and the misery he was inflicting. Forced to sit back in his chair with the fresh pen he had retrieved Roxas slapped a bored look on his face and screamed behind the mask.

When the bell rang Roxas' impassive expression didn't change but a tiny bit of the painful stiffness went out of his shoulders when Vexen growled under his breath and retrieved his hand. Dazed by Vexen's aggressive boldness in a completely public setting Roxas' movements were sluggish and faltering and he felt like he was moving through treacle. By the time he had finally manoeuvred his books into his bag, everyone including Vexen had left the room and the teacher was waiting impatiently for him to leave.

Before he stood up from his chair Roxas had enough presence of mind to check his clothes to see if he was suitable to get to his feet and he swore under his breath when he realized that Vexen had pulled his shirt out of his pants and had also disturbed the makeshift bandages that were still wrapped around his waist. Ripping his backpack open again Roxas pulled out his jacket and, checking to see that the teacher wasn't paying attention, he stood and quickly pulled it on to cover his torso. As fast as he dared Roxas hurried out of the room and made a beeline for his bathroom of choice, one on the other side of the building that was so out of the way barely anyone ever used it.

Letting himself into the silent bathroom Roxas went over to the mirror and without preamble he yanked down the zipper of his jacket and pulled up his shirt to see what Vexen had managed to do to his slightly older injuries. The damage wasn't as bad as Roxas had feared, but he still cursed viciously to see that the ragged black strips of t-shirt were pulled loose and the deepest cuts were seeping blood. Sardonically Roxas sent a bitter thank you to Gaia that he had had the foresight to store some supplies in his bag just in case and he dragged his bag into the furthest stall to clean up.

As his shaking hands went about cleaning up the blood and re-bandaging his wounds Roxas fought against his treacherous thoughts that seemed to want to drag him back to the class he had just escaped from. A shudder ripped through Roxas' small frame as his mind slyly supplied him with the memory of Vexen's hand stroking him intimately in class where anyone could have seen it and he sat down heavily on the closed toilet, suddenly hit with just how dangerous Vexen's actions had been. Acutely aware that he only had forty-five minutes to get himself together Roxas tried grimly to still the tremors that shook his hands.

The end of lunch bell sounded just as Roxas went to push open the door to the cafeteria and he smiled a smile that was more of snarl, spinning in mid step to stalk off in the direction of his next class. As soon as he began once again to stride down the hall Roxas' stomach protested the change in plans with a spectacularly thunderous rumble, stopping an awestruck group of fifteen year olds dead in their tracks until Roxas glared at them ferociously. Even though Roxas' last two classes were Vexen-free he still kept himself hyper-aware of the possibility of a shove or a punch as he walked, but he arrived at his Maths class unmolested and settled in for an hour of guaranteed no Vexen.

Whether it was a lack of Vexen or the fact that he had something to look forward to, Roxas' last two classes sped by and he was suddenly free to escape the walls of Twilight Boarding. Trying to act casual, but his walk speeding up with every step, Roxas hurried through the school's winding corridors and smiled in relief when he finally stepped into the sunshine. As he was dashing across the manicured front lawn to meet his taxi Roxas caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye and snapped his head around to see a very angry Vexen being herded towards the dorms by the Student Supervisor Lexaeus. Curious, but completely unwilling to risk missing his taxi, Roxas filed the spectacle away in his memory for future dissection and scurried out of the gate.

***&&&***  
  
Vexen left English class with a grin on his face and a glow of desire in the pit of his stomach, already scheming about how he could next get to the blonde boy who brought out his darkest instincts. As he usually did at lunch, Vexen quickly grabbed a sandwich from the cafeteria and then slunk stealthily through the empty corridors to meet Saix at their little spot. Arriving at the sheltered corner where two buildings converged to create an out of the way nook, Vexen saw that he had gotten there first and he pulled out a cigarette, lighting up with a sigh.

Saix arrived a few moments after Vexen and they were soon engulfed in a billow of smoke, Vexen regaling his snickering friend with the story of English class. Vexen had just started on his second cigarette however when a sound nearby caused them to freeze mere seconds before the door crashed open and Pete the janitor was staring down at them with a nasty grin on his chubby face. Without ceremony both Vexen and Saix were whisked away from their little hideaway and dragged to go see Principal Diz to the sounds of the triumphant muttering of Pete whose personal mission in addition to his job was waging a one man war on the secret smokers in the school.

When Vexen left Diz' office after the severe chastisement delivered by the principal he was absolutely livid. The telling off had been par for the course, but the punishment that Diz had handed down had almost caused Vexen to go off the deep end. Once Diz had finished pontificating on the dangers and stupidity of smoking he had looked disappointedly at the teens standing in front of him and said, 'Your punishment will last for one full week and there will be no complaints, understood? You will be moved into the rooms adjacent to my quarters as of this afternoon and you will only leave those rooms when accompanied by a chaperone. Saix, you will be paired with Professor Xigbar and Vexen you with Lexaeus. You are dismissed for your next class, I hope this teaches you something.'

Walking down the hallway to his next lesson Vexen seethed with futile rage and even two hours later when his classes were over for the day he was still basically an unexploded bomb. The constant bulk of Lexaeus' silent presence rubbed away at Vexen's last nerve and when he was being shepherded across the front lawn he caught a glimpse of Roxas and for a moment it was touch and go as to whether he could stop himself from taking a swing at the man looming beside him. Luckily for everyone involved Vexen managed to keep himself in check, but underneath his impassive exterior his inner demons howled.

Although he seemed to walk compliantly along beside Lexaeus, Vexen had withdrawn deep inside his own mind and was planning the course that events would take place the moment he was released back under his own recognizance. Matching Lexaeus stride for stride Vexen created in his mind a 3D working model of the following Tuesday and he pinpointed times of Roxas-intersection with a red splotch, smiling a little at the sheer amount of time-points he had to choose from. Calming a little, his mind starting to click faster and faster, Vexen plotted how he could most satisfyingly take his frustrations out on Roxas.

***&&&***  
  
Once again Axel was sitting in the coffee shop downing espresso like there was no tomorrow, but this time his heart was beating so loudly in his ears that it drowned out the pleasant café music and background chatter. Although he had tried to come off to Roxas as supremely, all-powerfully confident, from the moment the other teen had agreed to still meet him in town Axel had found himself fighting a rising tide of dread. Wired on a massive overdose of coffee Axel sat looking out of the café window and tried his best to look relaxed as he scanned the street and scrutinized every person that walked by.

After twenty minutes of ceaseless vigilance Axel was feeling both exhausted and even more excruciatingly alert to his surroundings. Needing to do something that might help release some of the tension he jumped to his feet and after throwing a few coins in the tip jar for the waitress he forced himself to saunter slowly out onto the street and down the road a short way. From his new vantage point, leaning casually against a wall, half hidden behind a sign, Axel was pleased to see that he had a clear view down the road in both directions and would be able to see Roxas coming long before the teen's taxi got close.

By three thirty Axel's jaw was sore from how roughly he was grinding his teeth and he breathed a short sigh of relief when a text came through from Roxas to say that he was on his way. Going into a state of hyper-awareness Axel let instincts honed through bitter life experience come to the fore and he opened his senses to his surroundings, searching for anything that might trip his sensitive 'wrong alarms'. Seconds passed, then minutes and Axel waited for Roxas, ready to break off their plans at a split-second's notice but hoping desperately for the gods to give them a break.

When Roxas' taxi came into sight in the distance Axel stepped up his search for Thirteen Black or any other 'off' thing from red alert to ultra-super-infra-red alert. Unwilling to risk missing anything that could indicate Roxas was being tailed Axel waited until the taxi was almost on top of him before conceding that if someone was watching then they were hidden beyond finding even with his heightened instincts and acute senses. Stepping away from the wall Axel strolled back towards the café, more than ready to meet Roxas and get the fuck out of town.

The taxi pulled up to the curb and Axel performed a conjuring trick that he had perfected over many years, wiping his face of any stress or worry and constructing a grin that was equal parts relaxed, cocky and charmingly roguish. Adopting an attitude of breezy good-humour Axel waited for the taxi to stop and then swept open the door like a lanky, redheaded butler saying pompously, 'Young master Roxas I presume? Allow me sir, allow me. Will sir require a piggy back ride today or shall I find the wheelbarrow?'

Axel grinned even wider as Roxas paused with his leg half out of the taxi and then burst into laughter so hard that he required assistance to even get out of the car. Taking the teen's weight on his arm Axel chuckled as Roxas gasped, 'Why Axel, why do you do this? I've got bloody whiplash… Gaia wept, I was so freaking stressed in the car and now I can't breathe…'

Muscling Roxas out of the taxi and nodding a silent thank you to the amused driver, Axel wrapped a steadying arm around the teen's shoulders and said happily, 'Ah Rox, I live to see you dying with laughter, didn't you know? Come on dude, if you're any slower we'll get to my place just in time to get back in the car and go to training.'

To Axel's satisfaction Roxas continued to giggle sporadically the whole ride back to his house and when they finally made it inside Axel was snorting along with the blonde completely unable to keep a straight face. As the cackling duo blundered through the front door of the little cottage Axel clowned outrageously to cover his efforts to keep Roxas from bumping any injuries. Utterly exhausted at four in the afternoon Axel gently shoved Roxas onto the couch and fell bonelessly next to him with a genuine grin stretching from ear to ear.

***&&&***  
  
By the time he collapsed next to Axel on the couch Roxas felt like a whole new person. The fact that he hadn't even been able to get out of the taxi before exploding into laughter had swung Roxas' mood towards awesome and the easy banter and total 'click' of their senses of humour seemed to make everything slightly brighter somehow. As he lay on the sofa trying to get his breath back Roxas realized that he had gone a whole half an hour without a single whisper of Vexen crossing his thoughts.

When he felt like he could talk without the possibility of bursting back into laughter Roxas rolled his head to the side so he was looking at Axel's prone form and said uncertainly, 'Well, that's one way to work up an appetite. If you make yourself laugh like this all the time no wonder you're so skinny. Um, Ax, this whole workout by laugh thing… I've just been reminded by my stomach that I managed to miss lunch today. I don't suppose you've got anything I can steal to chew on before training?'

As the words escaped his mouth Roxas pursed his lips, hating the 'I'm hungry, feed me' sound of what he had just said. The blonde barely had time to draw breath however before Axel was up off the couch and flitting towards the kitchen calling over his shoulder, 'You picked a good time for it Rox, Sunday was shopping day and I haven't had time to eat the cupboards bare yet. What are you in the mood for? And what happened to make a growing boy like you go without lunch?'

Slowly pushing himself to his feet Roxas followed Axel into the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe. Though he hadn't exactly wanted to regale Axel with his daily dose of Vexen fuckery Roxas couldn't bring himself to take the easy option and make a flippant comment about getting lost on the way to the canteen and he tried to figure out what he actually did want to say. A silence from the pantry made Roxas look up and he saw Axel looking around the cupboard door at him, an inscrutable expression on his face.

Offering a half-hearted smile Roxas pulled himself together and said sardonically, 'Vexen is what happened. You know, for a change. Fuck, talk about a way to kill the mood… Sorry, I probably should've not dropped that into the conversation like a brick…'

Roxas trailed off when he saw that Axel had shut the pantry and was leaning against the door with an unhappy look on his face. The redhead looked over at Roxas with clouded green eyes and said, 'Sorry Rox. As soon as I asked that stupid question I knew what the answer would be. I'm a nosy bastard so I'll ask what happened, but feel free to tell me to go fuck myself and I promise I won't be offended.'

It was probably the disconcerting sight of a dejected Axel that goaded Roxas into opening up and he grimaced and said quietly, 'I swear there's something in his brain that's broken worse than before Axel. He's never done it before but he… In English where anyone could have seen it… Oh fuck it makes me feel fucking sick… It was kind of insult to injury that with his, uh, touching me he fucked up the cuts on my stomach and I only just made it to the bathroom before it got all over my school shirt. Clean up takes a while, you know?'

In the midst of his disjointed recollection of his day Roxas had a realization and he swore when he figured out what had been bothering him for the last fifteen minutes. With a frustrated groan Roxas pushed himself off the door frame and growled, 'Excuse me Ax, now that I think about it I may have sprung a leak. I, uh, just need to use your bathroom okay?'

Caught in his worry about bandaging up before his clothes were a write-off Roxas missed the black look of apocalyptic wrath that rose in Axel's eyes before the redhead stamped it down. Roxas was pulled briefly out of his distraction however when Axel cleared his throat and asked tentatively, 'Can I help Rox? I just… You don't have to do it all yourself… Fuck I hate that you've had to do all this on your own for so long.'

The genuine concern and caring in Axel's voice surprised a smile out of Roxas and before his brain could kick in with all the reasons why not he turned in the direction of the bathroom and said over his shoulder, 'I, uh, okay Ax… Can we just get this done though and maybe forget about it for the rest of the day?'

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror with Axel leaning against the wall with his arms folded saw Roxas second guessing whether or not he could seriously do this. His brain told him matter-of-factly that Axel had actually already seen his battlefield of a torso, but when it came to voluntarily raising his top to display his wounds Roxas suddenly found that it was even harder than he thought it was going to be. Caught up in the struggle in his head Roxas didn't notice Axel moving until the other teen was right beside him.

The blonde teen nearly went through the roof when Axel said in his ear, 'I can wait in the hall Rox. I honestly just thought I could help… Two pairs of hands and all that. Seriously though, if you want to be alone just say.'

Clutching his chest Roxas heaved in a huge gasp of breath and leant on the sink, cursing himself for being such a girl. Though his racing heart still felt like it was about to beat its way out through his ribs, Roxas found that the fright had jolted him out of his uncertainty and as Axel took a step backward Roxas shot out his hand and grabbed his wrist. Before he could lose his nerve Roxas straightened up and turned to face Axel, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it up to reveal his stomach.

Despite having spent the best part of lunchtime scrutinizing and dealing with the mess between his ribs and hips Roxas let out a disgusted snort to see that his hasty repairs had all but turned to shit. Painfully aware that Axel was standing next to him watching silently Roxas began to unwrap the ragged pieces of t-shirt to see what he could do to mitigate the latest damage Vexen had done. As his hands moved Roxas found he couldn't stand the silence and he said distantly, 'Axel, I don't suppose you have anything better that I can patch myself up with? If I have to use this t-shirt much longer it's possible I'll get gangrene.'

In his sensitive state Roxas felt Axel emanate a strange wave of emotion before the redhead nodded and reached over his head to the cabinet above the sink. While Roxas peeled away the stained and sodden fabric from his skin Axel rummaged for a moment before moving back to sit on the edge of the bath, a small medical box cradled on his lap. The forced casual tone of Axel's voice made Roxas look up sharply as he said, 'That needs proper cleaning Roxas or you really will get an infection if not actual gangrene. Look, can I just… Will you let me…?'

Blinking at the abnormally unsure sound of Axel's words Roxas looked up, confused at the mix of discomfort and reluctance written across the redhead's face. Pausing in what he was doing Roxas narrowed his eyes and asked suspiciously, 'What… Ax, what are you trying your damnedest not to say?'

***&&&***  
  
The second Roxas distractedly asked if he had anything that could be used to help patch him up Axel knew that his secret was done. Pulling his small but comprehensive medical kit from the cupboard, Axel was very aware that no normal person would just happen to have the supplies he had and he shakily tried to nerve himself for the moment he had hoped to postpone at least for a decade or two. As he sat back on the edge of the bath Axel was briefly distracted by the awful state of Roxas' midriff and he decided that if he was going to blow his cover he might as well do it properly, making his offer with a tongue that seemed to not be working properly.

Axel admitted total defeat when Roxas looked up at him warily, hating the distrustful look on the teen's face, and the redhead bit his tongue when Roxas asked his unsure question. Swallowing hard Axel found that he couldn't hold Roxas' gaze as he said, 'Look, uh, I… I have experience in cleaning this sort of shit up okay? I cut. I'm a cutter. I've got the medical stuff to really fix you up properly if you… If you'll let me help.'

Staring at the floor with his statement still echoing in the air Axel had the opportunity to muse with vague disgust at just how completely emo and self-pitying he sounded. Unable to control his fingers Axel fiddled with the catch on the kit he was clutching, slowly slumping back against the wall as the silence drew out. Reasoning that if he found himself pathetic and distastefully self-indulgent then Roxas must be thinking that and more, Axel waited for the other teen to scoff in contempt and invite him to fuck right off.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: A rather fluffy chapter for me, just minor warnings for talk about self harm. :) If you enjoy this fic and so feel inclined, please leave a review.**

Axel's terse answer to Roxas' curious question had been so unexpected that Roxas simply stood there blinking at the redhead blankly, replaying the words over in his head in an attempt to make them make sense. If he was honest with himself Roxas would never in a million, thousand, trillion years have expected to hear the words 'I'm a cutter' come out of Axel's mouth and part of his nonplussed silence was due to his amazement at how flawlessly the redhead had masked that aspect of himself. Time ticked by and the silence drew out.

His brain was working so slowly that it took Roxas almost five minutes to pick up on the fact that Axel was withdrawing into himself, but when he did click it felt like his brain had been doused in ice water. All at once it hit Roxas how hard it must have been for Axel to disclose his secret and he felt a tug at his heart, a deep surge of empathy as he remembered how it felt when he first allowed his own story to fall out of his mouth. Still trying to force his brain to catch up Roxas managed to make his mouth say, 'Ax…'

Axel didn't look up at the sound of Roxas' voice and actually shrank back a little against the wall causing Roxas to reevaluate exactly what it had cost the redhead to open his mouth. A flash of insight hit Roxas between the eyes and he completely forgot the loose bandages on his stomach, saying in a wondering voice, 'Gaia Ax, you've never told anyone have you? What the hell… Why… You didn't have to tell me…'

Once again Axel took Roxas by surprise as before the teen's eyes he shivered slightly and then visibly slammed his walls back into place. Looking up with absolutely no expression on his face Axel said flatly, 'Because I didn't want to come off as a self-pitying waste of space. I mean I am, but with the shit that you're going through… Look, Rox, you shouldn't have to deal with my shit on top of your own.'

The tone in Axel's voice was one that Roxas hadn't heard from him before and it took him a second to realize that it was a tone of frustration flavoured with an unhealthy level of self-loathing. Not liking the remote look on Axel's face or the bleak sound of his voice Roxas tried to inject some strength into his own voice as he said, 'Ax… I thought we were friends right? How is it a friendship if you take on my horrible shit but I leave you alone with yours? And you haven't have you? Told anyone else this?'

As he spoke Roxas saw a small spark of something flicker in Axel's eyes and he stared intently at the other teen, trying through sheer force of will to make him come back from wherever he had gone in his head. After a long pause Roxas' patience was rewarded as Axel flicked his eyes up to meet his gaze and muttered, 'I want… We are friends… I hope. And no Roxas, no one knows. Not Xaldin, not Zexion, not my cousin Reno, the only family I have left… I wish you didn't know either okay?'

Roxas winced at the bitter vehemence in Axel's tone and impulsively reached out to squeeze his arm, wanting only to communicate understanding and concern. The reaction to his simple gesture nearly gave Roxas a heart attack however when Axel's eyes remained fixed on his but the teen's hand moved in a blur to grab his wrist. Frozen with shock Roxas could only stare as Axel whispered, 'Don't… Please don't do that. It's still healing…'

***&&&***  
  
Axel had actually felt hope stir within in him when Roxas didn't run for the hills and even tried to talk him out of his semi-dissociation, but mere seconds later he was cursing himself for even thinking in a positive tone. The second that Roxas began to reach out Axel had a prophetic flash of the teen's intent and using speed he usually reserved for combat he caught Roxas' hand a clear six inches from his wounded arm. Only just avoiding swallowing his tongue Axel just managed to whisper, 'Don't… Please don't do that. It's still healing…'

Still grasping Roxas' outstretched hand gently in his long fingers Axel slid off the lip of the bath onto his feet and stepped back to put a little space between them. Feeling like he would die of humiliation if his stupidity was the focus of conversation for one more second Axel held up the box that was still in his hand and fighting to keep the note of desperation out of his voice said, 'At risk of being accused of blatantly changing the subject, we need to do something about you Rox. I, um, if for some reason you want to we can pick this up later, but can we get you cleaned up before you bleed on something we can't easily clean?'

There was one more second of crystal-sharp silence before Roxas gave Axel a pointed look of 'you know this isn't over' and then nodded slowly saying, 'I don't know where to start really. I've pretty much half-assed my way through this and to be honest I think I'm lucky that I haven't ended up in the hospital with some sort of horrible infection.'

With the focus moving away from his own injuries Axel regained a little of his self-possession and his brain began to work again. Realizing that he was still holding Roxas' hand Axel let go of the blonde's fingers self-consciously and gestured for him to take a seat on the closed lid of the toilet. Eyeing what he could see of Roxas' stomach Axel tried to channel the tattered remnants of his customary swagger saying, 'Have a seat and let Nurse Axel have a look at you. If you're a good boy and sit still we'll get you right as rain and you can have a lollypop when we're done.'

After the roller coaster his emotions had just put him through it made Axel both smile and sigh with relief to hear Roxas chuckle quietly as he took a seat. Aware of the tension in Roxas' shoulders as he lifted the bottom of his shirt Axel crouched in front of the teen and rested his elbows on his knees, assessing with an experienced eye the best way to approach the task. Axel's gaze ran over the roughly wrapped, makeshift bandages taking note of the patches of dried blood along with the spots where fresh blood was oozing through. A couple of analytical seconds after Roxas sat down Axel decided that he would have to just jump in and do his best to clean up the mess.

Axel's hand was halfway to Roxas' midriff when he had a sudden thought. Freezing before he touched the other teen Axel looked up into Roxas' uneasy gaze and said with a hint of self-derision, 'Rox, I'm going to need to unwrap you and, uh, touch you. I didn't even think, are you going to be okay with that? I guess we could… I could sit over here and walk you through what to do if that would be better for you…'

Before Axel could ramble on further Roxas held his hand up and said resolutely, albeit with a slight tremor in his voice, 'Ax it's okay. I think. We'd be here forever… Just… Can you tell me what you're doing? I don't… I don't do well with surprises.'

Privately admiring the hell out of Roxas for his resolute stubbornness Axel simply nodded and went to work. With hands that he forced to steadiness Axel gently teased the soiled strips of fabric away from the half-healed wounds on Roxas' stomach, talking in a low, even voice describing exactly what he was doing. Wincing each time Roxas flinched Axel worked quickly and efficiently, cleaning away the dried and half dried blood and then covering each cut with a clean dressing and taping it down firmly. It felt like it took forever due to the sheer number of lacerations on Roxas' skin, but when Axel finally sat back and looked at his watch he saw that in reality it had only taken just over forty minutes.

Letting out a sigh that was echoed faintly by Roxas, Axel got to his feet and offered his hand to the other teen, pulling him gently upright. Deciding that Roxas had to still be starving and that it was worth attempting a diversion from their unfinished conversation Axel offered Roxas a lop-sided grin and said, 'Well, now that you're all squared away do you want that late lunch I promised earlier? I make a pretty mean cheese toastie and I may have weakened and bought some chocolate-coated ginger melts that you really need to try if you haven't already…'

By the time Axel ran out of breath he was rolling his eyes at his own word-vomit but Roxas simply smiled and said, 'Ax, I would kill for a cheese toastie right now. And I have to admit, I'm officially intrigued by just how good a chocolate coated ginger biscuit could be.'

***&&&***  
  
Sitting in the passenger seat of Axel's car on the way to Taekwon-do Roxas swore to himself that the next time he was in town he would buy out the supermarket's supply of Ginger Melts. After the intense time in the bathroom focused on injury and pain, the afternoon had become a biscuitary education for Roxas and he was unashamed to admit that he would sell a small child to a vivisectionist if it meant he could devour more of the chocolaty ginger delights. Also, Roxas had been once more amazed at how easy it was to be practically normal around the paradoxical redhead.

Things only got better for Roxas when he arrived at training as right after the warm up Xaldin called him up the front for a short chat. Five minute's conversation with the grinning instructor left Roxas with a disbelieving smile stretched across his face and moments later he was in the small side room with Axel, cleared to attempt some gentle kicks and to run through a light series of patterns. Elated to be actually back at actual Taekwon-do, doing actual things actually, Roxas stood in front of Axel and bestowed upon the smiling teen a brilliant grin that he was unaware transformed his whole face into something approaching beautifully angelic.

Roxas grinned and looked up into Axel's face but his smile faded into a quizzical look as he realized that Axel seemed to have spaced out and was staring back at him and beaming in a dopey manner. Waving his hand in front of Axel's face didn't produce any results and it was only when Roxas snickered and flicked the teen right in the centre of the forehead that he blinked and shook his head. Filing away Axel's slightly stranger than usual behaviour for discussion at a later date Roxas prodded the redhead until the instructing started to happen and he began to soak up the technical details of how to kick someone's testicles out of their ears, in slow motion for the moment.

Taking it easy on himself with respect to the recent punishment his body had been enduring Roxas watched carefully as Axel demonstrated step by step how to perform a basic kick and then, leaning on the other teen, he copied the action as closely as possible. Two hours passed impossibly quickly and it was with great reluctance that Roxas bowed to Axel and followed him back into the main hall for the ending of class. Once Xaldin dismissed his students with a jovial reminder to practice every waking moment Roxas joined in helping clean up the hall and when all the equipment was away the blonde teen intercepted a wink from Axel, the signal to put their prearranged plan into action.

Roxas drew on his rather well developed acting abilities to appear both bored and impatient as he walked out of the Taekwon-do hall, following an equally impatient looking Axel to his car. Without a word Roxas climbed awkwardly into the vehicle and just as silently Axel got in and started up the car, pulling out of the parking lot with a screech of tires. The silence lasted for almost five minutes of driving before Roxas, who had been scanning the sparse traffic for any followers, sighed in relief and said quietly, 'Well Ax, if there's anyone following us then they've learnt how to be invisible and then we'd be completely fucked anyway. Can you drive a little slower maybe?'

In response to Roxas' tentatively hopeful comment Axel chuckled under his breath and decelerated to the slowest speed he could go while still moving forward. The two teens spent the drawn out trip back to the boarding school engrossed in a rambling conversation about just about every trivial thing under the sun, culminating in Roxas' delight at discovering that Axel was also a rabid fan of everything ever written by Stephen King. When Axel pulled to a stop just around the corner from the school gates Roxas sighed and tried to suppress the overwhelming feeling of gloom that descended as he got closer to his prison.

His mind already whispering that Vexen would be waiting for him to set foot on the school grounds Roxas was taken by surprise when Axel picked an uninjured spot on his shoulder and nudged him gently. Axel's voice held equal amounts of concern and hope as he said, 'Come on Rox, try and think forward to tomorrow. I know you can't gap it right after school, but if you try and get to training as early as you can we can hang out before class starts. Ah fuck-knuckles, if I could I'd totally whisk you off and try the whole concussion story again just to keep you out of there. I just don't think even Dizzy Diz would fall for that story every night for the rest of the year.'

Axel's abrupt change of thought in the middle of his sentence surprised a laugh out of Roxas and the blonde teen grimaced, smiling a rueful smile as he replied, 'Thanks Axel, for even the thought. Look, before I started at Taekwon-do I had serious doubts that I'd last until the end of the year… But now I catch myself thinking that all I have to do is last out eight months and I'll have a chance at getting away. At risk of sounding like the end of an embarrassingly cheesy movie, you've given me a light at the end of the tunnel.'

***&&&***  
  
Axel listened to Roxas' awkward thank you speech with a rising blush staining his usually pale cheeks. Unable to even take refuge in his usual defence of humour Axel coughed and said quickly, 'Hey, don't sweat it okay? I meant it when I said I'd burn that place to the ground to get you out if it came to it and our current plan is a lot less likely to get me locked up… Fire is my plan B though Rox, just so you're fairly warned. Uh, hey, much as I hate to say it, you should go before you get locked out. I guess the last thing we need is more trouble huh?'

The pang that Axel felt as the grin slipped from Roxas' face was nothing compared to the sinking feeling in his chest as the other teen slowly climbed out of the car and stood indecisively by the open door. Axel was busy kicking himself for killing the semi-happy mood when Roxas leaned forward to peer into the car and said with a small but beautiful smile, 'Stop looking like I kicked your puppy Ax, do what you told me to do and start looking forward to tomorrow already. I promise I'll text you before lights out so you know I'm okay and I'll see you at half past five at training okay?'

Once again caught off-guard by the sheer radiance of a smiling Roxas, Axel did his best to hide the effect the teen's happiness had on him by chuckling and nodding emphatically. As Roxas swung the door closed and walked off towards the school with his head held high however, Axel's control collapsed for a second and a look of abject worry and uncertainty stamped itself across his face before he wiped it away hurriedly. When Roxas was out of sight in the growing darkness Axel reluctantly started the car and headed for home, but as he drove the redhead was unable to stop the wistful smile that curled the corners of his lips at the memory of Roxas looking utterly and purely happy.

***&&&***  
  
Trying to hold onto the good feelings from his time with Axel that were rapidly draining away, Roxas trudged in through the school gates and let himself in the front door. Picking up his pace a little in the hopes that he could make it to his room without being caught by Vexen, Roxas moved at a limping trot through the almost deserted corridors towards his dorm. Much to his relived surprise Roxas saw absolutely no sign of Vexen in the couple of minutes it took him to reach his room and even though it was still a good half hour until lights out he slipped through the door silently, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible.

Roxas' attempts at silence all came to naught however, as the second he entered the bedroom he was subjected to a small, localized whirlwind that usually went by the name Pence. Almost swept off his feet by the other teen's excitement Roxas only just managed to make it to his bed before pulling Pence down next to him and saying bewilderedly, 'Wow, okay, I'm used to you running round like a chicken on crack but this seems a little more excessive than usual. Care to tell me what has you bouncing off the ceiling tonight Pence?'

As Roxas watched curiously the expression on Pence's face went from gleeful to borderline rapturous, the boy clasping his hands in front of his chest dramatically and trilling, 'Pete managed to snap someone for smoking! Well, two someones and Diz was taking no prisoners. I know they kinda hate you the most, but pretty much everyone is rejoicing that the wicked witches are dead! Hah, no seriously, Vexen and Saix have been handcuffed to Lexaeus and Xigbar to be their bitches for a whole freaking week! Diz even moved them into the rooms next to his so he could keep them under his thumb… Oh Rox, I didn't know Principal Blondie had it in him! Oi, dude, you still in there?'

When Pence blurted out the part about secret smokers getting busted by Pete Roxas started to grin, bracing himself for an entertaining yarn of yelling and punishment. The story quickly burst into metaphorical fireworks and singing birds however when Pence dropped the bomb that Vexen and Saix would be out of commission and under constant supervision for the whole coming week. It was only when Pence started to comically shake him by the shoulder and yell at him not go towards the light that Roxas shook his head violently and sent Pence a blindingly brilliant grin.

Pulling himself together Roxas playfully smacked Pence's hands away and stuck out his tongue. Matching the light-hearted, bantering tone that Pence had set Roxas quipped, 'Sorry man, I thought I'd fallen into a parallel universe… You know that Vexen, Mr Golden Head-Boy, never gets caught or punished for anything in the real world. Now my friend, tell me more about how Pete managed to win a small skirmish in his war on tobacco.'

Roxas spent the half hour before lights out snickering with Pence over the fact of the two biggest bullies at Twilight Boarding School being stuck with chaperones for a whole week, an idea that sent the two teens into borderline hysterics. When Xehanort eventually grumped his way around to their dorm to enforce the lights out rule, Roxas burrowed under his covers with a painfully wide grin on his face and let out a little sigh of joy. For a few minutes Roxas contemplated clandestinely texting Axel from his blanket fortress but tiredness stole up on him suddenly and he fell asleep with the smile still on his face.

***&&&***  
  
Axel was in the middle of measuring the semi-major axis of a stellar orbit in arc-seconds and converting it to a length in lightdays, a problem that was giving him minor issues, when his phone went off and gave him an excuse for a break. Tossing his pencil in the air Axel was halfway across the room before it hit the table and he snatched up his cellphone before making his way over to throw himself on the couch. Seeing that the incoming text was from Roxas, Axel pulled himself out of his failure-induced funk and made himself comfortable.

Before he was halfway through the text Axel's mood flipped and he was almost bubbling over with glee. He had to reread it three times to make sure he hadn't imagined it. For the third time Axel read, 'Gaia's love Ax, there are gods out there. Vexen got caught smoking and he won't get near me for a whole week! He's been assigned a chaperone to follow him everywhere and is basically confined to the rooms next to the Principal's office outside of class time. I don't know what to do with myself Ax, this is fucking insane!'

Finally accepting that yes, his eyes were not playing an elaborate prank on him, Axel let out a laugh of delight and opened a reply, writing quickly, 'Rox, if you could see me now. I've got my hot pink party outfit on and I'm doing a single person conga through every room of my house. I can hardly believe you're serious you know. Please don't text back to say early April Fools.'

It only took seconds for Roxas' next text to come through saying, 'No fools this April Ax, I swear this awesome thing has come to pass. Gaia's love I might even get a chance to heal and get back to proper training again! I have to go to class but break out the champagne, we need to think up some way to celebrate when I make it to your place after school tomorrow.'

Texting back something incoherently ecstatic Axel couldn't resist rolling to his feet and letting out a whoop that echoed around the room. The redhead was in the process of performing an energetic boogie through to the kitchen when the clock struck the hour and his happy little bubble was punctured by the fact that he had a shitload of work to do before the end of the week if he wanted to keep up with his coursework. Ditching the dancing but unable to get rid of smile Axel sat back down at the table, intent on plowing through as many exercises as possible before he had to go meet Roxas.

Axel's euphoria lasted until about ten minutes before his next food break, something that ended up being more of a mental necessity than anything else. The emotional and psychological pressures that had been building up in Axel's life had started out as almost manageable, but when the whole Roxas Issue had been added to the pre-existing pressures of hard-core study and striving to be good enough to achieve his black belt, the teen found himself struggling just to keep his head above water. In this case, being unable to work his way through a simple question on the characteristics of electromagnetic radiation was enough to bring Axel to the end of his rope.

The snap was relatively subdued, but Axel's true level of distress was revealed by the speed with which he shoved away from the table and headed towards his bedroom. In Axel's mind the voice that had been briefly blanked out by the good feelings of Roxas' news began to crank the volume back up by hissing accurately and crushingly, 'I wouldn't bother getting excited you know moron. Just for the simple fact that in exactly a week that bully dude will be back and doubly extra super pissed that he hasn't got to do his bully thing for a week.'

Bad Red didn't give Axel a second to recover and upgrading from hissing to snarling the voice said, 'Oh Axie, I bet you can imagine how that Vexen character will be feeling after having no little Roxas for a week. This 'reprieve' as you've been thinking of it, it's more like the calm before one hell of a shitstorm. You know what would be really funny? If you bombed in your study, failed miserably at your black belt and then you read in the paper that a certain blondie and his brother had been murdered in a gang related killing.'

Arriving at the door to his room just as the image of Roxas lying dead from a bullet wound burst vividly in his mind's eye, Axel slammed the door behind him and sent his fist crashing into the wall. Shaking his head in an attempt to dislodge the sickening mental image Axel thought desperately back at the voice, 'It won't… It can't happen. This week… It's a good thing goddamn it! Fuck… Just stop…'

If anything the voice injected a note of glee into its tone and continued sardonically, 'Oh yes, it's a good thing if you think an enraged, borderline-psychotic bully is positive. It's a great thing if you wanted Vexen to have nothing else to do but to think of ways he could be having fun with Roxas. And it's a wonderful thing if you wanted to have a whole week to look forward to something you have no way of stopping. Whatcha think about that Axie-Boy?'

With Bad Red's poison echoing round in his head Axel searched for a rebuttal but came up with nothing and slumping down on the edge of the bed he cursed himself for letting his mercurial moods control him so completely. Still trying to banish the lingering picture of Roxas sprawled dead on the ground Axel couldn't stop his gaze from slowly creeping over to his bedside table. With all of his rapidly draining resilience Axel tried to resist the compulsion that pushed him but after a conflicted thirty seconds he lunged forward to scrabble at the drawer.

Axel's fingers closed around his knife but as his gaze caressed the smooth blade his compulsion to gouge holes in himself ran headlong into a sudden upsurge of self-loathing that for once goaded him to put the knife down. Holding the knife in trembling fingers Axel found himself once again imagining the look on Roxas' face if the blonde teen could see him in his current state and the bitter contempt churning in his gut almost made him gag. For a second anger flashed through Axel's confusion and he hurled the knife onto the bed, glaring at it with a mixture of loathing and longing.

Even though Axel's bright green eyes were fixed on the pocketknife lying enticingly on the duvet he found that an image was overlaying reality like a shimmering mirage. Almost as if his new friend was standing right in front of him Axel could see Roxas' face, a smile lighting the teen's face and glowing in his eyes. Feeling all kinds of stupid but unable to stop himself Axel muttered to the Roxas-image, 'I'm sorry I'm so weak. You're living through World War Vexen and you don't do this shit. What the fuck is wrong with me?'

Unexpectedly Axel's vision took on a new dimension of reality and whispered in the ghost of Roxas' voice, 'Don't Ax, don't do it. You told me to fight so I'm fighting… You have to fight too. Don't skip the good things just because you know something bad will come after…'

Blinking bemusedly at the now fading image Axel felt a small smile quirk his lips before his frown returned at the sight of his knife still sitting in front of him. Partly to himself and partly to the vanishing Imaginary-Roxas Axel murmured, 'I don't know Rox… This shit is almost too much you know? I'll try… But fuck, I'm hanging on by the tips of my fingernails.'

The clock chimed loudly in the other room and Axel suddenly realized that it was two o'clock. He swore under his breath, fully aware that he had just three hours in which to get himself together and finish his much neglected astrophysics exercises before he had to get himself to Taekwon-do. Steeling himself Axel grabbed his knife and chucked it into its drawer before slamming the nightstand shut and walking unsteadily back towards his waiting course work. Sitting back at the table Axel set an alarm for four thirty and then resolutely shut out the world, focusing on the intricacies of space he usually found so fascinating.

***&&&***  
  
For the first time since he could remember Roxas found himself able to concentrate in his classes without the nagging fear of being ambushed in the hallways after the lesson. The English teacher Mr Mauvais even gave Roxas a rare compliment when he was the only student to identify that it was Othello's readiness to respond and not Iago's evil genius that royally screwed Shakespeare's legendary Moor. Roxas was revelling in the novelty of not being hopelessly oppressed so much that he found the day had simply flown by and he only had two hours of dicking around before his taxi arrived to take him to Taekwon-do.

Roxas had just begun to make his way back to his room to get his stuff together when he caught sight of Principal Diz coming down the hallway towards him with a package in his hands. Trying to banish the echo of Axel giggling 'Dizzy Diz' from his mind Roxas straightened up so that he wouldn't get pulled up for 'unacceptable posture' and with an uncertain smile he said, 'Sir. You wanted me for something?'

Sweeping to a halt in front of Roxas Diz nodded in greeting and said jovially, 'Ah Roxas, it's good to see that you've been accident free for a while apart from that unfortunate moving incident with your finger. Relax, relax, I won't be whisking you away for anything, I just came to find you because your uniform for your Taekwon-do classes arrived at lunchtime. Enjoy your training tonight and I look forward to your progress report from your instructor, Mr Arma I believe.'

The grin on Roxas' face stretched from ear to ear and actually made his cheeks hurt. Stuttering incoherently for a moment Roxas was eventually able to string two words together and he said faintly, 'Thank you so much Sir, this is… This is fantastic. I think Mr Arma is going to send my report through at the end of the week, it's actually going to be written by his senior student who has taken charge of getting me started. I… Oh man… Sir, can I please go try this on?'

Principal Diz chuckled at the restrained excitement in Roxas' voice and said genially, 'Go on then, make sure that it fits for your class tonight. Keep out of trouble Roxas.'

As Diz strolled off down the corridor Roxas took off towards his dorm room as fast as he could without breaking the hallway rules and flat out running. Once the bedroom door closed behind him Roxas changed into the loose white pants and top, tying the white cotton belt around his waist firmly and looking down at himself to examine the overall effect. With satisfaction Roxas noted how well the uniform fitted him and a few experimental techniques made him appreciate how the design of the outfit facilitated easy movement. Checking his watch Roxas muttered under his breath as he saw it was only quarter to four and he plopped down on his bed, grabbing a random book to pass the time until his taxi was due to arrive.

Roxas only made it to five o'clock before he tossed his book in the air and shoved himself up off the bed with an impatient groan. Stomping over to his dresser drawer Roxas yanked out a jacket and struggled into it, trying his best to be careful of his splinted finger in his eagerness to get down to the school gates. When he was finally sure that his finger wasn't going to fall off and his new outfit was covered enough to go out in public Roxas grabbed his bag and shot out of the room, fully aware that the taxi would be another fifteen minutes but unable to move any slower.

By the time the taxi finally puttered up in front of the school Roxas was jigging up and down like a little kid, in the back of his mind feeling a little sheepish about being so excited over showing off his new clothes. The ride to the hall seemed to take forever and the taxi had barely pulled to a halt in front of the building before Roxas was out of the car and yelling his thanks to the driver as he scurried indoors. As usual Axel was pottering around the front of the room setting up equipment and Roxas grinned mischievously when he caught sight of the redhead, arranging himself nonchalantly in the doorway to wait for his presence to be noticed.

When Axel eventually became aware of the lurker staring him he bounced to his feet and hurtled down the hall at a high rate of knots, skidding to a halt with a wide grin. It was all Roxas could do to keep a straight face as Axel broke tradition and bowed ostentatiously to his junior saying brightly, 'Well Rox looks like we're all going have to step our games up, how is it possible to look that swish in a freaking training uniform? Gaia wept, I'm lucky if I look like I forgot to get out of my pyjamas, and that's on a good day!'

For a whole five seconds Roxas managed to stare at Axel with a perfectly blank expression on his face, just long enough for seed of doubt to plant itself in the redhead's brain and his smile to droop slightly. His own grin stretching even wider than Axel's, Roxas started to laugh and soon he and Axel were leaning on each other, neither entirely sure what was so funny but both unable to stop the hilarity. When the next student to arrive, Zexion, walked in through the door Axel was bent double and wheezing while Roxas was propped against the wall trying to get a hold of himself.

In a supreme effort Roxas managed to pull himself together and deliver a decent bow to the curious Zexion while at the same time hiding the small jolt of social anxiety that punctured his happy bubble. Somehow being around Axel almost made Roxas forget that he really didn't know anyone else at the club and that he was generally shit at talking to people, so suddenly being face to face with the high ranking, outwardly aloof Zexion brought him crashing back to earth. Starting to feel like a possum caught in the headlights Roxas bit his lip and stared at Zexion as the other teen looked at him calmly.

While Roxas floundered for something to say and behind him Axel tried to gasp his way back to seriousness, Zexion smoothly returned Roxas' bow and said easily, 'Good idea you two, getting a laugh in before training. I heard that Xaldin might be in a vindictive mood today and we should be very, very afraid. So anyway Roxas, I thought I'd come and say hello seeing as you've been monopolized by Axel since you got here and I figured you must be getting sick of him by now.'

For a moment Roxas simply blinked at Zexion before he caught himself and forced his voice to work saying hesitantly, 'Um, hi. I'm sorry I haven't come and introduced myself, I should've made an effort to meet everyone and not stick with my comfort zone and the one person I do know.'

In the background Axel gave an inelegant snort at Roxas' apology but Zexion barely batted an eye. Pushing his silver-blue hair back out of his eyes the teen smiled and replied, 'Don't stress about it, there's plenty of time to meet the family as it were. If you like we could do some stretching before class and you could tell me a little more about yourself? We'll be undisturbed too because I think I hear Mr Arma calling for Ax to get his skinny behind up the front for some reason.'

To the dulcet tones of Axel cursing under his breath Roxas smiled a slightly more natural smile at Zexion and followed him over into a corner as Axel loped away to see what Instructor Arma wanted him for. Propping his leg on the bench seat and swiping at his toes Roxas looked up at Zexion as the bluette said, 'Really all I know about you is that you go to Twilight Boarding and for some reason you seem to be able to put up with Ax. I was curious, my brother graduated from your school at the end of last year and I just wondered if you knew him. Kadaj Vdan…?'

Zexion trailed off as Roxas was nodding before he even finished his sentence and the blonde teen said with a grin, 'Okay, you won't believe this but your brother was my calculus tutor for the whole first term last year. Oh man, small towns, I'm surprised I didn't know everyone here from second or third hand family connections. If you get the chance could you tell Kadaj that he has the patience of a saint and that I'm getting decent marks this year thanks to him?'

A rare laugh escaped Zexion and he pulled his arm across his chest in a languid stretch saying, 'I'll text him as soon as I get home, I think it might make his day. He's actually studying to be a mathematics teacher now and I have a feeling it was tutoring in his final year that tipped him over the edge. You're right about the small town thing though, it's actually almost odd to meet someone I don't feel like I already know from gossip or running into them or just general osmosis.'

Roxas copied Zexion's stretch and was pleasantly surprised to find his shoulders and upper arms loosening along with his nerves. Feeling more confident in the company of the composed teen Roxas took a second to try and work how a normal conversation with a normal person went and then asked, 'So what do you do outside of here? I sometimes forget that everyone at club doesn't just spring into being at five thirty on a Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.'

In the twenty minutes of conversation he had with Zexion before class started Roxas discovered that he and the bluette actually had a lot in common aside from their shared ability to cope with Axel for longer than ten seconds. Roxas was delighted to find out that Zexion was a reading addict who had not only heard of but adored Roxas' favourite author and they spent most of their stretching time deep in discussion about the fantasy universe they both knew down to the smallest details. Instructor Arma's voice eventually broke into their discussion to let everyone know that training would begin in five minutes and Roxas offered Zexion a shy smile as a mute thanks for taking the time to say hello.

As they finished shaking out the kinks in their muscles Zexion returned Roxas' smile and then said something that totally blew the blonde teen away. As if the thought had randomly popped into his head Zexion said casually, 'Hey Roxas, just a thought, if you decide that you're having to restrain yourself from kicking Ax in the head I'm happy to meet up for some training outside of club. If you can get out of school on the weekends or something we could go down the beach and do some self-defense or something… I mean if you want to.'

Struck momentarily speechless by the unforced, unaffected offer Roxas stared at Zexion with his mouth open before getting it together enough to nod vigorously. The blonde was still searching for words when Zexion grinned and followed up his offer with a second proposal saying, 'Actually, if you wanted a break from training we could kidnap Axel from his study and go out bowling or something equally lame… From what I know from Kadaj you don't get much time for actual fun at that school. Do you think you might like to sometime?'

Staring into Zexion's thin-lipped, lopsided smile Roxas could only stutter out something that sounded like an affirmative response. Completely unused to interactions outside of the utterly fucked up relationship he had with Vexen, Roxas couldn't believe how nice Zexion was being and how easy it was to pretend he was just a normal teen. As Xaldin bellowed for his students to form up for the start of class Roxas hurried to find his spot and he had to swallow the lump in his throat at the thought that he had managed to make yet another new friend.

***&&&***  
  
Axel was grateful that he would be spared the horrible training that Xaldin outlined to him in excruciating detail although he quailed a little when his instructor nailed him with an uncompromising stare and promised, 'As soon as Roxas' first proper month is up though Axel, you will be back with the class and I'll have to make sure you catch up on the suffering. Also, I think at the end of the week I'll need an update of your personal training for your black belt along with the report for Roxas' school records.'

Responding to Xaldin's questions and adding his own ideas for the night's training with half of his brain, Axel couldn't help but sigh inwardly at the sheer amount of work he had to do on top of his course exercises and part time work at the bar. Axel appreciated the constant encouragement and impetus that Xaldin provided during the standard Taekwon-do classes but it still took a cubic fucktonne of personal drive to keep up with the training schedule he had designed for himself along with everything else. When Xaldin finally clapped him on the shoulder and shouted for the class to form up, Axel shoved everything aside and decided to focus fully on the physical and mental workout ahead.

To Axel's relief the warm up was relatively light and he kept an eye on Roxas to make sure that the still recovering teen didn't push himself too hard. During the fifteen minute limber up session Axel noticed that Roxas had a strange look on his face and he stored this up for further questioning later on. When Xaldin finally finished the warm up and dismissed Axel to take Roxas for their training, the redhead bowed gratefully and followed Roxas into the room that he was beginning to think of as 'The Axel and Roxas Room of Awesome'.

The two hours during which they went over the beginner's patterns and continued teaching Roxas how to kick someone hard enough to remove their procreative abilities was spent in almost constant animated conversation, Axel wasting no time in grilling Roxas on the weird look he had been wearing after talking to Zexion. Though he tried to keep his reaction somewhat subdued Axel was delighted to hear that Roxas and Zexion had managed to form a connection during their brief talk. As the discussion continued Axel swore to himself they would hang out together soon so he could apologize to his old friend for neglecting him.

When the pair trotted out into the main hall for the end of class Axel found his hyperactive brain was already skipping ahead to the mountain of work he would at least have to get started on when he got home. As his instructor's voice droned on Axel couldn't suppress a sinking feeling in his stomach, something that had been happening more and more often as the pressures on him grew, and he struggled to cling to the good feelings that filled him every time Roxas smiled. Once class was formally dismissed and the equipment was all stowed away Axel pulled himself together a little, at least enough to slap his pre-prepared noncommittal look on his face just in case there was someone watching as he and Roxas left the building.

Axel could tell that Roxas had picked up on his off mood but the blonde kept any observations to himself and Axel was grateful for the chance to try and sort out his thoughts. The drive back to Twilight Boarding was quiet with an undertone of slight tension and when Axel slowed to a stop in their customary disembarking spot around the corner from the school Roxas finally broke the silence saying hesitantly, 'Are you okay Ax? You've been kind of weird since class finished… I didn't do or say something stupid did I?'

Biting his tongue at Roxas' assumption that it was him who had done something Axel still couldn't make himself open up to the worried blonde. Meeting Roxas' eyes Axel forced himself to hold the other teen's stare as he said quietly, 'I'm sorry Rox, I swear it's not you. My brain is… Being stupid at the moment and I just need to work it out and get my head straight in my own time. Look, when you come over tomorrow I promise I'll have my shit together and if you still want to know we can talk about it then… Please?'

The unhappy look in Roxas' blue gaze cut Axel deep as did the doubtful tone in his voice as he replied slowly, 'Okay… Tomorrow it is then. I won't push you Ax, I know how much it sucks when someone won't let things go. Ax… Look, stay safe okay? I'll see you tomorrow as soon as I can get out of school.'

With a forced little smile Roxas got out of the car and with a half-hearted wave he turned away to trudge in through the school gates. As he always did Axel watched until the small blonde figure was out of sight before starting the car with a sigh and heading towards home. The closer he got to his house and the further he got from Roxas the worse Axel felt until eventually he felt like a complete and irredeemable shit. Pulling into his driveway Axel turned off the car and slumped in the driver's seat trying to find the strength to get up.

It was the spectre of the report he had to write on Roxas' progress at Taekwon-do that finally got Axel out of the car but as he shut the car door he remembered yet another thing he had to before the end of the day and he closed his eyes for a second in despair. When he had started the training build up for his black belt nine months out from the actual event, Axel had committed to a training schedule he and Xaldin had written up and even though he had just finished club training he still had a number of physical tasks to complete before he could collapse. Slowly walking into his house Axel slammed the front door behind himself and tried to decide what to do first.

Axel stood in the hallway indecisively for a moment before reasoning that exercise before paperwork might result in falling asleep on said paperwork, so with a long sigh he stomped through to his bedroom to find his laptop. Setting himself up at the table Axel stared at the screen for a few minutes before casting his mind back to Roxas' first training and starting to write. To his surprise Axel found that chronicling and analyzing Roxas' journey thus far into Taekwon-do was actually not that difficult and the words flowed easily from his brain to the screen.

Even though he finished Roxas' progress report relatively quickly, it was still past nine thirty by the time Axel emailed the document to Xaldin and shut the laptop with a snap. Letting his arms dangle by his sides Axel leant back in his chair and stared at the ceiling briefly before expelling a huff of breath and pushing himself to his feet. Absently feeling relieved that he hadn't bothered changing out of his training uniform Axel plodded out of the house and let himself into the garage. Consulting the training schedule he had pinned to the wall Axel stepped into the middle of the large room and started to run through each pattern from the lowest rank to his own.

It was past eleven pm when Axel finished his last set of twenty push ups and collapsed on his face on the floor. His emotional and physical reserves almost entirely depleted Axel barely managed to stagger into the house and down to his bedroom before losing his balance and stumbling to his knees by the bed. Somehow Axel succeeded in wriggling out of his uniform and into his pyjama pants and with a herculean effort he heaved himself onto his bed. Flat on his back Axel stared at the ceiling and waited for sleep to flatten him like a steamroller.

Sleep was not quick enough to come to Axel however as the second he hit the mattress his mind started up with a sly, insidious whisper saying, 'Oh Axie, you're so cute when you think you can do something. You're even cuter when you're stupid enough to think you can actually do everything you're trying to do… Come on dipshit, you know that you're going fail and you're going to fail so badly that everyone will see exactly how worthless you are. Everyone will realize that if they stick around anywhere near you they will catch whatever disease it is that makes you so deficient.'

Bitterness rose in the back of Axel's throat like bile and he found that he had no comeback to refute what the voice was saying. As the vicious words echoed round his brain Axel blinked back tears and tried to fight the tide of bleak futility that swept through him, but the wave combined with the creeping blackness of exhaustion and overwhelmed the teen's weak resistance. Deep inside of him Axel's last shred of will power snapped and he laboriously rolled over onto his stomach, reaching for the drawer that contained the one thing he knew would take away the voice in his head.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you looked at it, sleep chose that precise moment to fall on Axel like an avalanche. The shattered redhead never even managed to retrieve his knife from the bedside table, passing out of consciousness with his hand just brushing the edge of the nightstand. As the pitch blackness of utter fatigue carried Axel away he heard a voice just on the edge of hearing say softly, 'You have to fight too Ax… Stay safe.'

***&&&***  
  
Lying in his horrible school bed Roxas stared at the wall and tried not to brood. In the brief time he had known Axel Roxas had seen extravagant Axel, protective Axel, intense Axel, moronic Axel, briefly seriously Axel and mainly awesome Axel, but in the car had been the first time he had seen completely withdrawn Axel and he found that he didn't like it. As he had been saying goodbye a thought had hit Roxas and he had settle for inadequately saying stay safe when he had wanted to grab Axel and beg him not to cut himself.

Though the residue of his great mood still lingered and softened the worry he was feeling Roxas still couldn't stop his brain from jumping back and forward between concern that Axel had hurt himself once he got home and consternation over exactly what had been bothering the redhead. In an intuitive leap Roxas remembered Axel's reluctant revelation the first time they had talked about his upcoming black belt grading and he concluded that the other teen's strange melancholy must be to do with the pressures he was under. Rather than get irritated at Axel's unwillingness to open up Roxas felt a pang of empathy for what the redhead must be going through.

Closing his eyes Roxas tried to quiet his mind, impatient to get to sleep so that it would be tomorrow already. In a complete reversal of his usual wish for bedtime to last forever, Roxas couldn't wait for Friday to arrive so that he could get to Axel's and somehow make him feel better. To calm his racing thoughts Roxas tried a few relaxing techniques that failed miserably before randomly deciding to run through his patterns in his head in an attempt to tire his brain out. Before he was halfway through the second pattern Roxas' thoughts began to break up as sleep arrived with alarming rapidity and his last thought as he slipped into darkness was of the inscrutable look on Axel's face as he had waved him goodbye.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Warning for a bit of self-harm, but that's it for this chapter. Hope you enjoy and the next chapter should be up shortly.**

Friday passed for Roxas like he was in a dream, a dream where everything he tried turned out right and things that were usually hard seemed ridiculously easy. Pleasant surprise was Roxas' emotion du jour and in a completely unfamiliar haze of bliss he committed to memory each instance, each remarkably frequent instance, of things going right. When he finally drifted out of school Roxas had a grin on his face so wide that his cheeks hurt and he was still smiling cheerfully when his taxi pulled up at the coffee shop. Part of Roxas had been cynically waiting for Axel to text him and tell him he was being tailed, but his phone remained quiet and the rearview mirror remained empty.

As soon as he stepped through the door of the café Roxas was enveloped in the usual exuberant Axel greeting, a lanky arm thrown around his shoulders and an aural assault of Axel singing, 'Hello Roxas, hello, hello, hello… You're smiling, I'm smiling, what a wonderful day!'

In a moment of unprecedented levity Roxas threw self-consciousness to the winds and caroled back, 'I'm happy, happy, happy and there's something you should knoooooow… You can't sing Axel!'

The look on Axel's face, a cross between incredulous, mock-offended and hilariously amused, made Roxas laugh so hard that he had to lean heavily on Axel just to remain upright. Like an ungainly four legged beast the two teens wobbled quickly to Axel's car, hurrying because they suddenly realized that they were out in the open, visible to any unfriendly eyes that might be watching. Roxas climbed into the passenger side still chuckling quietly and when Axel fell into the driver's seat with a loud huff that was all it took to set them both off again. Eventually they completed the epic journey from town to Axel's house, laughing the whole way.

As the car pulled into Axel's driveway Roxas froze for a moment, caught off-guard to see another car already parked outside. The question Roxas had been just about to ask Axel about his strange behavior the night before completely dropped out of his mind and he glanced uncertainly over at the other teen, unsure as to what was going on. Fighting the anxiety that immediately began to rise up inside him Roxas said uneasily, 'You didn't say someone would be here Ax… What's going on?'

Roxas relaxed a little when he got a look at Axel's expression, the redhead appearing to be kicking himself internally, and he even found his smile again when Axel said quickly, 'Well, we've once again confirmed that I'm a world class dipshit Rox. I completely forgot to tell you that I invited Zexion over to hang out with us because he texted me to see when we were free outside of training. I totally meant to text you and let you know but what can I say, I'm an idiot.'

Scowling Roxas elbowed Axel in the ribs and scoffed as he went to get out of the car, 'Uh huh, if you're an idiot then I have no brain at all Mr Astrophysics. You're allowed to forget stuff you know Ax. Come on, are you coming? Much as I'd like to hang around indefinitely I'd still like to make the most of the afternoon before I need to go back.'

***&&&***  
  
Zexion had turned up at Axel's place as soon as he could get out of school but by the time he pulled up outside Axel was just locking the door behind him to leave for the coffee shop. All it took was an eye roll from Zexion and rueful laugh from Axel and then Zexion was diving for the house key that Axel had tossed in his direction before hurrying in the direction of his car. Standing on the doorstep Zexion watched as Axel drove away with a jaunty wave and then he chuckled under his breath and let himself into the house.

Glancing around as he strolled down the hallway to the lounge Zexion smirked at the almost obsessive tidiness of the small house. Though he didn't know it, Zexion's reaction when he had first visited Axel's home had been almost identical to Roxas', baffled curiosity at the level of neatness that seemed so at odds with Axel's outrageous character. Falling bonelessly onto the couch Zexion stared into space, already forming tentative ideas of what they could do when Axel arrived back with Roxas. First on Zexion's list was definitely getting Roxas to show him what he had learned so far at Taekwon-do as Zexion was very curious what Axel had been teaching him in the other room.

From his sprawl on the couch Zexion heard Axel's car pull up at the house and he propped himself up on his elbows when he heard the door click open. Knowing what he did of Roxas Zexion wasn't surprised to see the teen was looking slightly apprehensive, so the bluette stayed where he was on the sofa and simply smiled and nodded a greeting. Zexion's no pressure approach paid off and he grinned wider when Roxas gave him a hesitant smile and walked over to sit in an armchair.

Deciding to break the awkward silence before anyone got too antsy Zexion cleared his throat and said softly, 'Nice to see you again Roxas, good to see that you haven't snapped and drowned Axel in a lake somewhere. I had an idea for what we could do this afternoon if you guys didn't already have something in mind…'

Ignoring Axel who was dramatically pretending he had been stabbed in the heart, Zexion watched as Roxas quickly nodded and he continued, 'Well Roxas, I've been dying to know how your training's been going, especially since you've been cloistered with this clown here every training. I know it's meant to be a day off but I'll out myself as something of a Taekwon-do obsessive… Would you be hugely averse to doing some light training in Axel's excellent garage?'

Roxas' smile widened into a full blown grin and the blonde teen replied, 'That's possibly the best idea I've heard all day. You can help me correct all of the bad habits that Axel's been training into me so far…This should be good.'

To the sounds of a rather epic and wet raspberry from Axel the three boys strolled over to the garage and Roxas began to run through everything he had learnt in his short time as a member of the Twilight Taekwon-do Club. Much like Axel had been Zexion was immediately impressed with Roxas' precise memory and he also quickly spotted the teen's natural inclination toward adopting the correct body posture and positions. Zexion's expressionless face however showed none of the admiration he felt for the job Axel had done.

Refusing to give Axel easy praise Zexion sighed when Roxas finished his patterns and said flippantly, 'Well Roxas,  _you're_  not doing too badly, but I think we'll need to go back over most of your syllabus in class to get you out of the, uh, sloppy habits  _someone_  seems to have let you get used to. Maybe when Xaldin gets you two back into the regular class I can work to de-Axel your technique a little.'

While Roxas chuckled and nodded in agreement Zexion caught a glimpse of Axel out of the corner of his eye and was slightly disconcerted to see an expression of resignation and shame cross the redhead's face before being wiped away and replaced with his familiar smirk. Filing what he had just seen away in his mind for later, not about to dismiss such an intense look without investigation, Zexion lightly punched Axel in the shoulder and led the way across the room to the punching bag for the next part of the informal, out of club training.

***&&&***  
  
Things had been going great for Axel, both in his head and outside, until Zexion had made his obviously joking quip about Roxas' instruction being substandard. Although he knew with one hundred percent accuracy that Zexion in no way meant what he had said, the horrible voice in Axel's head still hissed immediately, 'Damn, Zex is always so perceptive and that was a totally justified observation he just made. You know that you suck at everything, this is probably something you're actually going to screw up more than usual. Then it'll impact on Roxas and you'll fuck up his shit too. Good job.'

For a brief second Axel's guard dropped and the self-condemnation he felt was clearly visible on his face, but thanks to years of practice he was able to hide the emotions almost instantly. His mask anchored in place Axel smirked at Zexion, only to determinedly suppress a reflexive grimace of pain when Zexion's companionable punch caught him squarely on the still healing cut on his bicep. A quick glance made sure that neither of the two teens had noticed his miniscule flinch and Axel took a second to thank Gaia that he had just redressed his wounds that afternoon before he followed after Roxas to stand by his punching bag.

In true Axel style Axel decided to distract any possible attention away from his shit with straight up outrageous awesomeness, so when Zexion moved forward to demonstrate a technique on the punching bag Axel jumped in front of him and struck a humorous martial arts pose. Looking over his shoulder at his grinning friends Axel said portentously, 'Stand back my young padawans and be prepared to be amazed. You're good Zex, but if you learn the technique I'm about to show you, you will be utterly unbeatable… My little grasshoppers, attend!'

As Axel had planned both Zexion and Roxas cracked up into side-splitting laughter, any thought about his slight off-ness fading into hilarity. Maintaining his over exaggerated stance Axel waited for the giggles to die down and when he could hear himself think he announced, 'Prepare to die punching bag! Your time has come!'

***&&&***  
  
Roxas had only just recovered his breath from the laughing fit Axel had sparked when the redhead took his breath away in a totally different fashion. Due to the nature of their one on one trainings at club Roxas hadn't gotten to see Axel perform much of the more advanced syllabus, so he was completely floored when the tall teen seemed to levitate off the floor, spin his whole body around in midair and whip his foot out in a kick hard enough to send the punching bag flying off its hook and crashing to the floor. Mouth hanging open Roxas could only gape wordlessly as Axel landed lightly on the balls of his feet ready for the next kick.

Even though Roxas was completely speechless Axel's stunning kick didn't go unremarked as Zexion couldn't help bursting out, 'Gaia's fucking love Ax, I've never seen you do that! At least I haven't seen you do it quite like that before. What sort of training have you been doing outside of club to level up that epically?'

The proud look on Axel's face was only part of the reason that Roxas started laughing again and it took a few minutes of being stared at quizzically for him to be able to gasp out, 'I was thinking the same thing… But, oh fuck Zexion, you've just outed yourself as a gaming nerd! You realize that in real life people don't level up right?'

As the words left his mouth Roxas had a second in which to cringe at his word vomit, social anxiety sweeping through him and making him doubt the familiarity and comfortable feelings that surrounded him. Brief moments after his statement echoed in the air however Roxas was surprised by Zexion's undignified snort of laughter and the companionable arm that Axel slung around his shoulders melted the tension that had started creeping in. Axel's next words dispelled his unease completely as the redhead cackled, 'Oh man Zex, he's onto you. Now all that's needed to destroy your mystique is for Rox to find out that you're a World of Warcraft geek… Oops, did I say that out loud?'

A brief scuffle between Axel and Zexion resulted in Roxas watching wide eyed and demanding a more extended sparring demo session. Both senior students wore matching expressions of flattered embarrassment at Roxas' enthusiasm and willingly moved into the center of the room to show their protégé just how awesome a show fight could be. Roxas watched in awe as Axel and Zexion alternated in exchanging lightning fast combinations of blows and then repeated the sequences in slow motion to display exactly what they were doing.

Although Roxas watched the demonstration fight with respectful admiration for the skilled teens he couldn't stop himself constantly peppering both Axel and Zexion with questions about their techniques and tactics. An hour and a half was spent in intense instruction before the three boys realized it was starting to get dark and the temperature was dropping dramatically. As they abandoned the garage for the warmer climate of the house Roxas found himself shepherded to the couch before Axel flitted off to the kitchen to grab some food for them all.

From his comfortable slouch on the sofa next to Zexion Roxas blinked at the pile of junk food that Axel dumped on the coffee table in front of them, but the blonde teen sat up quickly when he noticed that the pile included a couple of packets Ginger Melts along with the rest of the goodies. Just a couple of moment's debate was enough to establish that against all probability all three teens shared yet another thing in common; the three grinning boys discovered that they were all hopeless Trekkies. In seconds the opening strains of Star Trek: The Next Generation were filling the air and Roxas luxuriated in the strange sensation of actual fun with actual friends.

The evening hours passed all too quickly and then it was suddenly time for Roxas to get back to school once again. Axel had just finished stuffing handfuls of Ginger Melts into Roxas' bag 'for later' when Zexion stood up and did something that left Roxas in a pleasantly stunned daze. As Roxas zipped up his treat filled backpack Zexion reached out and touched his shoulder saying, 'Hey uh, Rox, I get the feeling that you're kind of like me… I don't exactly make friends easily. But, well, I'd like to think that we could be friends and not just because of that spiky, redheaded gooseberry over there. If you want we could swap phones and put in our numbers in case either of us wanted to chill and Ax isn't available to play host…'

Feeling like he'd fallen into an alternate reality full of fluffy clouds and cheesy rainbows Roxas pulled out his phone and swapped it for Zexion's, programming in his number before handing the grinning teen his phone back. Trying to ignore the huge shit-eating grin that lit up Axel's whole face Roxas mumbled his goodbyes to Zexion and hurried out to Axel's car, aware that time was ticking on and the gates would close whether he was inside or not. Looking back as the car pulled away Roxas felt a warm glow in his chest as he saw Zexion smiling in the doorway with his arm raised in a casual wave.

When Axel finally pulled up at the school gates after an extremely slow drive Roxas turned to the still smiling redhead and said in a faint but happy voice, 'Ax, I didn't even… It's been so long since I felt like a normal teenager with normal friends. I've got no chance of making it out this weekend but honestly, you have no idea how much I'm already looking forward to Monday.'

The expression on Axel's face went from a cockily smug grin to a softer, more thoughtful smile that made Roxas' stomach do a gentle and inexplicable roll. The redhead reached out and ruffled Roxas' hair saying quietly, 'You're not alone you know Rox, it's been a while since I've been able to remember what normal was like. I'm glad you had a good night… Maybe that's my new goal, to make sure we have this much fun as often as possible.'

Roxas was caught unawares by the understated sincerity of Axel's words and he genuinely couldn't come up with anything to say. Driven by an impulse that he didn't even try to question Roxas unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over to wrap his arms around Axel in a hug, trying to communicate everything he seemed unable to say. Axel's arms crept around Roxas returning the hug and the pair remained holding each other gently until Roxas remembered that he couldn't afford to be locked out. Disentangling himself from the redhead's long arms Roxas slid out of the car, but as he started off towards the school he whispered fervently, 'Thank you…'

***&&&***  
  
Watching Roxas once again walk away into the hellish place he technically called home Axel felt the now familiar sinking in his stomach. While Roxas had been within arm's reach Axel had been able to lie to himself, convincing himself at least briefly that Twilight Boarding School didn't really exist. Now that he was watching the blonde boy walk resolutely back into the place that he was wishing he could torch to the ground, Axel couldn't keep the self-deception alive any longer. Staring after Roxas until he was completely out of sight Axel finally sighed and started the car again.

If possible the drive home was even slower than the drive to Twilight Boarding had been, mainly because the voice in Axel's head was making it almost impossible to concentrate on the dark roads. A small part of Axel's mind was taken up with being deeply pissed off at his own low mood when things for Roxas were going so good, but the larger part of his head was echoing with the cruel shouts of, 'The better it's going now, that harder you both are going to fall! That smile you like so much on his face, it's going to be wiped away with tears and pain! And that's just from his problems, your problems are going to fuck up the entire rest of your life! Why do you insist on pretending that you're good enough to succeed at anything… Good enough to live?'

An involuntary jerk in Axel's shoulders at the voice's last shot caused the car to swerve almost into the opposite lane and he shook his head violently in an attempt to shake the voice clean out of his brain. Thanking the gods that he was just about home Axel made a concentrated effort and forced the voice into silence just long enough to screech into his driveway and yank the key out of the ignition. Letting his head fall back against the headrest Axel shut his eyes for a brief second, but he almost levitated out of his seat when something hit the bonnet of the car with a soft thud mere moments later.

Involuntarily biting a hole in his lip Axel whipped his head around to stare out of the window, prepared to send his fist smashing through the glass if he needed to protect himself. The redhead suppressed an overwhelming urge to swear when he saw Zexion leaning against the car grinning at him through the window and giving in to his irritation Axel shoved open the door without warning, sending the bluette staggering for balance. Getting out of the car Axel took a deep breath and started walking to the house growling over his shoulder, 'Sorry Zex. Look, are you coming in or not?'

Stomping inside Axel's sharp ears caught the sound of Zexion following in his wake and closing the door against the cold night. Hating himself for not being able to rein in his temper Axel made it to the lounge dropped onto the couch in a heap, throwing an arm over his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the look that was undoubtedly on Zexion's face. Axel heard the sound of Zexion slowly walking into the lounge and taking a seat, then the silence drew out until Axel began to feel sick with the tension.

Just as Axel was starting to feel like he couldn't take the silence anymore Zexion cleared his throat and said gently, 'Axel, I know you well enough to know when you're stressed. And I've known you long enough to be able to tell when things are turning to shit in that head of yours. Come on man, talk to me? Please?'

The empathy and compassion in Zexion's voice made Axel's chest hurt and he felt even worse for sharing the fantastical joy of his problems with his friends. In a ghost of his usual jaunty tone Axel murmured, 'I'm sorry Zex, I thought I was handling things. It's just so hard. Usually I'm fine on my own but… I can see why families come in handy y'know? It's weird when things build up so slowly you don't notice it and then the whole lot shits on you all at once.'

Letting his arm slide off his face Axel reluctantly glanced over at Zexion and was taken aback to see that the other teen had a wry smile on his face. Axel stared at Zexion as the teen leaned forward and his green eyes widened as his friend said seriously, 'Family isn't just blood Ax and you don't have to keep all this shit stuck in your head. I've watched you go down before and I can't just sit here while you think you've got nowhere to turn okay? And I'm willing to bet, just from our brief interaction today, that Roxas might say something similar if you bothered to ask. Dammit Ax, are you hearing me?'

Throughout Zexion's intense little speech Axel had been gazing at the bluette, almost unable to believe the depth of caring and honesty in his words. Zexion's last question was said sharply, but less out of anger than out of worry and it served to snap Axel back to himself. Rolling into a sitting position Axel grimaced shamefacedly and reached out, punching Zexion lightly and affectionately in the shoulder. An alien impulse rose up in him and Axel made a snap decision.

Glancing away from Zexion's steady grey gaze Axel stared at the floor and said softly, 'I know, I know you're right okay Zex? I just… It makes me feel weak to say it. I feel like I'm going nuts trying to work and study and train for my damn black belt and I'm shit scared that it's all going to explode in my face and I'll fuck it all up. Ah shit Zexion… Even saying it out loud makes it seem more likely to come true.'

Axel couldn't help jumping a little when immediately following his halting confession Zexion shoved himself out of his chair and moved over to sit next to him on the couch. The bluette nudged Axel with his shoulder and said thoughtfully, 'I really don't think that's going to happen Ax, and here's why. Getting the obvious out of the way, you've worked your ass off to get where you are and that's worked pretty damn well for you. And secondly, apparently this isn't obvious to you but honestly Axel, you're the strongest, most determined person I've ever met. You know, I wish I knew how to convince you of that.'

Opening his mouth to say something, although exactly what he wasn't sure, Axel found himself interrupted by the chime of his clock announcing that it was already nine thirty pm. Zexion uncharacteristically muttered a mild curse under his breath which actually drew a real grin from Axel and he found his voice enough to say, 'Fuck's sake Zex, you know I hate blushing… Makes me look like a tomato. Look, I know you have to go get your beauty sleep but… Um, this has really helped okay? I guess I didn't realize how bad it was to have everything all bottled up. It helps to know you're there man.'

Zexion didn't look one hundred percent convinced that Axel was feeling any better, but he acknowledged that he definitely needed to get going. Gathering his bag and things Zexion made his way to the door, but before he left he turned delivered one last dead serious parting statement, 'Axel, we really are here for you okay? Not just me though, Instructor Arma, Reno, Roxas too if I don't miss my guess. I know it's hard man, but you don't have to do it all by yourself. Just… Look… You have my number Ax, promise me you'll text me if you need to talk or if there's anything I can do…?'

Unexpectedly Axel found that he couldn't speak around the sudden lump in his throat. Managing a lop-sided smile the redhead nodded emphatically and stretched out his arm, dragging Zexion into an awkward one-armed hug which was returned with a squeeze. Watching Zexion drive away, Axel managed to cling to the good feelings for a whole five minutes after the other teen left before his brain betrayed him once again and the voice began to growl spitefully, starting out as incomprehensible muttering but quickly building to its usual brain-shattering volume.

In a vain hope that he could pass out on his bed and thus shut the voice up for the night, Axel made his way to his bedroom and struggled into his pajama pants. Unable to summon the strength to search for his hiding pajama t-shirt Axel collapsed onto the mattress and pulled his pillow over his head, not even bothering to work his way under the blankets. As the fluffy pillow descended and blocked out the light the voice hit its stride again saying gleefully, 'Strong! He thinks you're strong! That made you feel all fuzzy inside didn't it? What do you think he would say if he could see your arms huh? Betcha he wouldn't think you were the strongest person he knows then…'

Letting out a strangled groan Axel couldn't deny anything that the voice was saying. As if spurred on by his pain the voice continued in a sing-song tone, 'You know you're weak, too weak to resist cutting yourself to pieces. Too weak to help poor little Roxas… The only thing that's helped him is blind luck that will run out in less than a week and I have severe doubts that you'll be strong enough to cope with what's going to happen then. Give it up you useless waste of oxygen… Give it all up.'

The satisfaction he could hear in the voice as it reminded him that Roxas' reprieve was only temporary was what pushed Axel over the edge and he pushed himself up into a slumped sitting position. Clumsy fingers crept into the drawer beside his bed and Axel's usually sharp green eyes grew foggy and distant as his hand closed around his knife. The small part of his brain that was still functioning told Axel that his arms needed some time to heal before he could go to work on them again so he leaned back against his pillows and looked down at the pale skin of his mostly unscarred stomach.

His mind momentarily distracted from his self-harm ritual Axel studied the three patches of thick silvery scars on his stomach, one by one remembering the circumstances that led to each wound. The first was the smallest, only an inch and a half long, a slightly curving line just to the right of his belly button; legacy of an hour long vicious verbal diatribe by the man who had been his first foster father. The second was much larger, stretching around his right ribcage, almost six inches long and jagged; a wound inflicted as a form of self-punishment in the aftermath of the time he had snapped and nearly killed the boy who had made the mistake of bullying him. Before his gaze moved to the third healed wound Axel took a shuddering breath, preparing for the disgust he always felt when he looked at this particular reminder.

The last scar that marred Axel's stomach was the worst, a collection of slashes that crudely spelled out WORTHLESS vertically in the space between his ribs and left hip. At age sixteen Axel had been living with a foster family who used him purely as a paycheck and his foster father had thought nothing of beating the living shit out of his foster child. One day Axel had gotten into an argument with a teacher at school who disliked him and had come home with a three day suspension, something his foster father apparently hadn't appreciated at all. When his foster father had finished with him Axel had crawled to his room bruised all over, with two black eyes and a broken wrist and to cement the essential lesson of the incident he had carved into his side the word that in his opinion summed him up completely.

A small part of Axel was aware that he was feeding his own cycle of self-hate and misery, but the majority of him shanked that small part of his mind in the back and buried it deep in his subconscious. Making sure that his bandages and other clean-up materials were well within reach Axel flipped open his knife and studied his body for the best place to cut. From experience Axel knew that any wounds on his stomach could easily be reopened by exercise and movement so he picked a spot just below his left ribcage that would be theoretically easy to bandage and lowered his knife to his stomach.

It was pushing eleven pm when Axel's hand slipped and he cut deeper than he meant to, deep enough to draw a pained hiss from his lips. Coming back from the murky place he inhabited while giving in to his self-harm addiction Axel felt a wave of tiredness wash over him, mixing with the lightheadedness that came from minor blood loss. Shaking his head roughly to sharpen his focus Axel reached listlessly for his gauze and medical tape and started the onerous task of cleaning himself up so he could go to sleep.

When Axel started to mop up the blood that splattered all over his midriff he quickly saw that he had done a lot more damage to himself than he originally meant to and this woke him up faster than a bucket of water. Axel's irate snarl echoed around his bedroom and he took a moment to hurl his knife across the room before taking a deep breath and picking up a clean cloth. After almost twenty minutes of meticulous work Axel was slightly encouraged to see that only two of the fifteen wounds were actually serious and he turned all of his attention to making sure that the dressings he was applying were watertight and as flat as possible.

The twelve chimes of midnight sounded and then fell silent as Axel single-mindedly eradicated every trace of the aftermath of what he saw as his shameful weakness. Flinging the blood-soaked rags on the floor and checking his bandage-work one more time Axel collapsed onto his back with the room blurring in front of his tired eyes. Patched up but with his injuries still stinging painfully Axel was slowly enveloped by the black tendrils of exhaustion, falling into sleep with the bitter taste of self-loathing fresh on his tongue.

***&&&***  
  
On the Friday night after his amazing evening with not one but two friends, Roxas had all but floated to bed in a happy haze. Snuggled up in his warm duvet Roxas found it hard to get to sleep, not because of the usual pain or despair but because he didn't want to let go of the good feelings wrapping around him. Eventually Roxas drifted into a deep and replenishing sleep, waking late on the rainy Saturday morning still buzzing with the residual joy that made his first expression of the morning a sleepy smile.

Luxuriating in the unfamiliar feeling of serenity Roxas rolled over onto his side and almost swallowed his tongue. As Roxas turned over to face the bedroom he came face to face with a pair of imploring brown eyes and the second that Pence saw he was awake he gabbled at high speed, 'Oh Gaia Roxas I'm so very, very screwed! I heard from my sources that there's going to be a pop calculus quiz on Tuesday and I'm going to fail and Xehanort is going to knot my arms and legs behind my head and use me as a football! On a less important note I'll be stuck here over the holidays being hit over the head with the calculus textbook!'

Startled into wakeful clarity Roxas stuck out his hand and clapped his palm over Pence's mouth before he could word-vomit any further. Still clinging to his sleepy smile Roxas said knowingly, 'Are you asking me for a favor Pence? Tutoring, especially for calculus, doesn't come cheap you know. Correct me if I'm wrong but that is what you're asking for right?'

Still with Roxas' hand over his mouth Pence settled for turning up the pathetic intensity of his puppy dog stare and nodding hard. Roxas' smile took on a devious twist and he said in a mock thoughtful tone, 'Oh boy, cramming for calculus… I believe that might require a very specific, biscuit shaped form of bribery. The existence of Ginger Melts has recently been brought to my attention and I think that, upon you passing the quiz of course, a mere four packets of the aforementioned deliciousness might just about cover your fee.'

Pence's expression of pants-wetting relief made Roxas burst out laughing and he took his hand away from the teen's face to punch him lightly on the shoulder. When Pence remained by his bed looking like he had just won the Twilight Lottery Roxas sent him rolling back with a sudden push to the center of his forehead and the blonde teen sat up saying decisively, 'Well Pence, no time like the present to start figuring out exactly how much work we have to do. Go find your shit and get us a spot in the library and I'll meet you there once I'm dressed and fed.'

To the fading sound of Pence bellowing a heartfelt thank you Roxas flung on some clothes and swung past the cafeteria pausing just long enough to grab a piece of toast covered in strawberry jam before he made his way to the huge, beautiful, wooden building that housed the school library. As always when he walked into the huge hushed library Roxas felt a sense of calm steal over him and he smiled as he strolled through the towering shelves to the study tables by the back window. Spotting Pence who was sitting and fidgeting with his calculus book Roxas flipped the switch in his brain to Calculus Master and sat down next to his anxious friend.

By just ten o'clock Roxas was beginning to realize that getting Pence ready for the critical calculus quiz would not be an easy undertaking. In the privacy of his own mind Roxas was seriously questioning their calculus teacher's competency as Pence should have been flagged for extra coaching well before this point in the year. When they took a break for lunch Roxas had a small flash of precognition, catching sight of his future from that point until the test and as he followed Pence to the cafeteria to grab some food he pulled out his phone to text Axel.

Typing quickly Roxas sent, 'Hey Ax, not so good news. I won't be able to make it on Monday after school because Pence will be mutilated by our dean if he fails this test we have on Tuesday. Apparently it's my mission to save him because I'm the only one who can cram calculus into his head in time. I'll see you at training Tuesday though okay?'

Axel's reply came through even before Roxas reached the cafeteria and he laughed under his breath as he read, 'That's cool Rox, now I can call my handler and get debriefed on my next secret mission… Wait, no, I mean now I can let out my army of fembots and have a sexy party… Scrub that, I'll clean my kitchen and go to bed early… Pick which ever one you believe most.'

Just before he joined Pence for some unexceptional cafeteria food Roxas dashed off one last text to Axel saying flippantly, 'Wow Axel, from that I can only assume that you're going to be knitting and watching cooking shows on TV. Don't overdose on Masterchef before training ok? See you Tuesday.'

***&&&***  
  
Axel's Saturday got off to less than mediocre start with him totally missing his alarm and then waking up late to the chirp of Roxas' text. Determinedly squashing any trace of the dejection he felt at not getting to see Roxas until training Axel quickly dashed off a smartass text designed to convince Roxas that he would totally survive Monday afternoon on his own. To his own scorn, the fact that Roxas bought his overly facetious attitude so easily cast a small shadow of gloom over Axel as he rolled out of bed to belatedly start the day.

Unusually for a Saturday Axel received a call from the manager of Wonderland Bar at one in the afternoon, just three hours into what he had decided would be a horribly intense day devoted to study. Pissed because he had just managed to shoehorn himself into the right frame of mind for the brain-bending assignment he had started on thermal physics Axel threw down his pen and stomped off to his bedroom to change into the plain black, long-sleeved tee and faded black skinny jeans that served as his uniform. Stalking out into the rain Axel started his car with a roar, screeching off towards work while silently cursing the fact that he desperately needed every cent he could get.

If possible Axel's mood was even worse when he finally made it home that night than it had been when he left the house. Axel's boss had called him in because the raining off of the Struggleball final had flooded the club with customers and from the second he stepped behind the bar Axel had been alternately verbally abused or groped by drunken fuckwits. Watching and playing Struggleball was an almost religious form of recreation for the denizens of Twilight Town and the surrounding areas, so being deprived of their entertainment tended to make fans of the sport more than a little volatile.

In an effort to stay away from his knife, knowing that his mood meant that things had the potential to get really bad, Axel barreled straight from the car to the garage and got stuck into his punching bag. Working out his frustration, pent up anger and disappointment by slamming blow after blow into the unresisting bulk of his punching bag, Axel increased the power with every punch, trying with all his might to keep a handle on his boiling emotions. The snap when it happened almost an hour later was almost an anticlimax, the punching bag swinging strangely just as Axel's punch landed, nearly breaking his wrist as the strike cannoned into the bag at a weird angle.

The twist of his wrist sent a jagged bolt of pain up Axel's arm and he lost any composure he had left yelling, 'Argh sonofabitchcunt fucking WHORE!'

With the expletive laden expression of displeasure still hanging in the air Axel felt the last of his stewing emotions drain away leaving him blankly exhausted. Tired eyes scanned his wrist for evidence of a fracture and after a couple of minutes probing and manipulating the joint Axel was satisfied that at least he hadn't stupidly broken a bone. Plodding out of the garage Axel stopped in the kitchen to grab a tea towel and an icepack from the freezer before making his way to his room and crashing onto his bed.

Although he knew that he was just piling more stupidity on his already heaping pile of dumb Axel awkwardly bound the gel icepack to his wrist with the tea towel whilst still lying on his face. Waving his arm in the air listlessly for a moment to make sure the pack stayed on Axel then rolled onto his back and cradled his sore arm to his chest, totally aware and scornful of the pathetic, self-pitying look that he could tell had flitted across his face. Sleep came quickly but Axel's night was peppered with rude awakenings as every time he rolled over he would either jolt his aching wrist or freeze himself awake on the icepack.

Sleep departed Axel's world just after six on Sunday morning when he rolled over and flung his arm out, crashing his wrist hard enough on the bedside table to dislodge the lukewarm icepack and wrench a scream from his throat. Falling off his bed onto his knees, swearing fluently before his eyes were even properly open, Axel gingerly pulled the tea towel away from his arm and winced to see the bruising that decorated his wrist. The one thing that prevented Axel from punching something and possibly injuring his other hand was the fact that there was only minimal swelling around the joint which indicated that it was at least going to heal up relatively quickly.

As Axel paused for a breath in his torrent of shockingly foul obscenities his ears picked upon something that his cursing had drowned out, strong winds were howling at outside and torrential rain was hammering down on the roof. Fully aware that he had no chance in hell of getting back to sleep Axel swayed to his feet and ferretted through his closet to find a robe before making his daily pilgrimage to the kitchen for a cup of life-giving caffeine. While the kettle boiled Axel decided to do a smart thing that should have been done the night before and he hunted out a roll of elastic bandage to shore up his wrist.

His wrist firmly bound and coffee burning a track down his throat Axel started to feel a little more human. With a little self-possession seeping back into his body as he slowly woke up Axel decided that, come hell or high water, he would nail down the bulk of the assignment that had been interrupted the day before. Knowing that taking the time to shower or dress would give him the opportunity to procrastinate his course work indefinitely Axel strode over to the table and sat down in a swirl of black dressing gown, forcing his brain to focus on his work to the exclusion of all else.

Axel didn't emerge from his calculations about cosmic microwave background radiation and photon energy density until his phone went off and scared the shit out of him almost seven and a half hours later. Letting out a scornful laugh at his own skittishness Axel grabbed his phone and for the first time that day he smiled a real smile as Zexion had sent him a text not asking but telling him that he would be coming over that afternoon and ordering him to name a time. Well aware that his brain was starting to turn into radioactive mush Axel texted Zexion back and told his friend to come over as soon as he was free before jumping up to find some clothes.

***&&&***  
  
After receiving Axel's reply Zexion wasted no time in throwing a couple of things in a bag and setting out for his friend's place. Zexion hadn't been able to linger at Axel's on Friday night due to his commitment of teaching piano early on Saturday mornings, but he had been less than convinced that Axel's state of mind was as good as the redhead had been trying to persuade him it was. As he had slowly driven home Zexion had sunk into thought about the tiny strange things he had picked up in Axel's behaviour and the more he thought about it the more uneasy he had become, still worrying about Axel's mental state as he drifted off to sleep.

Having known Axel since their first year of high school Zexion had actually joined Taekwon-do at the redhead's urging and he had done his best to help the teen through the struggles he had faced in controlling his anger. Being close to Axel for so long meant that Zexion knew first hand just how overwrought his friend could get and although he was unaware of Axel's addiction to making himself bleed he had noted on more than one occasion the teen turning up with scabbed knuckles and bruises from overenthusiastic training fights. Zexion had long ago made himself a promise that he would do his best to make sure Axel didn't have to face his demons alone and as he drove he reaffirmed that promise silently in his mind.

Zexion couldn't hide a grin as he pulled up into Axel's driveway and caught sight of the redhead peeking cheekily over the bottom of the windowsill in his lounge. Sliding out of the car smoothly Zexion sauntered up to the front door and paused with his knuckles just shy of knocking on the wood, smirking when Axel jerked the door open in a juvenile attempt to catch him off balance. Ignoring the fleeting pout on Axel's face Zexion breezed into the house and strolled straight to the lounge as Axel trailed along behind him.

Dropping his bag by his feet Zexion lounged gracefully on the couch and grinned at Axel until the redhead gave up and grinned back toothily and said, 'Hey Zex, thanks for volunteering to come and brighten up my day. Much as I love the mysteries of the universe, I think my brain is starting to leak out of my ears. How were your students yesterday? You sick of Three Blind Mice yet?'

Inwardly Zexion chuckled at Axel's hyper-perkiness but outwardly his face remained cool and remote as he said blandly, 'Well at least there won't be much brain-matter that we have to clean off your shoulders Ax. By the way, my least advanced student is learning Franz Liszt's La Campanella, so Three Blind Mice is not a current problem of mine. As usual my students were a delight.'

Anyone else would have been squashed flat by the condescension in Zexion's tone, but Axel, in his current mood, was completely unfazed and he sketched a little salute replying, 'Hey, I have Teflon shoulder-pads man. And I'll have you know I can play that La Camping with Ella thing backwards and forwards on my kazoo so there. Anyways, what do you want to do this afternoon? I know that scary brain of yours has already come up with something…'

Axel trailed off because Zexion had narrowed his eyes and was staring at him with a calculating look on his face. When Axel had made his jokey little salute Zexion had noticed the strapping tape around his wrist and without preamble the bluette pinned Axel with his gaze said questioningly, 'My plans for this afternoon can wait Axel, right now could you tell me exactly what you've gone and done to your wrist? You were uninjured when I left on Friday so I can obviously deduce whatever it was happened after that.'

If he hadn't been watching so closely Zexion might have missed the flash of anger that flitted across Axel's face before dissolving into resignation. Raising an uncompromising eyebrow Zexion waited for Axel to put his thoughts together and he had to suppress a sigh when the redhead said reluctantly, 'I was having a session on the punching bag and I, uh, it swung weirdly and I hit it wrong. Can't we just leave it that I'm a moron Zex?'

Shaking his head Zexion reached out, flicking his friend's knee gently and saying, 'Come on Axel, you know me better than that. I've been training long enough to know that you can't screw your wrist that badly unless you're hitting hard enough to do some real damage. What's going on? I know something's wrong and Ax… It seems like you're sliding back… I was there remember, I can see the signs, how you are, how you were…'

Zexion actually felt a small flutter of relief when Axel sighed and rolled his eyes in mock exasperation and surrender. The bluette leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees as Axel said quietly, 'I'm struggling Zex. Yesterday was a complete shit of a day and I… I'm trying so hard not to fall back into that hell in my head.'

When Axel fell silent for a moment Zexion made a wordless sound of encouragement, desperate to drag what had happened out of his friend. Axel glanced at Zexion and tried to smile but it only ended up being a cynical twist of his lips. His voice taking on a rough tone Axel continued, 'I got called into work because the Struggleball final was canceled because of the damn rain. Fuck Zex, never be a bartender or waiter… You'd be better off scrubbing toilets. People seem to think they have a free pass to grab you or scream at you… There would've been a few broken jaws if I didn't need the fucking job so bad.'

Eyes wide with disbelief Zexion couldn't help interrupting, 'Gaia's sake Ax, what do you mean grab you? What the hell was your boss doing?'

Axel's shoulders slumped and he mirrored Zexion's position, elbows on his knees and his head hanging tiredly. Hiding behind his wild red hair Axel whispered, 'You know the typical Struggleball fan, drunk, brainless and will fuck anything with a pulse. There's not a lot you can do when you're carrying two trays and some prick slides his hand… Shit Zex, I can't do this!'

Zexion jumped as Axel growled his last sentence and shoved himself to his feet. The bluette scrambled upright and hurried after his friend, following Axel into the kitchen where the redhead propped himself up on the sink and stared out of the window. Searching for the right words Zexion eventually murmured, 'Sorry Ax, by now I should know better than to push you. I'm just worried about you. Look, um, can I have a look at that wrist? Xaldin would shoot me if he found out that I left his prized black stripe with bandaging that looked like that.'

Letting out a sound that was half laugh, half cough Axel turned around and Zexion felt a weight in him lift to see the small but genuine smile on the teen's face. There was a pause and then Zexion was surprised to hear an unmistakable note of gratitude in Axel's voice as he held out his arm for inspection and said, 'Please Zex, Xaldin would mutilate me too if he knew I was dumb enough to injure myself on my own damn punching bag.'

***&&&***  
  
Telling Zexion about what had happened on his shift at the bar had been very difficult for Axel, as when he heard the words coming out of his mouth he had a momentary flashback to Roxas telling him something similar in the same reluctant voice. His friend's reaction to his brief story surprised Axel however and he could feel the empathy and concern radiating from Zexion in an almost tangible glow, something that brought a real smile to his lips. Then Zexion offered to look at his wrist and Axel froze, the thought hanging behind his eyes in flashing neon letters 'How can I stop him seeing my fucked up arms?!'

It only took a split second's hesitation for Axel to run through his options and realize that he really couldn't refuse without tipping Zexion off that there was something else wrong. Steeling his nerve Axel held out his arm and said something inane through numb lips, hoping desperately that he could pull off the illusion necessary to maintain his secrecy. As Zexion gently took hold of his wrist, Axel pulled up his sleeve to uncover the strapping and carefully held the material so it continued to hide his scarred skin. Keeping his face neutral Axel thanked Gaia that he had never lost control of his self-harm to the point that he had broken the skin below halfway down his forearm.

In a calculated move Axel kept Zexion semi-distracted with a steady stream of interested questions about the novel the bluette was writing, chattering away as the other teen checked the swelling of his wrist and neatly rebound the compression bandage. As soon as Zexion fastened the end of the binding in place with a piece of medical tape Axel smiled ruefully and cut off his own prattle by saying hopefully, 'Okay, okay, now that you've patched up a great big example of my personal brand of stupid, what's say we do something more interesting… I think I want to hear your no doubt genius plans for the rest of the afternoon…'

Axel had tried to hide the slightly pleading note in his voice but Zexion gave him a look that communicated quite clearly that he had heard it but was letting it slide for the time being. The slender teen flicked the tip of a flyaway strand of Axel's hair and walked towards the door saying over his shoulder, 'We'll have to be careful of your wrist, but I want to see what you've come up with so far for your prearranged sparring routines. I know you can handle yourself in a real fight but can you make it look impossibly awesome for the examiners?'

As soon as they arrived in the garage Axel wasted no time in pushing Zexion into a rickety garden chair and running through first the attacking and then the defending side of the one routine he had completed so far. Moving back into the ready position Axel was immensely gratified to see the stunned and impressed look on Zexion's face that the other boy didn't even try to hide. Axel was about to go through the sequence alone again but Zexion startled him by jumping up and demanding to play the role of attacker, the bluette making it very clear that he thought the routine was excellent.

Zexion's phone went off at ten that evening, the call from his father ending what had been a very pleasant and productive session that left Axel with three completed ninety second long prearranged sparring routines out of the compulsory six he needed to do. Waving to Zexion as he drove away Axel shut the door against the cold night and wandered through to the kitchen, feeling the call of a nice hot cup of sugary cocoa spiced with a dash of cayenne pepper. Leaving the TV off Axel sat in the lounge and savored his hot toddy, listening to the rain that still lashed the house and feeling kind of okay.

When he was down to the last few sips of his drink Axel was pleased to find that the hot liquid combined with the day's active end had conspired to leave him feeling agreeably tired. Bussing his mug to the kitchen Axel used the last of his brain-power to set the dishwasher going and then he drifted to bed feeling bizarrely good. As he burrowed under the covers and into bed Axel flinched as a momentary urge to draw blood touched him, but to the redhead's amazed relief the urge passed as quickly as it had appeared leaving him to slip swiftly into sleep.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: If you're still reading then you know how this goes. Trigger warnings for self-harm and some really sick abuse shit. I apologize in advance and also I promise it gets better... Possibly not soon, but it will.**

Roxas' weekend passed excruciatingly slowly and he found himself rapidly gaining more respect for the patience and saintliness of his own previous calculus tutor Kadaj. It wasn't that Pence was stupid, in fact he was smarter than most people Roxas knew, it was more that the teen had an attention span shorter than that of a partially brain damaged mayfly. Another contributing factor to Roxas' twitchy exasperation was that the dark haired boy was fully capable of talking all four legs off a table and did so at every opportunity.

By Sunday afternoon Roxas was finally starting to feel that Pence was getting a grip on the concepts he would need to know to at least pass the upcoming test but he was also beginning to seriously contemplate the merits of somehow re-infecting Pence with tonsillitis or something similar to give himself some aural peace. To give himself a little bit of a break Roxas scribbled down two pages of practice problems for Pence to work through and as the brunette boy stared at him pleadingly he strode off towards his room with a spring in his step.

An hour of lying on his bed reading his book left Roxas feeling a little more human again and when Pence came bouncing in with his finished exercises the blonde teen was able to sit with his friend and mark his work without feeling the urge to throttle him. To both their surprise Pence had answered almost all of the questions correctly and when Roxas ticked the last answer the other teen burst out, 'You're wizard Roxas! I don't know how you did it but you've magicked my brain and now I can math! I swear I'll repay you somehow…'

Cautiously optimistic now that Pence seemed to be getting more competent with the mysteries of differentiation and integration Roxas grinned back at his friend and said confidently, 'If you gave yourself half a chance Pence then you'd realize you're actually pretty damn bright. I mean it's not your fault that most of your genius is taken up with contemplating the best ways to torment Xehanort. You know, I think that if we do a couple of hours after our last class on Monday and then you just headbutt your notes until the test you'll surprise the shit out of Mr Denker by killing the grading curve.'

The two friends spent the rest of Sunday evening alternately holding a spirited discussion about the merits of teaching satire in schools and returning to Pence's calculus book to complete one or two more problems. Free of the dread that he wouldn't be able to get Pence prepared for the crucial test Roxas found that he was able to rise to the giddy heights of wit and by the time Pence hauled himself up to his top bunk bed they were both well and truly laughed out. Roxas had barely crawled under his covers when slept swept over him and as his eyes slid closed he had just half a second in which to think, 'I should've texted Ax…'

***&&&***  
  
While Roxas and Pence were giggling away in their own private world, across the other side of the school in the room next to Principal Diz Vexen was marinating in a potent brew of resentment and malevolence. As always Vexen's dark emotions were made more intense by the constant undercurrent of rage that bubbled through his veins and he spent all of Sunday afternoon and evening lying on his bed, bending that white-hot anger to the task of devising a suitable hell to visit upon Roxas. The lights went out around the school but Vexen stared into the darkness with the same fixed stare, his gaze fixed on the image emblazoned in his brain of a slight blonde boy just out of his reach and smiling.

Everyone in Twilight Boarding School was held fast in the arms of sleep when the school clock struck the hour of 3am, everyone that is except for Vexen who was still burning a hole in the ceiling with the continued intensity of his glare. As the hours passed Vexen plotted and re-plotted exactly what he was going to do to Roxas when he was finally released from the encumbrance of having Lexaeus as his shadow, the twisted teen's plan becoming darker and more violent with every second that ticked by. The clock struck four-thirty and Vexen finally felt sleep begin to overtake him but he fell asleep with the sound of Roxas' imagined screams ringing in his ears.

***&&&***  
  
In direct contrast to the joy of his Sunday fun with Pence and his blissfully boring Monday, Roxas spent most of Tuesday trying to stave off a sickening combination of dread, apprehension and the feeling of time counting implacably down. Even though he left his last class of the day in a state of almost painful hyper-vigilance, constantly scanning his surroundings for anything blonde and malevolent, Roxas was still powerless to stop events unfolding when Vexen ambushed him from behind and slammed him face first into the wall of the deserted side corridor he had been lurking in.

Roxas, frozen by complete and mind-numbing terror, could only listen mutely as Vexen grated in his ear, 'We're all alone my little Roxie, no one to catch us or interfere. Saix has taken care of that for us by staging a fight between Seifer and Lumaria so that we can be sure of our privacy. Tell me Roxas… Tell me that you want me as much as I want you right now…'

Even when he was utterly petrified Roxas' brain still worked well enough to tell him that the obvious wrong answer could quite possibly kill him, but he simply couldn't make himself say what he was meant to say. Despite the threat of catastrophic harm Roxas absolutely and definitively could not force himself to say the words that Vexen clearly wanted to hear. Instead Roxas surprised the complete shit out of himself by snarling breathlessly, 'Fuck you Vexen! I hate you so fucking much! You'll have to kill me before I'll ever say that I want you!'

It felt as if the entire universe sucked in its breath, time stopping for the space of a single painful heartbeat and then reality and Vexen hit Roxas like a sledgehammer. With a growl of outraged fury Vexen grabbed Roxas' hair and forcefully slammed his head into the wall, hard enough to make Roxas' world to spin sickly and starbursts explode in front of his eyes. While Roxas' legs buckled and he struggled to cling to consciousness Vexen slid an arm tightly around his waist, roughly yanking the teen's pants down to his knees and then fumbling clumsily with his own fly. Roxas was still teetering at the edge of passing out when Vexen covered his mouth with a large hand, bit down harshly on his neck and slammed balls deep inside him.

***&&&***  
  
Vexen had originally planned to harass Roxas by stalking him everywhere he went for one or two days before taking out his frustrations on a more physical fashion, but by the time lunch rolled around on the Tuesday Vexen's plans were jettisoned in favor of something better. Lexaeus had turned Vexen loose at the door to the cafeteria at twelve-thirty on the Tuesday and the first thing the newly freed Vexen had seen upon walking through the door was Roxas, sitting in the far corner, nibbling at a sandwich and almost managing to conceal a look of paranoid terror. Like a switch had been thrown in his brain Vexen discarded his plan of slow torture for one of much more immediate gratification.

Instead of going to get some lunch from the food counter Vexen faded out of the cafeteria before Roxas could spot him, striding down the hallway and pulling out his phone as he went. A brusque phone call to Saix set in motion the fight that was to be his diversion and then Vexen sent a bulk text to all of his other cronies, spreading the word so that they could goad the rest of the students into a mob at the fight, leaving the halls clear at the right time for Vexen to make his move. Grimly satisfied that his fast approaching tête-à-tête with Roxas was going to plan Vexen spent the rest of lunchtime in his room, sunk deep in thoughts of pain and screaming.

The second that the bell rung to signal the end of school Vexen was out of his seat and on his way to find Saix. A few short words from Saix were enough to bring a thin, predatory grin to Vexen's face and then he was off, making his way to the spot that he knew Roxas went past every day, the spot that would shortly be deserted and a perfect site for an ambush. Thanks to his long legs and extensive knowledge of the hidden shortcuts in the school Vexen arrived at the spot well before Roxas was in sight and he secreted himself in the side passageway so as to be completely ready to spring his trap.

Roxas' footsteps echoed down the empty corridor and Vexen timed his strike perfectly, waiting until the other teen was just past the side passage before seizing him from behind and dragging him out of the main hallway. Smashing Roxas hard into the wall and hearing the breath whoosh out of the small teen's lungs brought a hard smile to Vexen's face and he pressed their bodies together and whispered seductively in his ear, squashing any hopes of being rescued by a passerby and demanding that Roxas tell him how much he wanted what was about to happen. Vexen never expected the small spark of defiance that burned in Roxas for a brief second and he was momentarily frozen with incredulity.

Vexen's astonishment at Roxas' flash of audacity only lasted a split second before it was eclipsed by a roaring inferno of fury. A tiny speck of sanity restrained Vexen from breaking Roxas' skull on the concrete wall but he slammed the teen's head into the wall hard enough to ensure he wouldn't be able to put up any kind of fight. Grabbing the semi-conscious Roxas around the waist as the boy's legs threatened to give out Vexen unceremoniously ripped his trousers down and freed his own erection from the confines of his pants.

In a single smooth movement Vexen looped his arm up under Roxas' armpit to hold him up and clamped his hand firmly over the teen's mouth. Giving in to the dark impulses now fully in control of his actions Vexen sank his teeth into Roxas' neck and snapped his hips forward, sheathing his cock in Roxas' tight heat. His fingers clamping down on Roxas' hip hard enough to bruise Vexen dispensed with finesse and fucked his victim brutally hard and fast, reveling in the intoxicating sensations that he had only been able to fantasize about for the last week.

It was over quickly and Vexen came inside Roxas with a groan that he muffled by biting down hard enough on Roxas' neck to break the skin. Clutching the smaller teen tightly to him for a moment as he regained his breath Vexen waited until his heart rate began to slow and then he tugged Roxas' trousers back up to his hips and tucked himself back into his pants with a satisfied smirk. Ignoring the fact that Roxas was on the point of collapsing where he stood Vexen spun the blonde boy around and this time pinned him to the wall so they were face to terrified face.

In a tone that contained elements of dark seductiveness and sardonic pleasure but was full of mainly ominous threat Vexen purred right into Roxas' face, 'Every day Roxas. I will text you and you will come to me. I will have my fun with you Roxie, you will not escape me for so long again. And I think from now on that you need to show me how much you enjoy what we do by begging me for permission to do the things I know you want to do.'

As Vexen watched, the expression on Roxas' face went from merely terrified to horrified revulsion and then through a flicker of defiance before settling on shell-shocked submission. Because he very much enjoyed the hold he had over Roxas, Vexen knew that he definitely needed to quash the transient glimmers of rebellion that he had been seeing more and more often. Making a cunningly educated guess as to the cause of the strengthening of Roxas' spirit Vexen stared into Roxas' agonized blue eyes and pondered the best way to take away the fragment of hope the teen seemed to have latched onto.

Vexen's voice was soft but his tone was one of silky poison as he whispered to the transfixed Roxas, 'Now Roxie, listen to me good. I mentioned once before that there would be repercussions if I found out that you were fucking around with that ginger beanpole from your karate club and I thought I might get specific. You've been a little too disobedient lately for my liking and if I find it's due to what's-his-fuck I will personally cut his throat and watch as you lick his fucking blood off the pavement. And Rox, you're on the very fucking edge… You seem to have forgotten that I'd love any excuse to introduce our brothers.'

***&&&***  
  
His whole body screaming in agony Roxas felt like he was right at the edge of consciousness but he clung to the world grimly, sure that if he passed out he was as good as dead. Roxas was barely aware of Vexen pulling his clothes back into place but he saw the world spin around him sickeningly as Vexen whipped him around so that they were facing each other. Blood trickled down Roxas' back from the bite mark on his shoulder but he hardly noticed it at all, his eyes fixed on the future that Vexen was drawing for him in vile detail.

Roxas had been unable to stop the glint of mutinous resistance from showing in the depths of his gaze when Vexen had outlined his plan of him lying through his teeth, but he had thought for a second that the submissive expression that followed had covered it. Then Vexen upped the stakes and gave Roxas the mental image of Axel lying on the street bleeding out slowly and that coupled with the mention of Sora served to break something small and vital in Roxas' chest. The fire going out of his normally sparkling eyes Roxas dropped his gaze to the floor and nodded mutely, the flower of hope that had been quietly growing in his heart crushed into dust.

As if he could feel the annihilation of the last of Roxas' strength Vexen released the smaller teen and shoved him carelessly into the wall once more before sauntering off casually like he hadn't just committed the most abhorrent of crimes. Vexen disappeared off in the direction of his dorm and like a puppet with its strings cut Roxas slid down the wall to land on his hands and knees, not sure if he was about to throw up or pass out. It was only when noises in a far off corridor indicated that students were drifting away from the staged fight that Roxas shoved the pain away enough to stagger to the bathroom to clean up.

Almost unable to stay upright Roxas hobbled into his habitual bathroom stall and slammed the rickety door behind him before collapsing on the closed toilet. Sucking in hitching gasps of air Roxas tried and then gave up on stilling the tremors that shook his hands and he took inventory of his abused body, finding with a small amount of relief that his main problems appeared to be the burning ache inside him and the still bleeding bite mark. Standing cautiously Roxas listened to make sure that no one else had come into the toilets and then he limped out to the mirror to check how visible Vexen had made the wound on his neck.

Roxas was caught by unpleasant surprise when he raised his eyes to the mirror and out of pure habit met his own gaze in the glass. In the mirror staring back at Roxas was a frightened looking blonde boy with ghost-white, bruised skin, a bloodied mark on the side of his neck and flat dead eyes. Shuddering Roxas looked away from the haunted stranger and instead focused one hundred percent of his attention on cleaning up and concealing the gouges from Vexen's teeth so that he could get the hell back to his room and pass out in peace.

Things didn't quite work out how Roxas had planned, peace and passing out having to wait until the shitstorm that greeted him in his dorm had thundered away down the hall. When Roxas had hobbled into his room with his collar turned up to hide his neck he had walked right into Xehanort who was in the process of dragging Pence away by his arm, the dean ranting about giving Pence two weeks in the punishment rooms next door to Diz's quarters as penance for the celebratory prank he pulled on passing his calculus test. Sliding his mask into place as completely as he could Roxas shot Pence a look of commiseration as his friend was hauled away protesting loudly.

Roxas lowered himself gingerly onto his bed and stretched out with a muffled groan of agony that echoed around the empty room. For an indeterminate amount of time Roxas drifted in a fog of pain, trying manfully to control the waves of agony that surged through him but then something clicked in his brain and he attempted to lever himself upright, a big mistake as he found out. Falling back onto his pillow and gritting his teeth against the sharp spike of pain Roxas rolled onto his side and fished around awkwardly in his bag in search of his phone.

Rolling back onto his bed and turning to face the wall Roxas opened a new message on his phone and lay there staring at the screen, despair seeping briefly through onto his face before being once again replaced by the blank, lifeless expression. Typing quickly before he could think too much Roxas sent a text to Instructor Xaldin that read, 'Sir, due to personal circumstances I need to request that I be allowed to reduce my trainings with the club to once a week. I can continue to attend on Wednesdays but due to circumstances beyond my control that is all I can do. Could you please let me know as soon as possible if this is acceptable? I would really like to stay a part of the club if I can.'

Checking the time once he had sent the text to Xaldin Roxas breathed a sigh of relief to see that it was only just past four-thirty. Although Roxas had anticipated a long and anxious wait for Xaldin's answer he was surprised when his phone went off mere minutes later. The Taekwon-do instructor's reply was brief and to the point saying simply, 'I'm sorry to hear that Roxas, please do keep coming to training when you can. As your instructor I feel the need to emphasize that you can bring any issues you are having to me if you so wish but otherwise training can also be a good outlet for things you don't feel you can talk about. I hope to see you tomorrow evening.'

Blinking away the sheen of tears that blurred his sight briefly on reading Xaldin's text Roxas took a shaky breath and got ready to send his final message of the evening. Opening a second text, this time to Axel, Roxas wrote, 'Hi Ax, can't make it to Taekwon-do tonight. Got one bitch of a migraine that I just need to sleep off. Should be there tomorrow hopefully though.'

Knowing that Axel would probably text back with some sort of joke or humorous query for more information Roxas turned his phone off as soon as the message was sent and shoved it under his pillow. Time passed and the rest of Roxas' roommates slowly made their way to their bunks but Roxas was beyond acknowledging them having withdrawn into his own head in an attempt to escape his thoughts that endlessly assailed him with the memories of Vexen's attack. At some point Roxas slipped into sleep but his dreams continued to relentlessly replay the rape he had just experienced along with Vexen's malicious words.

***&&&***  
  
Ever since Roxas had told him that he wouldn't be able to make it to his place on Monday afternoon Axel had been wishing the time away until training on Tuesday. The redhead had been in the process of attempting to brush his unruly hair into a ponytail before training on the Tuesday afternoon when his phone went off and he had opened it to see Roxas' terse message. As he read the short text Axel felt a sense of sinking disappointment in his chest but he also heard the faint sound of one of his 'trouble alarms' starting to ring.

Despite Xaldin's determined efforts to get him engaged at training Axel went through the motions of the exercises with his mind a million miles away. In what felt like the blink of an eye Axel found himself back home standing aimlessly in his living room and he glared at thin air at a total loss for what to do next. For the lack of anything better to do Axel sent a short text to Roxas wishing him a speedy recovery, but he was unsurprised when he had still not received a reply when he went to bed an hour later.

Axel's sleep was disturbed by amorphous nightmares that never quite gained shape but were nevertheless terrifying and he awoke at six am the next morning feeling like he had been hit by a truck. Stumbling to the kitchen and inhaling his first coffee of the morning Axel waited for the caffeine to hit his bloodstream, only then feeling his thoughts begin to move sluggishly. Once his brain was operating at minimum capacity Axel tried to work out the best way to pass the day that wouldn't involve dwelling on whether or not Roxas would be coming to his place after school, let alone making it to training.

The hours dragged by as Axel tried with varying degrees of success to plow his way through his coursework and then finally at eleven he gave up resisting and grabbed his phone, dashing off a quick query to Roxas asking if the other teen would be meeting him at the coffee shop after school. Roxas texted back a lot faster than Axel had been expecting, the text coming through less than two minutes later saying shortly, 'Sorry Ax, I forgot to do my homework and my damn teacher's given me after school detention. I'll be lucky if I'm not late to training. See you at club okay?'

Sending back something cheerfully inane in answer to Roxas' short text Axel sat and stared at his phone for almost five minutes before clenching his fist around it tight enough to make the plastic creak. Frustration written all over his face Axel strode into the kitchen to shove some food in his face and then stomped back to his work, attacking the complicated problems with a single-minded fury that still didn't quite block out the fear creeping into the back of his mind. By the time he started to get ready for training Axel was more than ready to speak to Roxas face to face and find out just what the fuck was going on.

***&&&***  
  
Having requested his taxi for as late as possible Roxas slipped through the doors of the training hall and joined the lines of students just as Instructor Arma was opening his mouth to start the session. Having acknowledged the instructor with a respectful bow as he stepped into place, Roxas focused all of his strength on keeping up the impression that he wasn't in extreme amounts of pain. The brief warm-up taxed Roxas' acting abilities to their limits and along with concealing his distress he also had to studiously ignore the concerned looks Axel was shooting him every chance he got.

For the duration of the warm up Roxas hoped against hope that for one reason or other Xaldin would decide to keep him in with the main class, but his hopes were dashed when the instructor gestured for him and Axel to split off. Moving slowly so that his limp was less obvious Roxas kept his eyes on the floor, trying to stiffen his resolve to block Axel out of his world. When the door closed behind them Roxas gritted his teeth as the silence drew out.

Axel was the first to break the silence and it was only with great effort that Roxas suppressed a flinch as the redhead said uncertainly, 'I don't know what's going on Rox. I'm not stupid, I know that you're trying to pretend I don't exist right now… But something's really wrong and I can't just let it drop. Please Roxas… Fuck, please say something…'

About halfway through Axel's earnest appeal Roxas heard a tiny crack in the teen's voice that made his heart hurt and for a second he teetered on the edge of breaking down and crying out everything that had happened. Then, like a tidal wave of ice, the memory of Vexen's threat crashed into Roxas' mind and with a feeling of utter desolation he promised himself that he would not let the redhead get hurt because of him. Still looking anywhere but at Axel Roxas said in a dead tone, 'I think I need to go over patterns and foot techniques tonight. Can we get started? Repetition is the best way to get things to stick in my head.'

Though his eyes were fixed on the floor Roxas didn't need to see Axel to be able to visualize the stunned and hurt look that no doubt decorated his face. There was a long moment of uneasy quiet and then in a controlled tone that contained no inflection whatsoever Axel replied, 'Okay, patterns first, then padwork. Start with Saju Jirugi and I'll see what I can pick up on to improve.'

Roxas stepped into the center of the floor to begin his patterns and he felt his heart wither inside him as the bond he had already grown accustomed to with Axel seemed to evaporate in the chill of the room. Telling himself over and over again that cutting ties with Axel could only be good for the redhead's chances at longevity Roxas threw himself into training single-mindedly, earning but ignoring praise from Axel who could find barely anything to correct. Roxas only looked into Axel's face once during the training and the concerned sorrow he saw there cut so deep that from then on he kept his eyes firmly on the floor despite Axel's attempts to recapture his gaze.

Every moment that passed made it harder for Roxas to keep up his façade as about halfway through their session flashbacks started to break through the small amount of control he had been able to exert over his emotions. Axel had been in the middle of holding his wrist to correct a small error in his punching technique when Roxas' sight had been blanked out by a technicolor vision of the meeting he had been ordered to with Vexen and Saix at lunch that day. Pushing his body to continue as if nothing was amiss Roxas could do nothing to stop the sick movie playing behind his eyes.

_The text had come through one minute before lunchtime started and Roxas had no choice but to follow the instructions that had been sent to him. Soon after the lunch bell rang Roxas slipped unseen into an out of the way broom cupboard and the second the door clicked shut the blonde teen had found himself grabbed from behind and forced to his knees. His blue eyes wide with fear and apprehension Roxas stared up at the grinning Saix and realized that Vexen had switched up the game once again._

_Roxas didn't have the time to fully comprehend his new hell before Vexen shoved him onto his hands and knees and grabbed his hair, yanking his head back roughly. A small yelp escaped Roxas' at the sudden jerk but then Saix was right in front of him and he was choking, barely able to breath around the blue haired teen's cock. Tears streamed down Roxas' face and he found that he couldn't even divorce his mind from what was happening as Vexen pressed against him from behind and Saix mercilessly fucked his mouth until he came._

Finishing his patterns with the awfulness of the day's abuse echoing around his head was just about the hardest thing Roxas had ever had to do in his short life and as he returned to the ready position he was struggling to keep his breathing even. As if from a great distance Roxas heard Axel's voice and he clawed his way back to reality enough to hear the redhead say worriedly, 'Fuck Rox, you need to sit down or take a break. I forgot you aren't really up to full strength… Look, uh, we could do some theory if you want?'

For a moment Roxas was tempted by the thought of not being on his feet but then he realized that Axel's plan would involve them doing nothing but sitting and talking for the rest of training and that was something he desperately wanted to avoid. Drawing on his meagre reserves of strength Roxas shook his head and said flatly, 'I'm fine. I need to get the kicks right so I can practice outside of club. Can we just keep going please?'

Out of the corner of his eye Roxas snuck a glance at Axel and he saw concern, unease and frustration all fight for supremacy on the teen's face. To Roxas' relief Axel appeared to give in to the inevitable and second half of the lesson was spent doing slow motion kicks so that Roxas could get every last detail of the techniques correct right from square one. There was a slight lull at almost eight thirty where Axel looked like he was about to try and say something, but before Roxas could panic a student came running in from next door to tell them that class was finishing up and the blonde teen was out the door before Axel could even finish opening his mouth.

***&&&***  
  
Axel had felt momentary feeling of lifting happiness when he glimpsed Roxas join the line up at the start of class, but that was quickly eclipsed by a trickle of ice that ran down his spine when he got a proper look at the other teen. The first thing that Axel noticed was that Roxas had huge bags under his eyes and that his face was a pallid, sickly white, almost exactly how he had been when he started at the club. The second thing, the thing that hit Axel the hardest, was that from the second that Roxas entered the room the blonde had refused to even look at him.

For Axel the warm up could have consisted of twenty minutes of can-can followed by a pole dance for all the notice he took, his full attention on trying and failing to catch Roxas' eye. A sigh of abject relief escaped Axel's lips when Xaldin gave him the go ahead to break off to the other room and he just managed to refrain from grabbing Roxas' arm and dragging him out of the main hall. Pushing the door shut behind them Axel could at first only stare at Roxas' bowed head at a complete loss for words, an event almost unheard of in his loud lifetime.

Eventually Axel made himself speak and he winced at how disjointed and desperate his plea sounded, praying to Gaia in the silence that followed that Roxas would at least look at him. Then Roxas did speak and Axel felt like someone had physically ripped a hole in his stomach and yanked his guts out, the quelling remoteness in the other teen's voice stopping him dead. Staring at Roxas, dismayed and far beyond worried, Axel flicked through his options so fast that his thoughts ran together in a blur.

It didn't take long for Axel to admit to himself, somewhat bitterly, that training was neither the time nor place to push Roxas to tell him what was going on. Clenching his fists and harshly reining in his unstable emotions Axel managed to reply to Roxas' request to get started on their training in a voice that sounded as if it belonged to a robot. As Roxas moved into the middle of the room and began to run through his patterns Axel had to squeeze his eyes shut for a moment and blink rapidly to fight back unexpected tears.

Because Roxas was fully committed to looking anywhere but him, Axel was able to study the other teen as his brain went on autopilot to critique the patterns that were being demonstrated. His sharp green eyes observing intently Axel gradually noted that, quite aside from the teen's ashen complexion, Roxas was hiding something much more worrying. Due to Roxas' masterful job of covering his discomfort it took Axel a while to realize that his friend was battling pain with every movement and when he did twig to the situation the desperation in him grew exponentially.

Until Roxas faltered mid-step, his breath hitching almost imperceptibly Axel had been frantically trying to think of a way to water down the session without sparking defensiveness and further shut-down in the struggling blonde. When a fleeting expression of pained revulsion flashed across Roxas' face however Axel's deliberation went out the window and he blurted, 'Fuck Rox, you need to sit down or take a break. I forgot you aren't really up to full strength… Look, uh, we could do some theory if you want?'

Roxas' curt response made Axel bite his tongue hard enough to taste blood and it took all of his self-control not to grab the other teen and shake him until he told him what the fuck was wrong. After a split-second of warring with his impulses Axel forced himself to let it go for the moment, deciding that he would not let Roxas out of the car on the ride back to school until he talked. It never even crossed the redhead's mind that Roxas' plans might not include getting in the car with him like he had done after every training since he started. As the awkward training continued Axel silently thanked Gaia for the years of practice that allowed him to spout detailed knowledge of techniques while his mind wrapped itself up in a small screaming ball.

The lesson on basic kicks wound down as it approached time to go back to the main hall and Axel couldn't stop himself from trying once more to talk to Roxas. Unfortunately just as Axel had nerved himself up to open his mouth, the door flew open and a red faced junior student gasped out that the main class was finishing up and Axel and Roxas needed to come back through. Axel swore virulently in his head as Roxas vanished through the door before the junior student had finished his bow and his shoulders slumped as he walked slowly into the larger hall.

***&&&***  
  
Roxas knew, absolutely knew that what he planned to do would hurt Axel badly, but he could think of no other way to make it clear to the redhead that they would not be spending any time together out of training anymore. Xaldin finished the end-of-training dismissal and Roxas did his share of putting away the training equipment, keeping a surreptitious eye on Axel all the while. Judging his moment to look like he was following Axel out to his car Roxas stopped in the middle of the carpark and swallowed hard when Axel turned to look at him questioningly.

Somehow Roxas' voice didn't quiver but his balled fists were shaking uncontrollably as he said harshly, 'I'm not going with you Axel. I won't be coming to your place, I won't be getting a lift from you and I don't want to talk to you outside of training. Please, just leave me alone, I don't want to deal with you anymore on top of everything else.'

As he turned away Roxas caught sight of Axel's face and he almost burst into tears at the utterly devastated look he glimpsed in the teen's usually dancing green eyes. The only thing that allowed Roxas to stumble across the carpark and into his taxi without breaking down was the memory of Vexen's pitiless face as he told Roxas a story of a redhead lying broken in a pool of his own blood. Sitting stiffly upright in the passenger seat of the taxi as the car pulled away Roxas repeated the refrain over and over in his head, 'It doesn't matter about me, as long as Sora is safe. I can handle anything as long as Axel isn't touched by any of it.'

It wasn't until Roxas was back at school and lying rigidly on his bed that he realized something that made his previous level of self-loathing seem like mere mild dislike. His face pressed hard into his pillow Roxas couldn't hold back burning tears as an image burst into his mind of Axel sitting on his own bed with a shining knife creating bloody red wounds on his skin. Long after lights out Roxas shook with silent sobs, wishing futilely that he could take back what he had said to Axel in the dark carpark.

The night wore on and Roxas' tears eventually dried on his face, but the ache in his chest only got worse. Periodically Roxas would weaken and start to reach for his phone to text something, anything to Axel, but then his brain would catch up with him and bombard him with all the reasons he couldn't and the knot of anxiety in the blonde's chest would clench tighter. The school clock had just struck 3.30am when Roxas' body could no longer take the stress and he rolled frantically out of bed, staggering to the toilet to throw up until all he could bring up was burning bile.

***&&&***  
  
Axel drove home from training in a daze, his mind replaying Roxas' cruel words in a crazed loop. Disbelief still dulling his mind and delaying his reactions Axel parked haphazardly in his driveway and stumbled into the house, too out of it to even close the door behind himself. Staggering through the house Axel lurched to a stop when he made it to his room and when his body stopped moving reality finally began to penetrate the fog of his thoughts.

In Axel's mind the bad voice piped up from deep within his brain, but this time when it spoke it sounded like Roxas. In a tone of pure spite the voice drawled, 'He doesn't want to deal with you on top of everything else Ax, you just make things worse. Oh wow, he said 'everything else' and that means that he lumps you in along with all the other horrific shit he has going on. That little Roxas, he doesn't want you anywhere near him and you know why? Because you're simply incapable of making anyone's life even marginally better, you irredeemable fuckup.'

Even before the voice had finished ripping a hole in his heart Axel was yanking open the drawer by his bed and pulling out his knife but he froze briefly as the voice got in one final dig, 'Yeah, that's right punish yourself for being such a resoundingly worthless waste of oxygen. As long as you know though, he knew that this would happen, he's the one person who could know. He knew as he said it that you would do this and he just didn't care.'

The voice's vitriol echoed in Axel's head and clashed harshly with Roxas' last words to him. Spurred into action Axel spun on the spot and tripped on his own feet, falling onto his bedframe and bashing his ribs hard on the wood. Ignoring the sharp pain in his side Axel crawled onto his bed and threw his knife onto the blankets with a broken sob. In a motion that wrenched the muscles in his shoulder Axel ripped his uniform top over his head, hurling the garment onto the floor and dragging a thick swathe of duvet over his lap before snatching up his knife again.

With some dark instinct in the back of his mind directing his actions Axel cut into his own stomach with what started out as swift precise incisions but rapidly became more and more uncontrolled slices. With each repetition of Roxas' voice murmuring, 'Leave me alone' Axel cut a little deeper and it was only the startling bang of a car backfiring nearby that jolted him out of his fugue. The unshed tears that had been burning Axel's eyes finally overflowed and through the watery blur he glared at the blood covered mess that was his stomach.

Axel couldn't summon the motivation or the strength to get up and find his supply kit to clean up the puddles and streaks of blood that covered his body and bed. Ignoring the tears that flowed ceaselessly down his face Axel pulled out the small emergency bag of bandages he kept by his bed and began to mop himself up with his already ruined duvet. Almost twenty minutes after being frightened by the car Axel finished applying a totally half-assed dressing to his stomach and rolled onto his side to stare at the wall, eventually crying himself into a restless sleep.

***&&&***  
  
Roxas' Thursday was by far and away the absolute worst day of his shitty life, even the first time Vexen raped him paling in significance next to it. Just before the lunch bell rang Roxas received a text ordering him to get his ass to the janitor's shed at the start of lunch period and the second the bell went the blonde hurried to comply with the order. Doing his best to detach his mind from the reality of what he knew was going to be yet another horrific ordeal Roxas checked to make sure no one was watching and slipped into the dingy shed used by janitor Pete the three days he worked.

It took all of Roxas' self-control to close the door behind himself and stand passively as he watched Vexen approach him with a completely unhinged grin on his face. Heart-stopping terror making it difficult for him to breathe, Roxas began to shake when he saw that Vexen was holding thick length of rope in his hands. Swallowing thickly Roxas forced himself to respond as he had been trained when Vexen slid a hand around the back of his head and pulled him in for a rough kiss.

Roxas was so focused on reacting as he was meant to that he was caught by surprise when Vexen abruptly broke the kiss and spun him around, shoving him into the wall and quickly tying his hands behind his back. Helpless now, physically as well as through deliberate non-action, Roxas began to shiver with suppressed dread as Vexen pressed up behind him and whispered in his ear, 'Hello Roxie, we're going to try something fun and new today. Now I want you to bite down on this because things might get exciting and I don't want anyone to hear us and do something stupid like interrupting.'

Breathing in panicked gasps Roxas had no option other than to open his mouth and bite down on the greasy rag that Vexen stuffed between his lips. Behind him Roxas heard Vexen let out a low chuckle of what sounded like pure, dark delight and his knees went weak with the knowledge that he would be lucky to walk out of the shed. Without any further wasted chitchat Vexen dragged Roxas' pants down to his ankles and the petrified teen froze in the process of desperately trying to reject reality when he felt something hard and slick with lube pressing against his behind.

Vexen's hot breath blew in Roxas' ear as he whispered in a parody of tenderness, 'Relax Roxie and maybe you'll enjoy this a fraction as much as I will. If you work with me like a good toy then next time we might find something even better than a broom handle… This was the best I could do at such short notice.'

Adrenaline flooded Roxas' system along with a sickening burst of visceral terror but the rush of strength that came with it was too late. With a satisfied huff of pleasure Vexen clutched Roxas tight and the blonde boy let out a muffled shriek into the gag as the larger teen shoved the end of the broom handle roughly inside him. Roxas had felt pain, serious pain, before at the hands of Vexen but the agony that ripped through him drew screams from his throat that would have echoed from one side of the school to the other had the gag not stifled the sound.

Roxas wasn't sure afterward how he got from Pete's shed to his dorm in the condition he was in without being seen, but somehow he managed it. At the end of his strength but knowing that he had to put something in place to cover what would be at least an afternoon of absence from his classes Roxas dragged the bedroom curtains shut and fell onto his bed, pulling his duvet over his head and weakly fishing in his pocket for his phone. A text to one of his roommates ensured that Principal Diz would be informed about Roxas' 'huge migraine, something that's happened more since the accident Sir' and when the reply came through acknowledging his text Roxas gave up his fight for consciousness and passed out where he lay.

***&&&***  
  
After the hell that had been his Wednesday night Axel turned up to training on the Thursday with an inescapable feeling of anxiety gnawing at his gut. Class started with no sign of Roxas either in the student line-up or seated up the back and though Axel went through the motions of taking part in the training he couldn't drag his mind away from the blonde teen who had somehow wormed his way into his life. A glimmer of a thought lit up in Axel's preoccupied mind however as Xaldin was finishing up the formal closing of the lesson and when the rest of the students peeled away to pack up Axel approached his instructor hesitantly.

Thanks to his years of hiding behind a nearly impenetrable mask Axel was able to present a composed face to Instructor Arma despite what he was feeling inside. In a voice that didn't shake and sounded mildly quizzical rather than frantic Axel asked, 'Hey, uh, Sir… I was just wondering if you'd heard from Roxas? Usually he lets me know if he isn't going to be at training, but I didn't get a text tonight.'

Axel met Xaldin's rather too knowing stare levelly but was hard pressed to keep his face neutral as the big man said gruffly, 'Ah yes, I did mean to speak to you about that but it slipped my mind before training. Your duties as instructor have been scaled back slightly as young Mr Valo has had to limit his trainings to Wednesdays only from now on. I'll still have you two training together on the night Roxas is here but you'll have to get used to proper training again Axel and maybe we can even evaluate how your training outside of club has progressed.'

In a daze Axel bantered briefly with Xaldin in an attempt at seeming normal before taking his leave and wandering out to his car, trying to hold back the nebulous feelings of dread bubbling up inside him. Despite Roxas' harsh words from the night before Axel had not even considered the possibility that the blonde teen would withdraw himself almost completely from the escape that Taekwon-do offered him and he was both stunned and deeply scared. Sitting in his cold car in the empty carpark Axel pulled out his phone and stared at it, wanting to send Roxas a text but totally at a loss for what to say.

It took Axel nearly fifteen minutes to write and send a text to Roxas and rereading it he cringed at the inadequate message that said, 'Rox, Instructor Arma said you were down to just training on Wednesdays now. I know you said you don't want to talk to me anymore… But I don't believe you. What happened to make you say that Rox?'

Time ticked by and his car began to resemble a freezer but Axel stared at his phone fixedly, refusing to even think of going home before he got a reply from Roxas. Shivers were wracking Axel's body when at almost ten past nine his phone went off and he fumbled with it with clumsy fingers that were too cold to work properly. Roxas' reply hit Axel like a slap in the face, the text saying bluntly, 'It's not your problem Axel. I'm dealing with things. I did mean it, I don't want to talk to you so leave it.'

Even though Roxas' callous words cut him deeply, a small part of Axel's well developed intuition told him that there was something behind Roxas' words that contradicted his request to be left alone. Feeling the ache of rejection inside him like he had just been kicked in center of his chest Axel dropped his phone on the passenger seat and dully started the car. Staggering inside once he got home Axel only made it to the couch before his legs gave way and he sat in his dark lounge staring blankly into space. Exhaustion eventually overwhelmed Axel and he passed out on the sofa but as he fell away from the world he saw clearly in his mind's eye the image of Roxas' desperate, pain filled blue eyes.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for self-harm, sexual abuse and so much angst it's getting ridiculous lol.**

Zexion sat in his car outside Axel's house and argued with himself, trying to decide how best to approach his friend with the maximum chance of receiving an answer to the questions that had been plaguing him for going on two weeks. Possessing an insightful and observant mind Zexion had watched Axel watching Roxas and the bluette had quickly twigged to the fact that there was something really wrong that the blonde and the redhead were trying to hide. Having known Roxas for less than a month Zexion knew that he couldn't exactly go to the blonde and demand answers, but even though he had known Axel for years he still didn't quite know how to ask what the hell was going on.

Finally Zexion decided that he would just have to wing it and he took a deep breath before getting out of the car. Arranging his face into the expression of calm indifference that usually came easy to him Zexion strolled up to Axel's front door and knocked firmly on the wood, stepping back and waiting for his friend to open up. What should have been a short wait stretched out for a couple of minutes before Zexion registered a muted thudding noise that seemed to be coming from the garage. Realizing that Axel was probably in the middle of training and thus wouldn't have heard the door, Zexion rolled his eyes and headed for the garage.

Upon opening the door to Axel's garage Zexion stood stock still and simply stared, momentarily thrown by the sight that greeted him. In the middle of the garage Axel stood facing away from the door, his feet firmly planted on the floor as he threw punch after vicious punch into his punching bag. As Zexion watched he saw that the bag was marred with a large patch of smeared blood and his heart lurched as a new spray of blood splattered with each impact of Axel's flayed knuckles. Broken out of his paralysis by the sickening sight of his friend's blood Zexion was moving before he had a clear idea of what he was about to do.

Arriving at Axel's side in three swift steps Zexion grabbed the redhead's shoulder and bodily dragged his friend away from the bloodstained punching bag. Luckily Zexion's reactions were almost as quick as Axel's, because the bluette was raising his hands into an instinctive guard even as Axel spun and blindly struck out at him. Wincing more at the feeling of Axel's blood splashing on him than at the pain of blow Zexion grabbed Axel's wrist and snapped out, 'Fuck, Ax, it's me! What the hell man? What's wrong with you?'  
  
***&&&***

Axel had been totally unaware that there was someone else in the garage until he felt a hand fall on his shoulder and jerk him backwards. Mindless reflex drove him and before his thinking brain could intervene Axel was twisting around with the intent to do serious harm to the unexpected intruder. The fact that his strike was blocked stopped Axel for a split-second and then his mind registered that he was hearing Zexion's familiar and uncharacteristically perturbed voice. Guilt rising in his chest and threatening to choke him Axel stared at his friend and struggled for words.

After a brief silence that seemed to last forever Axel pulled his wrist away from Zexion's grip and averted his eyes whispering, 'I'm sorry Zex. I'm not… I'm not doing so good. Fuck I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you.'

Axel's stuttering apology was cut short when Zexion shook his head and interrupted, 'Axel… I know you. When you say you're not doing good you mean that things have turned to shit in a critical way. Please talk to me man, I'm really worried about you.'

The genuine care and concern in Zexion's voice stopped the knee-jerk lie that sprung to Axel's lips from actually being voiced and he hesitated in a moment of painful indecision. Coming to the interim conclusion that the upcoming conversation didn't have to occur in the freezing garage Axel beckoned mutely to his worried friend and led the way back to the house and the comfort of the lounge. Axel waited until Zexion had taken a seat and was looking over at him with a calm stare before folding up onto the couch and trying to think of exactly what the fuck to say.

Apparently the wait was too long and Zexion was more worried than Axel had realized because eventually the bluette lost some of his fabled self-possession and shoved himself off his chair to crouch next to the sofa. Distress written clearly on his face Zexion said in a taut voice, 'Dammit Axel talk to me. I remember what shit used to be like for you and I'm not just going to piss around and watch your life go to hell again.'

Hating the pain he was causing his friend and knowing that what he was about to say would do nothing to ease Zexion's worries Axel looked up and held the teen's gaze as he said quietly, 'I can't tell you Zex. Something is really, really wrong but… You just have to believe me when I say that I can't tell anyone. It's not mine to tell… I'm sorry…'

Zexion's response was much more like his normal self as he took a minute to consider Axel's words before grimacing and replying, 'Well shit Ax. I know if you don't want to tell me you won't… Doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm here if you need me for anything though, you know that right? I mean it Ax, even if you just need me to come over and distract you so that you're not beating yourself bloody… Got it?'

The sincerity and utter commitment in Zexion's words brought a lump to Axel's throat but he didn't have more than a second to turn maudlin before Zexion's stare turned penetrating and he said in a tone of forced calm, 'So if you can't tell me that then Ax, tell me this… Have you… Have you ever wanted to hurt or h-harm, yourself? Fuck man, your hands… You did that, punching until you bled, because it was hurting you not despite it didn't you…?'

With Zexion's quiet words ringing in his ears Axel found himself totally incapable of drawing breath into his frozen lungs. Before Roxas Axel had never told anyone about the fucked up way he coped with the bad things in his world and now to be confronted about it by Zexion who he had hoped would never ever find out was just a little more than Axel could take. Then, as Axel's mind whirled in chaotic confusion, a thought burst to the fore of his brain, 'Tell him something small and he might lose track of the things you aren't telling him.'

Spurred on by his own thoughts and the distressed look on Zexion's face Axel closed his eyes and found the strength to murmur, 'I didn't want you to know Zex. I didn't want anyone to know, ever. I mean fuck, why would I want the people I give a shit about to look at me and know how fucking weak I am. Punching shit till I bleed is… Zex… That isn't as bad as it gets either. Fuck, I… Fuck. Can you say something please?'

For a second Axel wasn't sure if the look on Zexion's face was one of sympathy or disgust, but then the blue haired boy let out a choked sigh and removed all doubt by reaching out a shaking hand and touching his knee saying unsteadily, 'Gaia's love Axel, how the hell do you do it? Until I literally saw you beating your fists raw I had no idea… How the fuck could I not know? You smile and joke and act like you have everything under control and you have everyone fooled… Ax… How do you have the strength to keep this shit up?'

Zexion's response was so alien to what Axel had been anticipating that his misfiring brain refused to accept that he had heard what he had just heard. Gradually however the full impact of Zexion's reaction filtered into Axel's mind and he stared at his friend with confusion written all over his face as he said faintly, 'It's just what I do Zex, I don't have any other option. Look why, why aren't you disgusted or appalled or already out the door? I don't get it, you should be kicking my ass for being such a fucking dipshit…'

A wry smile crept across Zexion's face and he shook his head gently. The bluette was just about to say something further when his phone went off loudly and totally shattered the calm that had just started to fall. When Zexion dithered for a second Axel managed a small but genuine smile and waved at the other teen to just hurry up and answer his phone. Zexion gave him a grateful smile and while the bluette got up and wandered into the hall Axel sat back on the couch and tried, with a small amount of success, to get a grip.

By the time Zexion came back into the lounge Axel had pulled himself together a tiny bit, enough at least to steady his breathing and calm his thoughts down to a mild roar in his head. The smile Axel aimed at Zexion as he came back into the room quickly faded however when he saw the expression of fear and misery on the teen's face. Before Axel could even ask Zexion stuttered out, 'Gaia Axel I'm sorry I have to go… That was Kadaj, m-my mother's been taken to hospital. H-h-he said he f-found her passed out in the kitchen when he g-got home, fuck I have to go…'

Without the slightest hesitation Axel shot to his feet and hurried over to the trembling Zexion, wrapping a steadying arm around his shoulders. Taking charge as if the harrowing conversation of before hadn't happened at all Axel said firmly, 'Come on Zex, I'll drive you. I can tell you aren't going to be up to driving. Hurry up, we'll take your car and I can taxi home from the hospital once we find Kadaj.'

Steering the unresisting Zexion out of the house Axel only paused to grab his wallet and a jacket before slamming the door and hustling them both to the car. The ride to the hospital was made in absolute silence with Zexion staring blankly ahead and Axel sneaking glances every chance he could to make sure his friend was still breathing. When they arrived at the hospital Axel had to muscle Zexion out of the car and in through the front doors, the effort tearing open a few of the newer wounds on his stomach, something he didn't even notice until he crashed into bed hours later.

Exhausted from the sustained effort it had taken to make sure that the distraught Zexion was reunited with his family at the hospital and then hunt down a taxi home, Axel barely had the strength to strip off his top and slap a new covering on his reopened cuts once he got home. Lying on his bed, totally drained of any strength Axel found that his thoughts seemed to have slowed from their frantic racing and he mused as sleep crept up on him that he hadn't thought about Roxas' situation for almost four hours. Falling away from the world Axel sent a formless prayer to Gaia, more of a hope than a concrete plea, that somehow things would be better in the morning.  
  
***&&&***

Two weeks after he had sent his cruel text to Axel Roxas was stretched to breaking point but still managing to avoid and ignore the redhead. The first Wednesday of training together had been spent intensely focusing on syllabus with only a few isolated words spoken in the whole two hours, but Roxas had been painfully aware that Axel was waiting the whole time for him to break the silence and the tension. Escaping from the Taekwon-do hall without being cornered and questioned by Axel had at first felt like a triumph to Roxas but once he was in the taxi the feeling had quickly turned to nausea in the pit of his stomach.

Halfway through the day on the second Wednesday, after a ghastly lunch hour spent with both Vexen and Saix, Roxas was hit by an idea in Biology and once out of class he called his taxi to make sure the car turned up earlier than usual. When the end of school bell finally rung, Roxas hurried as quickly as he could to get ready and thanks to his forward thinking he got to the hall before anyone except Xaldin had arrived. Taking a breath upon entering the hall Roxas put his plan into action before he could chicken out.

It only took a few quiet words with Instructor Arma to gain Roxas permission to watch class from the back of the hall and although he hated himself for lying and saying his concussion was still affecting him Roxas found it was a good cover to avoid the truth. The real reason that Roxas needed to sit out training that night was due to a nearly dislocated shoulder gifted to him by Saix and a barely concealable limp that was thanks to Vexen's sadistically overenthusiastic attentions and the blonde teen slumped onto the bench with a sigh of relief mixed with sadness. Slowly the Taekwon-do students began to trickle into the hall and Roxas glued his gaze to the floor to avoid any possible interaction.

Despite staring at the ground Roxas listened hard to keep tabs on who was arriving at training and his keen hearing caught Axel's distinctive voice before the redhead even entered the room. Acutely aware that green eyes were probably fixed on him from afar Roxas sent a thankful prayer to Gaia when Xaldin loudly called the start of class and he only raised his gaze when he was sure that Axel was up the front and facing the instructor. Roxas tuned out the traditional procedure that began each class but his ears pricked up when he heard Xaldin telling the class that they would be doing something different for a change.

A brief set of simple instructions later and Roxas watched with interest as the students split into groups with orders to create and perform a short self-defence skit using the techniques from their respective ranks. Having spent his trainings to date separated from the main class Roxas watched in fascination, drinking in the huge variety of self-defence strategies and moves that he had never seen before. To Roxas' relief Axel was part of a group confined to the front of the hall but try though he might he couldn't keep his eyes away from the redhead for more than a few minutes at a time.

Along with watching the skits take shape Roxas covertly observed Axel as much as possible while avoiding his gaze and his heart sank as he took in the teen's appearance. Roxas couldn't help but notice that Axel seemed to have lost weight from his already lean form and when the redhead turned to face him, gesturing emphatically to a groupmate, Roxas could clearly see tiredness and strain showing on his angular face. Averting his eyes before he was caught staring Roxas blinked back tears and tried to convince himself that he was doing what had to be done.

With so much to watch, even with the distraction of Axel, time passed quickly for Roxas and he jumped to hear Instructor Arma call for the groups to come together and present their performances. Indicative of the general type of person who attended the club every single team had chosen to do a comedy skit and Roxas was surprised when the antics of the first three groups all managed to make him smile. Nervousness rose in Roxas' chest however when Axel's group was called up and he struggled to watch everyone in the skit and not just Axel.

The first groups had done well enough with their routines and included funny moments, but the slapstick nature of Axel's team combined with their obvious skill dragged an uncontainable chuckle from Roxas. As soon as the sound left his lips however Roxas regretted the moment of levity, the tensing of his stomach muscles sending a cramping pain through his lower half. Biting his lip hard Roxas wrapped his arms around his midriff and doggedly avoided Axel's piercing stare, the redhead having snapped his head up at the sound of Roxas' laugh.

Even though he had managed to push aside the real world for a short time Roxas spent the last few minutes of the training trying to collect himself enough to project an illusion of 'fine' that would last until he was out of sight. Down the front of the hall Xaldin declared Axel's group the winner and as such free from the duty of packing up the hall, but Roxas only heard the man's words as a droning buzz until the class broke up and the students dispersed. Caught in his own head Roxas unthinkingly pushed himself awkwardly up from his seat and assuming that everyone was busy he limped heavily from the room. What Roxas missed in his hasty departure was a pair of miserable green eyes that followed his exit with a look of wretched intensity.  
  
***&&&***

Watching Roxas withdraw from the world and fade away before his eyes hurt Axel deeper than he thought he was still capable of being hurt, but it wasn't until the third week after Roxas' rejection of him that he found the chance to do something. Axel had been in the process of packing up his coursework in preparation for getting ready for training on the Wednesday afternoon, when his phone had gone off and he answered it to hear Xaldin's voice sounding unusually strained. The instructor said perfunctorily, 'Axel, I'm sorry to do this but I need to ask an urgent favour. I've had a family emergency and I need you to do the ring round to let everyone know that training has been cancelled for tonight. I'd usually do it myself but I just don't have time…'

Breaking into Xaldin's rant and trusting that his instructor wouldn't kill him for being rude Axel said quickly, 'Sir, don't worry about it. I've got the phone list here and you should just hurry up and go instead of worrying about this. I hope everything's okay, let me know if I need to call for tomorrow too if things take longer than you think or anything.'

The way Xaldin thanked him profusely told Axel that the family emergency was definitely quite a dire sort of emergency and he firmly told his instructor to go and then hung up with a sigh. Upset that his one chance of the week to see Roxas was being pulled from under his feet Axel was halfway through the calls he had to make to the Taekwon-do students before an underhandedly brilliant idea burst into his brain. Not taking a moment to second guess the wisdom of his idea Axel rushed through calling all of the students except Roxas and then he dashed out the door, heading for the Taekwon-do hall.

Arriving at the deserted hall a good hour before normal training would usually start Axel used his key to let himself in and he turned on all the lights to give the impression that training was on as usual. The instant Axel stopped moving however he was almost overwhelmed with nervousness and anxiety that his plan wouldn't work and he barely made it to the bench that ran down the side of the hall before his legs gave out from under him. Hunching over and resting his elbows on his knees, Axel stared at the floor between his feet and tried to work out what he would say when Roxas turned up and discovered his deception.

The hour passed slowly and given the time to stew in his own doubt and insecurity Axel grew more and more twitchy and panicky with every passing minute. It was almost six thirty when Axel abruptly decided that he had made a huge mistake and went to get up, but he only made it as far as to raise his head when he heard the door to the hall creak open. Heart suddenly hammering in his chest Axel swallowed a huge dry lump in his throat, trying with everything in him to prepare himself for the imminent confrontation.

Roxas hurried into the room and gifted Axel with a precious few seconds by turning to pull the door quietly closed behind him. In the tiny reprieve Axel stared at Roxas mutely, shocked at the awkward way the other teen was moving and all he could do was sit there as Roxas turned around and finally realized that he had walked into something much different than the bustling hall he was used to. Axel's guard and mental barriers were completely discarded in the moment that Roxas' gaze found his and he was powerless to hide the storm of emotions that was laid bare in his eyes.

Thick and tense silence filled the hall until Roxas went to step back towards the door and a glare of light from the overhead fluorescents fell squarely across his face, provoking a hoarse exclamation of dismay from the shocked Axel. What Axel hadn't been able to see until the harsh illumination revealed it was a livid purple and blue bruise that stretched from the corner of Roxas' right eye up over his temple and into his hairline, inadequately concealed by the unruly spikes of the teen's hair. Without intervention from his brain Axel was on his feet and in front of Roxas in a heartbeat, the sound of his cry still ringing in the air.

The speed of Axel's movement was so fast that Roxas was still frozen to the spot as Axel lifted a shaking hand to his face. Axel's slender fingers ghosted around the edge of the large bruise on Roxas' face but when he gently brushed away a few strands of blonde hair Roxas' immobility was broken and the slight teen took a stumbling step backwards. In a plea that betrayed pure fear and desperation Roxas moaned, 'Why can't you fucking let it go Axel? There's nothing you can do so just fucking forget I ever told you anything! Please… Can't you just… Leave me alone…'

Axel's words caught in his throat for a second and he turned his head away, choking back tears of hopelessness and despair. Brokenly, in a voice that was barely audible Axel whispered, 'I can't Roxas. He's going to kill you. You know this, he's going to go too far and kill you… Fuck Rox… I can't just let it happen…'

There was a drawn out silence from Roxas in the wake of Axel's frantic words, but all Axel could register was that Roxas hadn't left the hall and hadn't told him to shove his caring and get the fuck away from him. Words spilling out of his mouth before he could think it through Axel resorted to begging unashamedly, 'Please Roxas, oh Gaia please just talk to me… I can't… I can't take it, seeing you come to training and imagining what sick shit you've been living through alone… You think there's nothing I can do but at least you wouldn't be alone Rox!'

Drawing on the last of his rapidly waning courage Axel lifted his gaze to meet Roxas' conflicted blue eyes and he knew that his usually well shielded emotions were laid bare to the other teen. After a pause that seemed to last forever Roxas broke eye contact and said lifelessly, 'You just won't walk away, will you Axel. I knew, I knew that I should never have told you anything… Fine. Fucking fine. If you want to talk… We can't do it here though. If he's got someone watching…'

Hardly daring to believe what he was hearing Axel stared at Roxas uncertainly, trying through sheer force of will to divine whether the blonde teen was being sarcastic or if he actually meant what he was saying. Suddenly deciding that he wasn't going to argue or give Roxas the chance to change his mind Axel said quietly, 'If you turn off the lights Rox I'll check outside and make sure that the coast is clear. Don't come out until I come and get you and then we can gap it to my place. I… Thank you Rox…Thank you.'  
  
***&&&***

Roxas sat in Axel's car, unable to believe the events of the last few minutes. When he had turned up at the hall for training he had been so totally blindsided by the situation that his brain had at first refused to compute. Then from the moment Axel saw the bruise on his face Roxas found that events had progressed so quickly that he could barely get his head around things let alone keep up his guard and his defenses. From the start Roxas had been fighting a losing battle in convincing himself that he could block Axel out of his life and when the redhead had broken down into abject pleading Roxas found that he just couldn't do it anymore. Terrified that his decision would end in pain and blood Roxas sat rigidly in the passenger seat, silently cursing his weakness the whole ride to Axel's house.

Moving robotically Roxas got out of the car when Axel pulled into his driveway and like someone in a dream he followed Axel into the house. Walking almost entirely on autopilot Roxas trailed after Axel into the brightly lit lounge and sank into a chair upon the discovery that his legs appeared to shaking quite badly. Aware that Axel's eyes were fixed on him intently Roxas tried to fight through the tide of panic that was rising in him. Torn between his promise to talk and the nausea that threatened when he thought of what his words would do to Axel, Roxas squeezed his eyes shut and tried to get a hold of himself.

Axel's quiet voice eventually broke the silence, the other teen saying almost too softly to hear, 'Rox…'

Somehow the sound of his own name being said so gently loosened the constriction in Roxas' throat and after taking a trembling breath he blurted out, 'I tried to keep you away because… Because it's dangerous for you to even know me. I didn't want to hurt you but I couldn't think of any other way to keep you out of it. I shouldn't even be telling you this much but you just don't seem to get it.'

Biting his tongue at how incoherent he sounded Roxas was suddenly hit by vivid flash of memory, the sight and sound of Vexen threatening Axel's life bursting into his mind before vanishing just as quickly. Abruptly terrified that his very presence at Axel's place was putting the redhead in mortal danger Roxas jerked to his feet before Axel could reply, intent on getting out of there before he brought his own hell down on his friend. Standing up so suddenly turned out to be a mistake however, as all the blood drained away from Roxas' head leaving him swaying on the edge of blacking out.

The breath rushed from Roxas' lungs and he buckled at the knees, his arm flying out in a futile attempt at snagging something to catch himself on. Roxas' hand smacked into something and he heard a sharp inhalation, reality starting to filter in at that point and informing his brain that somehow he hadn't hit the ground and was propped up in a semi sitting position. Shaking his head and then groaning at the spike of pain that shot through his skull, Roxas tilted his head back to look at Axel who had dived to catch him as he fell.

Even though Roxas' head was killing him with a vicious post-faint ache the blonde shoved the pain and his own issues away without hesitation when he caught sight of Axel's face and saw that the teen had gone stark white and his teeth were buried in his bottom lip. Ignoring his own discomfort Roxas pushed himself to his knees and with suspicion blooming in the back of his mind he asked haltingly, 'Axel… What's wrong? You look… Oh son of a bitch, what the hell… You're bleeding… Shit, get up, we need to get you to the bathroom.'

Roxas was so intent on the spreading bloodstain on Axel's stomach that he nearly jumped out of his skin when Axel wordlessly hauled himself to his feet and walked off unsteadily in the direction of the bathroom. Standing carefully so he didn't have a repeat of his dizzy spell Roxas followed after Axel, his brain whispering to him in words laden with guilt that the blood could very well be his fault on more than one level. Arriving in the doorway of the bathroom Roxas stood and stared at Axel for a long moment as the redhead had stopped at the sink and leaned heavily on the edge, staring blankly at his hands.

The seconds stretched out with Axel staying motionless by the sink and Roxas' guilty anxiety grew stronger and stronger until he couldn't stay quiet any longer. Softly, hoping not to startle Axel, Roxas asked simply, 'Ax, I'll understand if you just want me to go away but I don't really want to leave you alone. I… I want to help… What can I do to help?'  
  
***&&&***

When he had lunged to catch Roxas as the blonde's legs gave way Axel had been too focused on stopping the other teen from hitting the floor to avoid the out-flung hand that collided hard with his stomach. Axel sank to his knees with the semi-conscious Roxas in his arms and let out a tortured hiss, realizing that the harsh contact had reopened at least one of his most recent wounds in a very painful way.

Biting his lip to hold back a groan Axel only heard Roxas' voice as a background murmur until he caught the word 'blood' and understood that the worst had happened and he was already bleeding through his shirt. As Roxas knelt next to him saying something worriedly Axel slammed all of his defenses back into place, withdrawing into himself and focusing on the single goal of getting to the bathroom and dealing with the immediate problem. Axel didn't even notice that Roxas had followed him until he was slumped weakly over the sink and he heard the other teen's soft question from behind him.

Axel's mind was in such disarray that Roxas' words threw his thoughts off on a complete, almost irrational tangent and he found that he had gone through dazed and somehow come out the other side into cold calculation. In the silence following Roxas' genuinely caring question Axel could only think about how he could turn the situation into a way to find out more about the things Roxas didn't want to tell him. Caught up in the plan beginning to form in his head Axel almost forgot that Roxas was expecting an answer.

After an extended pause Roxas spoke again into the echoing silence and Axel slowly lifted his head to look at the other teen as he said, 'Please Ax, say something… I… That bloodstain's getting bigger. Fuck, can you just let me make sure you're okay? Then you can kick me out or whatever…'

Unable to meet Roxas' gaze properly Axel glanced at the other teen out of the corner of his eye. Hating himself for the borderline deception he was putting into play Axel muttered, 'Sorry. Look I… It's in an awkward place otherwise I would have been able to do the dressing properly in the first place.'

Looking down for the first time since reaching the bathroom Axel let out an aggravated growl as Roxas was indeed correct and the bloodspot had soaked through his shirt and was now nearly four inches long. A totally unfeigned note of nervous distress entering his voice Axel forced himself to continue with his ploy saying weakly, 'Roxas… If… If you help… Fuck I don't know if I can do this. No one's ever seen my skin Rox, no one.'

Axel barely had time to shut his mouth and look away before Roxas was standing beside him and touching his shoulder to get him to look up. The tone of empathy in Roxas' voice made Axel's heart break a little as the other teen said, 'I'll go if you want Ax but… You can trust me, you know? Even after what I said… Fuck… I just want to help.'

Looking into Roxas' sincere blue gaze Axel swallowed hard and told himself one more time that this was the only way that he had even a chance of getting the teen to open up to him. Quickly grabbing his medical box from on top of the cabinet Axel shoved the container at Roxas and turned around to face him. Leaning back so that he was propped up against the edge of the sink Axel stared at the damp spot of blood, gripping the hem of his shirt with trembling fingers and nerving himself to do something that went against every instinct in his screaming brain.  
  
***&&&***

Until Axel thrust the box of bandages in his direction Roxas had been sure that he had pushed Axel too far and the redhead was about to invite him to fuck right off. Stunned that Axel apparently did trust him enough to accept his help Roxas stood silently and watched the other teen fight against years of ingrained secrecy. Then Axel jerkily lifted his top to expose his stomach and it was all Roxas could do to swallow the wordless sound of distress that tried to escape his lips.

Wide blue eyes wandered over Axel's stomach, a small part of Roxas blinking in surprise at how defined the lean boy's muscles were but most of him preoccupied with and horrified at the thick silvery lines and scabbed over cuts that littered Axel's skin. Though Roxas knew that Axel needed help with the blood soaked gauze that was stuck to his skin just above the line of his pants, the blonde teen found himself momentarily unable to look away from the deeply carved 'WORTHLESS' that scrawled from Axel's hip to ribs.

Roxas was snapped out of his trance when Axel made a sound that was a cross between a cough and sob, realizing that while he was staring like an idiot Axel was most likely imploding inside his head. Acting without really thinking it through Roxas let out a small sound of distress and reached out to lay his hand on Axel's shaking arm, trying to convey that he wasn't judging or recoiling. Seeing that Axel had his eyes squeezed shut and was shaking like a leaf Roxas abruptly shoved all of his own baggage to the side and he began, as gently but as quickly as possible, to clean up the mess of Axel's stomach.

When Roxas' fingers brushed Axel's skin he felt the teen stop shaking and freeze motionless but he kept going just to get what had to be torture for the redhead over and done with. The blood soaked dressing pretty much fell off when Roxas touched it and he had to work hard to detach himself enough to look without cringing at the seeping wounds that had been hiding beneath it. Keeping his touch light Roxas wiped away as much of the blood as he could, biting his lip every time his ministrations provoked a twitch or a suppressed whimper.

The lacerated area finally clear of blood Roxas hesitated for a moment, realizing that he wasn't actually sure how best to bind up Axel's injuries so that the dressing would stay in place. Clearing his throat uncomfortably Roxas glanced up at Axel's determinedly impassive face and said, 'Ax, I, uh… Could you help me get this right? I can be your hands, but you need to tell me what to do so it stays on.'

Roxas watched Axel's face as he waited for his words to get through. Eventually Roxas saw a flicker of some undefinable emotion glimmer behind Axel's eyes and in a low, spiritless voice the redhead walked him through, step by step, how to properly dress and secure a wound. The task wore on interminably but finally as he smoothed down the last piece of medical tape Roxas took a look at his handiwork and felt a fleeting feeling of pride in what looked like a good job. With hands that barely shook at all Roxas reached up and covered Axel's fingers with him own, gently helping the teen cover the clean dressing with his ruined shirt.  
  
***&&&***

It was only Axel's determination to break through Roxas' defences and find out what was really happening with the blonde that got him through the excruciating ordeal of letting someone see his skin let alone touch his fresh wounds. Though he had manipulated himself into the situation with a dash of deception to boot, Axel still had to fight against the wave of terror and creeping dissociation that assaulted him when he forced his numb hands to lift his shirt. With his weakness bared to the world Axel felt each second that passed scrape on his nerves like sandpaper.

While Roxas stood in stunned silence Axel could feel the blonde teen's gaze like a blowtorch moving over his skin. Staring into the air trying to repress the urge to run Axel caught a sudden mental flash of the scars that spelt out 'WORTHLESS' and he couldn't hold back a choked moan. No longer able to deal with it all Axel's eyes slid shut and he worked to keep it together, a shudder wracking his frame when he felt Roxas' touch on his arm. Then things took on a whole new level of bad for Axel when Roxas actually began to gently clean up his stomach.

Despite his best efforts Axel started to space in and out as Roxas worked to wipe away the blood from his skin but he was yanked back to reality when other teen broke the silence and asked for help in a tone that sounded bizarrely apologetic. Realizing that if he could get through this last ordeal then it would be over Axel let his brain and inner instructor take over, mechanically talking Roxas through how to dress a wound and resolutely ignoring the alien feel of someone else's hands touching his skin. Axel only realized it was all over when Roxas reached up to take his hands and lower the hem of his shirt into place.

At the end of his self-inflicted torture Axel wanted nothing more than to escape the bathroom and try to forget that Roxas now knew even a fraction of his secret, the flight response making him feel more guilty for what he was planning to do next. In a voice that sounded nothing like his normal upbeat self Axel said shakily, 'I think I need to sit down Rox. I'm sorry… Fuck I'm so fucking sorry.'

Roxas was up in a flash and it was no act for Axel to lean on him as they made their way back out to the lounge. The care that Roxas took to move slowly and not to jolt him just increased the streak of self-loathing spreading through Axel and by the time they sank onto the couch the redhead was seriously reconsidering his next step. Axel was almost at the point of giving up on his plan completely despite what he had just endured, but then he caught a glimpse of Roxas' face as the other teen moved wrong and grimaced with pain, the suffering in the blonde boy's eyes stiffening his resolve.

Waiting a moment for stillness to fall and also to try and organize his racing thoughts Axel took a deep breath and said in a voice that he hoped didn't sound as shaky to Roxas as it sounded to him, 'Rox… I hate this. All of this. I saw you flinch just then… I don't even know how to ask harder, please, _please_ talk to me. Don't shut me out…'

His green gaze locked on Roxas' startled, wide blue eyes Axel could see indecision warring with reluctance in the teen's face and ignoring the twinge of his conscience he added with as much understated reproach as he could muster, 'You said before that you just wanted to see if _I_ was okay Rox. I can see you're not okay, I can see you're about as far away from okay as you can get. Just sitting here watching you get slowly worn away to nothing is killing me.'

Axel wasn't sure if it was his pathetic tone of voice or the subtle reminder that he had bared more of his own secrets that he ever thought he would, but he actually saw the moment that Roxas came to a decision. Looking into blue eyes that were brimming with desperation Axel listened with a horrible kind of hope as Roxas mumbled, 'You can't say you're sorry Axel, you've got nothing to be sorry for unlike me. I wanted to keep you out to keep you safe… But just knowing me is enough to fuck things up for you. I can't… I can't lie to you Ax but the more you know… Oh fuck…'

Roxas trailed off and the look on his face spoke volumes of how hard it had been for him to even say that much. Refusing to just drop it and let things lie Axel met Roxas' conflicted gaze and threw the blonde's previous words back at him murmuring, 'You can trust me Rox, I just want to help.'

There was a brief second during which Axel got to feel a distracted kind of triumph when the stubbornness on Roxas' face faltered and abruptly shattered into resignation but Roxas had one more surprise up his sleeve, narrowing his eyes and saying urgently, 'Tell me one thing Axel please… Please don't just brush this off, I, uh, I need to know… Were those… Did you cut because of what I said…? Are those because of me?'

Axel had thought that there was no way he could field a more awkward question than when Zexion asked him if he self-harmed, but Roxas' words hit his brain like a freight train. In the wake of having just had to sit through Roxas cleaning up the wounds in question Axel sincerely wanted to just drop dead. Never had Axel wished harder that he was a better liar but something in Roxas' voice tipped him off that the blonde boy already knew the answer to the question he had just asked. Knowing that even a second's hesitation would give Roxas his answer Axel struggled for words, despising himself for the answer he was about to give.

Bowing his head and hunching his body around the shame that burned in his chest Axel was unable to completely conceal an undertone of anger as he whispered, 'The fuck did you have to ask that for Rox? Yes, okay? I'm that fucked up that I went and did this when you pretty much told me to go fuck myself… But you didn't _make_ me do anything… Fuck's sake Rox, you have no idea what it's like inside my head…'

Axel trailed off into silence, incapable of finding any further words in the face of Roxas' guilt filled and grief-stricken stare. There were a couple of seconds of agonizing silence and then Roxas suddenly spat out in a tone of self-condemnation, 'This is why you should've never come near me in the first place Axel. This is why I try, oh fuck I try to push everyone away before they even know my name! Gods fucking dammit I just wanted to make sure you never got hurt because of me, but you're bleeding and it's my fault anyway!'

It took Axel a couple of beats to realize what was fundamentally wrong with Roxas' outburst as he had to first fight his way through a wave of nausea generated by the vicious self-hatred in Roxas' tone. After the second it took for his brain to catch up with reality Axel's green eyes sharpened to a chillingly icy glare and he snarled, 'Did he fucking threaten me? Is that what made you… Me getting hurt… You thought you had to protect me so you… Rox…'

Axel suddenly realized that he was almost yelling and with a superhuman effort he snapped his mouth shut and took a deep, shuddering breath. In a tone of forced calm Axel shut his eyes and said as steadily as he could, 'Roxas, you need to tell someone. If not me then someone else but you can't keep going like this. Please… Just… Please tell me what happened…'  
  
***&&&***

Roxas found out that being sure in his own mind that he was the reason behind the serious injuries he had just assisted in cleaning up and hearing from Axel's mouth that his actions led to the gaping cuts on the teen's stomach were two very different things. The horrified guilt that crashed over him was nothing compared to the utter contempt he felt for himself and in the throes of self-loathing he revealed much more than he intended to about his reasons for pushing Axel away. Axel's reaction momentarily froze the churning mess of emotions in Roxas' chest however, the teen catching a glimpse of what the redhead must have been like in his pre anger management days.

Although he hated himself for it Roxas couldn't help a shiver of fear that must have been discernible in his eyes, because Axel immediately caught hold of himself and locked down his fury tightly. Then Axel shut his eyes with a look of such hopelessness on his face that Roxas' heart clenched in a painful thump that seemed to shake his whole body. It could have simply been the whiplash from fear to painful compassion, but Roxas felt the last of his resistance to Axel's entreaties shatter into splinters.

The stubbornness inside Roxas drained away, leaving behind only aching fear and pervasive anxiety as to how Axel would react to what he was about to say. No matter that the redhead had done nothing to support the idea, Roxas still could not shake the nagging dread that Axel would reject him completely once he revealed to the other teen just how tainted and dirty he really was. Roxas' mind was a whirling mess of tangled emotions but somehow, in the middle of chaos he found a single fragment of hope and clung to it with all his strength.

In a broken, almost inaudible voice Roxas whispered, 'The day he finished his punishment, that Tuesday… I was so scared all day, so paranoid about seeing him, but he caught me anyway… So easily. I didn't have a migraine Ax… He raped me so violently that I could barely walk. Gaia Axel, you have no idea… He decoyed the whole school by setting up a fight and then went and waited for me and fucked me right there in the hallway.'

Pausing briefly as Axel let out a small sound of wordless anguish Roxas made himself continue, his voice becoming colder and filling with bitterness as he spat out, 'That was when he told me he would kill you if I kept defying him. He said he'd make me lick u-up your b-blood as you bled out on the ground if I didn't come whenever he called and… If I didn't pretend to want him as much as he wants me. And I've… I've discovered he wants me a lot.'

Roxas broke off once again, this time because his voice simply stopped working at the mere thought of what he was about to expose next. Out of the corner of his eye Roxas could see Axel's long, slender fingers were clenched into bone-white fists and he couldn't bring himself to raise his eyes to see the other teen's face. Knowing that if he stopped for too long he would never be able to start again Roxas struggled to find the words to frame for Axel the horror of what he had barely managed to live through in the past few weeks.

His heartbeat echoing in his ears Roxas fought against the impulse to simply fade away from the world although he did let his eyes slide closed so that he wouldn't be able to see Axel's reaction to what he was about to say. Tears pricking at his closed lids Roxas finally whispered, 'That wasn't the worst, not by a mile. Every day, every single day since then, he texts and I… I obey. Ax… Oh Gaia I don't even know if I can say it… I don't even know how… He… Brings Saix in almost every time now… Sometimes Vexen just watches while his friend… Does what he wants to me.'

Roxas wanted to tell Axel the worst of the brutalization he suffered, he really did, but when he blurted out that Vexen was bringing Saix into his daily torture sessions he was startled into a hoarse cry of shock. Unable to see what Axel was doing as his eyes were tightly closed Roxas nearly died of shock when a huge crash sounded right next to him and his eyes flew open as he cried out, irrationally sure that somehow Vexen had burst in and was going to murder them both. Wild blue eyes widened to almost impossible size when Roxas saw Axel was standing with his back to him, shuddering with rage, the coffee table in front of him lying in ruins.

With his back still to Roxas Axel spoke in a flat voice that contrasted oddly with the wreckage in front of him saying, 'Tell me the rest Roxas. You're not telling me something and I want to know what it is. If what you just told me isn't the worst… Dammit R-Rox…'

Axel's controlled tone broke and a sob escaped before the redhead clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound. Moving without intervention from his brain Roxas didn't even realize what he was doing until his arms slipped around Axel's waist and he gently pulled the other teen back to sit on the couch with him, the blonde boy biting back comment when he saw the state of Axel's extremely scabbed and battered knuckles. A tiny part of Roxas' mind marveled bewilderedly at the effect Axel's distress had on him but most of his thoughts were taken up with how to verbalize the very worst.

The two teens slumped next to each in blank silence, each with tears streaking their cheeks and horror-shows in their heads. In an effort to distract himself at least for a few moments Roxas absentmindedly reached out and took Axel's hand in his own, examining the split and bleeding skin and plucking out the splinters left from the destruction of the table. Strangely enough after a few minutes of sitting in silence absorbed in his task Roxas felt the tightness in his throat loosen a little and with the very last of his courage he threw caution to the winds.

Fixing his eyes on the floor Roxas released Axel's hand and wrapped his arms tightly around himself, taking a shuddering breath as he felt the redhead look at him questioningly. Before the tiny spark of strength vanished from his heart Roxas forced the words out in a barely coherent rush that left him at the point of retching, 'The worst is that he keeps escalating it, finding sicker and sicker things to d-do to me. I started to think that he'd done the worst he can think of and then he… Then he r-raped me with a broomstick handle. N-now he uses anything he can f-find…'

As the memory of the broomstick hit his mind like a bomb Roxas felt bile rising in his throat that burned like acid. Ignoring Axel's stunned paralysis Roxas shoved himself off the couch and sprawled onto his hands and knees, scrambling almost immediately to his feet and dashing blindly for the bathroom. Just as Roxas burst through the bathroom door his foot caught the doorframe and he crashed to his face on the lino, the impact forcing a harsh gasp of pain from his lungs. The only thought in his head was that he couldn't face making a mess on the floor so Roxas dragged himself to the toilet and threw up until there was nothing left.  
  
***&&&***

Hearing that Roxas was now being used and abused by not one but two depraved perverts released the rage in Axel that he had locked up tight for over five years. All of a sudden Axel found himself standing over the coffee table that was now smashed on the floor and with deep unease he realized that though he must have done it, he couldn't remember the powerful punch that had shattered the wood. In the silence that followed his violent outburst Axel heard his own voice say blankly, 'Tell me the rest Roxas. You're not telling me something and I want to know what it is. If what you just told me isn't the worst… Dammit R-Rox…'

Fear, anger and a deep sorrow overwhelmed Axel and the hand he slammed over his mouth was too late to hide the sob that broke free. Axel almost swallowed his tongue when Roxas lightly grabbed his waist and he was in no condition to resist as the smaller teen pulled him down onto the sofa. Floating in a fog of confusion, hearing nothing but the roar of his own heartbeat in his ears Axel watched as Roxas delayed his response by tending to his mistreated hands. Words wouldn't come so Axel didn't force it, using the quiet to try and get a grip of himself.

Then Roxas started talking again, his words running into each other in his distress and Axel couldn't talk, couldn't breathe, couldn't think. His muscles drained of strength by the horror of what Roxas just disclosed Axel couldn't force his voice to work before Roxas tumbled off the couch and ran from the room. Alone in the lounge with his muddled and reeling thoughts Axel bit through his tongue to choke back a scream of rage and sorrow, wanting to follow Roxas but knowing that if he did he would probably say something apocalyptically regrettable.

Axel's indecision lasted for almost two whole minutes, his overwhelming urge to hunt Vexen down and gut him warring with the driving need to somehow stand beside Roxas and protect him from the world. Slowly however, Axel realized that he was sitting in the lounge like a dipshit while Roxas, who had just re-traumatized himself to reveal his horrific story, was somewhere on his own having to deal with the fallout. Giving in to his emotions long enough to let out a resounding 'FUCK!' Axel jerkily climbed to his feet and went after Roxas as quickly as his rigidly tense body would let him.

It didn't take extreme detective work for Axel to discern that Roxas was in the bathroom in the process of regurgitating his whole digestive system and the sounds were so worrying that Axel actually managed to break into a run. Skidding to a halt in the doorway of the bathroom and stumbling into the room, Axel pulled up short and stared at Roxas helplessly, suddenly realizing that he had no idea of what to say. Caught for once utterly without words Axel felt his heart sink in his chest and more tears begin to burn behind his eyes.  
  
***&&&***

Although Axel had moved in a creepily silent fashion Roxas still could feel him there, aware of his presence even through the retching sounds he was making. Roxas swallowed in an attempt to control his nausea and looked up to see that Axel had misery and shame written all over his face, and before he could even open his mouth the redhead whispered unsteadily, 'I shouldn't have made you tell me Rox, I'm sorry… I can't help pushing and pushing… I wouldn't blame if you were already out the door. I just… Fuck Rox I'm scared. I'm really scared and I don't know what to do.'

It was possibly the utterly unguarded note of vulnerability and helplessness in Axel's voice that reached Roxas even through the flashbacks roaring through his head. In a hoarse voice that was only just audible Roxas whispered, 'I'm scared too Ax… I don't know what to do either. I'm starting to think there's nothing I can do without getting someone I care about hurt or killed. I don't… I… I'm glad you're here though. I think if I hadn't had you to talk to… I'd have called the police to protect Sora and killed myself by now. When I started at training… I was so close…'

Roxas was taken completely off guard when Axel let out a pained sob at his words and dropped to his knees next to him. Suddenly Roxas found himself wrapped in a tight hug, pulled so close to the redhead's chest that he could feel the teen's body shake as he cried. Tears filled Roxas' own eyes and he returned the hug, careful not to bump Axel's wounded midriff and he was only just able to restrain himself from abjectly clinging to the other boy. For a long time the pair sat on the bathroom floor, trying to find some strength hold onto.

After shedding what felt like every last tear in his body Roxas simply held onto Axel and listened to the sound of his rapid heartbeat. Eventually Axel's tears also faded away and Roxas turned his head slightly so he could hear the other teen murmur, 'Rox… I need to ask you something. I… I realize that if I do you might just push me away and walk straight out the door but I can't… I can't leave things like this. You were ready to die and I can't do anything to change anything… I have one idea but you… You might hate me for even suggesting it.'

If Roxas hadn't been paying such intense attention he might have missed the near hysteria in Axel's voice and he pushed aside the flutter in his throat and nodded against Axel's chest, mutely inviting him to continue. Hesitantly and in a voice that wavered noticeably Axel said, 'I have a cousin, Reno… H-he's a cop. If I told him your s-story with no names or anything that could identify you or… Or H-him… Reno might be able t-to think of something… Anything that might help.'

For a second Roxas heard Axel's words without comprehending them but then everything hit his brain in a rush and he jerked back, looking up into Axel's white, strained face. A storm of thoughts swept through Roxas' mind but to his surprise and Axel's too, what emerged from his mouth was, 'Could you… Would you be able to promise that he wouldn't know it was me? Gaia's love Ax… How… How could you make sure it never got back to Him or, oh fuck, or Thirteen Black…'

The expression of disbelief and dawning hope on Axel's face hurt Roxas' heart and he tried to calm his breathing as Axel said reflectively, 'I could change things, obviously names and leave out physical descriptions, but things like setting too. Change the story so that you and, him, aren't at boarding school but are somewhere else. We could work out a story Rox, something that you're comfortable with… I mean, would that… Do you think you'd even consider it?'

Roxas could hardly believe that he was seriously contemplating Axel's plan, but for some reason he couldn't seem to speak the words to crush the hope in the redhead's eyes. Wrestling with himself for a moment Roxas came to a decision that both lifted his heart and made his spirit quail, saying faintly, 'Do it. A-ask your cousin… I trust you Axel. If there's a chance, any chance at all… I can't do this for much longer without knowing there's some end in sight. W-whatever that end might be.'

At Roxas' last words Axel clearly picked up on the thinly veiled hint of suicide and Roxas found himself clutched even tighter against the redhead who was shivering uncontrollably. Regretting that he had voiced the sentiment at all even though it often loomed large in his mind Roxas felt an utterly alien impulse rise up inside himself and instead of listening to his first instinct of running in the opposite direction as fast as he could Roxas recklessly gave in to the urge. As smoothly as if he had practiced the motion a thousand times Roxas reached up and took Axel's face in both hands, stretching up to lay feather light kiss on the stunned redhead's lips.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Not many warnings actually for this chapter. Enjoy it while it lasts lol... It won't last long.**

The rush of joy Axel felt when Roxas gave him the reluctant go ahead to talk to Reno only lasted a fraction of a second before it splintered into razor-edged shards of fear at the teen’s next words. Even the oblique suggestion of Roxas ending his own life made Axel’s heart stutter in his chest and he involuntarily tightened his arms around Roxas’ slight form. Then Axel’s world stopped completely, nothing else existing for the redhead apart from the heat of Roxas’ breath and the gentle pressure of the teen’s lips pressing against his own.

   
Disbelief and shock warred in Axel’s mind only to be swamped by the feelings he had been trying to suppress almost since he had first met Roxas. As if he were in a dream Axel lifted his hand and lightly rested his fingers on the smooth skin of Roxas’ neck hesitantly kissing back, terrified that if he made a wrong move he’d either spook Roxas or wake himself up from the dreamworld he was currently inhabiting. The kiss lasted less than ten seconds before Roxas pulled away, but for Axel those ten seconds changed his entire world.

   
Axel stared at Roxas mutely, not wanting to move in case he broke the strange and fragile spell that seemed to have shifted him into an alternate universe. Acutely aware of the feeling of Roxas’ skin under his fingertips Axel would’ve stayed as he was until the sun burned out if his phone hadn’t beeped loudly in the silence and brought both teens back to earth. Axel’s heart clenched as Roxas’ eyes slowly filled with a mix of panic and shame and he waited for the blonde to tell him to take him the hell back to school and fuck off for good.

   
Instead of shouting or demanding that he be taken home Roxas totally wrong-footed Axel by pulling away gently and murmuring, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that. You… I… We can forget that ever happened… I shouldn’t have done it. Fuck, there’s no way you would ever… I’m sorry…’

   
Listening to Roxas’ disjointed muttering Axel immediately latched onto something that blonde teen had cut himself off in the middle of saying. Ghosting his hand down to rest on Roxas’ shoulder Axel waited until Roxas’ shadowed blue eyes were fixed on him before saying softly, ‘Rox… There’s no way I would ever what? What were you going to say?’

   
A strange resignation filled Roxas’ blue eyes along with a sheen of tears and his gaze slid away from Axel’s as he whispered, ‘There’s no way you would want me. Why would you? You’re amazing. And I’m… Not. I’m too broken… Dirty… All I’ll do is drag you down too. This can’t happen. I can’t get his stain on you Ax, I can’t…’

   
For a moment Axel simply couldn’t speak, everything in him screaming that Roxas was wrong, so very wrong. Fighting against the jag of anger that ripped through him at the conviction in Roxas’ tone Axel also tried to ignore the jeering voice in his own head that cackled, ‘Amazing! You! What the fuck is wrong with this kid? Why are you trying to pretend that you don’t know…? He’s too good for you and you know that if you don’t push him away you’ll just fuck him up like you fuck up everything.’

   
Forcing his voice to work and doing his best to blank out the cruel demon in his head Axel said faintly, ‘You’re wrong Rox, you’re wrong… Everything you just said… It’s not true. Even ignoring the fact that I am so not amazing, gods dammit Roxas… What that sick fuck did, is doing, it doesn’t change you… It doesn’t change that you’re strong… And beautiful… Nothing he could do could ever make me think you’re not good enough.’

   
Axel trailed off, his ears hearing what he was saying and he kicked himself for his incoherent babbling, snapping his mouth shut to cut off his inadequate words. Grimacing in embarrassment Axel glanced up at the silent Roxas and was transfixed by what he saw. Roxas’ wide, shimmering blue eyes were fixed on Axel’s face and on the teen’s face was look of such conflicted hope and doubt that Axel’s heart broke a little more in his chest.

   
Despite the voice in his head trying to tell him that he was about to mess everything up and despite the fear in his heart that the voice was right, Axel moved smoothly forward and wrapped his arms around Roxas in the lightest, gentlest hug imaginable. Trying with all his might to make the embrace seem as unrestrictive as possible Axel closed his eyes and couldn’t help a shaky sigh when Roxas shivered and slowly reached out to wrap his arms around his waist. Bowing his head Axel brushed a kiss across Roxas’ soft spikes of hair and tried to remember how to breathe.  
 

***&&&***

   
Cradled in Axel’s loose embrace Roxas couldn’t make himself believe that this was really happening. Roxas’ instincts were all screaming at him that any minute he would be slapped or punched or worse, but his heart whispered that he was safe. Ignoring his shaking hands Roxas slid his arms around the other teen, deciding that if this was a beautiful hallucination he was damn well going to enjoy it. The delicate kiss that he felt on top of his head made Roxas’ heart ache in a way that was somehow sweetly painful.

   
After a length of time that could have been a second or an eternity Roxas forced himself to draw back so that he was able to look into Axel’s face. The blonde teen had been intending to say something but whatever it was disappeared from his tongue completely as he saw the unguarded look of rapt disbelief that was stamped on Axel’s face and the happiness that made the teen’s vivid eyes glow like green fire. His heart beating so fast it felt like it was about to explode Roxas could only watch breathlessly as Axel reached out to touch his cheek and then leant forward to reignite the kiss.

   
Being the one to initiate the first kiss had meant that a large part of Roxas had been preoccupied with battling pervasive thoughts of ‘Oh Gaia’s love, what if he pushes me away and makes me leave?’ The second kiss however utterly blew his mind. Until his eyes slid closed as Axel’s lips met his Roxas was able to see the uncertainty and borderline reverence in the other teen’s eyes and when the kiss was joined he felt something uncurl in the pit of his stomach that he’d never actually felt before, desire.

   
Roxas was swept away from his problems, from his life, as Axel kissed him gently but fervently. The soft pressure of Axel’s lips felt so very different to the rough, bruising kisses forced on him by Vexen and Roxas was completely defenceless against the overpowering and utterly unfamiliar feelings that swamped him. The emotions that Axel’s touch and kiss aroused in Roxas were actually similarly devastating, if diametrically opposed, to the emotions that Vexen evoked with his unwanted attentions.

   
The tiny part of Roxas’ brain that was still working vaguely appreciated that Axel seemed to be trying to keep the kiss chaste and nonthreatening, but for once skittishness and panic were absent from his thoughts. One small hand crept up to cup Axel’s cheek and Roxas felt bravery drive him to lift his other hand and run his fingers through the other teen’s unexpectedly soft mane of red hair. The feeling of Axel’s hand tentatively playing with his own hair pulled a small sigh of pleasure from Roxas and he relaxed against Axel a little more.

   
Lost in the intoxicating feelings and emotions surging through him Roxas barely noticed when Axel disentangled his fingers from his hair, but he was brought roughly back to earth when he felt Axel’s hand skimming over his shoulders to lightly stroke down his ribcage. In a split second Roxas was thrown into a scarily vivid flashback of Vexen doing exactly the same thing and in his mind he could see the look that had been on Vexen’s face, one that promised imminent pain. Shaken out of the dreamy haze he had been in Roxas jerked hard enough away from Axel, falling back against the wall with the sneering face of Vexen hovering in front of his eyes.

   
The harshness of the swing from bliss to sickeningly disorienting flashback was so jarring for Roxas that he couldn’t control the shudders that began to wrack his body. Wrapping his arms around his own waist, completely forgetting that Axel was even there, Roxas tried to banish the images flashing through his mind and at the same time tried to stop himself from falling totally apart. In the same old familiar spiral Roxas was assailed by ever more loathsome visions of Vexen’s depravities, helpless to break out of the memories before they ran their course.  
 

***&&&***

   
Axel had been stunned when Roxas had hugged him back after his short bout of word vomit and then when the teen had pulled back to look up into his face he just couldn’t hide the wondering astonishment and quiet delight that lit his face. When Roxas had looked back at him with the same expression in his huge azure eyes Axel moved like someone in a dream and when Roxas didn’t pull away from his touch or his kiss the redhead had treasured the glow that warmed him deep within.

   
Feeling Roxas’ hand hesitantly rest against his cheek had made Axel’s heart skip a beat but it was nothing compared to the shiver that ran through him when Roxas lightly trailed his fingers through his long hair, teasing his sensitive scalp. The sigh from Roxas when Axel mirrored his action almost made the redhead melt and he marvelled at the silken texture of the boy’s featherlike spikes of hair. Swept away in the moment Axel didn’t even think as he trailed his hands down Roxas’ shoulders and traced the lines of the slender teen’s ribs.

   
Roxas’ reaction to his wandering hands snapped Axel out of his trance and like it had never left his head his evil voice snarled in his mind, ‘You fucking idiot, it’s like you were looking for the ultimate way to drive the kid away. Sure he might have kissed you but he’s not exactly thinking straight and then you go and kiss him… After what he just told you… Fucking dipshit you are.’

   
Despite the voice’s words hitting him like bullets Axel shoved aside the old pain and somehow managed to mute the voice completely. His green eyes shadowed with worry and regret Axel had to force himself not to compound the problem by reaching out to grab Roxas’ arm and at a loss as to what to do he stared at Roxas as the teen cringed against the wall. Axel’s breath rushed from his lungs in a low moan however when Roxas started shaking and defensively hunched over, hugging himself tightly.

   
Even though Axel’s mind was in turmoil the need to fix whatever he had screwed up with Roxas overrode his own issues to the point that the voice and everything else faded to the back of his mind. Sliding forward so that he was as close to Roxas as he could be without touching him Axel swallowed hard and said, ‘Roxas, I… You’re safe here you know. He’s not here and he can’t get you. I don’t even know if you can hear me Rox but I’m right here with you and I won’t let anyone or anything hurt you.’

   
The change in Roxas’ rapid breathing was almost imperceptible but Axel’s sharp hearing caught it. In a voice that barely betrayed his anxiety and desperation Axel picked up his quiet litany again, not sure what he was saying but just talking in a soothing tone, ‘I can’t believe you think I’m amazing Rox, I really don’t. I mean you know more about me than anybody… Doesn’t matter though, ‘coz apparently that’s what you think even after knowing me for this long. You wanna know something Rox? If I’m really honest?’

   
At Axel’s question something shifted in the depths of Roxas’ unseeing stare and the redhead took a hitching breath and murmured, ‘I didn’t think that you’d stick around this long. I thought you’d maybe last through two or three trainings at most with me and then you’d be begging for a different instructor. I never ever thought you’d think I was worth getting to know… Even though I was pretty much stuck on you after the first time I saw you up the back on your first training…’

   
Axel abruptly cut himself off in mid sentence when he realized that Roxas was no longer staring at nothing and was now staring directly into his face from his slumped position against the bathroom wall. Quietly, so quietly that Axel had to strain to hear him Roxas said, ‘I-I’m sorry Axel. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to… F-fuck, can we please somehow g-get to the lounge? I need to get out of here…’

   
Hearing the tremor in Roxas’ voice Axel didn’t waste time asking questions. As gently as he could Axel helped the blonde teen to his feet and grimly resisted the urge to slip an arm around Roxas’ waist when he swayed alarmingly for a second. With Roxas leaning heavily on his arm Axel guided him slowly down the hall and once they got to the lounge he slumped down next to the other boy on the soft sofa.

   
The heavy silence stretched out setting Axel’s nerves completely on edge and he was about to blurt out something brainless just to make noise when Roxas gave him a heart attack. Hesitantly, as if he was afraid he was going to be told off or worse, Roxas inched over to Axel leaned against his arm, looking up into his face as he said, ‘Did you really think I’d want a different instructor Ax? How… How can you seem so confident when all this is going on in your head? You were honest with me even if it was just to get me to stop being so pathetic… Can I be honest with you?’

   
A tiny part of Axel screamed in his head that honesty from Roxas could only mean pain and rejection but he ignored it as best as he could and said weakly, ‘You’re not pathetic Rox and I only want you to be honest with me. You can tell me anything…’

   
The look of reluctance on Roxas’ face made Axel’s throat go dry, but when the teen spoke all Axel wanted to do was hold him and never let him go. Haltingly Roxas said, ‘I dreamed of you, I know I did, before I even knew your name. And then I saw your face at my second training… You think you were stuck… Ax… I was gone from the moment I looked into your eyes…’

   
Axel heard the words that came out of Roxas’ mouth but his brain just couldn’t believe what his ears were hearing. Roxas seemed to be saying that he had been drawn to Axel just as Axel had been drawn to him, but the redhead just couldn’t banish the deep-seated certainty that he was simply not good enough to match whatever Roxas had built him up to be. Biting back a knee-jerk denial, unwilling to expose Roxas to more of his pitiful attention-whoring, Axel conjured up a fragile smile and gently pulled the other teen back into a hug.  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas was the one to realize that time had slipped away from them, the sound of the clock chiming the half hour making him look up to see that it was already half past eight. The blood drained from Roxas’ face and he instinctively clung tighter to Axel, desperately wishing that he could somehow prolong his time in the other teen’s arms. Feeling Axel’s hold around him tighten in return Roxas couldn’t restrain a shuddering exhalation that bordered on a sob.

   
In a voice that combined equal parts yearning and hopelessness Roxas whispered, ‘Gaia save me Axel, I’d give anything, _anything_ , to not go back. If I had any way out I’d take it, b-but I… I can’t escape.’  
 

***&&&***

   
The time had slipped away without Axel noticing, but the instant that Roxas clutched him he realized exactly how late it had gotten. Trying to offer his strength and comfort through the reassurance of physical contact Axel, knowing that Roxas couldn’t see, let a grimace of anguish flit across his face before wiping it away as best he could. Then Roxas spoke and Axel felt his heart fracture in his chest, the utter despair in the blonde teen’s voice scoring bleeding wounds across his soul.

   
In the echoing silence that followed Roxas’ whisper Axel bit his lip and pulled back a little so that he could look down into Roxas’ face. Desperate to offer any hope of brightness that he could Axel said softly, ‘I feel like I’ve been really fucking useless so far Rox and I’m so sorry for that… But tonight I promise I’ll call Reno and ask for his help. No matter how late it is I’ll text you with what he says… Ah fuck… If I could I’d just keep you here for the night again…’

   
Axel’s heart lurched painfully again as tears spilled over and coursed down Roxas’ face, but the blonde teen managed a wavering smile through his tears. Although Roxas barely spoke above a whisper there was a strength to his voice as he said, ‘You aren’t useless Axel and I… I can go back and face what I have to face as long as I know that… That you’re here. I guess that makes me selfish… I’m sorry. Shit, we, uh, better get going before they lock me out and give me detention for the rest of the year.’

   
Having managed to stave off tears thus far Axel simply couldn’t hold it together when Roxas told that it was thanks to him he was able to keep going. Blinking rapidly to clear his extremely blurry vision Axel nodded in reluctant agreement and climbed to his feet, extending his hand to help Roxas up. Knowing that Roxas must be having trouble seeing as well Axel slipped his arm around the other teen’s shoulders and together they headed for the door. Pausing only to snag Roxas’ bag with his free hand Axel forced himself to walk out the door into the shadows of the evening.

   
By the time Axel pulled around the corner from Twilight Boarding Roxas was crying softly and the redhead was having difficulty controlling the sorrow and fury that swirled within him. Gritting his teeth, knowing full well that an explosion would only freak Roxas out, Axel reached out with a shaking hand and tried ineffectually to wipe away the tears that streaked Roxas’ cheeks. Axel was surprised when Roxas looked up at him and gave him a watery smile, but he was downright astonished to suddenly be on the receiving end of a soft but determined kiss.

   
Axel’s world constricted until nothing existed but him and Roxas and the feeling of their lips pressed together. The delicate taste that was quintessentially Roxas mingled with the taste of tears and Axel lifted one hand to caress Roxas’ cheek before unwillingly pulling away. Staring into the other teen’s glittering blue eyes Axel whispered, ‘If you’re going to go you should go Rox, or I’m going to drive off with you still in the car.’

   
Roxas’ expression of reluctance, fear and forlorn resignation mirrored Axel’s but he still tried to smile and caught Axel’s hand in his own briefly before climbing out of the car. Axel did his best to mask the angst and dread that was almost overwhelming him as Roxas turned back and leaned heavily on the car saying faintly, ‘We can do this Ax… We have to. Just… Please text me. I can handle this… Him… If I know you’re waiting for me.’

   
Barely able to believe that he was letting Roxas simply walk back into the jaws of hell Axel watched the slight teen walk slowly away into the dark, shoulders squared and blonde head held high. The drive home was a complete blank for Axel and he only came vaguely back to himself when he slammed his hand in his front door. The pain triggered a base instinct deep in Axel’s psyche and he was halfway to his bedroom before he even realized that he was inside the house.

   
It took all of Axel’s self-control but he forced himself to stop before he reached his bedroom door. For a second he stood in the hallway, caught between the visceral need to slice himself to shit and the gut-wrenching thought of what Roxas would think if he did cut. Wavering on the edge of breaking, it was the mental image of Roxas’ bravely squared shoulders as he walked away that allowed Axel to turn away from his room, but his mind was too chaotic and anxious to let go of the thought of pain completely. As if on auto-pilot Axel’s legs carried him back through the house and out to the garage.

   
The shock of the cold night air briefly pierced Axel’s fugue and he absently fumbled with his phone to check the message that he had received earlier. To Axel’s surprise the message was actually from his erstwhile cousin and with his heart in his throat he opened the text and read, ‘Sorry for the wait yo, our ‘friends’ are fucken elusive. I have something but we need to do this shit in person yo. When can you meet me? Sooner would be better.’

   
Thinking extremely quickly given his semi-stunned state Axel forced his trembling fingers to work and sent back, ‘Friday is soonest. Free all day but you’ll want after work right?’

   
Reno’s reply was affirmative and in a burst of coherent thought Axel typed, ‘Come over as soon as you get off work, I’ll be home. If you think it could help I could possibly swing my friend being here too. Can’t guarantee it but I can try.’

   
With just a single word, ‘Done’ Reno sealed the meeting and Axel stood staring at his phone, his brain hardly able to keep up with the rapid developments. Moments after Reno’s last text came through however Axel’s brain sent him another mental flash of the image of Roxas determinedly straight back and this time it tore away at his shaky grip on himself. The tragic bravery of the image floating behind Axel’s eyes only inflamed the anger in his heart and the terrified screaming in his head. Shoving his phone roughly in his pocket Axel spun around to face his punching bag, a red haze blanking out his vision.

   
For just ten minutes Axel tried to work out his emotions on his punching bag before he let out a frustrated snarl at the inadequacy of the release. Boiling with more emotions than he could deal with and completely out of control Axel unleashed a kick into the punching bag so powerful that once again the bag was hurled off its hook and into the wall with a bang. Chest heaving as he sucked in air, Axel stood in the centre of the garage with his fists clenched, his whole body quivering as he tried to pull himself together.

   
Axel teetered right on the brink of regaining control of himself until his mind betrayed him, throwing up a crystal clear image of Roxas ripping away the bandage and showing him Vexen’s brand on his hip. Anger as fierce as it had ever been even in his darkest days swept Axel away and he stormed out of the garage, blowing right past the house and stalking straight down the driveway into the gathering dark. Although he had no conscious thought of where he was going Axel’s feet seemed to have ideas of their own, his thudding footsteps taking him directly to his old haunt, the park in the centre of town.

   
Though the air was just a couple of degrees above freezing and Axel was only wearing a thin shirt he didn’t even notice the bitter chill in the air. As he entered the park Axel was about to head for the bench that he used to sit on after been thrown out of his foster home, but then he heard a noise that set all of his wrong alarms ringing at once. Somewhere off to Axel’s right, deeper in the shadows of the park, he could hear male laughter echoing over a terrified female voice.

   
Next to a much graffitied statue a large, bulky man was laughing and holding a slight young woman by the arm, clearly forcing her to stay where she was against her will. Behind the woman stood a second man, tall and muscled, who seemed to be enjoying the show put on by his friend. Axel took in the scene at a single glance and did not hesitate for a second, appearing like a wraith in front of the bulky man and breaking his hold on the woman with a swift effortless motion. Aware that he was in the dangerous position of being between two hostile opponents Axel did his best to control the wave of fury that threatened to sweep away all caution and restraint.

   
In a voice that sounded way more stable than he felt Axel growled, ‘I think the lady would like to leave now. What do you say we all just go our separate ways and forget we ever met?’

   
Axel had known his ploy was doomed to failure from the outset but while the men stared at him incredulously and made outraged tough noises the canny teen subtly manoeuvred himself into a more advantageous position. Even though almost all of his attention was focused on the men Axel still found a second to appreciate that the girl was paying attention and moving with him instead of trembling mindlessly. When the two men finally decided to move in Axel was well and truly ready, having pegged the guy he thought of as Bulky as volatile enough to make the first move and also having tentatively identified the second man as more thoughtful and therefore more dangerous.

   
As per Axel’s prediction Bulky did indeed throw the first punch and appeared to be extremely surprised when the lanky redhead blocked the blow and dropped him with a precise and brutal uppercut to the solar plexus. Shifting his attention to the man he had nicknamed Muscles Axel bit his lip as his second opponent moved forward with a grace and smoothness that spoke of some sort of training in his past. Pushing the girl further back behind him Axel stepped forward to meet his foe.

   
Not sure exactly what to expect Axel was slightly wrong-footed when Muscles came at him all guns blazing, vicious punches flying in from every angle. Taking a couple of disturbingly powerful punches to the ribs but blocking the potentially more damaging ones to his head Axel realized that he was facing someone who outweighed him in street experience if not youth and speed. Trying to keep the girl behind him Axel was forced to absorb three more heavy punches that all but drove the wind from him.

   
Giving as good as he got however Axel used his speed to dodge the majority of the attacks coming at him while at the same time peppering Muscles’ guard with lightning fast strikes. One decent blow made it through the big man’s guard and sent him staggering back a step, but instead of charging forward and walking into the wild roundhouse punch that could’ve taken him out Axel simply bounced on the balls of his feet and tried to think of some way to end the fight quickly. His thoughts were interrupted however when things went from bad to worse.

   
Hearing the girl gasp behind him alerted Axel to the fact that he seriously fucked up and moving faster than his opponent expected Axel ducked and spun, feeling the punch from the newly recovered Bulky fly inches over his head. With the difficulty of the fight instantly doubled Axel swore under his breath and dodged backwards to give himself some breathing room. With both Muscles and Bulky advancing towards him and the girl behind him Axel gritted his teeth and channeled his still scorching anger into a white-hot flame.

   
A plan crystallized in Axel’s mind and without missing a step he put it into action. Appearing to focus on Bulky for a brief moment Axel dropped his guard slightly but obviously, a deliberate opening for Muscles to see. The punch from Muscles came in right on time and Axel jerked his head just enough for the blow to kiss his cheek instead of taking his head off. His head snapped to the side by even the half-hit that got through Axel turned the motion into a crouching spin and in an instant he had swept the legs out from under Muscles, sending the man to the ground with a curse.

   
Axel’s movements were almost too fast for the eye to follow and before Bulky could even react to his friend’s fall the redhead delivered a palm-heel strike to the sprawled Muscles’ jaw that knocked him out like a light before he whipped around to face his lone opponent. Disregarding the look of fearful anger on Bulky’s face Axel moved forward to take out his final adversary. Bulky managed to throw out a single punch that slammed into Axel’s shoulder but the teen ignored the pain, feinting with his left hand before laying Bulky out with a textbook right elbow to the point of his chin.

   
The second that Bulky hit the ground Axel’s rage left his body in a rush and he walked forward to kneel by the unconscious man. Checking the man’s pulse and making sure that he hadn’t broken Bulky’s jaw Axel roughly rolled him into the recovery position, letting out a faint groan at the pain in his ribs. When he turned to do the same for Muscles Axel blinked to see that the girl had already shoved the large man over onto his side and bent his leg out to prop him in place, her actions not nearly as gentle as Axel’s had been.

   
Finally with some space to think properly Axel resisted the impulse to step towards the girl, instead staying where he was and saying softly, ‘Are you okay? Look you should get home you know. I wouldn’t recommend staying out here in case those bastards have friends. Do you live close by?’

   
At Axel’s quiet words the girl stood up and turned towards him and Axel got his first good look at the person he’d just rescued, his brain stuttering to a stop for a second. The girl’s long blonde hair was disheveled and there was a bruise blooming on her left cheek, but with her blue eyes large and shining and her fine features illuminated by the light of a streetlamp Axel was stunned by her resemblance to Roxas. Without thinking Axel blurted out bluntly, ‘Gaia’s love, you could be Roxas’ twin or sister or something…’

   
Her eyes still wide but now with curiosity instead of fear the girl stared at Axel and said questioningly, ‘What the hell? How do you know Roxas? I’m his cousin Namine.’

   
Shaking his head in amazement at the completely unpredictable nature of life Axel started to reply but then realized that he and the now shivering Namine were standing in the middle of a park known for being the location of violent crime and it was well after dark. Beckoning to Namine Axel said seriously, ‘Walking and talking might be a good idea. Those two idiots are really the least of the dangers in a place like this. Ah shit, you’re shaking, do you feel like you’re going into shock?’

   
Axel’s quiet curse was because Namine’s shivers had become heavy shudders as she walked towards him and when the girl nodded wordlessly Axel stepped forward and slipped his arm comfortingly around her shoulders. Ignoring his protesting ribs Axel propped Namine up as they made their way out of the park and casting around for anything to say, the usually voluble Axel settled on asking for directions to Namine’s home. This proved to be the right thing to ask as Axel ended up with a lot more information about the young girl and about Roxas’ family.

   
In a soft husky voice Namine said, ‘I’m living with my aunt over on Ocean Street, I, uh, was sent to stay with her because my parents suck. That’s how I ended up in the park, I ran away like a teenage dumbarse because… Well let’s just say my aunt isn’t any better than my parents were. The aunt I’m staying with, she’s Roxas’ mother’s sister… Um, can I ask how you know Rox? How is he? I haven’t seen him or heard from him for years.’

   
Put on the spot by Namine’s innocent question Axel decided to answer the easiest part first. Keeping his voice low in case they were heard by more people of Bulky or Muscles’ ilk Axel said, ‘My name’s Axel, I met Roxas at my Taekwon-do club. He started there a few months ago and I was assigned to be his instructor. Obviously I’m too cool not to like so we became friends.’

   
At this point Namine interrupted with a shy smile, ‘So that’s how you thought you could burst in and take down two thugs singlehandedly. I haven’t even really said thank you for getting me out of that… It would have served me right for being such a stereotypical teenager and doing something as dumb as running away, but thank you. So, wow, you managed to make friends with Mr Standoffish huh? That’s impressive.’

   
Raising an eyebrow inquiringly Axel glanced at Namine and asked, ‘Ok? That sounded like it has a story behind it, want to dish the goss on your cousin?’

   
Namine’s smile turned sad and she shrugged half-heartedly saying, ‘Well, you remember I said I hadn’t seen Roxas in years, but I don’t even know why. We were really close when we were kids but then he started at that damn boarding school. He stopped talking to me and never told me why, but worse, he cut off his brother Sora too. I’ve never figured out why he would do that you know… Sora adores his brother but Rox just totally cut him out of his life without a word.’

   
Axel had thought that he was at the point of maximum heartbreak when it came to Roxas, but hearing Namine’s sad words he felt his heart break all over again. In hearing Roxas tell his own story Axel had gotten his head around the fact that the teen was staying away from his brother to protect him, but he definitely had not realized that Roxas had cut himself off from the whole rest of his family too. Struggling to find words so that the silence didn’t become questionably long Axel managed to murmur, ‘I’m sorry to hear that Namine. Uh, would you like to me to try and talk to him or something? I mean I haven’t known him long but it could be worth a try?’

   
The grateful smile that lit Namine’s face made Axel feel like a total shit for keeping the real reason of Roxas’ withdrawal from the girl but there was no way he was going to risk blowing up everything just to make himself feel better. The rest of the walk to Namine’s aunt’s house was taken up with Axel fielding curious questions about being a ‘total ninja’ and by the time the pair arrived at Ocean Street the redhead had decided that there had to be something in the genes of Roxas’ family that he just clicked with. When the lights of the house she was staying at came into view Namine stopped in her tracks and turned to Axel, smiling hopefully when he stopped and look at her quizzically.

   
In a subdued voice Namine said shyly, ‘That’s my place just up there, uh, wish me luck because Aunt Ankara will probably murder me. Hey… Um, I don’t really know anyone in Twilight Town even though I’ve been here for three months… Do you think… Um, ah crap forget it…’

   
Blinking comically Axel chuckled, having a feeling he knew what Namine was too shy to say. Smiling at the blushing girl Axel said gently, ‘At risk of sounding entirely up myself, if you’re trying ask me out I think I should tell you that I’m gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide. But if you want a friend to chill with sometime I can give you my number…?’

   
Blushing like the setting sun Namine managed to squeak out that she’d love to hang out with Axel sometime and Axel cheerfully exchanged numbers with her. Standing in the cold, on the footpath in slightly awkward silence Axel moved on impulse and stooped to give the shivering girl a hug. In a tone that he deliberately tried to make light and breezy Axel said, ‘Go on, get inside before you freeze. And don’t be scared to give me a text later ok? I’m here to rant to if your aunt goes off her nut.’

   
Axel watched Namine walk away with an eerie sense of déjà vu and he had to shake himself to slough away the feeling that sent a chill down his spine. It was only when Axel turned to make his way back to his own home that his body let him know exactly how little it appreciated the ordeal he had put it through, his ribs twinging painfully enough to provoke a hiss of pain. Realizing that he was at least twenty minutes from home Axel groaned and started to limp as fast as his complaining body would let him.

   
The trip home actually took closer to half an hour as without his driving rage and with his newly acquired injuries Axel wasn’t moving nearly as swiftly as usual. Slamming the door behind himself with a relieved sigh Axel tried to keep tiredness at bay long enough to complete one last task. Moving unsteadily towards his bedroom Axel pulled out his phone, cursing himself for leaving Roxas hanging for so long.  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas was huddled against the wall under his duvet shivering uncontrollably when his phone made a loud noise in the quiet dorm. Ignoring the muttering of his irritated roommates at the lateness of the intrusive sound Roxas rolled over to retrieve his phone and then retreated back against the wall, biting his lip against the wave of pain that swept through him. Tonight’s fun and games with Vexen hadn’t been anything particularly unusual, but the continual abuse was definitely sapping his rapidly waning resilience.

   
Despite the nausea in the pit of his stomach and the myriad of aches that plagued him Roxas still managed a tiny smile as he read Axel’s rather long text. Axel had sent, ‘Sorry I’m late Rox, maybe I’m pregnant. No, urgh, jokes. I told Reno as much as I could without giving away names and he said that he can look into Thirteen Black. Ren’s a bit like me with authority, his bosses have said the gangs are basically off limits to police scrutiny at the moment so he basically said fuck ‘em. Um, Rox, I have a question too… Do you think you could risk actually meeting with Reno?’

   
Axel’s obviously hesitant question made Roxas’ already queasy stomach do a slow, sickening roll but he didn’t immediately reject it like he would have done even a month before. Pushing aside the voice in his head that screamed at him to decline Roxas thought seriously about the pros and cons of meeting face to face with an honest-to-Gaia police officer, also taking into account the fact that Axel thought the issue was important enough to dare raising. The fact that the world didn’t immediately implode at his audacity reinforced the small spark of courage that had resurfaced in Roxas’ heart.

   
Possibly the deciding factor in Roxas’ argument with himself was the wording of Axel’s question that first made him wince and then grit his teeth in frustration. Because Roxas was getting frighteningly close to the end of his rope his emotions were all heightened, up to and including the defiant and mostly impotent anger directed at Vexen and it was more this than anything else that made him text back, ‘Ax, I can live scared and die his bitch or I can try and get my life back. I’m probably going to regret this but I’ll meet your cousin. When?’

   
Pressing send with fingers that were already starting to tremble Roxas focused on not hyperventilating at his own recklessness. When Axel’s reply came back through a minute later Roxas was already starting to be overwhelmed by fatigue from his extremely exhausting day but he smiled tiredly as he read, ‘I asked in case you said yes Rox and I’m so glad you did. Come over after school on Friday and Reno will be there when he finishes work. Fuck Rox, stay strong… Text me and let me know you’re alright if you can’t get to training… Please?’

   
Almost asleep but unwilling to leave Axel hanging Roxas managed to make his fingers work and typed clumsily, ‘Sure Ax. Thanks. For everything. Can’t do training but I’ll work out something for Friday. I’m holding onto it.’

   
His phone falling from limp fingers Roxas was swept away into sleep on a strange wave of conflicting emotions, hope mixed with fear mixed with a lingering nervous defiance. Roxas’ slumber was not the peace of black unconsciousness however, the teen finding himself immediately hurled into a weird dreamscape as soon as his eyes slid closed. Even though the shifting colours and fluctuating landscape were very bizarre, Roxas’ heartrate stayed steady as he could sense none of the pervasive malevolence that usually saturated his dreaming world.

   
_Walking leisurely past hills that undulated like waves and glimmered in rainbow hues, Roxas looked at the craziness that surrounded him and the knowledge came to him that the shifting, shimmering landscape was a direct representation of his emotions. An astonished grin spread slowly across Roxas’ face at the way the bright colours and gentle curves, at least currently, far outnumbered the jagged areas of black and grey. Looking around curiously Roxas caught sight of something that called to him and impulsively he made his way towards a spot over to his right._

 _  
_ _In less than a hundred paces Roxas was at the place he had noticed and for a moment he could only stare in wonder at the space he instinctively knew represented the blooming strength and defiance inside him. The ground was almost entirely still except for delicate ripples underfoot and everything from the land to the wild crystalline towers that jutted upward was an iridescent ruby red. Reaching out to touch one of the sparkling columns Roxas mused absently that he really did love the colour of Axel’s insanely red hair._

 _  
_ _At Roxas’ touch something unexpected happened and it was only the calm that filled Roxas that allowed him to placidly watch the surreal reaction to his touch. The tower of scintillating red crystal felt momentarily ice cold to the touch, but almost instantaneously as Roxas’ hand came to rest on it the strange gem quivered and began to change shape. Mere moments after Roxas’ skin brushed the crystal’s surface he found himself staring into green eyes and a lazy grin._

 _  
_ _Dreaming Roxas was unfazed by the sudden appearance of Axel and in fact he felt a rush of emotion burst in his chest that echoed throughout the dreamworld in an expanding ripple of opalescent colours. Looking up into Axel’s dancing emerald gaze Roxas smiled back at the teen and murmured, ‘Well this is interesting. I never… I only used to have nightmares. How do you do this to me?’_

 _  
_ _Even in Roxas’ dream Axel still projected an aura of easy good-humour and he strolled forward to throw an arm around Roxas’ shoulders saying breezily, ‘I’m Axel baby, I just can’t help it. The good feelings though Rox, that’s all you, you know. You were always strong, all I did was help you find that strength.’_

 _  
_ _Roxas was still smiling at Axel’s words when the redhead grabbed his hand and pulled him around so that they were face to face. The whole tone of the dream changed, the colours taking on a vivid, intense lustre and Axel stared into Roxas’ wide eyes as he whispered, ‘How do **you** do this to **me** huh? When you wouldn’t talk to me… It nearly drove me nuts Rox. I was going crazy just waiting to hear that there had been a gang killing… Please Rox, I can’t take that again.’_

 _  
_ _Shocked by the pleading and pain in Axel’s voice Roxas felt a dull ache in his heart at the torture he had put the other teen through. A memory of the haggard strain he had seen on Axel’s face at training flickered through Roxas’ mind and he forgot for a second he was dreaming, wanting only to take away the hurt he had caused as he said, ‘I’m sorry isn’t enough but I am so sorry Ax… I won’t… I can’t do it again, it took everything I had to keep it up for that long. I was so scared, so fucking scared… I… I…’_

 _  
_ _Roxas trailed off leaving his sentence unfinished, suddenly realizing what he was about to say and feeling his throat close up at the thought of actually saying it. Shutting his eyes in an attempt to get control of himself Roxas just about jumped out of his skin and his eyes flew open again when Axel ghosted his hand up to cup his cheek. In a gentle voice that contained an undertone of entreaty Axel stared into Roxas’ eyes and asked, ‘What Rox? Just say it… Please?’_

 _  
_ _Caught by the subtle tinge of melancholy in Axel’s demeanour and by the glittering beauty of his green eyes Roxas found his throat loosen just enough to allow speech. Before he could melt down or psyche himself out of it Roxas held Axel’s patient gaze and blurted, ‘I love you and I couldn’t risk him hurting you!’_

  
_As Roxas’ admission was dragged from his lips and echoed in the still air the dream suddenly began to fade. Deep sleep sweeping over him like a tidal wave Roxas clung to the solid feeling of courage as he sank into unconsciousness, determined to make it through until he could see Axel again. The second thing that Roxas held onto as his mind succumbed to sleep was the surprised and pleased smile that lit dreaming-Axel’s eyes at his confession, an expression that seemed to promise something although Roxas was too far gone to work out what._  
 

***&&&***

   
While he waited for the reply from Roxas Axel had been on tenterhooks, unsure if he hadn’t pushed things too hard in asking the other teen to meet with Reno. Fighting against exhaustion Axel shook his head violently in an attempt to stay awake, but as the wait drew out he found his head falling forward only to be jerked back up every few seconds. As a last resort Axel squeezed his eyes shut and delivered a stinging slap to his own cheek, the burst of pain drawing a gasp from his lips just as his phone went off.

   
Rolling his eyes at his own melodrama and ignoring the heat and smarting of his cheek Axel grabbed for his phone, opening the text in spite of the nervousness that had settled in the pit of his stomach. Roxas’ reply however managed the impossible feat of waking Axel up completely and he had to blink back unexpected tears of relief and happiness at the spirit that was obvious in Roxas’ words. Fingers moving in a blur Axel sent back a text that was a curious mix of triumph and anxiety, the redhead realizing that if he was correct he wouldn’t be seeing Roxas again until the Friday.

   
Putting into words that he might not be seeing Roxas for another two days made Axel’s heart clench painfully in his chest and he could feel the good feelings trickling away as he waited for Roxas to hopefully confirm they would be seeing each other on Friday. Roxas’ last text of the evening however brought a softly beautiful smile to Axel’s face and he stared at the last four words empathizing deeply with the sentiment, ‘I’m holding onto it.’

   
His strength draining rapidly Axel fell back onto the bed but almost immediately his drooping eyes flew open and he struggled back upright. Grabbing his phone with his heart hammering in his chest Axel’s fingers flew as he sent yet another text, this one reading, ‘Reno, he’ll be there but I need you to do something for me. My friend doesn’t know that I talked to you before now and he really doesn’t know I’ve told anything of his story. Please Ren I need to you pretend that you only know that I asked you to look into Thirteen Black not anything more.’

   
Trying to slow his racing heart Axel waited breathlessly for Reno to reply, his mind running wild. As vividly as if it had actually happened Axel watched a scene play out in his mind’s eye in which Reno blithely revealed that Axel had told him the whole story already and Roxas stared silently at him in mute, accusatory betrayal. Axel’s green eyes stared blindly at nothing until his phone went off in the stillness and he let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding as he read, ‘Don’t sweat it yo. All he needs to know is that I’m your cousin and I looked into Thirteen Black for you without knowing why. Keep it together yo Ax, see you Friday cuz.’

   
Relief made Axel slightly lightheaded and it took him three tries to write and send a simple ‘Okay’ back to Reno. Falling into a boneless heap on his pillow Axel briefly grappled with a chaotic mixture of residual anxiety and relief, but his tired brain was too exhausted to angst any longer. Black unconsciousness closed in on Axel quickly and he fell asleep clutching his phone the way a child clings to a stuffed toy in the night.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Warning for a rape scene early-ish. And also warning that this chapter ends on a gentle cliff-hanger... I apologize for that and I'll try and get the next chapter up as soon poss. Thanks to those who've reviewed :) I love reading what you think.**

It wasn’t even half an hour into the first period of the day on Thursday and Roxas was already cursing the day for taking forever. Waking on Thursday morning feeling actually rested and clear headed was a new feeling for Roxas and he had at first taken it as a sign of a good day. The optimism had quickly drained from Roxas however when he walked into his first class to find that his usual History teacher was away and filling in was the dreaded Professor Ansem, Master of the Art of Boring.

   
Staring cross-eyed at the clock above the whiteboard as Ansem droned on about some war that would have been exciting had it been retold by anyone else, Roxas glared at the minute hand that seemed to have frozen and wished fervently that it was last period on Friday. Having his first class of the day without Vexen was the one saving grace that Roxas found in History and with an effort he focused on the diagram that Ansem was lifelessly gesturing at. Determined not to wish away any time spent without Vexen near him Roxas pulled himself together and started jotting down notes, smirking at the surprised look on Ansem’s face at a student’s apparent interest.

   
The day seemed to be going abnormally smoothly until Roxas’ second to last class and as the shit descended he took a second to muse that he really should have expected it. Fifth period on Thursday was always study so Roxas had been reading up on Shakespeare in the library when a frazzled prefect had found him, thrown a note at him and hurried away again without a word. Confused and curious Roxas unfolded the note and read the message with an amorphous feeling of trepidation.

   
The typed note was from Dean Xehanort and read tersely, ‘Mandatory assembly after sixth period in the hall. It has come to my attention that most of the dormitories are not up to the standard of cleanliness that is expected of students at Twilight Boarding, therefore the students in the offending dorms will be attending a lesson on how to keep their living quarters sanitary. Excluded from this session are all students who inhabit White and Gold dorms as they have managed to keep their rooms adequately clean. White and Gold Dormitories are exempt from the assembly and also as a reward for adhering to school rules will be released from classes at midday tomorrow to spend the afternoon as they please.’

   
For a moment Roxas a felt a thrill of anticipation at the thought of being able to spend a whole half day at Axel’s instead of just the evening, but then his brain clicked into gear and he realized why he was feeling unaccountably nervous; he and Pence lived in Gold Dorm but Vexen was in White. Losing all interest in his Shakespeare text Roxas stared blindly at the cover of the book and brooded about the possible torments that could possibly be inflicted on him while most of the school was occupied with the assembly. By the time the bell went Roxas had worked himself into a state of semi-dissociation and he walked to his last class of the day like a zombie.

   
Sure enough, not two minutes after the final bell rang, Roxas’ phone went off with a text from Vexen. The text was short and to the point, simply ordering Roxas to come to Vexen’s room as soon as he got out of class. Standing in the hallway outside of Vexen’s room Roxas closed his eyes and took a shaky breath, trying to turn himself to stone so he couldn’t be touched by whatever depravity Vexen decided to inflict on him. Assuming that Vexen would have somehow cleared the room to give them their ‘privacy’ Roxas dismissed any hope of rescue and reluctantly walked into the room.  
 

***&&&***

  
Vexen was sitting on his bed fuming when Roxas walked in the door, his plan to get rid of his roommates having failed spectacularly. Ignoring the three teens who were deeply involved in a discussion over a group project Vexen pushed himself to his feet with a parody of a grin on his face and slinging his arm around Roxas’ shoulders he steered the small teen off down the empty hallway. Roxas' immediate compliance went some way towards calming Vexen’s petulant mood but he was still feeling more volatile than usual as he shoved Roxas into what he thought of as their cupboard.

   
Once he and his victim were shut into their own little world Vexen dropped the fake grin from his face and sneered at Roxas as a shiver ran through the petite blonde’s body. As he hadn’t been able to get to Roxas the day before Vexen had spent most of Wednesday afternoon and evening imagining what he could do the next day and he was relishing the thought of putting those fantasies into action. Moving forward until he was standing right in front of the trembling Roxas, Vexen grabbed the blonde teen’s throat roughly and used his thumb to lift his chin until Roxas was forced to stare into his eyes.

   
Vexen smirked as fear flickered in Roxas’ wide blue eyes and he tightened his grip around the teen’s throat until Roxas made a gurgling noise and unthinkingly reached up to grab his wrist. Ignoring Roxas’ weak grip on his arm Vexen grinned sadistically and without preamble shoved his victim back against the door and in the same movement pressed his whole body against the smaller teen, making sure that Roxas could feel his hard arousal. As usual the whimper that Roxas made at the sudden closeness only stoked the fire in the pit of Vexen’s stomach.

   
With a sudden jerk of his muscular arm Vexen lifted Roxas off the ground by his throat and brutally slammed him to the concrete floor, keeping his grip tight enough so that the teen could only emit a pathetic, winded gasp. Roughly flipping Roxas over onto his stomach Vexen briefly ground his pelvis against Roxas’ behind and leaned forward to whisper gratingly in his ear, ‘You’re going to cry my name as I fuck you Roxie and I’m going to have to gag you so no one hears you scream it as you cum.’

   
Completely ignoring the shudder that shook Roxas’ whole body Vexen placed a large hand in the middle of the blonde teen’s back to hold him down and deftly yanked down Roxas’ pants before freeing his erection from his own trousers. Pausing for a second to loop a sinewy forearm around Roxas’ neck as a form of sound control Vexen enjoyed the delicious anticipation for a couple more heartbeats and then plunged into the boy beneath him. The noise Roxas made was an unintelligible whispering scream and Vexen smiled into the back of his neck whispering, ‘Roooooooooxas…’

   
A fierce burning pleasure filled Vexen’s whole body as he slammed deeper into Roxas and the blonde teen choked out his name. Setting a relentless pace Vexen fucked Roxas mercilessly, a dark place within him growing darker and darker each time Roxas painfully hissed, ‘V-vexen…’  
 

***&&&***

   
The floor of the storage cupboard was rough and cold but Roxas lay in an unmoving heap as Vexen climbed off him with a lazy grin and began to straighten himself up. Because his eyes were squeezed closed and his heart was thudding in his ears Roxas didn’t hear Vexen’s creepy chuckle or see the teen produce a knife from his pocket. Disconnected as he was from everything Roxas had no warning before Vexen grabbed him again and he was jerked into an awkward sitting position.

   
Eyes wide with terror Roxas stared at Vexen as the smirking teen over-exaggeratedly placed a finger to his lips and pantomimed silence while slowly working Roxas’ shirt up to reveal his chest. Knowing beyond doubt what would result if he made even the slightest sound Roxas clamped his teeth down on his tongue and tried to focus exclusively on the coppery taste of blood in his mouth. For a short while Vexen playfully flicked the knife over the skin of Roxas’ chest opening numerous shallow nicks, but abruptly his expression changed from semi-playful to seriously malevolent.

   
Before Roxas could properly get his head around the damage that had been done to his torso, Vexen swiftly seized his wrist and firmly held his hand palm up on the floor. An idea of where Vexen was going with this burst into Roxas’ mind but it was too late to change the course of events. With a meditative smile on his face Vexen brought the knife down and with a careless flick of his wrist opened a gash that stretched from the base of Roxas’ thumb to his pinky finger. Gagging at the sudden searing pain Roxas barely had the awareness to close his fist over the dirty rag that Vexen roughly wrapped over the cut.

   
His evil impulses satiated for the moment Vexen shoved the unresisting Roxas back to the ground and strode out of the room without a backward glance. His cheek pressed against the concrete and his hand clamped around his sluggishly bleeding wound, Roxas stared blindly at the grey surface and tried with all his might to erase the past fifteen minutes through sheer force of will. Unfortunately though all Roxas could hear through the ringing in his ears was Vexen groaning his name and his own voice crying out Vexen’s.

   
Unable to find any dregs of strength with which to pick himself up off the floor Roxas lay where he was, wracked with pain and helpless to banish the disgusting sounds in his head. It was only when the thought that the assembly could finish any time crept into his head that Roxas was able to goad himself into climbing painfully to his feet and taking stock of his condition and appearance. As best he could Roxas cleaned up the worst of the blood, tugged his disarrayed clothes back into place and with a supreme effort he slammed and locked his iron-clad façade into place before slowly walking out into the hall.

   
Roxas walked with a credible imitation of a nonchalant stroll to his dorm, gingerly sitting on his bed with a faint sigh when he finally arrived. Knowing with complete certainty what would happen in the next few minutes Roxas shoved his hand in his pocket and took a couple of deep steadying breaths, enough to hold himself together when Pence burst through the door not fifteen seconds later with an exuberant greeting.

   
It was lucky for all involved when Pence’s phone went off with a jangle, as Roxas was at the point of finding a shovel to hit him with just to shut him up. When Pence waved cheerily and bounded away again to find sufficient reception for his phone Roxas let out a long hiss of breath and tried to unknot his muscles that were viciously protesting being made to sit upright after Vexen’s abuse. Listening until he was sure that Pence was long gone Roxas allowed himself a low groan of agony and desolation.

   
Every fibre in Roxas’ being was screaming at him to go get in the shower and wash Vexen off his body but for once he was just too tired and hurt to find the strength. Also in the back of Roxas’ mind was the knowledge that he simply didn’t have the energy and awareness to make sure that no one caught a glimpse of his bruised and blood-smeared body. Moving with the delicate care of the injured Roxas climbed into bed fully clothed and pulled the covers over his head, tears already streaking his face as the blankets descended. Though he tried to fight it Roxas felt a choking despair rise up in him, whispering in the back of his mind that he would never escape this.

   
For an unknown length of time Roxas was engulfed in the darkness in his own head and he had absolutely no reserves to keep the sly, malicious voices at bay. Self-loathing warred with powerless rage, which in turn battled against a frantic desperation, and everything fought with the pain. The overpowering agony that tore through Roxas’ body only amplified the emotional turmoil. With tears running down his cheeks and a fist stuffed in his mouth to muffle his sobs, Roxas seriously and not for the first time contemplated the escape offered by death.

   
Roxas was not quite as far gone as the sinister voices had thought however because he found that no matter how beguiling the voice of the reaper was in his head, he couldn’t quite banish the sound of Axel’s voice begging for him to stay strong. With an immense effort of will Roxas fumbled his phone from his pocket, sending a barely coherent text to Axel, the last rational part of his brain telling him sternly that if he didn’t then he might not make it through the night. Clutching his phone like a talisman Roxas waited restlessly for a reply to his message that read, ‘I’m scared Ax I just can’t do it anymore. It fucken hurts so bad. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what I’m going to do, please… I’m so fucked up.’  
 

***&&&***

   
Axel was sitting on his bed with his knife clenched in his fist when his phone went off and he let out a partly annoyed, partly relieved huff as he dropped the blade on the bed. As he had half been expecting the text to be from Zexion to update him about his mother’s strange illness Axel was caught off guard by Roxas’ uncharacteristically disjointed, chilling plea for help. Choking fear completely shoved aside the thoughts of self-harm that had been occupying his mind until that point and Axel read and reread the text, trying anxiously to work out the best way to reply.

   
His thoughts racing wildly, Axel’s hands shook as he typed and then sent back, ‘Talk to me Rox I’m here. Tell me what’s going on.’

   
It took a few minutes for Roxas to reply and in those minutes Axel read the first text again and shivered at the hopelessness and lack of control hinted at in the two short lines. Becoming more and more apprehensive with every second that passed Axel breathed a short sigh of relief when the reply came through, but the relief vanished instantly as he read, ‘I can’t do this I just can’t. I thought I could last til Friday but I don’t know anymore. It hurts Ax. It always hurt but it it won’t stop hurting and he’s in my fucking head.’

   
His own self-control slipping Axel sent back a text that unashamedly begged, ‘Fuck Rox you have to hold on! We’re finally doing something that could help and all you have to do is hang on until Friday. Please Roxas, you can do this.’

   
There was another interminable wait for Roxas to respond and by the time the text came through Axel was almost ready to jump in his car and head for Twilight Boarding School. The first texts made Axel’s heart ache but the third made his heart shatter in his chest. Roxas’ words were disturbingly unguarded as he texted bleakly, ‘I thought I could. I thought I could just tough it out like I always have. Ax, I can’t. He’s in my head, I see it again and again and I just want it to fucking stop. Even if your cousin says he will help he’s still going to do it again. I can’t handle him touching me again, I just fucking can’t.’

   
Long, personal experience with depression and suicidal thoughts meant that Roxas’ words immediately had every single alarm bell in Axel’s head ringing in a deafening cacophony. Heart in his throat and barely able to breathe Axel threw caution to the winds and texted desperately, ‘Fuck Rox no, fucking stay with me! Don’t you dare fucking give up, I won’t let you. You can fight this, please just keep fighting. My shit is pathetic in comparison but I’m fighting to stay strong against the voice in my head that thinks I should give in. Roxas dammit, please tell me you aren’t going do anything.’  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas hadn’t meant to let slip just how close to the edge he was to Axel, but he cynically mused that he should have realized that the other teen would be able to pick up on the critical condition of his state of mind. Lying under the covers cocooned in warmth but saturated in pain made it so much easier to reveal more than he meant to in a careless message and closing his eyes in weariness Roxas waited for Axel to explode at him for being so weak. Axel’s response however took Roxas’ breath away and reminded him once again why he should never underestimate the deceptively complicated redhead.

   
The fact that Axel had been so easily able to glance at his words and then divine what was going on in his head somehow had the effect of bringing Roxas back from the brink a little and the rest of Axel’s text made his eyes sting with another wave of hot tears. Rock solid in Roxas’ certainties was that his clusterfuck of issues had been adding to Axel’s self-harm battle and he felt a stab of ice-cold hate for himself at even the possibility of Axel bleeding because of his shit. Pulled between the insidious attraction of an absolute end to his pain and his life and the memory of Axel’s eyes staring into his, Roxas felt frozen.

   
In reality though, it didn’t take more than a motionless thirty seconds before Roxas was blindsided by the recollection of the look that had been on Axel’s face as they had stared at each other after their first improbable kiss. The expression of wonder that had lit Axel’s brilliant green eyes as he gazed down at Roxas filled the fragile teen’s mind and actually forced back the darkness enough to allow a moment of clear thought. Clutching at the tiny sliver of hope that lodged in his heart Roxas took a deep breath and tried to remember the courage he had felt just the day before when he agreed to meet with Reno.

   
While he still had a hold of the elusive fragments of his strength Roxas gripped his phone with white fingers and texted, ‘I won’t Axel. I’m sorry. I never meant to dump all this shit on you and scare you. Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m never this pathetic. I hope that you keep fighting too Ax and that my shit doesn’t drag you down with me. Please, fight like you told me to? I promise I’ll see you on Friday okay?’

   
As Roxas sent the text he remembered something that caused a miniscule lifting of the heaviness in his chest and he chased the first text with a second that said, ‘I forgot, my dorm got given a half day on Friday so if you’re free and you want to I can come over at 12pm.’

   
Axel’s reply came through and despite everything brought a watery smile to Roxas’ face as he read, ‘You’re damn straight I’ll see you on Friday and if you’re later than 12.30 I’m sending a search party. Oh and Rox, apologize one more time and I’ll kick your kidneys out through your ears okay? Fuck’s sake Roxas out of all the adjectives in the world I think pathetic is the last one I’d use for you. I’m fighting too, can’t let you battle alone. Hold on Rox, I swear I will find some way to change things.’  
 

***&&&***

   
In comparison to his truly hellish Thursday Roxas’ Friday sped by without any Vexen intervention like it was on fast forward. One minute Roxas was calculating indefinite integrals in first period calculus and the next he was standing dazedly at the front gates, waiting for his taxi and trying to suppress a combination of fear and severely strangled hope. Almost dizzy with the speed and intensity of his emotional rollercoaster Roxas simply settled for clenching his uninjured hand into a fist and wishing that he was already at Axel’s.  
 

***&&&***

   
Like Roxas Axel had been white-knuckling it through the day, but unlike Roxas he had been feeling the strain constantly since the moment he woke up. Axel’s early morning had consisted of an optimistic attempt at getting some of his assignment done, but by eight o’clock his mind was too pickled in anxiety to get within a shouting distance of complex thought. Giving up on his coursework as a lost cause Axel stalked out to the garage to do his daily session of patterns practice, a calculated attempt to blank out the shrill buzz of fear in his head.

   
The rhythmic, meditative nature of his patterns eventually lulled Axel into a state resembling calm and when he next looked at his watch he was relieved to see it was somehow ten to twelve. Shaking his body in a half-arsed kind of warm down and stretching out lightly Axel made his way back to the house to make sure everything was ready for Roxas when he got there. When his study papers were all stacked neatly away and the jug was boiling noisily, Axel plopped down at the kitchen table and checked his phone for the fifty-eighth time.

   
When his phone went off barely a second after he sat down Axel almost swallowed his tongue, but when he saw that the text was from Roxas saying he was on his way the redhead sent a brief thankful prayer to Gaia. Suddenly utterly incapable of sitting still Axel pushed himself to his feet and strode down to his bedroom, throwing himself dramatically onto the bed. As he fell towards the mattress however an idea popped into Axel’s mind and he bounced to his feet again as soon as he hit the covers.

   
Moving so fast he became a scarlet blur Axel shot across to his wardrobe and threw open the door, scanning his obsessively organized things until he saw what he was looking for. With a slight smile on his face Axel reached up and from the top of the cupboard lifted down the beautifully carved wooden box that held his most treasured possessions. Kneeling down on the floor and carefully placing the box in front of him Axel opened the lid and sifted through the contents until he found what he wanted, retrieving the object and replacing the box in its spot.

   
Axel only had couple of minutes to sit on the bed and fiddle with the item he had reclaimed from his wardrobe before his sharp ears heard the sound of an approaching car and he bolted to the window. Fully aware that his racing heart and slight blush meant that he was obviously a preteen girl, Axel nevertheless couldn’t help fidgeting impatiently and slightly nervously as he watched Roxas get out of the cab. Roxas was walking slowly up the path before Axel shook his head with a snort, the redhead getting a hold of himself and sallying forth to greet his guest.  
 

***&&&***

   
The sole moment of Roxas’ day that had come close to his normal baseline of gut-wrenching fear came just as he was about to get into his taxi that had finally deigned to arrive. A distant noise from the school behind him made Roxas turn his head and as he looked around he was suddenly frozen to the spot by Vexen’s coldly malevolent glare. Roxas tried to remember to breathe and did his best to convince himself that there was no way Vexen could know where he was actually going.

   
Roxas thanked Gaia when Vexen simply sneered and turned away, apparently convinced by the story that Roxas had spread that he was going to the hospital for a check-up on his head injury. The knot in Roxas’ stomach didn’t go away completely, but it did loosen a considerable amount as the taxi pulled away. Gazing out the window at the passing scenery Roxas even found enough humour to dryly feel grateful that he looked bad enough to pull off the whole ‘concussion flaring up’ story.

   
To his pleasant surprise Roxas felt a soft, enveloping wave of calm sweep over him as the taxi turned the corner and Axel’s tiny little cottage came into view. His mind for once focusing solely on the positive feeling of anticipation that was running through him as he stopped outside Axel’s place, Roxas gave his driver his fare and grin as he got out of the cab. Standing up after the short car ride had the effect of reminding Roxas that his abused body had not yet recovered from Vexen’s attentions the day before, but he tried to hide the way his walk was more of a hobble and focused on getting to Axel’s front door.

   
Raising his good hand to knock on the door Roxas blinked in surprise as the door was yanked opened before his knuckles could hit the wood. The startled look on Roxas’ face almost instantly morphed into a grin however as he found himself confronted by Axel who was mugging furiously and bowing like an obsequious butler. Stepping over the threshold into the small house Roxas deliberately ignored Axel and made his way through to the lounge, grinning wider as he heard the door shut and Axel scurry to catch up.

   
Roxas’ grin stayed on his face until he was seated on the sofa and he realized that Axel was staring at him from the doorway with an unreadable look in his sharp green eyes. His smile fading Roxas gazed at Axel warily as the other teen slowly entered the room and sat down in the armchair resting his elbows in his knees. Roxas just had time to cock his head slightly as he noticed a livid bruise on Axel’s left cheek before Axel looked him directly in the eye and said in a carefully calm tone of voice, ‘Rox, are you alright? I know you’re trying to hide it but I can see you’re hurting.’

   
Even though Roxas felt like his buoyancy had been punctured like a balloon, the concern and undertone of pain in Axel’s voice stopped him from sinking into miserable memory and actually gave him enough courage to speak what was in his head. Biting his lip and pushing Axel’s bruise to the back of his mind for now Roxas looked away from the redhead’s keen gaze and gave a tiny shake of his head saying, ‘No… I’m not really alright. Yesterday was bad. I… He… It was bad… I don’t even know how to say it…’

   
There was a moment of silence and when Roxas looked up he saw that Axel had shut his eyes and was clenching his fists so tight his knuckles creaked. When Axel looked up Roxas felt his heart ache in his chest to see tears shining in the redhead’s eyes and he hated the hitch in the teen’s voice as he murmured, ‘Fuck Rox… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think of that shit. You don’t have to tell me, I didn’t mean…’

   
As Axel faltered his way through his disjointed statement Roxas felt an alien feeling rise up inside him, the need for once to not be alone with the hell inside his head. Though he desperately didn’t want Axel to have to bear his burdens, Roxas was self-aware enough to know that he couldn’t spend another second with his emotions and memories burning a hole in his heart. Interrupting Axel before he could lose his nerve Roxas asked in a whisper, ‘Would you listen? If… If I wanted to tell you…?’  
 

***&&&***

   
Axel snapped his mouth shut even as the words ‘You’re hurting’ left his lips and hated himself intensely for causing the gorgeous grin to disappear from Roxas’ face. He hadn’t been expecting a reply when the blonde dropped his gaze to the floor but hearing Roxas’ painful answer gutted him so comprehensively that he had to ball his hands into fists to keep a hold of himself. Stuttering out an apology Axel just had time to feel sick over the inadequacy of his words before Roxas once again shocked the shit out of him.

   
His mind grinding to a halt, all that Axel could think was ‘Gaia’s love, he’s actually asking… He trusts me this much.’ But knowing that he could afford no hesitation Axel took a chance and slipped out of his chair and over onto the couch, resting his hand on Roxas’ arm and saying softly, ‘You can tell me anything Rox, seriously, anything. I’m here and I… I know you’re thinking I’ll run or something but I won’t, you’re stuck with me.’

   
Roxas shivered at his touch but Axel sighed silently with relief when the blonde didn’t pull away and in fact leaned against him lightly. Deciding that he might as well dare everything Axel slowly slid his arm around Roxas’ shoulders and his heart lifted a little when Roxas huddled against his side without hesitation. In the gentle quiet as Roxas tried to figure out where to begin Axel shut his mouth tight and concentrated on offering all the strength and support he could, as he knew what he was about to hear would be nothing short of sickening.

   
After a pause of what seemed like forever Roxas suddenly blurted out in a rush, ‘There was an assembly for everyone but the people in mine and his dorms. Of course ours were the only rooms exempt. Of fucking course. He made me come to him as soon as classes finished and h-he dragged me into the janitor’s cupboard. He… He r-raped me. Again. B-but he didn’t stop there. He cut me up… All over my chest. And t-this… On my hand where anyone can see it and I have to cover for him and explain it away as being nothing…’

   
Hearing that Roxas had been raped again in the day and a half since he had seen him hit Axel hard but then his gaze settled on the messily bandaged hand that Roxas held up and he went perfectly still, only barely holding his sudden flare of rage in check. With an almost superhuman effort of will Axel forced himself to choke back the searing wrath that threatened to break him and instead he stared at Roxas’ hand and almost to himself breathed, ‘Rox…’

   
The touch of trembling fingers on his cheek made Axel jump, startling him out of the thoughts of fire and violence that were tearing at his brain. Looking up Axel met Roxas’ eyes and was stunned to see guilt burning in the teen’s blue gaze. In a voice almost as quiet as Axel’s Roxas murmured, ‘I’m sorry… I hate that every time I open my mouth I take the smile off your face… I… I like your smile.

   
Struck utterly and completely speechless, an event in his life countable on the fingers of one head, Axel could only stare at Roxas with his mouth hanging open. Thankfully, before the moment turned awkward, the killswitch in Axel’s brain flicked on and his mouth opened on autopilot to say, ‘Fuck Rox, I guess I better smile then. As long as me smiling makes you smile I’d staple my cheeks to my damn ears.’

   
Axel sent an unashamedly grovelling message of gratitude to whatever gods happened to be watching over him when his verbal vomit actually managed to conjure a small but genuine grin from Roxas. Flicking his gaze back down to Roxas’ hand Axel made a snap decision and said lightly, ‘Alright, let’s go with that grin, we have the whole afternoon away from that place and sad thoughts can go fuck themselves. Come on, I’ll get this wrapped up properly. It could be a good time for a Soul Calibre rematch actually… I might have half a chance of winning if you’ve got a defective hand.’  
 

***&&&***

   
With his hand securely bandaged and a hot cup of coffee inside him Roxas was actually starting to feel halfway human again. Deep with Roxas’ heart a painful knot of guilt and sorrow began to loosen as Axel bounced back most of the way to being his infectiously good humoured self and the distraction of a spirited Playstation battle helped him unwind a little. Roxas even found himself chuckling at Axel’s enthusiastic swearing as the redhead discovered that an injured hand was no impediment to Roxas’ scary Soul Calibre skills.

   
It was approaching two thirty before Roxas called a temporary halt to the warfare and only then because Axel’s stomach growled so loudly it startled them both. Roxas found himself ushered to the kitchen table and pressed gently but firmly into a chair as Axel flitted off towards the fridge trilling flamboyantly, ‘Prepare yourself Roxas, I decided this morning you were going to get a proper lunch… Bloody canteen food should be outlawed. Now you just wait there and make sure your appetite is in order.’

   
Blinking dazedly at the sudden progression of events Roxas did as he was told and sat at tiny table, a broad smile on his face as he listened to the sounds of Axel exuberantly crashing around the kitchen. The smell of bacon sizzling on the stove made Roxas’ mouth start to water and he spoke up over the sound of a particularly loud crash coupled with a yelp asking curiously, ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone get so excited over cooking lunch Ax, do you want a hand or something?’

   
After a brief period of swearing that seemed to send a blue haze wafting out of the kitchen Roxas raised an eyebrow as Axel strolled back into the room nursing a mild burn on his hand but still grinning like a Cheshire cat. Leaning against the table casually Axel shrugged and said, ‘Necessity is the mother of invention Rox, I got into cooking when I started living on my own at sixteen. I’m not exactly Masterchef or anything, but I will proudly claim that I can do some pretty damn amazing things with little more than eggs, bacon, cheese and broccoli. Speaking of which…’

   
While Roxas was still nodding in fascination Axel sashayed away again and proceeded to make intriguing noises for a few more minutes, the sounds and smells teasing Roxas’ senses to the point of distraction. Roxas was watching the kitchen door like a hawk as he waited for Axel and when the redhead finally made his reappearance Roxas’ mouth dropped open in awe. Axel waltzed back into the room like he made a living waiting tables (which he kind of did) and in each hand he carried a plate containing the most perfect looking half a frittata that Roxas had ever seen.

   
The period of time between Axel placing the plates on the table and the clock striking three was mainly silent, the stillness broken only by the clink of cutlery on plates and the borderline orgasmic noises Roxas was trying to stifle. At one point Roxas caught Axel’s eye while lifting a huge forkful to his mouth and he blushed when he realized it was his happy eating noises that were causing the dozy grin that wreathed Axel’s whole face. His cheeks bright pink Roxas finished his meal with a satisfied sigh and leaned back on his chair, the hell of school and everything else feeling a million miles away.  
 

***&&&***

   
Axel had blushed as red as Roxas when the other teen caught him staring and dopily grinning, but in the privacy of his own head he stored away the image of Roxas savouring a mouthful of frittata, eyes half closed and an expression of ecstasy on his face. Finishing his lunch a couple of minutes before Roxas Axel sat and relaxed for a moment before he remembered the thing he had shoved in his pocket just before the blonde teen had arrived. While he waited for Roxas to all but lick his plate Axel tried to sort out in his head just what he wanted to say.

   
The clock struck three which made Roxas blink and sit up straighter in his chair and Axel finally bit his lip and bit the bullet. Feeling strangely shy Axel cleared his throat and when Roxas looked up at him he smiled a lopsided smile and mumbled, ‘I, uh… While I was waiting for you this morning my mind went on a kind of tangent and I… Fuck’s sake, this sounds stupid now I’m trying to say it out loud. It made perfect sense in my head…’

   
As Axel fumbled for words and tailed off in frustration Roxas broke in with a bewildered smile and said, ‘Come on Ax, just say it. I honestly don’t think anything you could say would sound stupid…’

   
His anxieties slightly eased by Roxas’ earnest statement Axel pulled himself together and said in a more confident tone, ‘Like I said my mind kind of ran away with me and I was thinking about how rough it is for you in that place… And I, um, I wanted to give you something to have with you to, uh, to remind you that you don’t have to deal with this shit alone even if I’m not right there at the time.’

   
Axel melted a little when he saw the look of incredulous delight on Roxas’ face and he pulled the gift out of his pocket, offering it to the other teen and saying in a rush, ‘Xaldin gave it to me back when things were really bad for me… The characters on it are Korean for ‘Indomitable Spirit’, one of the tenets of Taekwon-do and I just thought… Maybe you’d like it…’

   
If Axel had felt good before he was pushed almost to the point of happy tears as Roxas stared at the silver plaque on a thin chain that he was holding out and then took the necklace with a shaking hand, holding it as if it were the most precious thing in the world. There was a moment of silence as Roxas gazed wordlessly at the delicate symbols etched into the silver and then the blonde boy was on his feet and Axel found himself enveloped in a tight hug. Slipping his arms around the other teen’s waist Axel rested his head against Roxas’ chest, waiting for him work out what he wanted to say.

   
Because his head was right over Roxas’ heart Axel could hear the other teen’s pulse racing and he felt the hitch in Roxas’ breath as he whispered, ‘Axel… Thank you. I try to stay strong but it’s hard when… When I’m alone and I know the next day will be the same as the last unless it’s worse… I’ve never had anything to hold on to, to help me not be weak…’

   
Unable to help himself Axel pulled back to look up at Roxas and blurted out, ‘Fuck Rox, I didn’t give it to you to make you work towards being strong… It’s to remind you how strong you are. I don’t even know how you’ve kept going for so long without going insane but now that I’m here I’m damn sure that I’ll do fucking anything to keep you safe until I can… Until I can do something…’

   
The look on Roxas’ face could only be described as fundamentally conflicted and Axel decided that a chance needed to be taken. Holding Roxas’ blue gaze and trying to pierce the uncertainty that filled the teen’s eyes Axel kept his hold light but tugged gently on Roxas’ waist, softly but firmly drawing the blonde towards him. For a moment Roxas resisted but then gave in with a choked sigh and Axel pulled him onto his lap, holding him carefully and whispering in his ear, ‘Honestly Rox, I wouldn’t lie to you. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.’  
 

***&&&***

   
Wrapped safe in Axel’s arms and clutching the silver pendant tight in his hand Roxas felt more than heard the other teen’s words wash over him. The sound of Axel’s low voice had the effect of steadying Roxas somewhat, but underneath his tenuous composure the blonde teen could feel his barely controlled anxiety growing larger the closer the time came to meet Reno. Strangely, the small piece of metal digging into his palm seemed to lend Roxas strength to separate himself from the ball of nervousness in his chest and he managed to whisper, ‘I’m trying Ax. I’m trying to be strong. Can I… Can I ask a favour? I mean you don’t have to or anything…’

   
As Roxas’ whisper trailed off into silence he felt slender fingers beneath his chin and looked up into Axel’s smiling emerald eyes. Firmly and leaving no room for doubt Axel said, ‘Ask me anything Rox. Anytime, no matter what’s happening, you can always ask me anything.’

   
Privately amazed inside his own head that he had succeeded in forcing out a verbal plea for help Roxas let the words fall out of his mouth in a flood, ‘I want to meet your cousin I really do, but I’m scared Axel. He told me that I could never tell the police or h-he would k-kill Sora… I can’t stop thinking what will happen if he finds out. My head keeps trying to tell me that I should just run, out of here and back to him, but I’m trying not to listen… It’s just so hard. Ax… Can you… Distract me or something? Keep my mind elsewhere until it’s too late to back out?’

   
Hating beyond belief the miserably pathetic sound of his own voice Roxas looked away and bit his tongue as he waited for Axel’s answer. The strong arms around Roxas tightened their embrace a little and without hesitation Axel murmured, ‘That’s not much of a favour Rox, I can do that. Hey, I just had a thought, would it help if you knew a bit more about Reno before he gets here?’

   
Roxas blinked at Axel’s question and was surprised to find that the thought of knowing more about this Reno character did give him a little more confidence. Returning Axel’s hug with a gentle squeeze of his own Roxas said softly, ‘I’d like to know more about your cousin Axel. I… Um, do you think we could move out to the lounge though? I have a feeling that with you telling me a story it’d be nice to be comfortable.’

   
A small smile flickered around the corners of Roxas’ mouth when Axel chuckled at his statement and hauled him to his feet with a grin. Still very full from lunch Roxas tried not to stagger too obviously as he followed Axel through to the living room and folded up onto the sofa. The vaguely contented expression on Roxas’ face transformed into a softly beautiful smile when Axel waited for him to get comfortable and then flopped down beside him, wriggling up until he was pressed against Roxas from knee to shoulder.

   
Roxas even had to hide a small snicker when Axel ostentatiously performed the yawn and stretch manoeuvre, looping a long arm around his shoulders and the blonde teen treasured the feeling of warmth in his core as he leant into Axel’s side. Once they were both comfortable Roxas looked up at Axel as the redhead began, ‘I don’t know if you’ve wondered at all, but back when my parents died the people in charge of my case actually looked seriously at placing me with Reno instead of into the foster system. Obviously it didn’t happen, but I still wonder what it would have been like if it had worked…’

   
His blue eyes widening at the unexpected tack that Axel had chosen to take with his story Roxas made a small sound of inquiry, urging Axel to continue. A contemplative half-smile on his face Axel went on, ‘I think Ren would have done it too, if other shit hadn’t made it impossible. At the time my parents… When they died, Reno was just three months out training and a rookie in the Twilight Police Force. Because my lovely cousin was a damned wunderkind recruit though, they had already pushed him into an undercover operation.’

   
Fascinated to hear more about Axel and the man he was trusting with his life Roxas wrapped his arms around the redhead almost unconsciously as Axel paused and swallowed heavily. Before his momentum was lost Axel went on, ‘I didn’t find out until I was older but Reno, the idiot, tried to get himself recalled from the sting even though it meant pissing away his career before it had even started. I’m not glad that what happened next happened, but I’m sure as hell glad he didn’t manage to fuck up his whole life over me.’

   
Unable to help himself at this point Roxas let out a low growl, wordlessly but very effectively communicating his disagreement with Axel’s inference that he was worth less than a job. Meeting Axel’s startled gaze with a level stare Roxas said, ‘Ax, if you’re going to try and convince me that _I’m_ not a heap of worthless shit then you’re just going to have to deal with the fact that I’m going to reciprocate. Fuck… Axel… That wouldn’t have fucked up his life.’

   
Roxas felt a small sense of satisfaction to see Axel’s eyes widen and the teen open and close his mouth a couple of times, unable to summon any words. Taking pity on the obviously gobsmacked redhead Roxas gave Axel a small smile and said softly, ‘Just remember that okay Ax? Please? And um… I really do want to hear that rest of your story if you still want to tell it.’

   
The grateful and utterly beautiful grin that Axel gave him took Roxas’ breath away and he listened intently as the teen took a deep breath and continued, ‘Like I was saying, they refused to recall Ren at first and then they really weren’t able to because the whole sting went to shit. Reno was in there, accepted as one of their own for three weeks and then suddenly they knew. The incompetent fuckwits who investigated after never figured out who it was but someone on the team betrayed Reno’s identity to the gang he was pretty much in bed with.’

   
Roxas was utterly enthralled in the gripping story and he unconsciously held his breath, tightening his grip around Axel as he waited hear what happened next. Axel’s voice had a tremor in it, letting Roxas know that the next bit definitely wasn’t good and the redhead went on, ‘I was only seven but I watched the news every night with my new, so called family. That was how I found out that the only real family I had left had been stabbed and was in intensive care, somehow the fucking tabloids had even gotten hold of a picture of Reno getting shoved into the ambulance. And later… I found out that my foster parents had actually been told, but the fuckers just didn’t bother to tell me.’

   
By the time Axel lapsed into silence Roxas was staring at him with his mouth wide open. A strange combination of rage and gut-wrenching empathy evident in his shadowed blue eyes Roxas abruptly snarled, ‘Fuck’s sake, how could anyone do that!? I can’t believe someone could be so fucking heartless and cruel. Dammit… Ax…’  
 

***&&&***

   
As Axel had anticipated it had felt like pulling teeth with rusty pliers to relive his story, but to his surprise he also felt a faint but definite glow of warmth at Roxas’ reaction. Though he was aware that the story of his life read something like a soap opera with himself as the long-suffering protagonist Axel hadn’t been expecting the sincerity and intensity of Roxas’ response. With a tiny smile twisting his lips Axel risked reaching out and running the tips of his fingers down Roxas’ cheek and his smile widened when his action stopped Roxas in mid-sentence.

   
In a tone of hard earned composure Axel said, ‘It’s okay Rox, honestly, it was a long time ago and even with all my anger issues I’ve managed to leave that particular shit in the past where it belongs. Anyway, Reno was in hospital for a long time because the knife nicked his lung and when he got out his wanker of a boss transferred him to Wonderland Precinct on desk duty. The bastard even had the nerve to tell him it was so he could learn the ropes properly in order to avoid any further incidents.’

   
Despite Axel’s stated over-it-ness, he couldn’t totally hide the feelings of anger that Reno’s treatment at the hands of his superiors brought back to him. As he fell silent Roxas laid a gentle hand on his arm but Axel pushed on before the blonde could utter a word and said quickly, ‘I did have a point in telling you this Rox, more than just demystifying Reno. This was pretty much the moment that Reno’s natural tendency to do things his own way became an attitude of ‘fuck authority’.’

   
Falling silent again Axel tried to suppress a feeling of creeping generalized anxiety that Roxas might somehow take his story as an attempt to emotionally manipulate him into feeling like he had to talk to Reno. As Roxas looked thoughtful Axel blurted out, ‘I wouldn’t have ever even suggested talking to a cop if it wasn’t Reno. His big thing with authority is that he does what he thinks is right and if he thinks an order takes an unnecessary risk of getting someone hurt he won’t hesitate to tell them to stick it where the sun don’t shine.’

   
Axel shut his mouth with a snap when Roxas squeezed his arm gently and he realized that despite the mixture of trepidation and anxiety stamped across the blonde teen’s face he had determination written in his eyes. In a soft voice that nevertheless contained a core of steel Roxas said, ‘I know you wouldn’t have suggested this if you thought it might make things worse Axel. I was… Almost ready to run out of the door until you started talking. And the only place I would be able to go is back to him… Ax… You’ve given me another way out, you know that right?’  
 

***&&&***

   
His head whirling from the emotions evoked by Axel’s intense story Roxas still managed to catch the deeper undertone in Axel’s voice when he stammered out his reasons for suggesting the whole meeting with Reno idea. Fighting back the fear that threatened his composure Roxas tried his best to communicate his resolve. Seeing the expression on Axel’s face slowly go from apprehensive and irresolute to hesitantly smiling made Roxas smile back, but then something rose up in the back of his mind and his brow furrowed in thought.

   
Riding on the wave of tenuous good feeling Roxas spoke without fully thinking through exactly what he was saying and he asked suddenly, ‘Ax, I just realized that you, uh, never told me… I mean you don’t have to tell me… But how… What happened to your parents?’

   
The second the words left his mouth Roxas was biting a hole in his tongue at his own presumption and he cursed himself for letting slip such an insensitive question. Frantically trying to think of some way of snatching the words back out of thin air Roxas unconsciously flinched away from Axel in anticipation of a harsh response to his impertinence. Although Roxas had managed to push aside most of his ingrained reactions during Axel’s story, his Vexen-instilled fears were never far from the surface.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Wow, no real warnings for this chapter, just a craptonne of scheming within ;)  
>  There may be a delay before the next update because my laptop is acting up, but I'll see what I can do. Enjoy.**

Axel’s lips had just begun to curve in a small smile when Roxas’ halting enquiry blindsided him with the force of a baseball bat. The cynical part of Axel’s mind mused that he should have seen this coming a million miles away but the rest of his brain could only muster a muted ‘Fuck…’. Even in his state of fleeting paralysis however, Axel didn’t miss the way Roxas clamped his mouth shut as soon as the question popped out and he definitely didn’t fail to spot the submissive cringe that momentarily took over Roxas’ body.

   
The realization of what was going through Roxas’ head actually made it easier for Axel to get a grip of himself again and even as the other teen pulled back he was reaching out. Barely brushing his fingertips across the back of Roxas’ hand Axel swallowed hard and said, ‘Rox, don’t… I said you can ask me anything and I’m not going to go back on it now. It’s just not something I talk about… Ever… So uh, bear with me ok?’

   
When Roxas bit his lip and nodded with a look apology clear in his blue eyes, Axel took a shuddering breath. In a voice that sounded to his own ears like it belonged to some other person Axel murmured, ‘Like I said I was seven. I got invited to a birthday party and because my mum and dad were in a good mood they said I could stay the night. I can’t even remember the party or shit… All I remember is that I was meant to be picked up after breakfast, but even after lunch they s-still weren’t there…’

   
Shuddering at the memory of the uncertainty and fear that was still clear even so many years later, Axel blinked when he felt Roxas’ small hand creep into his own and squeeze gently. To his surprise Axel felt Roxas lean towards him and lightly brush a kiss against his cheek before the blonde teen said quietly, ‘You don’t have to keep going Ax…’

   
Axel reached up and ran his fingers briefly down Roxas’ cheek, meeting the other teen’s gaze for a moment and saying in faint but level voice, ‘It’s okay Rox, it… It actually doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Anyway, um, a policeman arrived at my friend’s place just as it was getting dark and he sat me down to tell me that something had happened to my mum and dad. All I could understand then was that they were gone, but later on I found out that my, uh, my dad was driving with my mum to get me and he had a brain aneurysm.’

   
Roxas’ small gasp went almost unnoticed as Axel was so deep in the memory, the redhead continuing softly, ‘Their car went off the road in the hills between Traverse and Twilight Town. As far as they could tell my dad was dead from the moment his brain broke but my mum… She died when the car hit the bottom of the gully. The policeman who told me said it was instantaneous and neither of them suffered, but it’s always been in the back of my mind that that’s what they always say.’

   
Letting out a small sigh Axel tried to drag himself out of the dark mire of the old memories and he was aided by the feeling of a gentle pair of arms encircling his waist to embrace him lightly. Opening his eyes and blinking back a blurry sheen of tears Axel looked down and couldn’t help a small smile when he saw that Roxas had lost the last of his timidity and had latched on to his waist, the blonde teen burying his face in Axel’s chest. Taking a second to brush his hand over Roxas’ unruly blonde hair Axel returned the other teen’s hug, drawing comfort from the unspoken empathy that washed over him.  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas was sitting next to Axel on the couch when the clock struck five, both teens too wrung out from their afternoon to do anything more than blob in front of the television. After Axel had finished his heart-wrenching story Roxas had abandoned his lingering curiosity over the redhead’s bruised face and had traded words for a hug that lasted for a good twenty minutes. There had been few words when the pair held a half-hearted debate over what to watch, but Roxas had been pleasantly surprised to find that the subsequent silence was relaxed and without any hint of awkwardness.

  
The sound of the clock chiming made Axel jolt on the spot and as Roxas was draped against the redhead’s side he jumped and almost fell off the sofa. Blinking away the pleasant daze he had been in Roxas look up at Axel quizzically and a ripple of unease passed through him as he took in the frown on Axel’s face. Clearing his throat Roxas said quietly, ‘Ax? You look like you just remembered something… Are you okay?’

   
A wry look on his face, Axel met Roxas’ eyes and said slowly, ‘It’s just gone five Rox, my head’s been so out of it I only just realized that Reno will probably get here soon. I was just thinking maybe you’d like a fortifying cup of coffee or something? I could make something that would make your hair curl…’

   
Axel’s words sent a reflexive jolt of fear and apprehension through Roxas but even as the emotions flooded through him and he hunched his shoulders, the teen felt the necklace Axel had given him shift against his chest. The unfamiliar object pressing against his skin acted as a brake on the negative emotions and to his shock Roxas found he was able to pull himself out of his spiral before it even began. Looking back up at Axel and summoning the ghost of a smile Roxas said, ‘Nothing can make my hair curl Ax, but I would treasure a coffee like it was my first born.’

   
The relieved chuckle that rumbled from Axel’s throat at his words sparked a glow of warmth in Roxas’ chest and to his surprise he felt a small twinge of anticipation displace some of the fear that still lurked in his mind. Walking through to the kitchen behind the redhead, Roxas found his fear fading into the background even more as Axel set out to make a simple cup of coffee but ended up creating a mocha-sugar-milkaccino that was flavoured with a generous helping of ‘swear’ when he burnt himself on the kettle. Roxas was in the process of unashamedly sculling the delicious drink when a loud knock on the door spooked him and prompted a choking fit of epic proportions.  
 

***&&&***

   
Axel had been quietly luxuriating in the gloriousness of a hot, caffeine filled beverage until the peace was shattered by a knock on the door and Roxas’ subsequent near suffocation. Cursing under his breath Axel started patting Roxas on the back to try and clear his airway and when the blonde teen’s coughing fit began to calm down a little he led him over to the table to sit and recover while he answered the door. Crouching down beside Roxas whose eyes were still watering Axel said softly, ‘Try and breathe Rox. I have to let Reno in but I’ll be right back okay? Seriously, nod if you got that…’

   
When Roxas flapped his hand and nodded in between gasping breaths Axel squeezed his shoulder briefly before straightening up and making his way to the door. Pausing with his hand on the doorknob Axel did his best to quash the uncharacteristic feeling of nervousness that swept over him and with a sense that from this point there was no going back Axel opened the door. Just the sight of his cousin lounging against the doorframe in his trademark rumpled blue suit with a lazy smirk on his face went a long way towards calming Axel’s nerves and he was able to return Reno’s smile almost naturally.

   
Standing awkwardly in the doorway Axel was surprised into a laugh when Reno rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and dragged him forward into a hug saying gruffly, ‘Good to see you too yo, we should probably make this more of a regular thing. When was the last time I saw you Ax, tell me it wasn’t your seventeenth birthday yo?’

   
Axel had been forced to be creative in returning Reno’s hug so as to avoid his cousin bumping any of his healing wounds but he still hugged the man tight and said in a muffled voice, ‘I think it was Ren but don’t beat yourself up about it. I know they run you into the ground because you’re just too damn awesome for your own good. Fuck, forget I said that… If your head gets any bigger we’ll never get you in the house.’

   
Reno’s laugh echoed in the front hallway of Axel’s small house and Axel suddenly realized that he could no longer hear the sound of Roxas hacking his lungs up. Kicking himself for leaving the other teen alone for so long Axel punched Reno lightly in the shoulder and led the way into the house, hoping that Roxas hadn’t psyched himself out of the meeting in the time he had been on his own. Gesturing that Reno should stay behind him and thanking Gaia that his cousin followed his unspoken instruction without question, Axel walked back to the kitchen and tried to appear calm and confident.  
 

***&&&***

   
It only took Roxas a few seconds after Axel went to answer the door to regain control of his protesting lungs and once he could breathe again he sat bolt upright in his chair, straining his ears to try and at least catch a whisper of what was happening on the doorstep. The sound of footsteps in the hallway sent a jolt of fear through Roxas and he almost bit through his lip before shoving down every emotion that threatened to make him leap up and run as fast and as far as he could. Doing his best to avoid hyperventilation Roxas forced himself to look up as Axel appeared in the doorway.

   
The sight that Roxas’ gaze landed on in the doorway momentarily drove all thoughts of flight and fear from his head and he stared wide-eyed at Axel and what appeared to be a slightly older Axel clone. The first thing that Roxas registered about Reno was his spiky red hair that tapered into a long ponytail and hung down to the small of his back, exactly the same colour as Axel’s wild mane. The second thing to hit Roxas about the tall stranger was the intelligence and penetrating sharpness that shone from his sea-green eyes and he felt a small sliver of hopefulness cut through the unease that clutched him.

   
Staring fixedly at Reno, Roxas could feel Axel’s worried gaze on him but he couldn’t drag his eyes away from the tall man who was appraising him right back. Reno’s voice broke the long silence and Roxas couldn’t help but warm to the man’s easy tone as he said casually, ‘So, you must be Axel’s friend yo. Seeing as Axel’s such a fail as a host, why don’t I be the first to suggest we get the hell out of the freakin kitchen and chill in the lounge like normal people.’

   
It was something about the smile on Reno’s face that so resembled Axel’s lopsided grin that allowed Roxas to stand up and summon an answering smile, saying in an almost steady voice, ‘I’ve actually gotten used to Axel being physically unable to introduce people so, uh, I’m… My name’s Roxas.’

   
Beneath Roxas’ show of calmness boiled a mess of anxiety and almost overwhelming dread, but when he glanced over to see a small smile of admiration and approval on Axel’s face he found the strength to hold himself together. To the sound of Axel’s overdramatic protestations that he had been ‘wounded to the quick’, Roxas followed Reno as he sauntered into the lounge and draped his lanky frame over an armchair. Pausing for a second in the lounge doorway Roxas jumped slightly as Axel breezed past and headed for the couch and the blonde teen was suddenly hit with the full magnitude of what he was about to do.

   
It was only for the space of three trembling breaths that Roxas stood in the in the doorway but with all the thoughts whirling through his head it felt like at least a week. Assailed with a sudden, overwhelming rush of fear at the thought of the possible consequences of his actions Roxas was right at the point of turning tail and running before a second and coldly sobering thought hit his brain. The thought that eventually brought Roxas back to the real world as he stared blindly into space was that if he ran the only place he could go would be right back to Vexen.

   
Shaking his head slightly to get a hold of himself, Roxas momentarily caught Reno’s gaze and for a second he was unable to look away from the sharp sea-green eyes that pinned him to the spot. Oddly enough, it was the way that Reno’s expression made it clear that the man could all but read his thoughts that helped Roxas force his legs to work and jerkily but decisively he staggered over to slump on the couch next to Axel. Taking a shaky breath Roxas tried to get a hold of his thoughts and he let out an involuntary sigh when Axel’s warm hand closed around his fingers.

   
The somewhat strained silence in the lounge was abruptly broken when Reno let out an unexpected laugh, his snort making Roxas and Axel jump in tandem. His blue eyes wide and questioning Roxas stared at the sniggering Reno and his mouth fell open as the other man chuckled, ‘Sorry Roxas, it’s just tough being right all the time yo. Much as I hate to drop my little cousin in it, I knew he’d fallen hard from the first text he sent me.’  
 

***&&&***

   
Axel’s heart had skipped a beat at Reno’s sudden laugh but it lurched and thumped painfully as Reno continued. Terrified that his cousin was about to let slip somehow that they had exchanged texts before he had got the all clear from Roxas, Axel tried to stop himself from hyperventilating and flicked a sideways glance at the teen sitting next to him. To Axel’s immense relief he saw that Roxas had a faint, shy smile on his face and he blinked when he saw a light blush staining the teen’s cheeks.

   
Caught between adoring the shit out of the cute blush on Roxas’ face and fear that Reno would unwittingly say the wrong thing, Axel frantically tried to think of something to say to deflect the conversation down less dangerous paths. Before the redhead could get his shit together however, Roxas once again shocked him by sitting up straighter and saying quietly, ‘That’s interesting to know Reno but don’t give him too much shit. He, uh, isn’t the only one who has fallen hard, wait, I mean just fallen... Um…’

   
To Axel’s eternal relief Roxas was staring straight at Reno as he made his declaration which meant that the blonde teen couldn’t see the redhead’s expression of complete, gobsmacked delight. Before Roxas turned away from Reno’s amused gaze blushing like a golden topped tomato, Axel somehow managed to rearrange his face into a reassuring smile and he caught Roxas’ eye saying, ‘Wow Rox, I think this is something to talk about when my cousin isn’t sitting there grinning like a drunken cat that’s fallen in the cream. Believe me though, you’ve just made my day and my whole damn week.’  
 

***&&&***

   
For a second Roxas stared at Axel with his mouth hanging open, but the moment was quickly shattered when Reno let out a gruff chuckle and said flippantly, ‘I may be a tanked kitty Ax but at least I don’t look like I lost a fight with a brick wall yo. Tell me, how did my ninja-like cousin, master of martial arts come to be in the possession of such a spectacular bruise? And right up the side of your pretty little face I might add.’

   
Because Roxas was looking straight at Axel, unlike Reno who had thrown his head back laughing, he caught the fleeting wince that passed across the teen’s face before being wiped away and replaced with a carefully crafted expression of sheepishness. Roxas filed this away as suspicious and decided to get the real story later as Axel said flippantly, ‘I might be a ninja Ren, but Instructor Arma is one of those little wise Xiaolin monks. You know, the ones that stand there smiling faintly until they kick you in the head. We were doing some private training and, well, he doesn’t like it when I get cocky.’

   
At Axel’s brief story Reno snorted loudly and looked over at Roxas saying in an amused tone, ‘Pity we didn’t have a witness for this Axel because then I’d be entirely happy to buy Xaldin an extremely alcoholic drink yo. You might have picked this up Roxas but Axel can sometimes get entirely too comfortable with his own perceived awesomeness yo and it is very healthy to be taken down a peg once in a while.’

   
As Roxas looked into Reno’s twinkling eyes he blinked in surprise to be treated to a fleeting wink and he realized that Reno also didn’t believe Axel’s very believable story. Even more determined to get what really happened out of Axel later Roxas was distracted enough to jump when Reno cleared his throat and said in a softer tone, ‘So as fun as this is yo, I can’t stay all evening. Roxas, Axel said you had a story to tell me. I know Thirteen Black is involved, but I’d be really interested to hear just how you got mixed up with that bunch of scumfucks yo. Even having just met you I can’t imagine a good kid like you going near them with a ten foot bargepole.’

   
Reno’s quiet words sent a reflexive jolt of fear through Roxas’ body but he fought against the instinctive urge shut down or run like fuck. Unconsciously reaching out and gripping Axel’s hand Roxas let out a shaky breath and took a second to organize his thoughts. Putting his story into coherent order in his thoughts was hard enough and Roxas knew that saying it would be worse but he felt Axel squeeze his fingers in support and it loosened his tongue enough to say, ‘This might… I’ve only ever told Axel this before. And I’m scared of what will happen when someone else knows. Just… Bear with me?’

   
As Roxas’ hesitant words broke the silence Reno gaze sharpened but his eyes filled with sympathy. In a gentle but firm tone Reno said, ‘I understand you’re scared yo, but this only goes as far as you say. You don’t have to tell me anything or you can tell me everything. Or you can tell me some things and I’ll do whatever I can with what you give me yo.’

   
For a moment Roxas stared at Reno with his mouth open, unable to make the man’s words make sense. Of the things he had expected Reno to say, that he didn’t have to say anything at all hadn’t even made the list and he didn’t quite know how to deal with it. A jumble of thoughts crashed through Roxas’ head in the time it took for him to blink and to his amazement the one thought that rose above the mess was that he actually wanted to tell Reno everything.

   
Roxas glanced at Axel for a moment and gave the startled boy a quick nervous smile before turning back to Reno and saying in a rush, ‘I’m not any part of Thirteen Black, but I know someone who is. He… He hurts me, he’s been hurting me for years and threatening my family if I tell. I was so scared to even meet you because he said if I ever t-told anyone he would get Thirteen Black to kill my b-brother...’

   
Pausing for a second Roxas swallowed hard and forced himself to say the worst of it out loud. The blonde teen’s voice wavered noticeably but he kept going as he said, ‘It’s worse than that though, h-he wants to do what he does to me to my brother and to keep S-sora safe I have to let him… Fuck… I can’t even say it… Ax…’

   
Abruptly running out of words and strength mid-sentence Roxas slumped against Axel’s side and tried to fight back tears. Uttering Axel’s name in a whispered plea Roxas felt a wave of relief as the redhead slipped a comforting arm around his shoulders and murmured, ‘You’re doing so well Rox, so damn well. Do you… Do you want me to tell him how bad it is? I won’t if you don’t want me to but Ren needs to know if he’s going to do anything useful.’

   
Swept up in the shame and self-disgust that thinking about Vexen created, Roxas almost gave in to his knee-jerk reaction to let Axel take over and relay his story to Reno. Then Roxas once again felt Axel’s necklace brush against his skin and the shame inside him was overtaken by a sudden rush of anger and bitterness that momentarily took his breath away. Looking up at Axel with narrowed eyes Roxas shook his head firmly at the worried redhead and said in a low voice, ‘No Ax, I have to do this. He can’t fucking take my voice away along with everything else.’

   
The glow of pride that burned in Axel’s brilliant green eyes went a long way towards bolstering Roxas’ shaky courage and when he turned his gaze to Reno he was surprised to see the man nod in silent approval. Before he could lose his nerve Roxas shut his eyes tight and blurted out, ‘Almost a year ago he started raping me. Before that he would touch me a-and do other things but he’s… Something broken in his brain… Each time he finds something worse, something sicker to do to me. Reno… I, I only agreed to this meeting b-because I think h-he could kill me soon. Just doing what he wants isn’t enough anymore and I know he’ll go after S-Sora when he’s finally done with me.’

   
Because his eyes were squeezed closed Roxas couldn’t see Axel’s face but the choked gasp he heard told him all he needed to know about the impact of his blunt statement. Clenching his fists tightly to keep control of himself Roxas slowly raised his eyes as Reno shifted in his seat and let out a long breath. The older redhead had a grim look on his usually grinning face, but lighting his eyes was a spark of staunch determination.

   
Leaning over so that he was looking Roxas straight in the eyes Reno said firmly and without any hint of his customary humour, ‘I’m sorry you’ve had to live with this Roxas and I’m sorry you’ve had to do it alone. You’re not alone anymore yo. Ax said that this couldn’t get back to my bossman and now I see why. I don’t know how much help this will be right now yo, but when Ax called me he asked me to look at Thirteen Black and I did manage to dig up a little dirt if you want to hear it.’

   
As Reno was speaking Roxas felt Axel’s  free hand slide around their linked fingers and squeeze tightly and he glanced over the other teen, squeezing back and trying to communicate his overwhelming feeling of thankfulness. Looking back to the patiently waiting Reno, Roxas nodded and said emphatically, ‘Please tell me what you found Reno. I don’t even know how… What I can do to thank you for this… I don’t, I’ve gone so long without any hope of stopping this and I just… Thank you.’

   
Roxas stuttered to a stop, running out words to express his gratitude to the man who had stepped out of nowhere to help him sort out his clusterfuck of a life. The moment could have easily turned awkward had it not been for Reno’s incomparable savoir faire as he tipped back in his chair with an exaggerated stretch and replied, ‘Pfff it’s what I do Roxas. Thank Ax if you want to thank someone yo, I wouldn’t have known you existed without him. Anyway, back to my intel, I think you’re going to find what I found out pretty damn interesting yo.’

   
Abandoning his stretch Reno leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees again, focusing his attention on Roxas and saying in a low voice, ‘I was conducting some unofficial surveillance of the Thirteen Black headquarters with my partner, who I trust implicitly by the way yo, and after hours of nothing Tseng decided to get in closer. He moves like a damn ninja so he was able to get close enough to the building to record some audio. We know these fuckers so we could work out who was talking and you won’t believe what we heard yo… Actually Roxas, without looking into your story we would’ve never had a clue about this development, thanks to the fucking brass marking the gang off limits…’

   
Roxas stared wide-eyed at Reno as he built up to what he and his partner had discovered but next to him Axel was almost vibrating with impatience. Finally Axel could hold back no longer and burst out, ‘Fuck’s sake Ren just tell us what you heard! I swear you’re doing this on purpose!’

   
The loud sound of Axel’s explosion made Roxas just about jump out of his skin but Reno only grinned and flipped his cousin the finger before continuing unfazed, ‘Shut up yo. Anyway, Tseng managed to eavesdrop on a private meeting between the leader Luxord’s subordinates and his second in command, an evil bitch called Larxene. I still can’t believe it yo, but we heard the queen bitch scheming to stage a coup, to take out Luxord and take over Thirteen Black herself.’  
 

***&&&***

   
When Reno finally took his leave at almost 7.30pm Axel and Roxas sat in the quiet lounge, both teens trying to sort through the information and tentative plans Reno had left them with. After an extended period of silence and deep contemplation Axel was the first to shake himself back to the present and he let out a long sigh that also pulled Roxas out of his thoughts. Unusually Axel couldn’t seem to find a single thing to say and for a long time he simply stared at Roxas wordlessly.

   
Eventually Axel found his tongue again and he managed to smile wryly at the dazedly blinking Roxas and say softly, ‘Are you okay Rox? Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you for being scared shitless… This shit’s got me more than a little rattled. Do you want to just sit and chill for the evening? Contrary to all evidence I am actually capable of keeping my mouth shut for more than five seconds at a time.’

   
It took a while for Roxas to respond, but after a pause he shook his head slightly and raised his eyes to meet Axel’s. With a tiny hint of a smile curling at the corners of his lips Roxas murmured, ‘I am scared, but Ax, this is… This is hope. From the moment Vexen threatened Sora I’ve had no escape from what he does and now… Fuck Ax, you’ve given me a chance. And I don’t want to waste the rest of the evening freaking out… I like the idea of sitting and chilling but without you keeping your mouth shut.’

   
The good feeling that rose in Axel’s chest as Roxas smiled at him was nothing compared to the way his heartbeat skipped when the blonde said he would like to sit and talk. His mouth taking over before his brain could get its shit together Axel blurted, ‘You might regret saying that Rox, there are people out there who would pay good money to be able to wrap me in soundproofing, brick me up in a disused building to then bury that building in concrete. I talk a lot and a lot of shit at that is what I may or may not be trying to say.’

   
To stem the foolish flood of burble that he couldn’t seem to stop spouting Axel physically slapped his hand over his mouth and clamped his lips together before he could embarrass himself further. Once again however Roxas took him by surprise by saying lightly, ‘Stop worrying about that right now Axel, because no one on earth will ever beat Pence in the blabbermouth stakes. Anyway, I thought you might have twigged by now… I kind of like listening to you talk okay? Aaaand… It would be a little difficult to get my head around all the shit your cousin just dropped on us without partnering up with the brain I’m sure you have lying around somewhere.’

   
As seemed to be the norm when Roxas unexpectedly dropped a sass-bomb in the conversation Axel couldn’t hold back a loud guffaw of laughter. Leaning his head on the chuckling blonde’s shoulder and rolling his eyes up to look at Roxas’ face Axel snickered, ‘Give me a minute to tidy up Rox and I’m sure my brain’ll turn up. So, that’s more than enough of my shit, what do you really think about Ren’s idea? Now remember, you can honestly tell me if you think he’s full of shit… Gaia knows I might agree with you.’  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas gave in to a potentially crippling attack of the giggles at Axel’s casual abuse of his cousin but his laughter faded quickly. Because Axel’s face was so close to his own, Roxas couldn’t stop his gaze from being drawn to the bruise that Axel had so deftly deflected attention from earlier. Trying to sound casual, but in reality deeply curious about Axel’s injury, Roxas blatantly changed the subject and asked slowly, ‘Um Axel… When was this training with Instructor Arma? Unless you were doing your private training before class yesterday he must’ve kicked you upside the head before I got here today.’

   
For an instant Axel froze and Roxas held his breath, gambling that the trust he had shown in the redhead would be reciprocated and that he wouldn’t just get another glib lie. Axel’s sigh was loud in the silence and Roxas quietly thanked Gaia as Axel muttered, ‘Gaia-dammit, bloody perceptive bloody blondes. I don’t even know why I bothered making up the stupid story…’

   
Interrupting Axel’s semi-coherent rambling by raising a hand in front of his face Roxas smiled and said, ‘You seem to know when I’m trying to spin you a line of bullshit Ax, apparently it goes both ways. I, uh… I’d really like to know the real story though. You don’t have to tell me you know, but I’m really kind of curious now.’  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas’ question had blindsided Axel quite neatly and once he had gotten past his kneejerk urge to lie until his tongue fell off he knew that he would be telling Roxas the whole story. The blonde teen’s considerate response to his moment of disjointed venting had Axel kicking himself for being such an irredeemable douchebag and he resigned himself to the fact that he might actually get his arse kicked for not telling Roxas the story earlier. Clearing his throat Axel looked at the floor and said, ‘I’ll tell you Rox. Just… Don’t kill me for thinking I could get out of telling you okay? And for being an idiot…’

   
At Roxas’ firm nod Axel wriggled a little to get comfortable on the couch and then said carefully, ‘After I dropped you back to that school on Wednesday I went for a walk to clear my head. I ended up at the park in the centre of town… I know, I know, stupid place to go even before dark let alone at night, I know, just let me keep going…’

   
Axel broke off into damage control when he revealed where his walk had taken him, as the incredulous look on Roxas’ face implied that the other teen was already fighting the urge to interrupt. Biting his lip Axel waited until Roxas rolled his eyes and gestured for him to continue before saying nervously, ‘It was kind of lucky that I was dumb enough to be wandering around the park after dark actually because some dickheads were roughing up a girl and I was sloppy enough to get hit when I stepped in… Rox, the thing is... You’ll never guess I saved from Gaia knows what…’

   
Pausing mid flow Axel finally looked up at Roxas and he had to hold back a shaky sigh as the blonde teen burst out impatiently, ‘Dammit Ax, just tell me already!’

   
Telling himself that he was in too deep to stop Axel said in a rush, ‘It was Namine Rox, your cousin. She told me she was sent to live with her aunt, your mum’s sister and Rox… She said that you cut yourself off from her just like you’ve distanced yourself from your brother. I didn’t realize Rox… You’ve disconnected yourself from your whole family to try and keep them safe, not just Sora… Right?’  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas went from exasperated to utterly speechless in no seconds flat and though he could hear Axel asking him a question he simply couldn’t force his brain to work. Of all the things he had guessed Axel might tell him, fighting a couple of thugs in a park and saving freaking Namine was possibly the last thing Roxas would have thought of. At Axel’s words Roxas was hit first with sharp spike of anger that Axel had tried to keep the incident from him, but that was quickly overwhelmed by a jumble of emotions so chaotic that he actually swayed where he sat.

   
Axel was totally correct in his assumption that Roxas had severed all the ties with his family that he possibly could when Vexen had started to make threats and it threw the blonde teen completely to know that his cousin was now living in town. As a child Roxas had been almost as close to Namine as he had been with his brother, which was why he chose to exclude her from his life once he realized the danger Vexen posed. Reeling from the knowledge that yet another person he loved was in danger because of him, Roxas felt like he was once again drowning in hopelessness.

   
Struggling against the creeping urge to hide away in his own head and dissociate from the swirling mess of emotions that caused tears to prick behind his eyes Roxas bit his lip hard and tried to pull himself together. The silence drew out as Roxas fought for composure but he was pulled from his thoughts when he felt Axel’s hand tentatively brush his shoulder. Even though he flinched instinctively from the contact, something in Roxas made him reach out and stop Axel from yanking his hand away and he clutched the other teen’s fingers tightly.

   
Finally looking up, Roxas stared into Axel’s worried green eyes and he said hoarsely, ‘Ax… I don’t… You know why I can’t be anywhere near my family. Let alone Namine and Sora. If Vexen knew about Namine he’d… Fuck, and now she’s in the same fucking town. Gaia’s love Axel how can I do this? Just by being alive I’m putting everyone I love in danger.’

   
Closing his eyes Roxas let go of Axel’s hand and wrapped his arms tightly around his own waist, but his eyes flew open again when he felt Axel move closer and enfold him in a tentatively light hug. Losing the last of his grip on himself Roxas let out a sob and he threw his arms around Axel, burying his face in the other teen’s chest. As he tried his best to swallow the tears that overwhelmed him Roxas felt Axel rest his chin on the top of his head and murmur, ‘I’m sorry Rox. Please don’t give up. I can fix this, I won’t let anything happen to her. I promise you I’ll keep her out of this no matter what.’  
 

***&&&***

   
Axel knew as soon as Roxas brought up the bruise on his face that what he had to say would seriously fuck with his friend and he tried to brace himself for it, but seeing Roxas look so dazed and distraught was like a punch to the chest. Hugging Roxas and feeling the desperation with which the teen hugged him back made Axel hate himself for causing so much distress and he cursed himself for not breaking the news more gently. When he felt Roxas shaking with suppressed tears Axel couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of his mouth, promising Roxas with a grim determination that he would do what he had to do to keep Namine safe from the dangers swirling invisibly around her.

   
In silence the two teens clung to each other, struggling with the enormity of what they both faced and to his immense relief Axel sensed Roxas getting a hold of himself. Then, once again, Axel found himself lost in admiration for the strong-willed blonde as Roxas moved back so he could look up into his face and said quietly, ‘Thank you Axel… I know I’ve said it before but I don’t think I would have the strength to keep going without you. And I hate to say it as this is kind of becoming a habit, but we… We need to start thinking about getting me back to school.’

   
Though he tried to hide it Axel could tell that the look on his face at Roxas’ words was downright pathetic because the blonde teen winced and quickly added, ‘Ax, we can do this. All I have to do is last until Monday and I’ve actually got an idea about how to keep clear of Vexen over the weekend. You want to hear it? I guess it’s the day for sharing plans…’

   
The smile that lit Roxas’ face just about broke through Axel’s self-control and he had to blink rapidly to fight back the prickling behind his eyes. Clearing his throat and trying to return Roxas’ smile Axel said gruffly, ‘Go on then Rox, let me in on your scheme. I don’t know how it happens that you end up comforting me… Ah fuck, I’m sorry.’

   
Suddenly Axel was once again on the receiving end of a tight hug from Roxas and he marvelled at how natural it felt to slip his arms around the teen’s shoulders and simply hold him. A little muffled by Axel’s chest Roxas replied, ‘I’ve been tutoring Pence for Calculus, you know that, but I thought I’d see if he needed extra help with any other subjects. I know he’s pretty shit at History and our History professor hates him so I thought that if I stuck by his side and helped with his assignments over the weekend then I’d have a solid excuse for Vexen not being able to get me by myself.’

   
By the time Roxas finished relaying his plan Axel’s smile had become a grin and he squeezed the other teen tightly before sitting back and saying with a hint of his usual jauntiness, ‘Gaia’s sake Rox, you may need to give Reno lessons on plan making. Text me lots to keep me updated on your success and maybe on Pence’s misconceptions about world history.’

   
The gloomy atmosphere that had briefly descended on the room seemed to vanish in the glow that Axel felt as he listened to Roxas let out an unrestrained peal of laughter. Even though he still loathed having to ferry Roxas back into harm’s way Axel managed to steel his nerves and drive his friend back to the school while maintaining a constant stream of chatter that kept Roxas’ bright smile on his face. As he drove Axel couldn’t help stealing repeated glances at the determinedly cheerful blonde, memorizing every inch of the teen’s face to sustain him until the coming Monday.

   
Pulling up and seeing the school building looming momentarily wiped the smile off Axel’s face, but then something unexpected happened that left him wide-eyed and pleasantly speechless. As they rolled to a stop just down the road from the front gates Axel plastered a fake smile on his face and turned to Roxas to say something inane, but before he could speak Roxas unclipped his seatbelt and leaned over to place a hesitant but sweet kiss on his lips. For a second Axel was too stunned to respond but when Roxas lifted a hand and touched his cheek he found his own hand raising of its own accord to comb through Roxas’ hair.

   
Although both teens wanted nothing more than to forget the world, forget their lives and stay lost in each other, Axel eventually and reluctantly pulled back. Gazing down at Roxas as the teen’s eyes fluttered open to reveal blue swirling with a confused mixture of melancholy and desire, Axel found that his smile came more naturally and he murmured, ‘I know you have to go Rox but I don’t want to let go. Apart from all the other shit that’s going on… I just hate the feeling of you slipping out of my arms.’

   
Immediately as the words left his mouth Axel felt a burning blush flame on his cheeks, but he barely had time to be mortified over his own sappiness before Roxas smiled back at him and whispered, ‘I don’t want you to let me go Axel and if I could I’d stay here with you. I just… When you touch me… I’ve never felt like this before. Ax… I’ve got a little longer. Could you… Could you kiss me again?’

   
Almost before Roxas’ words had left his lips Axel was leaning forward again and this time when their lips met there was a nearly tangible crackle of electricity. Axel had in the past had fleeting liaisons with both guys and a couple of girls, but never in his life had he felt the intense attraction, need and protectiveness that he felt with Roxas. After a period of time that could have been a minute or a year the teens mutually broke the kiss and Roxas got out of the car with one last parting statement, ‘I _really_ have to go Axel, but I think I want to pick this up again on Monday. I’ll text you before I go to sleep and you’ll probably be sick of me texting by the time I see you again. Night Ax… Thank you…’  
 

***&&&***

   
As always it was painfully difficult to leave Axel sitting forlornly in his car and as he walked towards Twilight Boarding Roxas couldn’t help but glance back one more time. The sight of Axel staring after him with tormented green eyes twisted a dull knife in Roxas’ chest, but then the redhead winked roguishly and shot him a fragile smile and Roxas found himself smiling again as he rounded the gates to the school. Alert for any sign of Vexen and starting to feel the strain of the day catching up to him Roxas hurried quickly through the halls to his room.

   
Much to Roxas’ surprise there was no sign of Vexen whatsoever as he darted through the quiet corridors and when he reached his room he closed the door behind himself and shivered, unseen in the darkness. Roxas had been expecting to be ambushed by Vexen on his way back into the school, especially since he hadn’t seen his tormentor since the previous day and he found that the absence of Vexen was actually almost scarier than knowing he was about be assaulted. Sliding into bed as silently as possible so as not to disturb his roommates, Roxas closed his eyes and thought back to his conversation with Reno.

   
 _Reno’s turquoise gaze had been serious and Roxas knew the man was watching for his reaction as he revealed the internal instability of the gang that held his life in its hands. For the life of him Roxas couldn’t force his brain to sync up with his gaping mouth, but that was okay because Reno simply gave him a half-smile and went on, ‘I can’t take all the credit for this, my partner Tseng’s a smart sonofabitch yo, but we thought that this could actually work in everyone’s favour. If those fuckers are distracted by infighting yo, Tseng and the others can push them even more off balance while I work my magic to get the chief to agree to take the bastards down once and for all.’_

_  
_ _Roxas’ eyes had widened until they looked like they were going to fall out of his head and he turned to the equally stunned Axel and breathed, ‘You’re going to have to stop calling your cousin names Ax, and possibly start looking into elevating him to sainthood…’_

_  
_ In the darkness Roxas smiled and wrapped his arms around himself, savouring the memory of the warmth and safety he had felt in during the time with Reno. After so long of feeling perpetually afraid for his life and utterly under the control of someone he hated Roxas could barely believe what he had done, but instead of being overwhelmed by the fear of the consequences he found that he was feeling more optimistic than he had for a long time. As Roxas contentedly floated in good thoughts he found his mind turning to other matters and in the dark his smile softened and a warm blush stole unseen over his face.

   
Roxas had been so caught up in the amazing concept of having hope that he had almost forgotten the short byplay between Axel and Reno that had also rocked his world. Through the pleasant haze he found himself in Roxas gently kicked himself for not talking to Axel before he got out of the car about the _thing_ that Reno had said that Axel had definitely not refuted. In a much more pleasant flashback than his usual ones Roxas once again heard Reno’s confident declaration, ‘I knew he’d fallen hard.’

   
Burying his face in his pillow Roxas replayed his own nervous but firm statement that Axel wasn’t alone in his emotional connection and his heart beat a little faster as in his head Axel again informed him that he had made his day and week. As sleep began to steal over him Roxas hugged himself and mentally wrapped himself in a cocoon of warmth and good feelings. Despite the chaos of his life and the dangers that still surrounded him, Roxas drifted off to sleep with a secret smile playing about his lips.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Warning for abuse and a whole new lot of angst. Finally a new chapter... Working on the next one, hopefully won't be too far away.**

Roxas arrived at training on Tuesday evening feeling like he was in an alternate universe. Over the weekend he had only come into contact with Vexen once and although he had come away from the meeting limping and in a significant amount of pain, he had also come away with the feeling that Vexen was distracted and preoccupied with something. Much to his resigned frustration however Roxas’ plan with Pence had worked far too well and a tuition session had trapped him at school on the Monday afternoon, but even though he missed Axel he still thanked Gaia that his ploy to stay safe had every potential to work.

   
The taxi pulled up outside of the training hall and as he thanked the taxi driver and disembarked Roxas had to smother a smile as he remembered another ray of light that had occurred over his weekend. In the aftermath of his one encounter with Vexen’s attentions Roxas had been hit by a stroke of genius and just as Vexen turned to leave Roxas had blurted, ‘I tried to scale back my Taekwon-do trainings but the instructor’s asking questions about why I can’t get there.’

   
In Roxas’ memory Vexen turned around with a sour curl to his lip but before he could speak Roxas started babbling again in a petrified voice, ‘I tried to make an excuse but I know he didn’t believe me Vexen, I don’t know what to do. If I only go to one training a week like I’ve been doing he’s going to know that something’s wrong. Please Vexen, I’m so scared he’s going to do something like call Principal Diz… Please tell me what to do.’

   
Even though at the time Roxas had loathed himself for the servile and pathetically pleading tone in his voice, the combination of terror and the appearance of offering control had stroked Vexen’s ego in just the right way. Roxas had left the dingy cupboard feeling like he was walking on air as Vexen had magnanimously ordered him to get back to training full time to make sure that no one figured out that there was anything out of the ordinary going on. Now, walking into the training hall and seeing Axel lounging against the wall waiting for him, Roxas allowed himself a beaming grin as he hurried forward to meet the other teen.  
 

***&&&***

   
After dropping off Roxas on Friday Axel had thrown himself into his next school assignment with such fervour that he had all but finished the project by Sunday afternoon. Getting Roxas’ text that he wouldn’t be coming over Monday afternoon had thrown a wrench in Axel’s flow of astrophysics brilliance, but in an effort to distract himself Axel channeled his excess energy and focus into his increasingly intense Taekwon-do training schedule. The rather extreme expenditure of energy allowed Axel to pass out in dreamless unconsciousness for the next two nights, but it also meant that when training rolled around on Tuesday he was only staying upright through sheer force of will.

   
The sunny smile that Roxas bestowed upon him as a greeting went a long way towards making Axel feel somewhat human and he found that he was able to return the grin with a tired but genuine smile. Pushing off the wall and sauntering towards Roxas, Axel attempted to buck up his ideas and said lightly, ‘Ah, sir, so you’re here for our Emos Anonymous meeting, good, good. I hope you brought along your bag of angst for the proceedings as we’ll be creating little angst angels tonight for everyone to take home.’

   
Axel’s off the cuff smart-arsery went over better than he ever could have hoped, as Roxas let out a surprised laugh and his smile grew even bigger. Then it was Axel’s turn to be surprised when Roxas stopped in front of him and threw his arms around him in an unexpected and unrestrained hug. For a second Axel stood stock still, stunned by the sudden display of affection and then he slipped his arms gently around Roxas, returning the hug and dropping a feather-light kiss onto Roxas’ wild blonde hair.

   
The hug only lasted for a few seconds, but in that time Axel felt his resilience return along with at least some of his strength and characteristic sass. By the time Roxas leaned back to look up at him Axel was smiling for real and he felt bold enough to dart his head forward and plant a quick kiss on Roxas’ lips before pulling away and chuckling lightly at the astonished but pleased look on the blonde teen’s face. Patting Roxas playfully on the head and stepping back to give him space to recover Axel was about to crack another joke when a sound from the back of the building sent a jolt of fear down his spine.

   
Both Axel and Roxas whipped around to look at the door to the hall as it creaked open, Axel instinctively stepping forward and to the side so that he was standing protectively in front of Roxas. All Axel could think in the moment was that Vexen had sent someone to attack him and Roxas, so when Zexion's slim, white-clad form slipped into the hall he stood and blinked in confusion for a second before relief swept over him. Out of the corner of his eye Axel could see that Roxas was trying to stop himself trembling at the fright they had both received and in order to give him a moment he walked quickly toward Zexion and said amiably, ‘Hey Zex, it’s good to see you. How are you… And your mum? I haven’t really heard from you since you said she was able to come home.’

   
As he spoke Axel felt a vicious stab of guilt rip through him at the realization that, barring a couple of texts when Zexion’s mum had been released from hospital, he hadn’t gone over, called, or even properly texted to make sure his friend was okay or to find out what had actually happened. The voice that often tore him to bits from the inside chose that moment to pipe up in Axel’s head, ‘He’s your oldest friend you fucktard and you abandoned him. How the fuck do you think he is?’ Faltering mid step Axel hesitantly flicked his eyes up to Zexion’s face, prepared for a cold stare or wounded expression, but to his surprise and guilty relief Zexion was actually smiling at him.

   
To Axel’s further astonishment Zexion didn’t even reply immediately and simply stepped forward to pull him into a warm hug. Feeling like he had been dropped into a strange game with complicated rules that he hadn’t been told about Axel tentatively returned the embrace and as Roxas slowly approached to stand off to one the side he drew back stared at Zexion, waiting to be told just what the hell was going on. Axel’s brow furrowed as Zexion’s expression clouded with a reflection of the guilt he felt and then the other teen said quietly, ‘I know you feel bad for not calling me Ax and you can stop right now. I could’ve got in touch with you but I was honestly so messed up that I could barely deal with Kadaj and dad…’

   
As Axel opened his mouth to say that he understood completely Zexion grimaced and held up his hand, forestalling Axel’s comment so he could continue, ‘Look, I know you’re going to say forget about it or some stupid shit Ax, but I can’t okay? I should’ve called or texted or something but I just dropped you and left you dealing with… With all your shit. Dammit Ax, stop being so understanding… You should be yelling at me for not even letting you know what happened.’

   
In the long years he had known Zexion Axel had never seen the other teen so distressed or agitated and mixed with his own guilt he felt a small glow of warmth that his friend cared about him so much. Waiting until Zexion subsided into depressed silence Axel bent down slightly so he could catch the shorter boy’s eye and with a cheeky grin he punched him in the shoulder. As Zexion grinned and rubbed his shoulder with exaggerated hurt Axel declared, ‘Alright so we both feel guilty about being too stupid to call each other, let’s just let it cancel out and start over.’

   
Axel’s grin widened as Zexion chuckled quietly while nodding in agreement but then both boys jumped about a foot in the air when Roxas cocked his head in comical confusion and cleared his throat pointedly. Having almost forgotten that Roxas was still there in the drama of the situation with Zexion, Axel had to try and pretend he wasn’t having a heart attack when the blonde teen made his presence known and he blushed at his own absentmindedness. Trying to think of some way to smooth over his inattention Axel offered Roxas a wry smile and tried to work out how to explain what was going on.  
 

***&&&***

   
It actually amused Roxas no end when he realized that Axel and Zexion had forgotten about him completely and as the awkward conversation progressed he tried to work out exactly what was going on. From what he could work out from the fragmented conversation Roxas gathered that something had happened with Zexion’s mum recently and as the other two teens fumbled through apologizing for not talking to each other Roxas decided that he would really like to know what was going on. To his own private surprise Roxas felt comfortable enough to conspicuously clear his throat and when Axel and Zexion remembered he was there he said curiously, ‘So do I get to know what’s going on? Nice as it is to see whatever that was end nicely I still have no idea what’s going on. Zexion, is your mum alright?’

   
Zexion recovered before Axel and Roxas silently appreciated the speed at which the teen regained his unflappable equilibrium. Gesturing to the bench at the back of the hall Zexion said in a perfectly natural tone, ‘We might as well be comfortable if you want to hear the whole thing.’

   
Once Roxas sat down next to Axel who had slouched on the seat like his bones had melted Zexion sat down beside them and offered a fleeting half-smile. As Roxas waited patiently Zexion said, ‘Axel was there so he knows this bit, two weeks ago Kadaj came home and found my mum passed out in the kitchen. It was so lucky he got there when he did… The EMT said that if he had been half an hour later… Anyway, when I got there they said she’d had a heart attack but that because the ambulance got there so fast her prognosis was good.’

   
As Zexion paused at the remembered fear and awfulness of the situation, Axel slung his arm around his shoulders to offer him strength. In a burst of daring Roxas reached over and patted Zexion’s arm tentatively, trying to offer his own support to the shivering bluette and the combined comfort seemed to give him the strength to pick up his story again. Quietly Zexion continued, ‘I don’t really remember much of what the doctors said, Kadaj had to repeat it later when my brain started working again, but the upshot was that she should be fine with lots of rest and the medication they gave her. They let her come home after five days and because she’s still so weak Kadaj and I have been looking after her. That’s why I’ve missed a few trainings and didn’t even call Ax to tell him what was going on.’

   
Axel turned his companionable arm into a half hug and as Zexion let out a sigh Roxas had a brainwave. Shyly, not quite sure how his suggestion would be received Roxas said, ‘I’m sorry Zexion, that’s horrible, you must be exhausted. I’m so glad she’s going to be okay. Um, I had a thought… I just wondered if you might like to come round to Axel’s place when I go over on Friday and we could just hang out and generally chill…?’

   
Even as he said the words Roxas was inwardly cringing and waiting for the polite refusals to what he was suddenly sure was a terrible idea that Axel would also hate. What actually greeted Roxas’ impulsive offer was an enthusiastic ‘Hell yeah!’ from Axel and a surprised but quietly pleased smile from Zexion. While Axel started musing out loud about what they could do for the afternoon Zexion met Roxas’ worried gaze and said, ‘Like Axel said but in slightly more eloquent terms, I’d really like that. Thank you Roxas, I know I don’t even really know you properly yet, but thanks for caring.’

   
At that point a laughing gaggle of female students burst into the hall and effectively disrupted the intense conversation that had turned into a comprehensive planning session for the coming Friday. With one more lopsided but genuinely pleased smile Zexion headed off to help set up the equipment and then when Xaldin strode into the hall Roxas gestured for Axel to do the same so he could have a quick word with their instructor. Roxas briefly noted that Axel looked a lot more at ease than when he had arrived at training and he smiled as he walked over to Xaldin, thinking that when he told Axel his next bit of news the other teen would be even happier.

   
Xaldin was busy at the front of the room when Roxas approached and as he had been taught the blonde teen stood to attention and waited to be noticed. After a couple of minutes Xaldin happened to glance Roxas’ way and the big man immediately grinned widely, acknowledging him and booming in his deep voice, ‘Well Mr Valo, it’s good to see that you back on a Tuesday. I was worried our club was losing its valued newest member. Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?’

   
Unable to resist Xaldin’s jovial good humour Roxas offered a self-conscious smile of his own and replied, ‘I’m sorry to be so much trouble Sir, but I’ve sorted my stuff out and I’ve worked out a way that I’m able to come back to training full time…’

   
Roxas had been about to say something else but before he could open his mouth again Xaldin was shaking his hand cheerfully and chuckling, ‘Ah Roxas, of all my students you have been the least trouble. You know about Axel already but you haven’t had the chance to get to know the rest of the hoodlums here who seem determined to turn my hair grey.’

   
When he had first started at the Twilight Taekwon-do Club Roxas had been quite intimidated by the huge, brash Instructor Arma, but now that he knew the man he took the joking in his stride. Smiling back at Xaldin Roxas quipped, ‘Sir, you must be aware that you can’t use Axel as a yardstick for anything… He’s in a league of his own. Actually I had a favour to ask of you Sir, about my trainings with Axel. I was wondering if I might be allowed to keep training with him at least one night a week? I’d really like to be ready for the grading in the, oh man, in the holidays, and with my disrupted training I’m kind of worried that I’m not up to scratch yet.’

   
Although he had presented his request as a small matter, Roxas waited breathlessly to see if Xaldin would allow him to keep training one on one with Axel. Pinned by Instructor Arma’s contemplative stare and sure that the man could read him like a book with large print Roxas crossed his fingers as Xaldin said slowly, ‘You know Roxas, it would be great to have another yellow belt running around here. And I will admit that instructing you seems to have done wonders for Axel’s focus on his own prep for his black belt. Alright then Roxas, until the grading in July you can continue your trainings with Axel… As long as he doesn’t neglect his own preparations and you both come join the main class as soon as I present you your yellow belt.’

   
For a moment Roxas was so elated that he couldn’t speak, but then his brain caught up with a detail in Xaldin’s words and he blinked and said quizzically, ‘Um, that’s wonderful, thank you Sir… But yellow belt? I thought I had to get my stripe first before I could even look at getting my full yellow belt…’

   
Once again Xaldin’s laugh boomed out and Roxas was left staring in stunned delight as the man rumbled, ‘You seem to have forgotten that I’ve been receiving reports on your progress Mr Valo and both Axel and I are in agreement that you are advanced enough to apply for a double grading when you go for your next rank. Now, I need to get my plan sorted for the class tonight so I’ll ask you to get everyone together ready to get started and you can tell Mr Lasair about our plans too Roxas. Off you go, you can thank me by passing with flying colours.’  
 

***&&&***

   
Setting up the hall ready for training was always a time consuming task but Axel felt like pirouetting around the room as he put the pads out after the strange but awesome interlude with Zexion and Roxas before class. Having all of his worry about Zexion dispelled had felt to Axel like at least some of the weight had fallen off his shoulders and then Roxas’ impulsive but thoughtful offer of company to their now mutual friend had helped him cast off all of the fatigue and residual stress of his weekend. Axel was in the middle of arranging a stack of handheld pads along the side of the hall when he felt the presence of someone behind him and he turned around to see Roxas grinning at him so widely his face seemed to be one big smile.

   
Entirely curious Axel simply cocked his head to one side in mute query and that was all it took for Roxas to burst out, ‘Instructor Arma said we can keep training one on one until my first grading! What have you told him? He said I would be put forward to go for my yellow belt instead of stripe and that you’d been telling him I’m all advanced or something! Ax… What…?’

   
By the time Roxas trailed off Axel was beaming like the sun and after making sure that no one was watching too closely he wrapped Roxas in a quick, tight hug before pulling away swiftly. While Roxas tried to recover his composure Axel shoved the rest of the pads in a pile and spread his hands saying smugly, ‘What can I say Rox, when I teach I do it right. Sure your weirdly awesome memory and natural talent might have played a part, but whatever, you’re totally ready for being a yellow belt.’

   
Laughing lightly at the astounded and dazed look on Roxas’ face Axel looked around when Xaldin bellowed the command to form up for class and he gently shoved the still stunned blonde in the direction of his spot up the back. Even though Xaldin chose to put the whole class through a grueling warmup that had everyone panting for breath Axel still managed to summon a flamboyant frolic towards the side room when Xaldin dismissed him and Roxas, clowning just to see the smile on Roxas’ face. To his immense satisfaction Axel’s horseplay drew a stifled snort from Roxas before the blonde clapped his hand over his mouth and Axel himself had to hide a wide grin as he ushered Roxas through the door.  
 

*****

   
Roxas’ first proper training with Axel in almost a month felt like a soothing balm on his stressed and anxious spirit. Most of their time in the little room was spent bringing Roxas up to speed on the theory and Korean terminology, but even through the rather intense study session Roxas still found himself in fits of laughter for most of the evening. The only thing that cast a slight shadow over the training was a vague worry that washed over Roxas a couple of times when Axel obviously thought that he wasn’t looking, the blonde teen twice catching a glimpse of a transient expression of distracted anxiety crossing Axel’s face before being wiped away once more by his easy grin.

   
Even the end of training and the prospect of going back to school didn’t squash Roxas’ positivity and as he plopped down in the passenger seat of Axel’s car he remembered something that made his smile even bigger. Turning to Axel as the redhead slid into the driver’s side with a sigh Roxas nudged his shoulder gently and said, ‘Hey, um, Ax? Want to hear something else good just to top off this awesome evening?’

   
Axel’s flamboyant gesture for him to elaborate drew an amused snort from Roxas before he stuck his tongue out and went on, ‘It’s nice to see that tiredness is no impediment to being a smartass. Anyway, I didn’t have a chance to tell you about what happened today… I managed to catch Vexen off guard and I… I bullshitted him into believing that someone would pick up on things not being right if I didn’t go back to training full time. I couldn’t quite swing coming round to your place after school tomorrow, but I’ll definitely work out some way to get there on Friday.’

   
Roxas was abruptly cut off by a jubilant obscenity from Axel who had gone from exhausted to gleeful in two seconds flat. Although Roxas had been expecting some dramatic outburst from the other teen, he was still taken by surprise when Axel cast a quick look around the empty carpark and then leaned over, planting an exuberant kiss on his lips. As Roxas blinked in surprise at the grinning redhead Axel wedged himself in the middle of the car seats and slung an arm around his shoulders saying, ‘Rox, that’s so fucking awesome. Getting you out of that place… Well, I think you just made my night actually.’

   
The genuine excitement in Axel’s reaction to his small bit of good news along with the shiver that ran through him at the feeling of the redhead’s arm wrapping around him brushed away what remained of Roxas’ shyness. While Axel was still grinning into space Roxas wriggled around until he was facing the other teen and then he reached up to cup Axel’s cheek with his palm, gently pulled Axel around to face him so he could stretch up and initiate a soft kiss. The look of pleasure in Axel’s green gaze as he realized what was happening was the last thing Roxas saw before he closed his eyes and let himself go.

   
Allowing himself to be totally swept away in how good it felt to kiss Axel, Roxas trembled as the other teen returned the kiss fervently and almost without him willing it his hands began to wander. Hesitantly Roxas trailed his hands down Axel’s cheek, his left hand sliding back to comb through the red hair he loved so much while his right hand stroked lightly down Axel’s neck, eliciting a low hum of pleasure. When his fingers brushed over Axel’s collarbone however Roxas’ brain caught up with what he was doing and he flinched away involuntarily, suddenly terrified that he was taking it too far and touching Axel where he didn’t want to be touched.

   
Miraculously Axel seemed to know exactly what was going through his mind and even as Roxas pulled back, his hand was grasped lightly and placed back where it had been on Axel’s chest. Reluctantly raising his eyes to meet Axel’s steady gaze Roxas shivered as the other teen said gently, ‘You can touch me if you want to Rox. I want to touch you too if you want me to… Only if you want me to…’

   
The fact that Axel knew exactly what was going through his head actually cut through Roxas’ doubts and when he offered a small smile he felt his heart skip a beat at the beautiful smile that Axel gave him in return. Unable to look away from Axel’s vivid green eyes Roxas tried to remember how to breathe and slowly he splayed his fingers, pressing his palm against Axel’s chest so he could feel the steady thump of the other teen’s heart. Drawn back in by the gentle smile that lit Axel’s face, Roxas leaned forward again and reignited the kiss.  
 

***&&&***

   
For once when Axel let Roxas out of the car to return to school he had a smile on his face that wasn’t wiped away by the sight of the blonde waving goodbye. In Axel’s head as he drove home, completely replacing his inner voice for the moment at least, was a mental image of how Roxas had unconsciously licked his lips before tilting his head for the kiss, coupled with how it had felt when the blonde teen moaned into his mouth and deepened the kiss of his own volition. The whole way home Axel replayed the wonderful interlude over and over, trying to imprint the memory on his brain so that he would never forget the few short minutes.

   
Pulling into his driveway and seeing his little house right where he left it with all the curtains open and windows dark was what finally dispersed the metaphorical pink clouds that were circling Axel’s head and he fell back to earth with a disgruntled huff and a thud. Although the residual good feelings still lingered like a faint warmth in the back of his mind, Axel glared at the waiting house as if it was the cause of the responsibilities he had briefly managed to forget about. Axel’s productivity with his coursework over the weekend hadn’t really made much of a dent in his educational workload and before he could crash into bed he had to fill in a progress report as well as complete his cycle of training exercises for his black belt schedule.

   
Giving in to a little of the annoyance and frustration trickling into the back of his mind Axel stomped into the house and resisted the rather strong urge to slam the door behind himself as he flicked the light on and glared around. With a look of deep displeasure on his face Axel decided to tackle his progress report before slogging his way through his remaining training checklist so he slumped into a chair at the table and opened his laptop. In all actuality the study update for his tutors at Destiny University only took Axel ten minutes to blow through and once he pushed send on the email he found that he was starting to feel a little more emotionally stable.

   
By the time he had done every single pattern in his repertoire twice through, completed one hundred push ups and two hundred sit ups and warmed down with twenty minutes of stretching, Axel was feeling totally exhausted, but also a lot more in control of himself. Staggering back inside and turning out the lights as he went, Axel tried to recapture how he had felt with Roxas in the car and when he jumped in the shower to sluice off the day’s grime he found that a smile had stolen its way onto his face. Axel leaned against the wall under the hot spray of the shower and a sigh escaped him as he pressed his fingers against his chest on the spot that Roxas’ hand had rested only a few hours before.  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas scurried into his despised first period Geography class on Wednesday morning and threw himself into his seat just as the bell rang. From the front of the classroom Professor Clayton sneered at his almost late student, but Roxas was saved by the sudden arrival of a red-faced prefect who burst in the door and bustled forward to mutter in the annoyed teacher’s ear. Holding his breath Roxas watched the conversation unfold and then he let out a silent sigh of relief when Professor Clayton ignored him completely and shouted for the class to pay attention. In a tone of exasperation the professor said, ‘Apparently the admin staff are already on vacation because they forgot to send the reminder notice to make sure you idiots don’t forget that term ends on July 3rd. Write it down.’

   
As Professor Clayton rolled his eyes at his suddenly noisy class and turned back to the whiteboard Roxas propped his elbows on his desk and buried his head in his hands. Somehow Roxas had managed to push out of his mind that the holidays didn’t just mean his first Taekwon-do grading and being reminded of what it meant with school punched a hole right through his good mood. Ever since Roxas’ first year at Twilight Boarding Vexen had forced him to stay at the school during the holidays and for the abused teen ‘vacation’ had become synonymous with a two week, non-stop nightmare.

   
Almost on autopilot Roxas copied down the notes that Professor Clayton assured the class contained crucial information for a later test and while his pen moved over the paper his thoughts grew darker and darker. Geography faded into Physics which magically became lunch, but Roxas was denied the downtime of relaxing in the cafeteria by a text message that ordered his presence in the supply closet two minutes after Physics finished. Already downcast about the impending holidays it took all of Roxas’ self-control to slap on a convincing façade as he trudged off towards his little cupboard of hell on the second floor.

   
Checking his watch as he approached the closet Roxas felt a tiny tingle of relief that he had made it in the allocated time, but then the relief swiftly vanished to be replaced by a dull fear of what was to come. His fingers shaking slightly Roxas did his best to distance himself from his emotions and inner self as he pushed open the door, slipping inside to once more give himself to a monster. Vexen was lounging against the back wall of the closet with his arms folded arrogantly over his chest and Roxas could feel the teen’s icy green gaze raking over his body as he turned to close the door behind himself.

   
The second the latch of the door clicked closed Roxas felt Vexen’s hand clamp down on his shoulder and he forced himself not to cry out as the teen’s other hand tangled in his hair and yanked hard. Pulled off balance Roxas stumbled backward and as he crashed into Vexen’s chest the air was squeezed from his lungs by the long arm that wrapped around his ribs and crushed his body tightly against the other teen. Biting his lip hard to keep himself quiet Roxas endured stoically as Vexen’s hands roamed over his chest and down his stomach and he bit deep enough to draw blood when Vexen chuckled and crept his fingers down under the waistband of his pants.

   
Although Vexen’s touch made him want to either throw up or scream his lungs out Roxas drew upon his waning reserves of self-control and swallowed heavily as Vexen’s hand brushed over his crotch. Trying to drown out the cruel and lewd words Vexen was whispering in his ear Roxas distanced himself from what was being done to his body and clung tight to the one good memory that was still in reach. As Vexen’s touch coaxed him to unwilling arousal Roxas instead felt Axel’s lips press gently against his own; and when Vexen yanked Roxas’ hand around to touch his own hardness he disappeared into the memory of Axel’s beautiful smile.

   
It wasn’t long however until Roxas was jolted out of his defensive daydream by a jarring break in Vexen’s usually predictable escalation of sexual violation. Instead of either bringing Roxas or himself to climax, the teen let out an abrupt growl of anger and frustration and unleashed a thundering blow that sent Roxas crashing into the wall before he knew what was happening. Roxas’ breath was knocked from him as he fell to the floor with a hoarse bark of pain and he didn’t have to feign bewilderment and terror as he huddled on the ground and tried to protect himself from the worst of Vexen’s punches.

   
Knowing how Vexen’s ‘love taps’ usually turned into full scale, uncontrolled beatings Roxas did his best to curl up in a position that protected the parts of him that were still healing from Vexen’s last explosion. A vicious kick hammered into Roxas’ back just above his hip and an agonized cry escaped the teen before he could sink his teeth into his tongue to stifle his pain. From long experience Roxas cringed in expectation of an escalation of aggression in response to his sound of pain, but then his world dissolved into confusion when Vexen merely aimed one more half-hearted kick at his shoulder and then abruptly slammed his way out of the storage room.

   
Throbbing pain radiated out from Roxas’ hip and his stomach churned with residual disgust, but the main emotion that flooded the teen’s reeling mind was perplexity. While he had been lying on the floor completely at Vexen’s mercy Roxas had anticipated brutalization severe enough to possibly prevent him from going to training and to have Vexen just up and leave in the middle of a beating was unprecedented. Slowly pushing himself up so that he was sitting against the wall Roxas checked his latest lot of injuries absentmindedly, his mind whirling with questions about what the hell Vexen’s behavior could mean.

   
For the whole rest of the day Roxas alternated between distracted preoccupation and nervous paranoia that Vexen would catch him and finish the beating he had started and even when he made it out of the front gates unscathed he was still caught up with trying to come up with an explanation. The whole taxi ride to Taekwon-do Roxas slouched in his seat and stared blankly at the dashboard, his mind flicking between Vexen’s stranger than usual behavior and the looming hell that would be his school holidays. Pulling into the training hall carpark served to drag Roxas partly out of his unpleasant thoughts and as he plodded up the steps into the hall he tried to pull himself together.

   
Slipping into the empty hall and seeing Axel lounging against the wall waiting for him brought a half-hearted smile to Roxas’ face and in the moment he simply couldn’t open his mouth and voice his new batch of angsty bullshit because saying it out loud would make it real. Concentrating on the beaming grin on Axel’s face Roxas was able to turn his own smile into something more natural looking and on impulse he moved forward and wrapped his arms around Axel’s skinny waist. Tilting his head back so he could look up into Axel’s surprised face Roxas said, ‘It’s good to see you Ax… I missed you. Geez, one whole day and I already need my Axel fix.’

   
As Axel’s chuckle echoed around the room Roxas’ smile widened into a grin, but his happy expression quickly dissolved into a pained grimace when Axel hugged him back and the pressure tweaked his sore hip. Wincing away from Axel’s hold Roxas limped around in a circle for a moment in an attempt to work out the ache and as the pain slowly eased he heaved a sigh and slumped back against the wall beside Axel who was watching him with narrowed eyes. Sighing again and smiling wryly Roxas glanced at Axel and answered his unspoken question, ‘Same shit different day Axel. It wasn’t even that bad. Um, can we just ignore it for now? Training’s going to be fun with a screwed hip but right now I just want to forget about all that shit…’  
 

***&&&***

   
Hurting Roxas’ hip while giving him a hug just about topped off Axel’s day of erratic and extreme emotions, the reminder of what Roxas had to endure on a daily basis smacking the redhead right in the face. Roxas’ quiet plea for a night free of negative bullshit hung in the air for a moment as Axel struggled to centre himself and it took more effort than he anticipated to wipe away his scowl, force a smile and nod in agreement to Roxas’ plan. Wanting nothing more than to bring back the smile that had lit up Roxas’ face moments before Axel conjured a burst of levity and quipped, ‘Oh wow Rox, you kept that quiet. Shitting all over every day, you might need to see a doctor if you can’t get to the bathroom.’

   
As soon as the words left his mouth Axel went bright red and he buried his face in his hands at the sheer force of his own inanity, wishing fervently for the ground to just swallow him up. Apparently Roxas appreciated the toilet humor however because Axel was treated to the beautiful sound of the blonde teen laughing so hard he went into a coughing fit. Peeking over his fingers with a deep blush still staining his cheeks, Axel saw that Roxas had collapsed in a giggling heap against the wall and he forgot his own embarrassment, breaking into quiet laughter as well.

   
Maintaining his easy-going façade along with giving Roxas a training that challenged him without hurting his injuries drained Axel in ways he couldn’t believe and by the time the pair were halfway through their class he felt like he was almost out on his feet. Because he was so intent on pretending that everything was just damn well hunky dory it took Axel longer than usual to pick up on the fact that something was still a little off with his training partner, but as soon as he realized his mouth cut in without his brain’s intervention. Roxas was glaring absently at the floor during a drinks break when Axel blurted out, ‘I know we were going to forget the shit… But Rox, what’s going on in your head?’

   
At the sound of Axel’s unexpected question Roxas jumped and looked around quickly, an expression flashing across his face that Axel identified after a moment as guilt. A tendril of anxiety unfurling in his stomach Axel bit his lip as Roxas said haltingly, ‘I’m just… I… I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m sorry… Is that okay?’

   
Pasting a convincing smile on his face Axel nodded and continued smoothly on with the lesson, but behind the auto-pilot of his instruction his thoughts were confused and full of anxiety. When he had woken up that morning Axel had started off in the hangover of the bliss of kissing Roxas the night before, but as the day wore on he had fluctuated between struggling and stable until right at that moment when he settled on tortured in the face of Roxas’ brush off. Training was usually Axel’s sanctuary from the troubles of the world, but knowing that Roxas was struggling and shutting him out left the redhead wishing that class would just fucking end already.

   
Awkward in a way he had never been in the course of his short friendship with Roxas, Axel could tell that he was only able to pull off the whole ‘cheerful instructor’ persona because Roxas’ mind was a million miles away. The fact that moving out of their room for the end of class felt like a relief sat like a stone in Axel’s gut and he could feel himself being dragged lower and lower with every passing second. Going through the motions of the traditional closing of class Axel mechanically put away his share of the training equipment, all the while watching Roxas’ disturbing vacant expression, and then they headed out to the car in silence.

   
For the first time since he had been ferrying Roxas back to his school Axel couldn’t think of a thing to say as he drove through the dark streets, the teen second guessing every possible thought that tried to come out of his mouth. As they drew close to the school though Axel felt his heartbeat speed up and his throat grow tight, the thought of letting Roxas leave with things as they were making his stomach tie itself in knots. Pulling up beside the curb Axel watched as Roxas absently went to open the door and at that point something in him snapped and he made a wordless sound of denial before reaching out and pulling the startled Roxas into a tight hug.

   
For a second Axel felt Roxas stiffen against him, but then the slight teen let out a shuddering sigh and returned the hug. The feeling of Roxas clinging to him tore away at the slender hold that Axel had on his turbulent emotions and in an effort not to give away the desperation clawing at him he buried his face in Roxas’ soft spikes of hair. Time ticked away and when Roxas pulled back and turned away Axel couldn’t take it anymore, whispering in a voice almost too quiet to hear, ‘I don’t know what’s up Rox, but I’m here whenever you need me. I get that you don’t want to talk to me right now… Just please, _please_ don’t shut me out.’  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas startled awake at four thirty Friday morning and all he could do was stare blankly into the darkness with a look of misery on his face. When Axel had whispered his gut-wrenching plea into his ear on Wednesday night it had just about broken Roxas’ heart, but at the time and even the next awful night at training he had still been unable to force himself to put the thoughts in his head into words and then it was too late. The moment his eyes snapped open on the last day of the week Roxas felt his heart slowly sink to his toes and it was all the worse because the fact that it was so early meant that he couldn’t legitimately be out of bed for at least another two hours.

   
Lying on his back and listening to the soft sounds of his sleeping roommates acted like coarse sandpaper on Roxas’ nerves and as time dragged by he just got more and more tense. Even though training the night before had made obvious the effect that his reticence was having on Axel and he wasn’t even sure if he was still welcome at the redhead’s house, Roxas still hadn’t been able to bring himself to text Zexion to call off their planned afternoon and now his anxiety was getting out of control. In the quiet of early dawn Roxas tried but failed to control his erratic thoughts and against his will he fell into a horrible memory of the night before.

   
 _Axel had greeted Roxas uncertainly before their Thursday night training and knowing that he had managed to erase the usually brilliant smile from the redhead’s face cut Roxas deep, although it still wasn’t enough to make him talk. The stilted conversation they had while they set up the training equipment felt foreign and awkward to Roxas and for once he was actually relieved when Xaldin called for the start of class. Breaking off from the main class and repairing to the smaller room had come to feel like routine for Roxas and for the first few minutes of his one on one class he had actually been able to pretend that things were almost normal._

_  
_ _In Roxas’ memory time blurred for about half an hour, skipping over the impersonal instruction on how to act in the traditional setting of his upcoming grading, and then his mind’s eye focused on the moment of training when everything went to total shit. Somehow training had moved from etiquette to the basics of sparring and apparently Axel had been teaching Roxas too well, because only a few minutes into the mock fight Roxas landed a punch on Axel’s shoulder that drained the blood from the redhead’s face and made him bite back a curse. Worried because Axel had looked like he had been about to pass out Roxas had blurted out, ‘What’s wrong Ax?’_

_  
_ _As he stared at Axel Roxas felt a tiny frisson of fear shoot down his spine when he saw a fleeting expression of bitterness and dark anger pass across the redhead’s face before being swiftly replaced by a blank mask. Even though the words were conspicuously not said aloud Roxas knew that it was his recent evasiveness that drove Axel’s blunt response as he said flatly, ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s just an old training injury. Go get a drink and then we can move on to padwork.’_

_  
_ _Because Roxas wasn’t stupid he watched Axel covertly while he had a quick drink and out of the corner of his eye he saw the other teen prod briefly at the spot on his arm, wince and then turn away to fiddle with the sleeve of his uniform. The over-bright smile that Axel turned on him when he turned back around made Roxas’ heart ache and though he knew that Axel had cut himself in the last day or so and though he knew that Axel knew that he knew, he still just lowered his gaze and returned to his spot. Axel’s tone, the blank look in his eyes and even the tense set of his shoulders spoke louder than words to Roxas about how much his reaction or lack thereof had hurt and the blonde teen ended up trudging back to into the main hall feeling like the biggest bastard in the known universe._

_  
_ _Roxas’ mind was so fragmented and distracted that he somehow convinced himself he had gone too far to give in and spill his problem to Axel, so during the clean-up of the hall he tried avoid Axel as much as possible. Though he stayed away from the redhead physically and knew that he would be riding back to school with other teen soon anyway, Roxas’ thoughts were haunted by how Axel had looked when his punch had connected and when he literally ran into Axel in a narrow corridor his flight response took over and he simply had to escape. Despite the fact that he had been avoiding Axel as much as was possible all night, Roxas was both shocked and more than a little devastated when he got out to the carpark and found a taxi waiting for him with Axel nowhere in sight._

_  
_ Roxas’ sight blurred and he squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt not to burst into tears at the thought that he had hurt Axel so much that the other teen had left him at the hall without a word or goodbye. As the dim room brightened with the dawn Roxas tore himself to shreds again and again for what he was doing to the one person who had given him nothing but support and by the time he really had to get up he had sworn an oath to himself to never shut Axel out again; that was if the redhead ever spoke to him again. Just about sleepwalking his way through getting ready for another day, Roxas’ mind was far, far away from school as he tried to think of how he could make things up to Axel.

   
Gaia must have been watching over Roxas in school on Friday, for he never caught so much as a single glimpse of Vexen either in class or during his treks through the long halls, but it was only when he was safe in the taxi and on his way to Axel’s that he let out a quiet sigh of relief. Roxas’ relief was however short lived as he cast aside one worry for another, the blonde immediately feeling his hands start to shake as he realized that he had no idea what he was going to say to his friend, or at least the teen that he hoped was still his friend. The taxi ride was twenty minutes of torture for Roxas’ over-functioning mind and by the time he stood in front of Axel’s house he was a trembling wreck.

   
It took a huge amount of effort for Roxas to lift his hand  to knock on the door and as the sound echoed loudly he felt his anxiety coalesce in a choking lump to sit at the back of his throat. His own stupid stubbornness, Axel’s probable self-harm, the actual approaching hell of the holidays, everything blurred together and rose up in Roxas’ mind, threatening to overwhelm his shaky hold on what was left of his resilience and emotions. It was only a couple of seconds later that Axel opened the door, but by that time Roxas was so panicked and distressed that he abruptly lurched forward and threw his arms around the redhead in a desperate hug.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: So sorry this has taken so long, last month was a bit of a bitch to be honest and writing has been difficult. Thanks for hanging in there and I hope you enjoy this update. I also hope that my next chapter is a little speedier... But I don't know. Warnings for abuse and for self harm in this chapter along with a buttload of angst.**

For Axel it had been a herculean effort to even get to training on the Thursday night and for the thirty minutes before he walked out the door he fought a battle in his own head against the urge to say fuck everything and just not show up to Taekwon-do at all. It was partly the repercussions that not training would have for his black belt grading that got Axel out of his front door, but if he was totally honest with himself Axel had to admit that the main thing that got him to club was his severe and unrelenting Roxas addiction. Feeling a mixture of fluttery anxiety and apprehension settling in the pit of his stomach Axel slammed the front door and stomped out to his car before he could second guess his decision.

   
Pulling up in the deserted carpark of the hall Axel swore when he realized that he had misjudged the time and arrived almost fifteen minutes earlier than his usual early arrival time. With a long, pissed off sigh Axel slumped back in his seat and for a time he just stared at the ceiling of his car, failing at trying not to think of the worst case scenario when Roxas turned up. Eventually it occurred to Axel that brooding in the car was a stupid use of his time and he shoved open the door to get out, but as he went to stand up he bashed his left arm on the steering wheel and was abruptly reminded of the other reason behind his reluctance to go to training.

   
With a sardonic twist of his lips that was just about but not quite a smile Axel fell back into the car seat and pulled his pristine white sleeve away from his arm as a precaution. Awkwardly unzipping his top with his left hand Axel shrugged his shoulder out of his uniform and while cursing himself for being an unmitigated fuckwit he glared at the thick wad of bandages that covered the top of his arm. A brief examination was enough to reassure himself that his heavy-duty dressing was holding up, but as he got out of the car and stalked towards the hall Axel’s mind was an uproar of self-recrimination and pessimistic mutterings.

   
Admittedly when Roxas arrived at the hall a few minutes later Axel was not exactly in the best frame of mind to start with, but when his hesitant greeting was met with a strained grimace and a determinedly inane comment about the weather he felt like he’d been kicked in the face. Unable to summon the strength to try and break through the defenses that Roxas had once again erected to keep him out Axel used all of his remaining emotional resources to blank out his own suffering and for the first part of training he managed to keep his shit together pretty well. Then Axel impulsively decided to start basic sparring instruction and the shit hit the fan in a subdued but horrible fashion.

   
Roxas’ fist smashed directly into Axel’s latest wound and the impact was enough to make the redhead’s sight grey out for a moment while his face drained of all colour. Biting his tongue hard to stop himself swearing at the top of lungs Axel was still reeling from the shock of the pain and the effort to keep up pretenses when Roxas’ sudden question broke the breathless silence of the room. Though he tried to suppress it Axel knew that the upsurge of anger and hostility that burned through him was starkly evident on his face and despite the fact it was too late he still gritted his teeth and slammed his impassive mask back into place.

   
Pushed beyond the end of his emotional endurance and self-control Axel simply couldn’t take Roxas’ sudden concern after so much stonewalling and evasion. Scaling back the viciousness of the words in his head but not bothering to really soften his response Axel said coldly, ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s just an old training injury. Go get a drink and then we can move on to padwork.’

   
Out of the corner of his eye Axel could see Roxas watching him surreptitiously but he ignored the blonde and turned away to probe briefly at his arm, determined that he was not going to bleed through his uniform and remove all doubt as to what had happened. Trying to pretend like he was stretching out his shoulder Axel used his body to block Roxas’ view and as subtly as he could he lifted the collar of his top and peeked down his sleeve. It was all Axel could do to hold in a sigh of relief when he saw that there was no visible blood and after making a quick adjustment to the bandage he pasted a brittle smile on his face and turned around, ready to get training over and done with.

   
As Axel turned around and his gaze met Roxas’ for a fleeting instant he felt his heart sink in his chest at the speed with which Roxas averted his eyes and hurried wordlessly back to his spot. Falling away inside his head and letting his inner instructor finish the lesson on autopilot Axel fluctuated between battling a fierce resurgence of his old rage and drowning in the chill waters of rejection and self-hate. An hour and a half stuck in a room with someone he alternated between wanting to shake some sense into or utterly avoid left Axel a tense, nervous wreck and he stumbled out to re-join the main class in a fog of angst.

   
During the usual controlled chaos of packing up the hall Axel at first made a half-hearted effort to help, but then something happened about two minutes into the pack-up and he abruptly snapped. Axel was in the process of ferrying a handful of pads to the storage room and trying not to let the nausea in his stomach overwhelm him when he turned into what he thought was an empty hall and accidently bumped into Roxas. Automatically going to apologize even though it was not his fault Axel was left speechless, as Roxas’ response was to avert his gaze and scurry away without a word. Feeling like he had been punched square in the face Axel dropped his armful of pads on the nearest shelf and walked stiffly out of the hall.

   
It was either thanks to lucky timing or the grace of Gaia herself that Axel made it to the carpark without running into anyone who insisted on talking to him and fighting against the urge to kick a hole in his car door he crashed into the driver’s seat and gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles went white. The prompting of the small part of his brain still capable of rational thought made Axel pull his phone out of the pocket of his jacket and in short, clipped sentences he ordered Roxas a taxi before hurling his phone into the passenger seat and stabbing the key into the ignition. Starting the car with a roar Axel quickly pulled out of the parking lot before any other students left the hall and then he tromped on the accelerator and sped off into the night.

   
Sitting blankly in his car, in his driveway, in the dark Axel stared into space and tried to work out what to do. Behind the hurt and anger Axel was struggling with an unshakeable concern that Roxas was again hiding something horrible, but this time the concern was tainted by a pervasive bitterness that after everything that had happened Roxas still seemed not to trust him. The part of Axel that had come to the forefront in his more settled years whispered that Roxas must be hurting and struggling so much more than him, but the suppressed rage that still boiled beneath the surface snarled that Roxas knew exactly what he was doing and that the other teen was somehow taking joy in watching him crumble and break.

   
Time wore on and though Axel’s practical mind nagged at him incessantly to get his arse indoors and get to bed, he was caught in a mental storm stronger than he’d had to endure for many years. Axel sat slumped in the driver’s seat of his car and buried face in his hands, tears finally breaking through his fracturing control and sobs shaking his body. Around midnight the storm tapered off and seemed to pass for the time being and at the point Axel was so exhausted that he simply passed out and fell asleep draped over the steering wheel in a semi-contorted position.

   
Axel slept like the dead despite the awkwardness of his sleeping arrangements and it wasn’t until his phone went off just after seven in the morning that he surfaced from the dim sludge of his dreams. Sleep-fogged and feeling like his spine was waging a civil war against his muscles Axel fumbled muzzily for his phone, but once he answered he felt wakefulness hit him like a bucket of ice water. An irritated voice hit Axel's ear with all the gentleness and charm of nails on a chalkboard and without preamble Setzer Gabbiani, the owner of Wayfinder Bar barked, ‘Get your shit together and get in here Axel, we’ve had a short notice group in for breakfast and both Meg and Daisy have called in sick.’

   
For a moment Axel was so gobsmacked that he couldn’t speak but the second his mind caught up with what he’d just heard his mouth was running like there was no tomorrow. Operating purely on the anger that had barely dulled from the night before Axel snapped, ‘Yeah fucking right, I’m not rostered on today and I’ve got shit to do. You might think you can pull this shit with the others, but I can’t just drop everything and come and take orders for fucking pancakes!’

   
On the other end of the phone there was a ringing silence that gave Axel the opportunity to clap a hand over his mouth and shake his head in horrified disbelief at what he had just said. In any other circumstance he would have ignored Setzer’s arrogant tone and politely made his excuses but the whole Roxas shitstorm had stolen the last fuck Axel had to give; at least until his brain thoughtfully replayed him his own idiotic outburst in the lull before Setzer exploded and yelled back, ‘You’ll get your arse in here in half an hour or you’ll have no job at all! I’d fire you now if I didn’t have a party of fifteen waiting… Here, now Lasair! Move it!’

   
With his heart pounding in his chest and Setzer’s harsh ultimatum ringing in his ears Axel all but fell out of the car in his haste to get himself looking at least halfway fit for work. Thanks to his total disregard for niceties such as not worrying if he yanked half the hair out of his head or bothering to entertain the idea of food Axel made it work with a couple of minutes to spare and even made it into the staffroom out the back without running into Setzer. Given a chance to catch his breath Axel took a moment to lock every extraneous emotion behind a solid wall and then he tried to prepare himself for the inevitable horrible confrontation with his boss.

   
Setzer burst into the staffroom very soon after Axel and the livid expression on his usually haughty face told the redhead that he would be lucky to still have a job when he clocked out. Before Setzer could even open his mouth and start his tirade Axel swallowed his pride and put aside the anger that made him want to punch the guy, saying in an contrite tone, ‘I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you Mr Gabbiani and I swear it will never happen again. I know it’s not an excuse but I’ve been having a really rough time of things at the moment and if you’d called at any other time there’s no way I’d have said what I did. Just please, don’t fire me… I really need this job and I’ll work to make this up to you.’

   
While he had gabbled out his disjointed apology Axel had stared fixedly at the floor, unable to make himself look up at his no doubt seething boss. A deafening silence descended after Axel’s final plea and his heart sank as in front of him Setzer’s foot began to tap sharply on the floor. Setzer’s normally silky voice was overflowing with condescension and venom as he snapped out, ‘Get out there and I better not hear a peep from you until Irvine and Rinoa get here to take over for the afternoon shift. This is your first and last chance Axel, I will not tolerate anyone speaking to me like that ever… Let alone the fucking staff of my own fucking bar!’

   
Axel suppressed the wave of shame that washed over him along with the roiling anger that still urged him to launch himself at the pompous, immaculately coiffed man and he simply nodded as Setzer turned on his heel and stalked away. Once he was alone Axel sunk his fingers into his wild hair and squeezed his eyes shut for a second before locking away the events of the last few minutes and consciously switching himself into work mode. Pasting a wide smile on his face and trying to loosen the knots in his shoulder muscles Axel made his way to the kitchen to talk to the chef and find out exactly what he should be expecting from the incoming group.

   
When his shift ended at two that afternoon Axel forced himself to find Setzer and apologize again before heading home and the sneer on his bosses face along with the man’s impatient dismissal caused a small tendril of anger to unfurl again in his stomach. Finding that the anger had lost none of its potency shook Axel a little and once he was in his car he stopped to take a few deep breaths, but then a thought hit him and he let out an explosive and resounding, ‘FUCK!’ What Axel had remembered was that he had both Zexion and Roxas coming over after they finished school and that he had at no time thought to cancel the get-together.

   
Animation returned to Axel’s face for the first time since he prostrated himself in front of Setzer that morning and for a short time the inside of the car was filled the sounds of Axel cursing the air blue. Out of breath and feeling slightly less volatile if not exactly calm Axel gritted his teeth and tried to think logically about what he had to do, eventually deciding that he would need caffeine for himself and food for his guests if he was going to survive the coming afternoon. Making a quick trip to the local supermarket Axel grabbed some chips, a couple of heat-and-eat pizzas and a disgusting but caffeine filled energy drink for himself before heading for home.

   
It was when Axel got home from the supermarket and threw the groceries on the bench that an urge hit him so hard that he staggered and had to grab the edge of the counter for support. All things considered it had been a minor miracle that Axel hadn’t spent the whole night before slicing himself to shit, but now with a small amount of space to breathe and think, Axel had no reserves left with which to resist the call of his knife. In the blink of an eye Axel was down the hall and digging frantically through his nightstand for his knife and a shuddering sigh escaped him when his fingers brushed against the smooth, cold metal.

   
Axel’s gaze was fixed on the silver shine of his blade as he stepped back and sat down heavily on his bed and his eyes never left the knife as he pulled his work shirt over his head with his free hand and then grabbed a ratty old towel to minimize the mess. Although Axel’s face was utterly blank tears shimmered in his bright green eyes and with the precision of a surgeon he brought the knife down and sliced into his skin just below the bandages from his last session. The familiar pain, the warmth of the blood, the scarlet red against his pale skin, all combined to temporarily free Axel from the shitstorm of his life and for a good half an hour he fell away from the world, hypnotized by the dance of the blade as it opened his flesh.

   
The cheery jingle of his phone receiving a text finally jerked Axel back to the real world and his heart sank when he realized it was almost quarter to three. The second thing that Axel registered after the time was that his arm looked like it had been mauled by a bear and he went from dazed to panicked in two seconds flat. Smacked in the face by the fact that his guests would be arriving in less than an hour while he looked like he had lost a fight with a chainsaw Axel shoved himself off the bed and made a beeline towards the bathroom as he knew that his clean up kit would not be enough for this job.

   
On his way to the bathroom Axel sent a fervent prayer of thanks to Gaia that he had at least had the forethought to cover his lap and bed with a towel, because this meant that he had significantly less gore to clean up. One bandage, three flannels, a shit-tonne of plasters and fifteen minutes of feverish activity later Axel felt that his arm would at least be okay until he was alone again later that evening. Rolling his sleeve down over the new dressing and throwing on a jacket to cover the lump under his top, Axel made it through to the lounge and sat on the couch for a few seconds before the voice in his mind shattered the relative peace of his thoughts.

   
The voice that had plagued Axel for many years in his darkest moments piped up once again and the smug tone made Axel cringe as it whispered, ‘Wow, you never fail to amaze me. How can someone be such a moron and still remember how to breathe? Right now you’re thinking, oh I hope that Roxas doesn’t notice I was a pathetic waste of space who has cut the fuck out of myself because I was sad… My question for you, you worthless attention whore, is why do you think he’ll even show after what you did last night? You left him there, defenseless and alone just so you could run and hide like a little bitch.’

   
Eyes so wide they were almost perfectly round Axel froze to the spot, utterly blindsided by a concept he hadn’t even considered before, that Roxas might decide that being left behind at the hall was the last straw in the whole clusterfuck and never want to see him again. Axel’s mouth went dry and it felt like his heart stopped in his chest at the thought that his rash action might have destroyed the fragile but beautiful thing that had been growing between himself and Roxas despite the danger and pain that surrounded them. In Axel’s head the voice got in one more jab in a self-satisfied hiss, ‘I see you’ve finally clicked fucktard. Enjoy your pitiful life alone. However long you last.’

   
Feeling like his whole world had crumbled leaving him tap-dancing on the lip of a black hole Axel pushed himself to his feet and stumbled over to the mess of course work that had taken over the coffee table. Staring blankly at nothing Axel’s hands began to tidy his lounge back into its usual pristine condition while at the same time his mind went into full denial mode, his thoughts recoiling violently from even the suggestion that he had killed whatever it was he had with Roxas. The house was sparkling clean by quarter past three but Axel couldn’t stop scrubbing at a non-existent mark on the kitchen bench, two sentences repeating desperately over and over in his mind, ‘Roxas _will_ be here soon. Oh Gaia please, I have to be able to fix this…’

   
The knock at the door when it came scared the shit out of Axel even though he had been desperately hoping for it and he suddenly found that he couldn’t control the trembling of his hands. Not sure whether he was hoping that it was Zexion or Roxas at the door, or possibly hoping that he would just spontaneously combust and simplify everything, Axel clenched his fists to try and hide the tremors as he trudged towards the door. Feeling like he was watching himself from outside of his body Axel closed his hand around the doorknob to open the door and the next instant he had his arms full of a distraught Roxas and he was trying to remember how to breathe.

   
Axel staggered backward to avoid sprawling on the ground with Roxas on top of him and at that point the pain and confusion and tangle of emotions simply got too much for him. Tears welled up unstoppably in Axel’s eyes and feeling like he was about to shatter into little pieces the redhead gently took Roxas’ shoulders and pushed the other teen back to arm’s length. In a strangled voice that did nothing to hide the torture he was going through Axel choked out, ‘Rox… I can’t… I know, fuck, I hope you’re not fucking with me on purpose, but I can’t take this shit. You said you trusted me but then you… Gaia Rox you went back to how you were when I first met you. Fuck… I don’t even know what I’m thinking anymore, let alone what's going through your head.’  
 

***&&&***

   
The glimpse Roxas got of Axel before he latched onto the other teen’s waist brought tears to his eyes and he found that his voice wouldn’t work around the lump in his throat. Even though he squeezed his eyes shut and clung tight to Axel Roxas couldn’t banish the memory of Axel’s dead eyes and starkly pale face and he shivered involuntarily. Then Roxas found himself pried away and held at Axel’s long arm’s length and the raw agony in the redhead’s voice as he spoke cut Roxas so deeply that he felt like he had been stabbed.

   
Held firmly where he was and staring back into Axel’s wretched gaze Roxas sucked in a shuddering breath and then words were spilling from his mouth faster than he could form them. Roxas’ tone was bordering on hysteria as he cried, ‘I’m sorry Axel, fuck I’m so sorry! I didn’t… I wasn’t… I wasn’t trying to hurt you I swear. Please don’t give up on me, don’t make me go… I’m sorry…’

   
Before he even got his first sentence out Roxas burst into tears and he trailed off into heaving sobs when he could no longer force the words out through numb lips. Feeling Axel’s gaze on him like a physical weight Roxas bowed his head and closed his eyes, waiting for the harsh words that would order him to go and not bother coming back. The silence drew out and Roxas’ heart sank lower and lower until Axel cleared his throat roughly and said in an indecipherable tone, ‘You better come in Roxas. No point standing out on the doorstep. Just, before you freak out… I’m not going kick you out okay?’

   
Roxas nearly fell over at the surge of relief that swept through him at Axel’s halting words and before the other teen could change his mind he scurried into the house. Suddenly awkward and uncertain Roxas hesitated to just go through to the lounge, feeling like somehow he no longer had the right, and only when Axel shut and locked the door and trudged towards the sitting room did Roxas’ misbehaving brain allow him to follow. With a feeling of intense déjà vu and hating himself for fucking things up so badly - again - Roxas waited until Axel collapsed in the armchair and then he slowly walked over to the couch and sank onto it just before his legs gave way.

   
Although he knew that Axel was waiting for him to start talking, Roxas was still fighting for some modicum of composure and he found that he couldn’t force his brain and mouth to connect. Roxas was desperate to fill the echoing and painful silence, but before he could get his shit together Axel spoke up as if to himself saying dully, ‘Okay Rox, if you don’t want to tell me you don’t have to tell me. I can’t force you to talk to me, but I… I need you to know I’m here. Are you going to say anything? Or do you just want me to leave you alone until Zexion gets here? Whatever you want… Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like shit…’  
 

‘NO!’

   
Roxas’ outburst startled even him and while Axel stared at him with wide, shocked eyes he tried with limited success to stop his heart from pounding out of his chest. Running his words together, frantic to refute Axel’s bleak pronouncement, Roxas gasped out, ‘Dammit Axel you can’t blame yourself for me being too stupid to know how fucking lucky I am! All I had to do was tell you what was going on in my head and then I’d’ve stopped being alone… But I was too fucking dumb to do it. I’m so fucking sorry Ax… I’m so sorry for doing this to you again and I don’t… I don’t deserve you as a friend.’

   
Moving before his brain kicked in and fucked things up Roxas shoved himself off the couch and forced his trembling legs to carry him over to Axel’s armchair. Refusing to look away from Axel’s bewildered stare even though the uncertainty in those green eyes broke his heart Roxas fell to his knees at Axel’s feet and stretched up with a shaking hand to touch the other teen’s cheek. Hating the inadequacy of his words but trying desperately to convey his regret and contrition Roxas whispered, ‘Please Axel… I am so, so sorry.’

   
Axel didn’t pull away from Roxas’ touch as he spoke and as soon as Roxas shut his mouth he was surprised into a yelp of fright when Axel grabbed his arm and pulled him roughly onto his lap and into a tight hug. Roxas clung to Axel tightly hardly daring to believe he wasn’t being kicked out and in the silence Axel said hoarsely, ‘I didn’t even know if you were going to show today Rox… I thought you’d stopped trusting me and that I’d fucked things up so bad that I’d never see you again. Gaia’s love Roxas… What did I do that you couldn’t talk to me? What… What happened…?’

   
With his face buried in Axel’s chest Roxas couldn’t hold back tears at the uncertainty and pain he had inflicted on the one person who had done nothing but be there for him. Ignoring the hot tears that streamed down his face and soaked Axel’s shirt Roxas let the words tumble out, ‘Things were so good and then they so weren’t… On Wednesday morning I remembered it was almost holidays and it… I’d been so caught up in training and, and you, that I’d forgotten what the holidays meant. What the holidays always mean. Ax… Two weeks with him. No relief, no classes to distract him… And I just… I freaked out.’

   
The truth as it fell out of his mouth made Roxas wince because saying it out loud sounded even more pathetic than it did in his head. Chewing nervously on the inside of his lip Roxas tensed as Axel’s raspy voice broke the silence, the redhead murmuring, ‘But why couldn’t you just tell me Rox? Why did you shut me out, again? Rox… It hurt…’

   
Axel’s simple words did nothing to hide the bewilderment and misery in his voice and beyond the actual words Roxas caught the subtle double meaning. Trying to block out images of Axel bleeding and alone Roxas sucked in a trembling breath and tried to keep a lid on his anxiety. Fully aware that Axel deserved a serious answer to the question that had obviously been torturing him Roxas said slowly, ‘It sounds so fucking stupid but it felt like if I kept it inside and didn’t say it out loud then it wasn’t actually going to happen. I was trying to pretend that everything was fine and I was just trying so hard to convince myself that if I just blocked it out enough then it would be fine…’

   
Abruptly Roxas cut himself off and pulled away from Axel, drowning in self-hatred so intense that for a moment he wasn’t sure if he was about to throw up. It finally hit Roxas that while he had been compulsively lying to himself he had been cutting Axel to pieces figuratively while the redhead had been doing it literally and at that moment all he wanted to do was hurt himself as much as he had hurt Axel. Without thinking, driven by bitter contempt for himself for what he had done, Roxas went to shove himself to his feet, but was stopped dead by the feather-light touch of Axel’s hand on his arm.

   
In a voice so quiet it was barely even a whisper Axel said, ‘Please don’t go Rox, I don’t… I’m sorry. You’re going through so much shit and I’m just making it harder but I don’t mean to… All I want to do is help. You don’t even… You don’t have to tell me anything, I promise I won’t push, just please don’t go. Please don’t cut me out again…’

   
Roxas stared into Axel’s pleading green gaze and his heart broke as he realized that Axel wasn’t angry at him for shutting down, the redhead was instead terrified that his reaction would drive Roxas away. Casting aside all other considerations, forgetting his own guilt and anxiety, Roxas brushed his fingers over the back of Axel’s hand and squeezed gently, trying to think of some way he could reassure Axel that he would never shut him out again. Struggling for words Roxas blinked back tears and tried to work out how to fix the damage he had inflicted.

   
For moment Roxas found himself fighting the urge to withdraw and blank out the pain and turmoil that he was feeling, but he grimly pushed the impulse away, refusing to give in and give up. In a voice that hardly sounded like his own at all Roxas said unsteadily, ‘I need you Axel. More than I can properly say and I’m so, so fucking sorry for being so stupid and so selfish. I know that I can’t take back what’s happened but I swear to you I’ll never shut you out again. I do trust you Ax… Fuck… I just… I hope I haven’t destroyed your trust in me… I’ll understand if, uh, if you can’t believe me though. I’m sorry Axel.’

   
The whole time he had been talking Roxas had been staring desperately into Axel’s pain filled green eyes and praying to Gaia that he hadn’t annihilated the relationship that had been growing between them. All of Roxas’ fears flew out of his head however when Axel sighed shakily and shut his eyes, a wavering smile curling the corners of his lips. When Axel opened his eyes again Roxas saw a hint of the old Axel in the green depths and then all thought ceased as Axel leaned forward and cupped the back of his neck gently, pulling him gently in for a delicate kiss.  
 

***&&&***

   
After two days of swinging in the wind, Axel had been all but sure that he had somehow lost Roxas’ trust and that his relationship with the blonde had receded back to that of nothing more than training partners if he was lucky. Roxas’ reaction when he had haltingly offered him an out confused Axel more than anything, the force of Roxas’ refusal and then his sincere apology throwing Axel’s assumptions out of the window. Once the truth was finally out and hanging in the air Axel only felt more confused, but then Roxas jerked away from him to stand up and all Axel could think about was how utterly broken he would be if the blonde walked out of his life.

   
Axel didn’t even know what he was saying when he grabbed Roxas’ hand but he went weak with relief when the other teen didn’t shake his hand away and vanish out the door. There was something in Roxas’ voice as he faltered through his heartfelt and soul-deep plea that wormed its way through the last of Axel’s defenses and he clung to the words ‘I need you’ like they were a touchstone. With hope for once overwhelming the voice inside him that screamed that everything Roxas had said was lies, Axel’s breath left him in a wavering sigh and not even Gaia herself could’ve stopped Axel leaning forward and pulling Roxas in for a kiss.

   
The kiss started off as a hesitant and barely there touch of the lips, but even though Axel held back through fear of rejection or scaring the other teen, Roxas responded with such passion that they were tangled in each other’s arms before either really knew what was happening. Letting out a low groan Axel wrapped Roxas in a tight embrace while the blonde wrapped his arms around his waist and trailed his fingertips down his spine, causing Axel to shiver and deepen the kiss. Not wanting to do anything to trigger Roxas but urged on by the other teen’s shy touches and sounds of pleasure Axel forgot the pain and uncertainty of the past few days and kissed Roxas until the blonde teen let out a trembling moan.

   
On the back of so much anxiety and misery Axel felt like he had to be dreaming as Roxas responded to his touch and kiss with an intensity that matched his own. Moving slowly to give Roxas every opportunity to back out Axel settled his hands around the other teen’s waist and with very little effort lifted Roxas so that he was straddling him, never once breaking the kiss. Roxas let out a faint sound that Axel wasn’t sure about so he pulled back a little and looked up, finding himself staring into smiling blue eyes.

   
All of Axel’s doubts were dispelled in a heartbeat when Roxas blessed him with a heartbreakingly beautiful smile and trailed slightly shaking fingers down his cheek before leaning in again to press their lips together. Somehow things felt different from their previous kisses that although wonderful had contained an element of restraint and caution and with Roxas firmly in control of the action Axel was finding the blonde teen to be both ardent and enthusiastic. Roxas’ hands found their way into Axel’s hair and he couldn’t help groaning throatily into the kiss at the sensations that were sending electricity shooting down his spine.  
 

***&&&***

   
Kissing Axel in the wake of their fraught conversation made Roxas melt with relief and need and when the redhead pulled him over to straddle his lap he felt hot desire pool in the pit of his stomach. Vexen was the furthest thing from Roxas’ mind as he pulled back from the kiss briefly to look down into Axel’s concerned green gaze and when he realized what was going through the other teen’s head he couldn’t help but smile, never having had anyone else care about his reaction before. Roxas’ heartbeat sped up with the wave of strong emotion that washed over him and as he stared down at Axel he was shocked to realize that what he felt was love.

   
The knowledge that he loved, actually loved Axel sent a chill down Roxas’ spine while at the same time filling his veins with fire. Almost dizzy from the realization and the wonderful feelings filling him up Roxas smiled radiantly and with gentleness bordering on reverence he stroked the tips of his fingers over the tattoo on Axel’s left cheekbone before again kissing the redhead with all the passion that filled him. For the second time Roxas wove his fingers into Axel’s fiery hair and he almost died at the sound Axel made as his hands tangled in the teen’s red mane.

   
Perched as he was on Axel’s lap and in complete control of the proceedings, Roxas felt none of the fear that had assailed in him in the past when things reminded him of Vexen. At first a fleeting image of his abuser flashed through his mind at the touch of Axel’s hands on his skin, but to his own pleasant surprise Roxas was able to quickly cast away the horrible memories and focus on the here and now. Pressing his whole body against Axel’s firm chest Roxas kissed the other teen until they were both breathless.

   
Even though he really didn’t want to Roxas eventually sat back and he bit his lip when he saw just how fucking sexy Axel was with his eyes closed, his head tilted back and his cheeks flushed with heat. Placing one more lingering kiss on Axel’s slightly parted lips Roxas sighed lightly and waited until Axel opened his eyes and looked at him enquiringly. Unable to keep the slightly dejected tone out of his voice Roxas said with a small attempt at humor, ‘I don’t know if you noticed but it’s past 4pm and I… Well I don’t know him as well as you do but I can’t help thinking that Zexion would probably rather not arrive to find us like this.’

   
Axel’s lazy grin made Roxas’ heart skip a beat and he just about melted into a puddle of desire as the redhead purred mischievously, ‘I don’t know Rox, I’ve got half a mind to tell Zexy to come back another day. You just give the word and I’ll lock the door. You’re driving me crazy Roxas, I hope you know that.’

   
The blush that suffused Roxas’ cheeks made his face burn and even the tips of his ears turned crimson, but instead of feeling like he had to hide away in shame he peeked out from under his lashes and smiled back at Axel. Although he tried to clear his throat Roxas’ voice came out as more of a squeak as he replied, ‘Y-you drive me crazy too Axel. But at this point I’d rather not blow off the first time hanging out with a new friend… This evening though I’m planning to tell Pence that I’ve shit to do on Monday afternoon and then… Well, we can have a whole afternoon…’

   
A huge and rather satisfied smile spread over Roxas’ face at the way Axel went red enough to match his hair and he couldn’t help planting one more kiss on Axel’s open mouth before reluctantly sliding off the other teen’s lap and sprawling on the couch. Silence drew out as the two teens just smiled at each other and then a shrill noise in the quiet lounge made them both simultaneously jump and then burst out laughing. While Roxas giggled uncontrollably Axel checked his phone and then said with a grin, ‘Well it looks like one of us has half a brain Rox, that was Zex and he says sorry he’s late and he’ll be here in ten minutes.’  
 

***&&&***

   
Zexion eventually got to Axel’s after sending a follow-up text to say that he had one more errand to run for his mother and then he would be there. The delay in his friend’s arrival was actually a Gaia-send for Axel though, because the extra time had given him the space he needed to push away the need to ravish Roxas right there on the couch. When he heard the sound of Zexion’s car pull up in the driveway Axel was sitting cross-legged on the sofa with Roxas cradled in his lap, the pair simply holding each other in comfortable silence.

   
Reluctant to move and dislodge Roxas, Axel was startled into a grin when the blonde teen abruptly rolled sideways out of his lap and onto the floor, ending up on his hands and knees giggling uncontrollably. The moment of levity, small though it was, managed to dispel any lingering remnants of Axel’s emotional turmoil and he helped Roxas back onto the couch with a smirk saying cheekily, ‘Obviously your little leg muscles have atrophied Rox. Tell you what, I’ll go answer the door and you can impersonate a couch potato and get the TV set up for the coming Movie-ocalyse.’

   
Roxas’ colourful swearing and emphatically raised finger only made Axel’s grin wider and by the time he opened the front door he was feeling more like himself than he had in ages. Channeling some of his old effervescence Axel swept open the door with an expansive gesture and proclaimed in a dreadful parody of a British accent, ‘Why hello young Master Zexion, so good of you to come! I regret to inform you that Sir Axel is currently otherwise occupied, but Master Roxas is the drawing room and ol’ Tootles the butler will see you right so he will.’

   
His over-the-top greeting was enough to surprise a snort of laughter from Zexion and when Axel followed up with a smart little hop-skip that brought his heels together with a click he had to hurriedly catch his friend to stop him toppling over with mirth. Then to top everything off, just when Axel was once again relatively certain that Zexion could stand on his own, Roxas’ equally bad English accent rang out mischievously from the lounge as he called, ‘Oh Tootles, Master Roxas the couch potato has done his duty and organized the telly-box for the night’s viewing. Could you please bring the guest through before the couch potato becomes a mashed potato?’

   
The little house rung with hysterical laughter as Axel and Zexion staggered through to join the cackling Roxas and it took a long time for anyone to recover enough for speech. While Zexion collapsed on a comfy armchair in a heap Axel paused in a moment of indecision, suddenly struck by a rare reflective thought. As Axel looked from Roxas to Zexion he couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea to throw himself all over Roxas in case the blonde wasn’t quite ready to announce their relationship to someone he didn’t really know.

   
Before Zexion could notice anything was wrong Roxas solved Axel’s dilemma and dismissed his doubts by performing an impressive bit of mind reading. As Axel dithered Roxas gave him a shy smile and patted the couch beside him, saying lightly, ‘Come on Ax, if you don’t sit down we can’t start with the movies. We can probably make it through two if we get a move on.’

   
Slightly sheepishly Axel moved to take his seat and as he sank down onto the couch Zexion coughed pointedly and said with a wide grin, ‘Gaia’s blessings, is that what I’ve been missing? You two… Are you… Axel! Confirm?’

   
It had been Zexion’s uncanny ability at reading between the lines that had Axel so worried, but when Roxas simply blushed crimson and hid behind Axel’s arm with an embarrassed smile he couldn’t hide the beaming grin that came over his face. Resting his hand reassuringly on Roxas’ knee Axel replied, ‘Yeah, uh, we’re a thing. Sorry I didn’t tell you Zex, there’s just… We can’t really go public or anything right now. Don’t ask why, I mean I’d tell you if I could…’

   
While Zexion blinked and stared at Axel with a cross between confusion and curiosity on his face Axel actually jumped when Roxas sat up a little and added quietly, ‘You might have guessed, but I’ve got some serious shit going on in my life at the moment Zexion. Believe me, I’m not not telling you because I don’t trust you… But there are people who, if they found out about me and Ax, if they knew I’d told anyone what was going on… People could get hurt and I can’t let that happen.’

   
The silence drew out as Axel waited for Zexion to get his head around what he had just been told and he felt Roxas thrumming with tension next to him. For almost two minutes Zexion was silent, his face clouded with thought, and then just when Axel was about to explode the bluette said abruptly, ‘Wow, I kind of knew that Axel had his own shit going on, but I never guessed that he, or you Rox, were dealing with stuff this serious. Of course I’m not going to tell anyone if you don’t want and I’m not going to throw my toys because you can’t tell me what’s going on… But you ever think of anything I can do to help then just ask okay?’  
 

***&&&***

   
Roxas sprawled on the couch, full to bursting as Axel had been inspired to cook up a delicious stir fry for dinner, and he burst out laughing for the umpteenth time as Zexion did an unexpectedly on point impression of Bones from Star Trek. Thinking back to the anxiety of the first part of his day Roxas could hardly believe how awesome his evening was going and deep inside he felt a small part of the scared, helpless side of him fade into the background. After the initial uneasiness of letting Zexion in on even a tiny piece of the shitstorm that was his life, Roxas soon found that he genuinely got on well with the bluette and he had never met anyone apart from Axel who he clicked with so quickly.

   
The credits of Star Trek: Into Darkness rolled and moments later the clock struck 7pm, the reminder of the time sending Roxas immediately into calculating mode. Clearing his throat to get the attention of Axel and Zexion who were ripping to a bag of chips that had been lying on the table Roxas said, ‘Um, guys? Once you’ve finished impersonating a pair of ravening Dorito-sharks can we decide on a second movie? It’s going to have to be a short one, no Lord of the Rings or anything, because I need to bail back at school by nine.’

   
Zexion immediately nodded at Roxas’ suggestion but Axel stuck out an orange-coated tongue and crammed another handful of chips obnoxiously in his mouth before sitting back and saying indistinctly, ‘I’ve got a movie I’d been trying to get ol’ Zexie to watch for ages if you haven’t seen it. Office Space? Personally I want to laugh myself sick so I vote that. What do you guys say?’

   
While Zexion rolled his eyes companionably at Roxas and nodded in acquiescence Roxas snickered and replied, ‘Okay Ax, if you’re going expire if we don’t watch that movie then I guess we better had. Put it on then, go on before you explode.’

   
Axel’s enigmatic and surprisingly high pitched yodel of, ‘They took my stapler!’ had Roxas clutching his sides and laughing so hard it hurt and Zexion tried to hold back his own giggling. The movie was as hysterical as Axel had promised and by the end of all one of the three teens had to do to elicit laughter was look over and drawl, ‘Yeeeeeah, I’m gunna need you to go ahead and bite me.’ At eight thirty the three boys were still guffawing helplessly and Roxas realized that he couldn’t remember the last time had felt so uncomplicatedly happy.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N: More apologies to anyone still reading this for the horrendous delay in updating. I am still writing and just a heads up, the next little while for Rox and Ax may be a little bit fluffy :) Thanks for still reading, I appreciate all your comments and kind words.  
> **  
>  Late addition: I made a tiny change to the end of this chapter. Nothing huge lol.

Chapter Sixteen.

   
Zexion took his leave, still wiping tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes and Axel was both relieved and happy to find that Roxas was still in high spirits even when they pulled up near the school. Kissing Roxas goodbye and dragging a snort of laughter out of the blonde by simply whispering the word ‘stapler’, Axel drove back home with a smile on his face that the cold night couldn’t erase. Just as Axel was standing at the front door and fumbling for his key he heard his landline ring inside and he almost broke his finger trying to get the door open and get to the phone before whoever it was hung up.

   
Breathlessly Axel snatched up the phone and gasped with the smile still on his face, ‘M-Milton’s Stapler Factory, we’ll b-burn down your building.’

   
On the other end of the phone Axel heard the familiar sound of his cousin’s throaty laugh and he fell into a chair bonelessly as Reno chuckled, ‘Hello to you too yo, have you been forcing other people to watch that damn movie? Fuck’s sake Ax, you could’ve at least given Roxas six months before giving this insight into your diseased little mind yo. Anyway yo, pleasantries out of the way, do you want to hear my news?’

   
Purposefully ignoring Reno’s jab about his unnatural love of Office Space Axel cleared his throat and tried not to stress about whatever his cousin was about to say, replying lightly, ‘Alright then Ren, you’re calling so soon so you’ve either got something really good or really bad to tell me. Go on, don’t keep me in suspense.’

   
With a note dark pleasure in his voice Reno said bluntly, ‘Don’t get your shit in a knot yo, I’ve got some damn good intel for you. Tseng just came and reported in twenty minutes ago and I don’t know how he does it but he’s got an update that just might put a smile on your ugly mug yo.’

   
Axel made a wordless sound of curiosity and exasperation and Reno obviously got his meaning as he went on, ‘I’ve had Tseng following Luxord yo and apparently Lord Fuckwad has started feeling the pressure. Tonight Tseng, the fucking ninja he is, got close enough to eavesdrop on a meeting between Luxord and that ambulatory pile of shit that he calls a brother. Little Vexen apparently has entitlement issues yo, because he was demanding that Luxord bring him straight into Thirteen Black when he finishes school at the end of the year.’

   
Listening raptly as the story unfolded Axel had briefly hold the phone away from his ear when Reno let out an evil laugh and then continued on with an obvious grin in his voice, ‘Tseng was almost smiling yo and Gaia knows he has no emotions. When Vexen started throwing his weight around Tseng thought that Luxord was going to smack him one and then he started yelling loud enough for anyone to hear that he had other problems to deal with and Vexen better back the fuck off. I don’t know yo, Luxord might slip up and get taken out by Larxene before we can get the force in position to move in.’

   
The grin on Axel’s face was so wide that it hurt his cheeks and he was genuinely speechless at Reno’s announcement. In the silence that followed Reno let out another bark of laughter and added in a self-satisfied tone, ‘Oh yeah, Tseng mentioned one more thing that might actually protect that little blonde friend of yours. Before he told Vexen that the meeting was over Luxord took the volume down a notch to try and make sure he wasn’t overheard. Luckily Tseng was just about on top of them so he heard Luxord tell his brother that his troubles with the cops trump everything even blood, and to stay away until shit is sorted. Now your Roxas will have to play it smart, but if Vexen can’t access his usual threat maybe he’ll tone shit down at least for the moment.’

   
For a second Axel was struck speechless again but then he found his voice and blurted out, ‘Gaia’s fucking love Reno, I don’t even… I can’t… You have no idea how fucking amazing this is. As soon as fits into your busy bloody superhero schedule I’m going to buy you enough of a bar to get you well and truly and happily trashed. I have to go Ren, I need to tell Rox but thank you, fucking thank you.’

   
***&&&***

   
Still on a high from his amazing evening with Axel and Zexion, Roxas was in the bathroom brushing his teeth when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Seeing Axel’s name on the screen even though the redhead had only dropped him off twenty minutes before sent a ripple of worry through Roxas and with a quick look around to make sure he was alone he slipped into the end toilet cubicle and shut the door. Pushing the button to answer his phone Roxas forced his voice to stay steady as he said, ‘Hey Ax, what’s up?’

   
The phone call from Axel only lasted a little under ten minutes, but by the time he hung up Roxas felt like his whole world had been stolen away and replaced by an infinitely better reality. Drifting back to his room with a disbelieving smile on his face Roxas climbed into bed and tried to get his head around the change in his fortunes. Just before sleep claimed him Roxas was jolted half-awake as another idea hit him that would act as a safeguard for his trips to Axel’s and he fell asleep smiling as he plotted how to spread the rumour he had a repeat appointment with a specialist for his ‘headaches’.

   
Roxas made it through his weekend of tutoring Pence by the skin of teeth, twice coming so close to snapping at the irrepressibly irritating teen that he had to take a break and go hide in his dorm room for the time took Pence to puzzle his way through a sheet of problems. Then Monday came and Roxas found that the clocks seemed to be actively conspiring against him, time dragging on so slowly he would have sworn in court that it took a week from the time he came back from lunch until when the bell rang for the end of the day. After making sure there were no unfriendly eyes watching Roxas took off like a bullet from a gun and was in the passenger’s seat of his taxi almost before the car pulled to a stop.

   
When Roxas arrived at Axel’s he couldn’t suppress a grin as the door to the little house was wide open and Axel was standing in the doorway with his arms akimbo and a grin on his face that stretched from ear to ear. Forgetting that he was in public and abandoning any pretence of dignity Roxas quickly paid and thanked the taxi driver and then he all but ran over to Axel, tackling the redhead and nearly knocking him over with the force of his hug. Tightly clinging to Axel’s waist Roxas looked up with shining eyes and said breathlessly, ‘What the fuck is even happening Ax? This… It’s just… It’s so amazing I can’t even believe it.’

   
Roxas was still finishing his sentence when Axel’s arms tightened around him and then he let out a squeak as the other teen whirled him around and in a single motion shut the door and pressed him gently against the wood. Axel’s low growl made Roxas’ heart skip a beat as the redhead whispered, ‘Good things do happen Roxas, better learn to accept it. Thing is, I can’t get my mind away from something else, something you said on Friday… Roooooxas… You promised me an afternoon…A whole afternoon…’

   
For a brief instant Roxas felt a chill shoot up his spine as the thought flickered through his mind that Axel might expect more than he was prepared to give, but the moment passed as quickly as it had come leaving only desire burning through Roxas’ veins. Staring into Axel’s glittering green eyes Roxas unconsciously licked his lips in anticipation and then Axel was kissing him and the rest of the world simply disappeared. All Roxas could do was cling to Axel and kiss him back, drowning in the feeling of Axel’s skin and heartbeat and breath.

   
Axel was the first one to draw back and at first Roxas could only prop himself up against the door and concentrate on stopping his legs from giving way beneath him. When he was relatively certain he wasn’t going to collapse on the spot Roxas smiled dazedly and said, ‘If you’re going to do that again Ax, I think I’m going to need to sit down. Gaia’s love, I think my knees are going to give out…’

   
Before Roxas could even finish his sentence he was treated to a grin from Axel that somehow combined amused understanding with a deep and fierce want. Roxas took the hand offered to him and leaning gratefully on Axel he wobbled through to the lounge and fell onto the couch. Looking up at the grinning Axel Roxas drawled in what he hoped was a seductive tone, ‘So are you going to join me? I seem to be coming apart… Urgh, sorry… You can forget I just used that as a pickup line if you want…’

   
***&&&***

   
The sight of Roxas attempting to be suggestive on the sofa just about made Axel melt and when he sat down on the cushion the way that the blonde teen immediately shifted to be closer to him pulled away the last of Axel’s defenses. Even after realizing that he did in fact love Roxas Axel had been unable to fully dismantle the barriers around his heart that he had spent years reinforcing, but all it finally took to shatter the last of Axel’s protective shell was Roxas unconsciously and naturally leaning in to press against his side. Moving slowly so as not to spook the other teen Axel leaned in and kissed Roxas reverently on the lips.

   
Time vanished and after what could have been a minute or a week Axel came back to reality enough to notice that Roxas had shifted his position and was once again straddling his lap, looking down at him with desire in his brilliant blue eyes. Carefully so as not to trigger any connection to bad memories Axel reached up and traced his fingertip down Roxas’ cheek to the corner of his mouth and then when the blonde’s lips twitched in a fond smile he ghosted his other down Roxas’ arm to lace their fingers together. Moving on instinct, not giving his traitorous brain a chance to second guess his actions Axel pulled Roxas to him and smoothly swung the blonde around so that he was lying on his back on the couch with Axel looking down at him.

   
Axel saw the brief expression of fright that flickered across Roxas’ face and so instead of looming over the other teen or moving to kiss him again he sat back on his knees between Roxas’ legs and rested his hand non-threateningly on the teen’s knee. Forcing his voice to be as steady as he could make it Axel said softly, ‘Is this okay Rox? All you have to do is say you want to stop and I’ll stop. You… I just… I want to make you feel good… That’s all I want…’

   
As he moved back and paused the flow of their encounter Axel saw Roxas’ eyes widen in confusion and surprise and when he finished speaking he waited patiently for his words to register. Roxas’ expression went from puzzlement to astonishment and then settled on gratitude as the blonde wriggled into a more comfy position where he was and whispered with a blush, ‘How do you always know what to say to get him out of my head? Ax… Please, don’t stop… If I get scared I’ll say…’

   
The rest of the afternoon seemed like a dream to Axel, long periods of time wrapped in Roxas’ arms interspersed with rambling, comfortable conversations about everything from movies to the probability of other life in the universe. Things didn’t progress physically much beyond making out and timid caresses due to Axel’s unerring instincts for when Roxas’ triggers were kicking in, but even the light touches and hesitant exploration left Axel very much aware that he was hopelessly and completely in love with the damaged blonde teen. Even in the midst of the good feelings however Axel still couldn’t entirely banish the little voice inside that whispered that he was heading towards pain and heartbreak.

   
A soft chime signalled the arrival of 8.30pm but Axel was too blissfully relaxed move, sprawled as he was on his back with the dozing Roxas stretched out on top of his with his head on his chest. Knowing that he would soon have to move the blonde who was currently using him as a mattress put a small puncture in Axel’s feeling of pleasure but when Roxas stirred on his own and looked up at him with a drowsy smile Axel felt a rush of love and protectiveness that almost overwhelmed him. Moving with dreamlike slowness Axel traced the tip of finger across Roxas’ forehead and down his cheek and he let out a shaky sigh when the other teen wriggled forward and planted a kiss on his lips.

   
The drive to drop Roxas off was quiet but not uncomfortable or angsty and after kissing the blonde goodbye Axel drove back home slowly, caught up in his whirling thoughts. Although they hadn’t even talked about it during their peaceful afternoon Axel couldn’t drag his mind away the approaching holidays and despite Roxas’ certainty that there was nothing they could do to extricate him from Vexen’s grasp while school was out Axel’s thoughts kept returning again and again to the problem. Wandering inside and falling into bed fully clothed Axel was so exhausted that he passed out almost immediately, but even asleep he dreamed of walking into Twilight Boarding and walking out with Roxas’ hand clasped tightly in his own.

   
***&&&***

   
Roxas slammed into the door of the storage cupboard and grimly bit back a yelp of pain. Since Vexen’s aborted attempt at molesting him two and a half weeks earlier Roxas had been constantly on edge, kept guessing by his abuser’s even more unpredictable outbursts, but he had known this one was going to be bad when Saix followed him and Vexen into the cupboard. The leering smirk on Saix’s face had made Roxas’ stomach sink to his feet and then he was doubled over wheezing from a brutal punch that knocked him breathless.

   
While Roxas desperately gasped and coughed trying to get air into his lungs, Saix looked over at Vexen who chuckled under his breath and gestured for the bluette to continue. Barely able to breathe Roxas tensed for the next assault, but he was still unprepared for the cruel hand that grabbed his throat and forced his chin up so that he was staring directly into Saix’s sneering face. Helpless against the other teen’s superior strength Roxas could only listen mutely as Saix growled, ‘Vex wants to watch today Roxie. You’re going to give him a good show right?’

   
It didn’t happen often due to the threat hanging over Roxas’ head, but sometimes Vexen or Saix would say or do something awful enough to shatter Roxas’ hard earned self-control and in this case the thought of Saix touching him while Vexen got off was more than enough. So suddenly that it caught Saix totally off guard Roxas grabbed the wrist of the hand that held his throat and before rational thought could reassert itself the tiny blonde whipped his hand around in a move Axel had taught him and slapped his cupped palm hard over Saix’s ear. Roxas’ strike might have brought him some time by briefly incapacitating Saix, but just as he lashed out Saix moved his head slightly and Roxas’ hand cracked loudly across his cheek.

   
Roxas froze, icy fear exploding through his veins at the enormity of what he had just done. In all the years that Roxas had been submitting himself to Vexen’s depravities he had only ever tried to get away from the cruel fists and sickening gentle touches and the fact that he was actually fighting back stunned both him and his abusers to stillness. The pause only lasted for a split-second however and Roxas’ didn’t even have time to flinch before Saix hit him like a tonne of bricks.

   
Like a ragdoll Roxas was thrown into a rickety shelf and he cried out in pain as the prongs of a claw hammer gouged twin furrows in the middle of his back. The crash as Roxas collided with the shelves echoed around the small room, but neither Saix nor Vexen paid attention to the noise and they both simply watched from where they stood as the stack of shelves teetered and then collapsed onto Roxas before he could pull himself out of the way. Roxas tried to scream but his voice was cut off when a metal rod landed directly across his throat and his vision greyed to almost black at the impact of a toolbox smashing into his chest.

   
***&&&***

   
Boiling rage flooded through Vexen as he watched the teen he considered to be his personal fucktoy fight back, but he bared his teeth in a grin when Saix enacted immediate and violent retribution. The added bonus of the metal shelves falling onto Roxas made Vexen chuckle under his breath and the agony on the teen’s face calmed him down to the point where he was able to snigger and just watch as Saix moved forward again. For a few long moments Vexen leered and occasionally shivered with suppressed lust as Saix used brutal and vicious methods to extract moans of abject suffering from Roxas, but eventually he grew bored and stopped the torture with a pointed clearing of his throat.

   
When Saix looked up at him questioningly Vexen said with a grin, ‘I think he’s out Isa, might as well leave it until he comes round enough to be fun. Anyway, forgetting that little shitstain there for a moment, what are you doing when term finishes? I only give a shit because I need you to help me with something if you can.’

   
***&&&***

   
Despite what Vexen and Saix thought Roxas was still conscious and as the other two teens lost interest and fell into deep conversation Roxas lay still on the floor and listened like his life depended on it. After blinking at Vexen for a moment or two Saix cleared his throat and mumbled reluctantly, ‘I can’t help you with nothing Vex, and don’t fucken call me Isa. I wanted to stay at school and have some fun, but my stupid parents didn’t want to pay the extra board so they’re sending me to my grandparents for the whole fucking holidays. What’s your problem anyway? I thought you were going to stay and play with your little friend.’

   
Vexen’s sardonic laugh was loud in the small room and Roxas had to resist wincing at the anger in the teen’s voice as he snarled, ‘Well fuck you _Isa_ , I’ll call you what I want. You think you’ve got it bad, my bloody parents want to reward me for being such a fucking outstanding student so they’re taking me away on vacation with them. For one I miss out on that blonde piece of ass there, and for two I have to pretend that I've really been getting Bs instead of Ds. Well fuck, looks like we’re both shit out of luck… Wanna go have a smoke before we have to get back? I doubt we’ll have any fun with Roxie today…’

   
To Roxas’ disbelief and delight Vexen’s voice faded away into the corridor and the door slammed shut behind his two tormentors. Even though multiple places on his body were throbbing in pain and he could feel a trickle of blood down his back Roxas pushed himself to his feet impatiently and attempted to fix himself enough to get to the bathroom to clean up properly. Scurrying out of the storage cupboard and making his way to the second floor toilets as invisibly as possible Roxas barely even noticed the discomfort his aching body was in as he couldn’t drag his mind away from what Vexen and Saix had been discussing.

   
When Roxas made it to the bathroom and closed the door behind him he sighed with relief at not being spotted and he hurriedly began to clean himself up. While he did his best to straighten his shirt and wipe away the blood from the gouges in his back Roxas mentally cursed the limp he hadn’t been able to walk off from the shelves landing on his leg. Roxas was acutely aware that his lunchtime was running out and that he couldn’t be late to class, so while he pulled together his disheveled clothes and made sure no blood was showing he set to work constructing a story for his newest visible injury.

   
Due to Roxas’ established history of ‘accident prone-ness’ the one professor who asked had no trouble swallowing the story that he had tripped on the stairs and had it been any other time he would have been really pissed off at how easily his story was swallowed. For once though Roxas actually felt almost grateful for his history of ‘accidents’ and as he slid into his seat for his first class after lunch he whipped out his phone under his desk and dashed off a quick text to Axel. Irrationally wanting to tell Axel what he had heard in person but at the same time wanting to forewarn him that he had good news Roxas settled for texting, ‘Amazing news Ax, put the kettle on for a celebratory coffee. I’ll tell you when I see you because I want to see your face.’

   
The text that Roxas got back brought a smile to his face before he slid his phone back into his pocket and pretended to be paying attention in class, the other teen sending back, ‘Gah! How can you do this to me Rox? And me without my time-fastforwarder! I’m waiting with bated breath dammit, now I have to distract myself until 3.30.’

   
Even though Roxas was in his dreaded History class he couldn’t help grinning widely as he slipped his phone back in his pocket and the optimism and brightness thrumming through him made the rest of the day seem to fly by. Roxas only saw Vexen once before he dashed out of the school to catch his taxi and thanks to his buoyant mood he was able to let the poisonous look shot his way simply roll off his back, with only a faked fearful look to hide his happiness. Once in the taxi Roxas took a second to pat himself on the back for having spread the rumour that he was on his way to a specialist and then his thoughts became fully focused on what he was going to tell Axel.

   
Despite the various aches that plagued him Roxas all but bounced out of the car when he got to Axel’s and he was halfway up the path by the time his brain caught up with his body and his shambling limp returned with a vengeance. Hobbling up to Axel’s front door Roxas was so excited that he barged in without knocking and disregarding the parts of him that were hurting he threw himself at Axel who was standing in the hallway and blinking in surprise. Roxas stared up into Axel’s stunned face grinning so wide that his cheeks hurt and he managed to whisper through his smile, ‘So aren’t you going to invite me in Ax? I’m guessing you want to hear what I’ve got to tell you…’

   
Axel’s immediate and nose-shattering snort at the implication he might not want to hear what Roxas had to say drew an answering chuckle from Roxas that turned into something of a yelp as Axel grabbed him by the hand and dragged him through to the lounge. Limping but unable to wipe the smile off his face Roxas fell onto the couch next to Axel and then he was staring into the redhead’s eyes, caught by the intensity and anticipation written all over his boyfriend’s face. As Roxas’ grin widened he let the silence draw out and eventually Axel couldn’t take it anymore and growled, ‘Alright Rox, you can tease, I get it… Now tell me before I lose it and my head explodes and messes up the couch!’

   
The good feeling in Roxas’ chest swelled bigger until he felt like he was going to burst and grinning so widely it physically hurt he cried happily, ‘The holidays Ax… Somehow Gaia decided she doesn’t hate me! I can’t even… Ax… Vexen and Saix aren’t going to be at school for the holidays! I can’t fucking believe it!’

   
***&&&***

   
Having to wait for Roxas’ news had felt like a slow torture for Axel and to have the usually timid blonde unceremoniously burst through his front door and hurl himself at him left him speechless. That is, Axel had thought he was speechless. When Roxas finally managed to blurt out what he had to say around the smile that stretched his mouth sideways Axel’s own mouth dropped open in astounded delight and he struggled to summon words. While Axel floundered in amazed silence Roxas spoke up again and said elatedly, ‘Gaia’s love Ax, this is going to be the first holidays my parents haven’t forced me to go home that I won’t have Him… Oh wow, I don’t even know… I’ll have to bail to your place as often as Principal Diz will let me.’

   
Roxas trailed off into a thoughtful silence and Axel could only shake his head in amazement and grin vacantly. Still staring at nothing but reaching out blindly to clasp Roxas’ hand Axel said vaguely, ‘This isn’t a dream is it Rox? I mean, I didn’t accidentally fall through the mirror to become Lexa talking to her friend Saxor… Seriously, I thought maybe you’d been given a day off or something, but this is next level, alternate universe awesomeness Rox…’

   
At Axel’s garbled enthusiasm Roxas burst into laughter and Axel joined him, chuckling in delight that definitely contained an undertone of relief. Then, as he and Roxas clung to each other and giggled uncontrollably, Axel received a flash of inspiration that shocked him into optimistic silence. Slowly and thoughtfully, as if the thought would evaporate once spoken, Axel whispered, ‘Roxas? What if we worked out a way for you to spend your holidays staying with me? We could do it… Fuck… I could spin some shit about you needing to train for your grading and me being a friend of your parents… Gaia’s mercy, surely we could think of something…’

   
In the pause that followed his tentative idea Axel looked up to see Roxas’ brilliant blue gaze was locked on his and that hope was shining from the other teen’s face stopped his breath in his chest. In the tone of someone who had been lost in the dark and had just caught a glimpse of a light Roxas said, ‘I don’t know what I did for Gaia to bring you into my life Ax… I don’t remember ever doing anything good enough… Hell, I could’ve saved a crashed school bus of kids from a freaking explosion and it still wouldn’t have been good enough to explain you. I… Do you have any ideas how?’

   
Axel had to take a deep breath to quell the pricking tears at the back of his eyes at the genuine thankfulness and borderline reverence in Roxas’ voice before he could say slightly hoarsely, ‘It was in the back of my mind Rox… How important to Principal Diz is it that you do well in your Taekwon-do? I managed to bullshit him so well last time posing as a family friend, I thought I could try it again and maybe… Ummm… Maybe say your parents want you to spend the time before grading training up? Do you think that might work?’

   
The look on Roxas’ face, one of disbelieving hope and admiration all beaming out of a wide smile, filled Axel to the absolute brim with joy and optimism. During his turbulent and chaotic life Axel had experienced very few occasions of pure joy and now that one had managed to fall into his lap he embraced it completely and luxuriated in the good feelings. Grinning like a Cheshire cat and feeling like he had been hit by a happy stick Axel wrapped his arm around the similarly smiling Roxas and together they began to flesh out their plan.

   
When the time to leave for Taekwon-do finally rolled around the brainstorming had moved from Axel’s call to Diz to working out what Roxas would be able to do at training with his new batch of injuries. It wasn’t until Axel was pulling up at the club parking lot that he had brainwave and with a thoughtful look on his face he turned to Roxas and said, ‘Hey Rox, I know you’d rather not, but if we told Xaldin that you were injured we could probably get him to agree to another demonstration class for you… You think?’

   
Roxas enthusiastically agreed to Axel’s idea and to the redhead’s pleasure Xaldin didn’t hesitate in granting them permission to hold a simulated grading in the small room. Buoyed up by the positivity he could see in Roxas’ eyes Axel conducted what he privately considered to be the most fantastic and epic grading of all time and by the time they were called back into the main hall he could tell that Roxas had lost most of the trepidation he had held around his upcoming examination. Even when Instructor Arma ambushed Roxas at the end of training and grilled him about the minutiae of grading protocol Axel felt like he was about to burst with pride as Roxas confidently answered every question thrown at him.

   
During the car ride home Axel alternated between bubbling over with glee at Roxas’ irrepressible happiness and discussing intensely with the blonde teen exactly how they would put their holiday plan into action. Even though Roxas initially demanded that Axel call Principal Diz as soon as he got home from dropping him at school, Axel managed to interject a note of sanity by raising the point that it would seem too coincidental for Roxas to have just come from Taekwon-do to then have that call. Axel could see that Roxas wanted nothing more than to pull out his cellphone and call Diz from right there in the car, but the moment quickly passed and the planning resumed.

   
Once again Axel pulled up just out of sight of the gates of Twilight Boarding School and not for the first time he mused that the place would look a lot better if it went up in a flurry of dancing flames. Dragging his gaze away from the looming dark outline of the school and back to Roxas, Axel found his incendiary thoughts banished by the utterly unaffected and beaming grin on Roxas’ face. Pulled together like magnets the two teens crashed together in a passionate kiss and they only separated when Roxas’ prudently set alarm beeped at 8.55pm. On his way home Axel totally lost himself in the plan for the coming day, rehearsing and re-rehearsing his lines for the all-important phone call.

   
***&&&***

   
Roxas’ Thursday morning could have consisted of purple unicorns farting rainbows and flying through the corridors of the school for all the attention he was paying, so it was probably lucky that he didn’t so much as see Vexen that morning. The second the bell rang for morning tea Roxas was out of his seat and hurrying to the usually deserted bathroom and once he made sure there was no one around he pulled out his phone and took a deep breath. Punching in a number that he had only dialed twice in the last year Roxas put his phone to his ear and waited for his mother to pick up.

   
The sound of his mother’s voice almost brought tears to Roxas’ eyes, but he was well versed in sounding cheerful and he chirped up brightly, ‘Hi mum, I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to call for so long. How are you, how’s everyone?’

   
Because Roxas was listening so intently he immediately picked up that his mother was distracted for some reason and he crossed his fingers that this would be to his advantage. Then his mother spoke and Roxas had to use every emotion suppressing trick he knew not to burst into tears. In a quiet voice that couldn’t quite hide an undertone of sadness Freia Valo said, ‘Roxas, it’s so good to hear your voice. I’ll never get used to the restrictions that damn school puts on calling home. We’re all going well dear, just business as usual really… Oh! That’s right, Namine’s moved into town to live with your Aunt Ankara. I know you two don’t really talk, but I thought you’d like to know…’

   
Aching at his mother’s unspoken reproach Roxas cleared his throat and pressed on with the real point of his phone call, ‘I’m glad everyone’s well, I, uh, that’s really good. Mum, I have something to ask you and please don’t say no straight away… It’s about the holidays.’

   
There was a moment’s silence and then Freia made a questioning noise that Roxas took as an indication to continue so he said hesitantly, ‘Principal Diz and Mr Bito our PE teacher are really pushing me with my Taekwon-do training, you know, that martial art I’ve started. For some reason they seem to think that me getting my next belt as part of my PE credits will look really good for the school and they’ve threatened to pull me out of the club if I don’t pass my grading in the holidays.’

   
Pausing to take a breath Roxas was interrupted by Freia who sounded like she was smiling as she said, ‘Oh Roxas, I haven’t had the chance to tell you how proud Sora, your father and I are that you’ve joined a club like that all on your own initiative. It’s so good to hear that you’re doing well.’

   
Thanking Gaia that his mother couldn’t see the grimace of pain that the mention of his brother brought to his face Roxas swallowed the lump in his throat and continued, ‘Thanks mum, Taekwon-do is really awesome. Look um, what I wanted to ask was… Would I be able to stay with a friend from the club over the holidays so that I can train right up to the grading? Axel Lasair has been training me to get me started, I think I mentioned him, and he said it was fine for me to stay with him. His uncle will be looking after us, he’s a policeman, so it’s not like we’d be on our own or anything…’

   
When he finished blurting out his almost incoherent pitch Roxas bit his lip in worry that his mother would flat out say no, but his fears were immediately allayed when Freia happily replied, ‘I’ll need to talk to this Axel, but as long as I have contact numbers and that Principal Diz of yours says it’s okay I think it’s great that you’ve made a friend. Now Roxas, I really only have one condition to this scheme of yours… That your father and I get to come and watch your grading to cheer your on seeing as we hardly get to see you.’

   
Roxas barely had time to feel the elation from his mother’s approval of his request before Freia made her own demand and for a second the thought of being in close proximity to his family and putting them in danger robbed him of the power of speech. Pulling himself together Roxas swiftly analysed the potential dangers and with great reluctance he concluded that Vexen’s absence and the turmoil within Thirteen Black actually made Freia’s demand relatively risk-free. When Roxas voiced his agreement to his mother’s terms Freia actually squealed in delight and once he finished the conversation and hung up Roxas found himself fluctuating between pleasure and dread and for once the pleasure was winning.

   
Heartened by the success of the first half of his plan Roxas made it through his next two classes, but as lunchtime grew closer his anxiety came back with a vengeance. When lunchtime finally rolled around Roxas walked quickly to Diz’s office and not giving himself time to lose his nerve or talk himself out of what he was about to do Roxas tapped on the door, scurrying in when Diz called for him to enter and trying not to hyperventilate. Though he babbled out something Roxas later could remember none of what he said to Diz about his request for the holidays, but it must have been convincing as very shortly he was seated in front of the principal’s desk and watching in fascinated horror as Diz placed a call to Axel.

   
Only able to hear Diz’s side of the conversation Roxas had to work hard to stay still in his seat and keep his expression neutral while his mind was whispering that the plan would never work. Through the ringing in his ears Roxas listened as Diz said, ‘Good afternoon, Mr Lasair I presume? Yes, it is Principal Diz here from Roxas’ school. Now, I was just speaking to Roxas about a plan he has come to me with about the holidays and I have a few questions I want to ask in regards to this.’

   
Despite his best efforts to keep it together Roxas stopped breathing when Diz said briskly, ‘Roxas tells me that instead of staying at school over the holidays he would like permission to stay with you in order to continue his Taekwon-do training so that he passes his examination is that correct? I see… In theory it sounds good, but in situations like this we need to have full parental permission to make sure we have Roxas’ safety and well-being covered. I will need to make sure that Roxas’ parents give their full permission for this, but once I’ve spoken to Mr or Mrs Valo I don’t see any problem with this scheme that Roxas has cooked up.’

   
Diz went silent for moment and Roxas could almost hear Axel earnestly assuring the principal that there would be no problem with Roxas’ safety thanks to his guardian who was a policeman and who would be supervising them over the holidays. The look of bemused approval on Diz’s face made Roxas’ mouth drop open for a second before he shut it with a snap and then Diz was hanging up and dialing the number for Freia Valo. Pricipal Diz’s conversation with Freia was even shorter than the one with Axel and not five minutes later Roxas walked out of the office with a signed letter that allowed him to stay with Axel from the end of Term Two until the beginning of Term Three.

   
***&&&***

   
The joy that bubbled up in Axel at the very thought of Roxas staying with him for two entire weeks took him by surprise and on the day that Roxas was due to arrive he found himself inspired to the heights of silliness. If he was forced to tell the truth, Axel had actually been suffering a near terminal case of the giddies from the moment his eyes shot open at 4am. Despite the elation that filled him and the anticipation that was stirring butterflies in his stomach Axel couldn’t shake the conviction that something would happen to derail their plans, but then Roxas texted the heart-stopping words ‘I’m on my way’ and the redhead exploded in a flurry of activity, flitting from one room of the house to the next to make sure everything was ready.

   
Much to his own surprise Axel found that his hands were shaking slightly as he stood by the window searching for his first glimpse of Roxas’ taxi. Smiling wryly at how he was acting like a hormonal fangirl Axel took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself, but when he looked up his breath once again caught in his throat as he saw a taxi pull up right out front. Axel leaped to his feet and was out the door while his brain still struggled to catch up with him, arriving beside the car before Roxas even finished opening the door.

   
At first Axel simply stared into Roxas’ dancing blue eyes, drinking in the beautiful grin on the other teen’s face that he knew was matched by his own. The moment seemed to last forever but it was almost instantly that the taxi driver jumped in fright and swore loudly at Axel’s wraithlike arrival, the noise breaking the spell and sending the two teens into gales of laughter. Still spluttering with amusement Roxas staggered around to the trunk to get his bags and while the blonde was briefly occupied Axel slipped the driver a generous tip before skipping over to ferry the suitcases inside.

   
The slam of the front door closing behind him felt to Axel like a full stop being placed at the end of Roxas’ horrible term and as he watched Roxas lug the huge suitcase he was carrying towards the spare room he allowed himself a barely audible sigh of relief. Trailing along behind Roxas and smothering a smile at the way the tiny blonde muscled his luggage into the bedroom at a high rate of knots Axel leaned against the doorjam, the smile he was hiding breaking free and spreading across his face. As the resounding thud of the overly large suitcase hitting the ground echoed round the room Axel spoke up cheekily, ‘Welcome to Chez Lasair Rox. Now I just have to figure out how to not bore you to death for the next fortnight…’

   
Before Axel could even shut his mouth he was hit in the midriff by a Category 5 hug and he would have gone sprawling on the floor with the jubilant Roxas on top of him had he not been propped up by the doorframe. Automatically snaking out an arm and arresting Roxas’ headlong lunge Axel smiled serenely and continued, ‘It’s alright Rox, you don’t have to answer just yet. I thought we could go and chill for a minute on the couch and… Well… You never know, after a short chill there might be something miraculously ready for lunch.’

   
Axel could feel Roxas grinning widely as the blonde’s face was pressed hard against his midriff and he chuckled happily as Roxas said in a muffled voice, ‘Honestly Ax, we could spend the whole holidays doing nothing at all and it… Fuck, it would still be the best two weeks I’ve had in the last fuck knows how long. I don’t think you fully realize what… I don’t think you know what you’ve saved me from, again. You’ll just have to bear with me while I try and come down from floating in the clouds. I think I’d like to chill for a while actually… I’m so damn happy I think my head’s about to fall off.’

   
***&&&***

   
The afternoon stretched out ahead of Roxas and for the first few hours he simply sprawled on the couch next to Axel, rambling on about nothing in particular while his head was happily in orbit. Conversation wandered from obscure movies to obscure TV shows and when the day passed into twilight and Axel had to get up and close the curtains Roxas finally took control of enough of his brain to ask muzzily, ‘So Axel, we’ve had tonnes of opportunity but for some reason we haven’t gotten around to discussing the next two weeks. I know you’ve got to work but I’m not sure when that is and… Oh man, my grading’s at some point. Gaia, we have a decent amount of planning to do and I hadn’t even thought of it until now. Have you had any thoughts?’

   
The lazy grin on Axel’s face calmed a little of the agitation that was knotting Roxas’ stomach and the redhead’s reply dragged a real grin from the blonde as Axel said, ‘Well Rox, unfortunately I have to work this Monday, but I’ve switched my shifts so that I can work Monday and Friday instead of Saturday and Sunday. All the other days I’m yours, got it memorized? We can work out later how your training will fit in, but just relax Rox, we have time and that means time to just chill okay?’

   
Unable to resist the calming influence of Axel’s smile Roxas grinned back and wriggled over so that he was draped across Axel’s lap instead of just slouched next to him. Looking up into Axel’s face and reaching out to run the tip of his finger down the tattoo under the redhead’s left eye Roxas felt happiness overwhelm him and he murmured, ‘I still can’t believe I’m here Ax, that is all real. If this is what I feel like on my first day… I honestly don’t know how I could be any happier.’


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: So once again I can only beg forgiveness for how long it's taken me to update. I am still writing and I hope at least someone out there is still reading. This chapter is quite fluffy, with almost no angst for a change. Lol it's the holidays after all...**

Roxas drifted into wakefulness in a manner that was totally alien to him, the world coming into focus slowly and peacefully and with no hint as to what the time might be. Smiling dreamily at the ceiling and feeling pleasantly confused Roxas tried to put things together in his head and came up with, 'Morning. Morning is nice without Vexen around. I must be at Axel's. Fuck, this is nice.'

Gradually as the room grew brighter Roxas began to filter the muted sounds of the house through his foggy thoughts and he realized that despite the earliness of whatever hour it was, there seemed to be a bit of activity happening in some other room. Normally the sound of something that he couldn't identify would force Roxas to go investigate so that he didn't die of anxiety, but he felt so safe and relaxed where he was that he simply couldn't make himself move. Roxas was at the point of drifting off to sleep again when a soft knock on the door broke into his reverie.

Even the small novelty of someone knocking and waiting for his permission to enter the room was enough to bring a wide smile to Roxas' face and as he called for the knocker to come in he manoeuvred himself up so that he was sitting comfortably against his pillows. As Axel's wild red hair became visible around the edge of the door followed by his grinning and overly perky face Roxas smiled back and his smile grew wider when Axel shuffled in and brandished two huge mugs of steaming coffee. Axel put down the coffees and turned to pull over the chair from the corner and Roxas broke the silence by saying amusedly, 'Stuff the chair Axel, you know you can come sit on the bed right? Mornings this lazy are made for mattresses.'

Roxas had to bite his tongue to avoid bursting out laughing at the smooth way Axel turned his movement into an extravagant spin that ended in him sliding to a stop on his behind on the mattress. With a happy sigh Roxas took a large sip of his coffee, but he raised his eyebrows questioningly as Axel's smile slipped slightly and the redhead bit his lip as if he wanted to say something. The silence stretched out until Roxas could no longer contain his curiosity at Axel's strange expression and he swallowed his scalding hot mouthful so he could say indistinctly, 'What is it Ax?'

To Roxas' slight consternation Axel looked a little downcast as he cleared his throat and said quietly, 'We only talked about this a little bit when we got all excited in planning our crazy holiday scheme but I thought… We need to figure out what you want to do on Monday when I have to go in to work...'

As he had been expecting something along the lines of 'Rox, I've just realized, you can only stay until Monday and then you have to go back to school' Roxas interrupted Axel with a relieved roll of his eyes as he said quickly, 'Gaia dammit Ax, you scared the crap out of me. I wouldn't mind if all I did while you were at work was stare gormlessly at the TV. I'm sure I'll think of something better than that, but seriously, don't worry about it at all. I'm more interested in finding out exactly where you got those insanely awesome pyjama pants… They don't usually sell black ones with flame-shaped polka dots in the stores I've been to.'

The way Axel's dejected expression morphed into a pleased smile warmed Roxas' insides even more than the coffee and he sighed once again as he felt his heart rate slow down again. Snuggling back into the pillow Roxas watched curiously as Axel looked down bashfully and then he was once again surprised by the redhead as the teen said hesitantly, 'Wow Rox, good change of subject. I, uh, well, I made my pajamas along with most of my shit. Because I've got stuff all money left over after paying for rent, course fees and food I had to figure out how not to look like a bum so I learned how to sew pretty much when I moved out on my own. Stupid huh?'

Being the perceptive person he was Roxas could hear an undertone in Axel's determinedly cheerful voice and after a moment he realized that the underlying emotion was embarrassment. Briefly Roxas was hit by a flash of insight into the struggle Axel must have just to maintain his life, keep up with his course work, pay for his house, his food and everything he needed, and he had to blink to fight back a sudden prickling behind his eyes. Leaning forward and catching Axel's evasive gaze Roxas said lightly, 'No Ax, not stupid. If anything I think it's awesome. I can hem my pants and sew on a button…'

Roxas cut himself off and hesitated for a second, not wanting to bring down the light hearted mood but still needing to take away the look on Axel's face that was disturbingly close to shame. Axel let out a sound of confusion at the sudden silence and Roxas gave him a wry smile before continuing, 'I even tried to sew up a rip on my school shirt before the teachers noticed and somehow I managed to sew my sleeve together. Ah dammit Ax, stop looking like that! It's not like the look on your face is hard to read… I don't get why you seem to be ashamed of being able to do something that I wish I could do and that isn't even strange in the first place.'

Suddenly aware that he was babbling and worried that Axel would misunderstand what he was trying to say because he couldn't manage coherence Roxas dropped his gaze and snapped his mouth shut, trying to think of a way to erase the last couple of minutes. Because he was staring at his hands Roxas missed the shift in Axel's expression from dejected to gently smiling, but he lifted his head when Axel cleared his throat and said softly, 'Thanks Rox, I didn't even know it but I think I needed that. Alright, I think it's too beautiful a morning to start with my angst, so do you want to finish your coffee and we can repair to the lounge to work out what we're going to do today?'

Pleased that Axel appeared to have banished his momentary awkwardness Roxas crossed his legs under the covers and leaned forward so he could rest his elbows on his knees while he took another sip of coffee. Swallowing the piping hot liquid Roxas hummed in contentment and replied, 'I'll need to have a shower Ax, but as soon as I'm done we can get out into the real world, well the lounge at least, and plan to our hearts content.'  
  
  
***&&&***  
  


Axel had been unprepared for the emotional ups and downs his mind had thrown at him over the thought of work and then revealing that he needed to make his own clothes just to get by, but that rollercoaster followed by the thought of Roxas in the shower served to make him blush bright red and gulp down an inadvisably large mouthful of coffee to cover his agitation. Excusing himself under the flimsy pretense that he needed to take his mug out to rinse it in the kitchen Axel avoided the puzzled and slightly amused look that Roxas shot him and hightailed it to the kitchen as fast as he could while maintaining his dignity.

Taking a deep breath as he propped himself up over the sink Axel said to himself in a grim but slightly desperate voice, 'Get your shit together man, he's only been here one night. Come on, you can do it, act like a normal human being and it'll be okay.'

Somewhat regaining his equilibrium and not wanting Roxas to twig that something was off Axel noisily rinsed out his cup and took one more deep breath before sauntering as nonchalantly as he could back to Roxas' room. It took more effort that Axel anticipated to achieve a somewhat casual smile when Roxas looked up at him over the rim of his coffee cup, but the warmth in the other teen's bright blue eyes helped ease the tension that knotted his muscles.

In a matter of minutes Roxas was tipping his head back and dangling his mug over his face in the hopes of extracting every last drop of coffee and it was with a muffled chuckle that Axel broke the comfortable silence and said, 'Alright Rox, if you're quite finished milking your coffee cup… You go have a shower and stuff, towels are behind the bathroom door, and I'll meet you in the lounge when you're done. Chop chop old chap, you know your butler Tootles hates to see the day waste away.'  
  
  
**&&&***  
  


Axel's parting witticism as he left the room left Roxas giggling so hard that when he tried to get off the bed he had to hold onto the mattress to stay upright. Hearing Axel snickering under his breath as he walked off down the hall almost set Roxas off again, but through some deep breathing and serious will power he managed to pull himself together enough to make it through to the en-suite bathroom. Briefly pausing to admire the beautifully blue walls Roxas selected a huge fluffy towel off the shelf behind the door and then with a long sigh of happiness he shed his pajamas and stepped into the steaming hot shower.

With the hot water pouring down on him Roxas let his mind drift in a pleasantly random fashion, only one morning into his holiday and already feeling more relaxed than he had for a very long time. It didn't take long for Roxas' thoughts to wander back to the strange way Axel had bolted from the room while they were drinking their coffee and though he knew that Axel was under the impression he had hidden his feelings well, Roxas was more observant than the redhead gave him credit for. A light blush that had nothing to do with the heat of the water crept over Roxas' cheeks and even though he started busying himself with the body wash he felt a fluttering sensation in his stomach at the thought that he could affect Axel in such a way.

It didn't take long until Roxas was covered with the pleasantly scented suds of the body wash and try though he might he was unable to tear his mind away from Axel. Although he had known for a while that he was hopelessly attracted to the lanky redhead Roxas had at first done his best to squash the emotions because of his fear for Axel's safety, but in reality the feelings had only grown stronger as time went by. A frisson of heat shot through Roxas when he absentmindedly brushed his hand over his groin and he felt a blush burn on his cheeks, but then Axel broke into a loud and exuberantly off-key song from the other room and pulled him out of his thoughts.

To the accompaniment of Axel's caterwauling and the intriguing sounds of pots and pans clattering in the kitchen Roxas fought down the blush from his face and quickly rinsed off before stepping out of the shower. Even the distasteful routine of having to check his various healing wounds, including the almost healed brand on his hip, only caused a momentary blip in Roxas' great mood and the frown that flitted across his face as he probed the burn scar was wiped away when Axel's voice reached a crescendo of warbling falsetto before breaking into a full-throated laugh. Throwing on his clothes and running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to fix his unruly spikes Roxas flung open the bathroom door and set off to see what Axel was up to.

After breakfast Roxas spent the whole morning sprawled on the couch and talking about anything and everything with Axel who actually seemed to enjoy his grasshopper brain and eccentric wit. By the time the clock struck midday he was feeling more relaxed than he could remember being in forever.

For lunch Roxas was treated to a sumptuous meal of stir fried meat and noodles that elicited involuntary foodgasm noises loud enough to send Axel into a fit of giggles and nearly made the redhead fall off his chair. Once he had finished stuffing himself Roxas let out a sigh of pure contentment and leaned back in his chair to wait for Axel to finish his own food.

It took a while for Roxas to summon the powers of speech once the sound of cutlery and eating fell silent, but eventually he looked over at Axel who was smiling happily into space and said, 'Gaia's love Axel, if you're going to feed me like this all holidays... Do you have a plan in place to make sure I don't go back to school the size and shape of a hot air balloon?'

Axel's undignified bray of laughter and the priceless look on his face left Roxas in hysterics also and it took until the clock struck one o'clock before either of the teens was able to breathe again. In a somewhat breathless voice Axel replied to Roxas' pre-laugh question, 'I might be trying to explode you with cuisine Rox, but that doesn't mean you can return the favour and make me laugh myself to death. Anyway, I do have idea for this afternoon that may burn off some of lunch, if you can stop giggling long enough to listen that is.'  
  
  
***&&&***  
  


Axel led the way to the beach and smiled to himself as Roxas bounced along next to him chattering incessantly, rambling on and saying more than Axel had ever heard him say in one sitting. Having anticipated an excited response to his suggestion of a beach training Axel had nevertheless been caught by surprise by Roxas' spontaneous whoop of approval and he highly enjoyed seeing a new and less restrained side of the other teen. Not being structurally integral to Roxas' conversation meant that Axel was free to watch the blonde out of the corner of his eye and he felt his heart beat faster at Roxas' huge smile.

Rounding a bend in the road Axel paused in his tracks and looked over at Roxas, waiting for the still babbling blonde to register what was in front of him. Axel's patience was rewarded and then some when Roxas abruptly cut himself off and stopped dead, staring open-mouthed at the stunning scene that had opened up in front of him. From one end of the horizon to the other stretched shimmering blue waves that glittered with tips of gold and at the bottom of the dead-end road rolling sand-dunes sloped gently down to the yellow beach.

As Roxas silently drank in the view Axel equally as silently drank in the sight of Roxas, unguarded and lost in wonder. For all Roxas was struck speechless by the panorama in front of them Axel found that he actually couldn't breathe as he took in the blonde teen's flushed cheeks and wonderstruck, shining blue eyes. As he watched Roxas absorb the beauty of the sunlit bay Axel felt his heart clench painfully and he vowed to himself he would do whatever he could through the holidays to bring that same expression to Roxas' face as often as possible.

Once he judged that Roxas had spent long enough admiring the view and also once he had pulled himself together Axel cheekily bopped the other teen on the top of his head, sticking his tongue out impishly when Roxas shot him a poor attempt at a glare. Suddenly overcome with a whimsically playful mood Axel reached out and flicked the tip of Roxas' nose and when the blonde swiped at him he skipped out of reach and chirped, 'Hah! Bet you can't catch me Rox in socks!'

For a second Roxas stood still with a nonplussed look on his face, but then his expression morphed into an evil grin and Axel let out a laugh as his friend growled, 'You are so going to pay for that oh wise and all-knowing one. You better get running because when I catch you your nose won't know what's bopped it!'

With Roxas' challenge ringing in the air Axel took off like a shot towards the beach with his determined pursuer only half a step behind him. At first Axel reined in his long legs, worried that he would leave Roxas behind, but he very quickly had to put on a burst of speed as Roxas was considerably faster than his small size implied. Utterly enjoying the spontaneous game of tag Axel ducked and dodged and fled Roxas' mock rage, only stopping when his toes unexpectedly hit a softer surface and he fell flat on his face in the sand.  
  
  
***&&&***  
  


It took Roxas a solid five minutes to stop laughing when Axel performed his flawless face-plant and by the time he managed to stand upright and catch his breath again the redhead had brushed himself down, spat out a tonne of sand and was waiting with a smirk on his face. When he was able to speak again Roxas grinned up at Axel and said somewhat breathlessly, 'Alright, so we're here now and you seem to be well acquainted with the shore. Want to tell me how we go about doing a training on the beach?'

The obscene gesture Axel flipped at him nearly set Roxas off again but he bit his tongue and swallowed his giggles as Axel replied in mock snooty tone, 'Well, oh young and insolent one, beach trainings are really good for learning self-defence throws for a start. Honestly Rox I was just showing you exactly how best to eat the sand for when I take you down, so I hope you were taking notes Mr Smart-arse.'

Roxas clapped his hands together in anticipation, but before he could voice another question Axel was speaking again, this time with a sneaky smile hovering around the corners of his mouth, 'Oh yeah, that's right… There's one more thing that the beach is awesome for… But I think I'm going to save that for when you're all sick of burrowing in the sand. Come on, onwards to some place with no sticks or shells so we can get started. Get your shoes off and follow me.'

Following Axel through the driftwood-littered soft sand and out onto the much firmer damp sand left by the outgoing tide Roxas enjoyed the new texture under his bare feet and a small part of his battered soul shook off the chill of Vexen and basked in the sun. It wasn't until Axel's voice speaking his name broke into his vague happy state that Roxas blinked and looked around, finding that Axel had led him to a large, clear sand-flat at the base of a huge sand dune. Coming to a halt a few paces away from the redhead Roxas cocked his head quizzically and asked, 'So, I've followed you and I'm now insanely curious Ax. What next?'

Axel's grin was wide as he turned around and Roxas could tell that the redhead was just as pleased as he was to be out in the fresh air on the beautiful beach. In a tone of barely suppressed anticipation Axel said, 'What's next my dear Roxas my lad is self-defence. I've found us some sand soft enough to fall over on so that when you throw me you won't have to worry about breaking my pretty little nose. So, come over here Rox, and let me teach you some mysteries.'

The sun moved slowly across the sky and Roxas delighted in spending unlimited time with Axel. Axel started out the lesson with simple wrist-locks, but it didn't take long for Roxas to get a hang of the lower level moves and start wishing for something more challenging. Eventually Roxas was directed to go and get a quick drink and as he took a gulp of water he heard Axel mutter, 'Trust me to pick up a wunderkind as my pupil. Harder self-defence he says…'

By the time Roxas put his drink bottle back down Axel was grinning from ear to ear and bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet having apparently come up with something he was sure would wow his crowd. Roxas had barely turned back to face Axel before the redhead dramatically clasped his hands in front of his chest and caroled playfully, 'Oh Roooooxas, are you sick of the warm up yet? I hope you didn't think that wrist locks and playing around was all there was… You ready for something more?'

Roxas had actually been highly enjoying learning the intricacies of the basic wrist releases that Axel was taking him through, but he couldn't help but give a wide smile when his instructor offered to up the ante. Cocking his head to the side in concentration Roxas listened closely as Axel said, 'This one is kind of fun Rox, but I need you to attack me so I can show you how to defend against it. You stand behind me and grab me by my shoulders and I'll take it slow at first so I don't aggravate any twinging bits you might have.'

Although he knew that Axel was spot on in fearing that an inadvertent throw might exacerbate his many healing body parts Roxas couldn't help rolling his eyes and sticking out his tongue cheekily before letting out a huff and nodding. The fact that Axel didn't press the issue and instead turned around with a grin to await his attack, gave Roxas an indescribable feeling of warmth in his chest and as he grabbed the shoulders of Axel's shirt he was more than a little distracted by the good feelings that filled him. Nerving himself for whatever Axel would do next Roxas actually enjoyed the flash of anticipation the tingled from the tips of his fingers down to his toes.

Even though Roxas had been waiting with baited breath for Axel's next move, and the redhead reined in his speed to only half what he was capable of, the blonde teen still only had time to squeak out a cry of shock before he found his arms locked in an awkward position and Axel's smirking face an inch from his own. Much to his own amusement the rest of Roxas' breath whooshed out of his lungs with a shaky sigh and he shook his head, mentally replaying what Axel had just done.

_In Roxas' mind Axel moved through the motion about half as slow again. The redhead's arm whipped up and around as the teen twisted around and this time Roxas saw how Axel neatly trapped his arms in the crook of his armpit and locked them in place by tightening the hold around his elbows and lifting up. In his mind, caught in an inelegant and inescapable position in Axel's arms, Roxas could both appreciate the simplicity and efficiency of the technique and also the slightly intimidating strength of Axel's lean muscles._

Aware that Axel was waiting patiently for some kind of feedback Roxas blinked at the redhead and with a flash of daring darted his head forward to peck a light kiss on the other teen's nose. The look of delighted astonishment on Axel's face hit Roxas right in the funny-bone and he burst into laughter, giggling so hard that he nearly fell over and he only remained upright because Axel was holding him. It took a little while, but once he regained control of himself Roxas reluctantly stepped back and slipped his arms out of Axel's hold saying, 'Alright, I guess I'm impressed. So do I get a go at breaking your arms?'

Repositioning himself so that he was standing in front of Axel, Roxas tensed himself in preparation for the coming attack and when Axel made his move he exploded into action. Attempting to mimic Axel's previous smooth action Roxas swung his arm round and over, but he forgot to take one simple yet crucial thing into consideration, height. Roxas was a good head shorter than Axel and this fact meant that Roxas' arm didn't quite swing over Axel's head to wrap around his arms, instead Roxas' elbow cannoned straight into Axel's nose.

A lot happened at once as Axel clutched his nose and let out a muffled curse while Roxas went white, clapped both hands over his mouth and spun around. Adrenaline shot through Roxas at the sensation of his elbow connecting with Axel's face and hotwired the fear centre of his brain, freezing him to the spot as he stared wide eyed at Axel, almost overwhelmed by the impulse to drop to his knees and protect himself from the punishment his action would usually have provoked. Unexpectedly for Roxas however, he caught hold of himself a second before his knees gave way beneath him and instead of backing away he stretched out a trembling hand towards Axel.

Even a week or two before their beach training Roxas wouldn't have been able to get past the demons in his head, but in that moment with Axel trying to staunch the blood trickling from his nose Roxas gathered his courage and forced his voice to work. In a voice that trembled slightly and betrayed the anxiety he was feeling Roxas said, 'F-fuck Ax, I'm so sorry. Are y-you okay? I don't… I didn't mean… Fuck…'

Roxas was cut off when Axel waved his free hand to stop his babbling and let out a snort of laughter that abruptly turned into a disgusted noise as the redhead accidentally snorted a spray of blood into his hand. Peering over the top of his fingers and catching Roxas' gaze with his own Axel smiled with his eyes and replied, 'Don't even Rox, this is entirely my fault and Instructor Arma would break a rib laughing at me if he could've seen it. If I'd bothered to take even a second to think before letting you have a go I would've remembered doing the exact same thing to the guy who used to be the club senior back when I was like green belt or something. Soooo Rox… If you promise not to tell anyone then I do too.'

For a second Roxas just blinked in disbelief at Axel, trying to reconcile the amusement in the other teen's tone with the blood that was seeping between his fingers. Cautiously, surprised to feel the clutch of his anxiety draining away, Roxas moved towards Axel and asked, 'Shit Axel, can I do anything to help? I've got a tissue somewhere… Tilt your head, yeah forward, you'd know though I guess. I got you pretty good, your nose seems kind of tough though… Do you get facial trauma a lot?'  
  
  
***&&&***  
  


The instant that he had felt the impact of Roxas' elbow Axel had cursed his own stupidity and then out loud cursed the explosion of pain that had come from the solid whack to his nose. Knowing what he knew of Roxas' mental processes Axel had subconsciously began preparing for when the other boy freaked out, but it would have been an understatement to say that he was impressed with how Roxas visibly resisted the urge to shrink away and actually stepped forward with a shaky apology. While he deeply appreciated the effort it took Roxas to even speak in the aftermath of such a jarring event Axel couldn't help but interrupt as he wanted to make it clear that he was more pissed at himself for not thinking things through than he was hurt.

Of course when he laughed and splattered blood everywhere Axel realized he was bleeding and for a second he thought that this development was going to send Roxas running, but as he babbled inanely without even listening to what was coming out of his own mouth he caught Roxas' gaze and realized that the blonde teen wasn't going anywhere. In the wake of Roxas' offer of help Axel felt a warm feeling of pride at how far the teen had come and once he was all cleaned and plugged up he said, 'You know Rox, you're pretty damn awesome. Don't shake your head at me young man, I'm allowed to have my own opinion even if you don't agree.'

As Roxas smiled and turned his head to hide his red cheeks the remaining tension evaporated and Axel decided to put the second half of his beach training plan into action. Gingerly prodding his nose and then giving Roxas a huge grin when it failed to explode in a fountain of blood he grabbed the blonde teen's hand and chirped, 'So anyway, you're smart, you can make that amazing piece of self-defence awesomeness work the next time we practice. What's say you and me take a trip into the sand dunes over there and take part in the most amazing thing ever… The thing that actually got me hooked on Taekwon-do in the first place?'

Roxas looked at him quizzically and nodded, so forgetting his sore face Axel launched himself in the direction of the tallest dune, dragging Roxas behind him like a bewildered blonde balloon. Over his shoulder as he bounded across the sand Axel called, 'Dune jumping Roxas, you'll never want to just jump off the floor again. Come on young padawan, I'm going to teach you how to fly!'

The struggle up the towering sand dune obliterated all attempt at conversation and once they made it to the top Axel stood with his hand on Roxas' shoulder as they both wheezed and gasped to recover their breath. After a few minutes of companionable panting and puffing Axel was glad to see that Roxas' face was looking less like a tomato and when the blonde teen looked up and stuck his tongue out at him he laughed and reached down, gently turning Roxas' head so that he was looking at the stunning view. Chuckling deep in his throat at the wordless sound of wonder Roxas made, Axel allowed himself a moment to appreciate the view of windswept golden sand and white capped waves in the glittering sapphire sea.

A particularly strong gust of wind blew a clump of Axel's hair straight into his mouth and thoroughly ruined the moment, but he couldn't help but grin when his undignified spluttering provoked a peal of bright laughter from Roxas. Attempting to seem haughty Axel drew himself up to his full height and swept his hair out of his face with a fancy flip of hand, looking down his nose at the blonde and saying snootily, 'You will be laughing out of the other side of your face in a moment you young snip of a boy. Just stand there and watch this.'

Without wasting anymore time Axel took a few steps back and then as Roxas watched with his mouth hanging open he raced forward and threw himself off the edge of the dune holding a perfect flying side kick as he flew. As he had done many times before Axel landed knee deep in the soft sand further down the dune and with an exhilarated smile on his face he looked back up at Roxas, eager to see the other teen's reaction. At the top of the cliff Roxas' head was visible peeking over edge and the ear to ear grin that the blonde was wearing aided Axel in scrambling back to the top.

Standing in front of the grinning Roxas, covered in sand and out of breath, but incredibly happy, Axel stuck out his tongue and quipped, 'Your turn blondie. Just run, jump and try to not land on your head. Oh, and while you're hurtling through the air do the best damn kick you've ever done in your life.'

There was a second where Roxas hesitated and prodded at his leg for a second and Axel just had time to kick himself for forgetting about the limp the blonde had acquired on his last day of school, but then Roxas looked up with a renewed grin and Axel lost the self-recrimination in a wave of happiness. As Axel stood and grinned like an idiot Roxas did an experimental slow motion side kick and said cheekily, 'Don't be a dick Ax, if I thought I couldn't do it then I wouldn't be about to jump off this damn cliff! Stand back jedi-master, see what your padawan has learned…'

Roxas' last words dopplered past Axel and trailed off as the blonde hurled himself recklessly off the edge of the dune with a yell. Still grinning but biting his lip and hoping that his awesome plan wouldn't result in further injury to his student Axel watched and then echoed Roxas' yell of triumph when the other teen managed to snap a kick out in mid-air before landing safely in the soft sand. Just like Roxas had before Axel stuck his head over the edge and upon hearing Roxas let out a whoop of victory he lost any semblance of dignity and flopped over the edge, rolling down the dune to end up at Roxas' feet grinning widely.  
  
  
***&&&***  
  


For over an hour Roxas took turns with Axel in flinging himself off the sand dune, starting off by performing rather good approximations of Taekwon-do kicks but quickly getting distracted with who could do the most outrageous pose before hitting the sand. Axel started it by pretending to throw a spinning kick that morphed into a ridiculous impersonation of someone falling to their death and Roxas couldn't stop himself from following with a more restrained but equally funny 'running while falling' gag. Exhaustion brought an end to the entertainment and much to his satisfaction Roxas ended up sprawled full length in the sand with his head resting comfortably on Axel's midriff.

Roxas stared at the sky, losing himself in the endless blue while his every nerve tingled to feel Axel's closeness. Happily exhausted and aching in the good way that comes after exercise Roxas let out an involuntary sigh of contentment when Axel rested his hand on his head and began lightly stroking his hair. For a while the only sound was of the waves crashing on the shore and the seabirds calling far away and Roxas mused that he could quite cheerfully stay where he was until the sun set and night came if only Axel would keep playing with his hair.

Axel's long fingers ran down Roxas' scalp behind his ear and to his embarrassment Roxas let out a groan that was almost purr which he tried to disguise with a pathetically fake cough. Blushing a deep red Roxas peeked up at Axel from under his eyelashes and he blushed even deeper when he saw that Axel had propped himself up on one elbow and was looking down at him with a soft smile on his face. Roxas was busy trying to calm down his flaming cheeks when Axel grinned even wider and said, 'I don't know about you but all this crazy jumping up and down has given me one hell of an appetite. Want to blow this joint and come with me to a little place I know just down the beach?'

Part of Roxas' mind and most of his stomach had a little party at Axel's suggestion, but a deeper part of him was whispering quite a different urge. Riding a wave of daring that buoyed him up and pushed him forward Roxas rolled over onto his hands and knees, smiling as Axel blinked and looked at him questioningly. Not giving himself time to second guess his impulse Roxas crawled onto Axel's lap and blushing deeper he straddled the redhead's thighs, gently placing one hand on Axel's shoulder and lifting the other to caress his cheek.

The way Axel's green gaze softened and a shy smile tugged at his lips made Roxas' heart melt and almost lazily he leaned in to kiss Axel on the lips. Axel responded eagerly and very soon Roxas' fingers were combing through tangled red hair and his body was pressed close against Axel's lean frame. Swept away in the rush of breathless desire Roxas leaned into Axel until the redhead fell backwards onto the sand, letting him land propped on his hands on top of him.  
  
  
***&&&***  
  


Having been thinking about his stomach and the possibility of food in his immediate future Axel was taken totally by surprise when Roxas made it clear he was thinking about entirely different appetites. All of Axel's senses were overwhelmed by the taste of Roxas' lips and tongue along with the chills that the blonde teen's fingers were sending down the back of his neck and he readily let Roxas push him backwards until he was lying full length on the sand. Staring up at the teen above him Axel took in the suggestive smile on Roxas' face and the sheer beauty of the pair of blue eyes that were looking back at him and he let out a shuddering breath, suddenly wanting Roxas so badly that he couldn't breathe.

It took a lot of effort but Axel managed to resist the impulse to slide his hands up under Roxas' shirt and drag the blonde down for a kiss and instead he held Roxas' gaze and said huskily, 'Rox… I want to do something but I don't want to freak you out. And I don't want this to go anywhere that you don't want it to go. I've told you before that you are in control, but I… I want, I want you to know that I want to touch you…'

Axel's voice trailed off into a whisper and he hoped that his somewhat muddled declaration hadn't sounded too creepy or stupid. Lying under Roxas who was looking down at him with a reflective look on his face Axel felt uncomfortably vulnerable and unexpectedly shy, the feeling of nervous bashfulness forcing him to turn his head to look away from Roxas' gaze. Roxas' hand on his cheek made Axel reluctantly look back at the other teen and he was bewildered to see both understanding and a desire that mirrored his own in the blue eyes staring at him.

Roxas spoke quietly but Axel heard every word as clear as a bell, 'I want you Ax, more than I ever thought I could want anyone. I think… I think going to get something to eat is a good idea right now, but I… Afterwards I want to get back to your place and close the curtains… I want you all to myself.'

The implication in Roxas' words was undeniable and for a moment Axel could only stare up at Roxas wordlessly, caught in the tantalizing thoughts and emotions evoked by the longing he could clearly see in Roxas' eyes. It was only the tenuous control that he still had over himself and his emotions that allowed Axel to conjure a relatively normal smile and wriggle backward in a slightly comical manner until he was no longer under Roxas and instead sitting a short ways back from the other teen. Although he tried mightily Axel couldn't entirely keep his voice from wavering as he replied, 'Okay Rox… Food it is. You might find yourself too stuffed to move, but I guess you've been warned. Come on then, before we expire from starvation…'

As the naturally giving person that he was, Axel always enjoyed sharing his favourite things with the people he cared about and as he walked Roxas home after a glorious lunch at his favourite café he couldn't stop grinning. The walk back to the house happened in relative silence due to both teens being so full, and almost twice as long as it took them to get to the beach Axel finally opened the door to let the groaning Roxas into his house. Letting the door swing closed behind himself Axel echoed Roxas' groan and with a silly smile plastered across his face he wordlessly followed the other teen to the lounge and dropped onto the couch next to where Roxas had collapsed and was grinning at the ceiling.

For almost quarter of an hour silence reigned in Axel's living room and although Axel's brain would usually go mental without some sort of conversation or stimulation he found that the quiet was comfortable and soothing rather than excruciating. The relaxed feeling that pervaded the room meant that Axel didn't jump when the silence was finally broken and he simply rolled his eyes until he was looking at Roxas as the other teen said lazily, 'You were right about the café Axel, we have to get back there sometime before the end of the holidays. Oh man, if I'm not careful I'll be too fat and lazy to go for my grading.'

Axel hummed in agreement but before he could say anything Roxas smiled and the blonde's husky voice made Axel's heart skip a beat as he said, 'Anyway Ax, I kind of… I want to pick up where we left off on the beach… Can I kiss you again?'

The fact that Roxas was actually taking the initiative pulled Axel out of the food induced fog he had been floating in and he levered himself up until he was sitting up and looking over at the teen next to him. Allowing a slow smile to break across his face Axel held out his hand and when Roxas sat up and took it he murmured, 'I was hoping you'd say something like that Rox… Why don't you come over here and we'll see if we can try and recreate the mood.'

Once again letting the blonde teen set the pace Axel made himself sit still as Roxas sat up and moved forward until they were sitting face to face, staring into each other's eyes. The uncertainty as to what Roxas was thinking and how far the other teen might take things made Axel hold back from making the first move, but all rational thought was driven from his mind when Roxas moved in closer and brushed their lips together briefly before whispering, 'Stop it Ax, I want this. I want you. If I… If I want you to stop then I'll say… But right now I don't want to stop.'

It was the sureness in Roxas' voice and the glow of desire in his eyes that brushed away the last of Axel's doubts, leaving only a smouldering need that seemed to burn from the tips of his fingers to the pit of his stomach. In a heartbeat Axel's arms were wrapped around Roxas' waist and he was kissing the other teen with all the hunger that scorched his veins. Trying to keep things under control at first Axel kept the kiss almost chaste, but his eyes flew open in surprise when Roxas' tongue flickered out to brush against his lips before gently deepening the kiss to the point that Axel forgot to breathe.

Fighting against the fog of pleasure that urged him to give in and throw away the last of his control Axel was so busy in his own head that he was surprised into a gasp when Roxas boldly pressed his palms against his shoulders and pushed him backwards so that he was lying on the couch. Captured by the sight of Roxas' vivid blue eyes staring down at him Axel shivered at the roughness in the other teen's voice as he said haltingly, 'Axel… I want… I want to touch you. Can I…?'

Axel's breath left him in a rush and a soft smile lit his green eyes. This time there was no hesitation as he nodded and murmured, 'Touch me Rox. I want you to touch me… I just, I want you so badly.'

The feeling of Roxas moving so that he once again straddled his legs sent a swooping sensation through Axel's stomach and he couldn't hold back a wavering sigh as the blonde teen lightly traced his fingers over the tattoo on his left cheek. Keeping his gaze locked on Roxas' face and enjoying the gentle expression of wonder he saw, Axel felt the pressure of Roxas' fingertips draw a path of heat along his jaw that turned into tingling line of fire as the other teen trailed his fingers almost teasingly down over his throat to his collarbone. Roxas stopped his tentative explorations for a second, but Axel had no time to wonder why before the blonde leaned forward and captured his lips in a heated kiss, pressing their bodies together from shoulder to hip.

Axel groaned into the kiss and raised his hand to lightly cup the back of Roxas' neck, but then he felt Roxas' fingers trail down the side of his ribs and he couldn't help arching his back with an involuntary moan at the feeling. The shifting of Axel's body made Roxas lose his balance slightly and the blonde teen tipped forward, the slight change in position causing Axel's eyes to fly open and his face to flush bright red. Feeling Roxas freeze Axel swallowed hard and shrank back against the couch to try and put some space between them, but then Roxas let out shaky sigh and simply relaxed his tense body until his thigh was once against pressed against Axel's erection.

For a long moment Axel forgot to breathe, his brain short-circuiting from the combination of pleasure and fear that he would do something wrong and shatter the moment. Axel stayed where he was, both unwilling and unable to move, until Roxas leaned in so close that his lips were right by Axel's ear and whispered, 'Ax… Can I touch your skin?'  
  
  
***&&&***  
  


Roxas had never before felt the way he did when he was with Axel and although he was unused to the feelings of safety and confidence that swelled within him he embraced them completely. Being on top and having total control of the kiss helped Roxas to push away the part of his mind that whispered that any minute the pain would begin and he quickly became so lost in the kiss that all could think about was the feeling of Axel's lips on his and how good it felt to touch the other teen. The sound of Axel's moan, coupled with the unexpected position change made Roxas freeze for a second, but when Axel cringed away from him Roxas let out a sigh that drained the remaining anxiety from his heart and he pressed himself full length against the other teen, his heart beating faster as he felt Axel's hardness against his leg.

In the moment that Axel stared back at him and he stared back at the speechless redhead Roxas felt the last of his fear recede to the back of his mind and he felt almost overcome by the urge to feel Axel's skin against his own. Even with desire and need coursing through his veins Roxas still remembered Axel's fears around revealing his skin and his scars and the one thing he didn't want to do was ruin the moment. It still felt strange to be the one on top and in control but Roxas relished the feeling of Axel's lean body beneath him as he murmured in the other teen's ear, 'Ax… Can I touch your skin?'

There was a drawn out moment while Roxas waited for Axel to register his words and he could almost see the push and pull of the other teen's thoughts in his eyes as he struggled with the demons in his head. Holding his breath Roxas gazed steadily into Axel's uncertain green eyes until he saw a shift in the emerald depths and he couldn't hide a soft smile as Axel whispered back, 'Rox… I want you to touch me… My head is telling me that I can't do this, but I want to... I want to feel your hands on me…'

Despite the hesitance in Axel's voice Roxas could see the glow of desire in his eyes and the light blush that stained the other teen's cheeks. Laying one more gentle kiss on Axel's lips Roxas slowly wriggled back until he was sitting comfortably across the redhead's legs and all the while keeping his gaze locked with Axel's, Roxas trailed his left hand down until his fingertips were brushing the hem of Axel's shirt. Roxas paused for a second not wanting to push Axel further than he was prepared to go, but then he felt the other teen's hand creep up to rest on his knee and he slowly slid his hand up under Axel's shirt.

The feeling of Axel's toned stomach made Roxas bite his lip and he traced the lines of the redhead's stomach as if trying to map the muscles under the skin. Still staring into Axel's eyes and trying to read the other teen's emotions through his own fog of desire Roxas started at Axel's hip and slowly ghosted his fingertips up in slow arcs until he brushed against the slick texture of a scar. Roxas' mind flashed back to what he had seen the time that Axel had let him bandage his stomach and he swallowed hard as he remembered the word that Axel had cut into his own side.

The sigh bordering on a whimper that Axel let out made Roxas' heart thump painfully but he managed a small smile and was relieved when the other teen returned the smile albeit slightly shakily. Feeling braver than he could remember for a very long time Roxas flattened his palm over the series of scars and as he leaned forward to kiss Axel lingeringly on the lips he slipped his right hand under the redhead's shirt to mirror the motions of his left hand. Beyond the intoxicating sensations of Axel's lips and tongue and the heat that burned through him at every touch, a small part of Roxas couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction as the other teen's eyes slid closed and he arched up to press against his hands.

Any other day Roxas could have completely lost himself in how amazing it felt to have Axel pressed against him as they kissed each other senseless, but after the fun and exertion of the morning Roxas was finding that his energy had run out. Reluctantly pulling back Roxas shivered as Axel look up at him through lust-lidded eyes and he said huskily, 'Ax...'

Before more than Axel's name could pass Roxas' lips he lost what he was about to say, his words vanishing from his mind in the face of the lazy grin that pulled at the corners of Axel's mouth and made his green eyes sparkle. The complete trust he felt for the other teen and the sensation of relaxation combined with overwhelming tiredness allowed Roxas to comply bonelessly when Axel gently tugged at his shoulder and pulled him back down. Resting on Axel's chest and with his arms wrapped loosely around the redhead, Roxas allowed darkness to overtake him and he fell asleep lulled by the sound of Axel's steady heartbeat.


End file.
